JennyApril - Four Years AgoHe'd come. Again, when I'd needed him the most, Matt had come. What had started as a frustrated Skype chat about Grampy's fading memory and how he'd been wandering out of the apartment, resulted in Matt instilling a three-day weekend to drive down.After two hours in town, he'd taken charge, calling our attorney and getting papers in order while Grampy still had links to sanity. Winter's Den was now officially mine, the bills transferred to my name, and a power of attorney was in place for healthcare and financial. I had a sinking feeling we'd need to invoke that last bit soon, and my stomach knotted.When we'd first been given the diagnosis, I'd tried to have Grampy to get this stuff under wraps. But days turned into weeks, then months, and three years passed in a blink. Every tick of the clock had brought him further and further from reality. Matt had fixed the legal end of my concerns. He'd had a private chat with Grampy during a lucid chunk of time and
JennyOn Friday, when Matt was busy in a meeting, I carried the items I'd bought into his office, hoping to be in and out before he came back. I was still raw from our dinner on Wednesday night and couldn't bear the thought of seeing him right now. He'd be at the bar tonight, but I'd have Rock and a hundred customers as a shield. Taking down the degree certificates he'd hung on the wall, I put up the lighthouse print frame I found instead and moved his diplomas to the shelving unit behind his desk to display. The other shelves I decorated with a piece of driftwood, a clock, a lighthouse knickknack, some Atlanta Braves gear, and Carolina Panthers stuff. A picture of him with his parents and another with the Seasmoke gang finished it off. On the table in front of the window I set out a small potted cactus-if he forgot to water it routinely, it would be fine-and a crystal bowl with mixed seashells and pinecones.Before I left, I put the invitation to my Alzheimers benefit on his desk.
MattJuly-Two Years AgoCara paced the beach under the pier in pouty strides, pure pissed off vibes shooting into the night.I watched her, determined not to give into her this time. Tomorrow, I'd be heading back home to Greensboro, and I wasn't leaving things like this between us. She was beginning to come down off her high, her hands shaking, and I braced myself for the sharp lash of her tongue.Slowly, I drew in salt-tinged air and struggled for patience. We'd been at this an hour already. "I'm willing to try if you meet me halfway."She rounded on me. "You're insane. This was a fucking hookup, nothing more.""Then why are you still here arguing with me?" My gaze wove over her too-thin frame, her short knotted black strands. "I'll tell you why. Because you want to try, too.""Bullshit," she muttered, but it was weak."Go to rehab. Get clean. Work this shit out of your body and I'll come back down to Myrtle. Or you can come up to Greensboro." I ran a hand down my face, not
MattPresentMy head was a riot of chaos. With my elbow on the table, I rubbed my fingers over my lips, pretending to listen to Amber. We were at a delightful little French bistro having dinner, and I couldn't recite back one word she'd said after hello. She wore a pair of black slacks and a pink sweater, makeup lightly applied, golden hair around her shoulders, and...nothing. She was perfect, exactly what I needed, but I felt nothing.Jenny's voice from last night drifted into my head again. Her sultry tone and the powerful punch of emotion as she'd sung. Just what, precisely, did that song mean? I'd been teetering back and forth for going on twenty-four hours, dissecting the lyrics. I could've sworn she'd meant it for Ian. It made sense, with the seven days focus and whatnot. Except...Hell. Except that one line kept tripping me up. I only exist in your eyes. Thing was, she'd never state that about Ian. From day one twelve years ago, she knew-everyone knew-that Ian belonged with
MattMy folks were with Ian's parents in Charlestown and would be driving straight home to Greensboro afterward, since there was some ugly weather headed our way starting tomorrow. For the moment, the news reports just had it listed as a storm system coming in from the Gulf, yet that could change quickly on the coast. We were out of hurricane season, but that didn't mean the risk wasn't there. Alas, my house would be my own again this weekend. My plan was to have this day with Amber, kiss her at the end, and if there was nothing, I'd call things off. Jenny had been right on that account. I was doing the same thing with Amber that I'd done with Summer. There had to be some medium between falling batshit in lust over a woman and feeling nothing at all. Attraction deep enough to satisfy and shoot toward a future without losing myself in the process. Somehow, I'd find that place and grow roots.But Jenny and I were going to clear the air. Battle it out. I couldn't keep going on like
JennyI stared at the text Matt had sent last night, and then the one from an hour ago.It didn't work out with Amber.Come over here and ride out the storm with me tonight.Sighing, I dropped my head to the back of the couch in my apartment. I hadn't answered either text yet, just like he hadn't responded to mine about the song not being about Ian. I still didn't know what to say. They'd bumped the weather forecast up to a tropical storm, and though it wasn't predicted to be serious, I'd called my employees to let them know we'd be closed. There was no sense in risking it with being this close to the beach. Storms could mutate pretty quickly. It was set to hit early this afternoon. I'd already pulled the storm shutters closed downstairs and up in my apartment. Living in Myrtle all my life had meant I was usually prepared for weather. I had two battery-powered lanterns, flashlights, candles, and bottled water. The bar had a backup generator.I wondered if Matt's place was ready.
JennyOh God. God, God, God. No wonder. No wonder he'd freaked out and had chosen to be celibate. To him, her death was his fault, and that was directly tied to sex in his mind. Matt had such a deep, ingrained respect for women and a white knight syndrome to the nth degree. Guilt. Blame. Loathing. That's the result of stepping outside the box, the kind of guy he was-selfless, kind, compassionate. He'd spent the past two years punishing himself."Matt, she was an addict long before you met. You tried. You called a taxi after she refused your help." Setting the wine aside, I crawled across the couch and cupped his jaw. "What happened to her wasn't your fault. You'd never do anything to hurt anyone."He swallowed, the look in his eyes begging for forgiveness. "I didn't just hurt her. I'm responsible for her death."Tears formed in my eyes before I could get a grip. "Am I responsible for my mom's overdose?""What?" His eyes rounded. "No, of course not.""Even though I went to schoo
MattI took her mouth in a kiss that bordered on savage. My hands slapped the wall by her head in a meager attempt not to touch. I was at my breaking point. Two years. Two years of celibacy, and one kiss was blasting that all to hell.Pressing closer, I pinned her in place, every inch of us colliding. She tasted like merlot and sin. Salvation. Her fingers fisted in my hair, tugging, and I groaned at the slight lick of pain. Teeth clashed. Tongues warred. Air was scarce. Her hips thrust forward, and scratch that. Air was nonexistent.She broke our kiss long enough to shove my shirt over my head and came right back at me, fingers working my jeans while her mouth sent me straight to my death. She had my pants over my hips before a semblance of oh-shit hit me."Jenny-" "Shut up."Good plan. My hands had a mind of their own. I pulled her shirt over her head and pinned her arms up with the material. Her chest heaved as I stared, dumbfounded. No bra. Small, pert breasts that wouldn't
JennyHe shrugged as if it were no big deal. His expression sobered as he cupped my cheek. "We need to talk. I've got a thousand things to say.""I've got some things to share, too."Nodding, he glanced around and set me on my feet. Then he bent and hauled me over his shoulder fireman style. I squeaked as he carried me toward the back rooms. We passed the bar and I looked up, blowing hair out of my face. "Rock, close the bar tonight, would you?"Wiping a glass with a white towel, he winked. "You got it."Matt fished around in my pocket for the keys, unlocked the private door to my apartment, and kicked the door shut behind us. With a quick reset of the lock, he climbed the stairs, me still over his shoulder."I can walk."He skimmed a hand over my thigh. "I'm not letting you go for so much as a second tonight." Plopping into a recliner, he adjusted me until I straddled his lap. He cupped my cheeks, thumbs stroking my jaw. His gaze was haggard and apologetic and fraught. "I mis
Jenny"Has he called?" Facing me, Rock crossed his arms and leaned against the back counter.Perched on the bar top, I swung my legs in nervous energy. "No." Nearly an entire week, and not one call, text, or so much as a smoke signal from Matt. Even when he'd lived in Greensboro we'd never gone this long without talking."He will."I shook my head. "I'm not so sure." Rubbing my forehead, I dropped my gaze and forced my stomach to stop rolling in dread. "I'm an idiot cliché. Girl professes her love. Guy runs for the hills."Rock's brows pinged in awareness as if he knew something I didn't. In fact, he'd been acting strange all damn day. "As a guy, I'm telling you, he'll come around. You didn't see the way he looked at you when you sang. Or how when you walk into a room, his only focus is you. He's so in love with you he doesn't know up from down."Too gutted to even hope, I glanced around the empty tavern. Rock and I had talked all afternoon about the details for Winter's Den. Mat
Matt"That's how I got your number. I don't know why she had that, or what it means."Memory shifted in my mind. Why we'd argued. The things we'd shouted at one another. The way I'd pleaded with her.We can go on a date, eat out at a restaurant. Hell, I don't know. We could spend a lazy afternoon collecting seashells.The breath seeped from my lungs. Damn. Damn, damn, damn.After I'd left her under the pier that night, she'd done just that. She'd...collected shells. Christ. It had been an olive branch, and she'd died before I could ever have the opportunity to reach for it. Or she'd known she was going to die and left me this as a message. Either way, the whole situation sucked. Down to the nitty-gritty kind of suck.I cleared my strangled throat. "It was something normal, one of the things I'd urged her to do. Collect shells." I tore my gaze from the bag to him. "That's why she had this."His brows furrowed, understanding in his eyes. "You should keep it, then." His finger tapp
MattI stood there in the middle of my living room, gutted, long after Jenny had shut the door behind her. Hands in my hair, I glanced around, seeing nothing but the fractured look in her eyes before she'd left. Maybe I was ten kinds of a fool, but the thought of her loving me had never occurred to me. I mean, yes, we'd loved each other for years. Probably since the first second we'd met that hot day on the beach. We'd connected in one of those rare fate-like moments people rarely experienced. We'd been friends and a crutch and support for a decade plus. But love? The kind it was apparent she felt...I hadn't a clue.And she'd been right. I'd allowed fear of...who knew what to keep her in this box, stupidly not realizing it was feeding into her ingrained insecurity of not being worthy. Christ. I was the one not good enough. I was the one who couldn't get a handle on what was wrong, not her. From the get-go, Jenny had an innate ability to read me, to get inside my head and fix things
JennyThe others joined us, and Matt's gaze slid right past me. We chatted about Dee's pregnancy and Summer's engagement party, the holidays, work."I can't get over how different the house looks." Summer shoulder-bumped me. "Matt said you did all the decorating. You have no idea how many times I visited his place in Greensboro and wanted to go Jackson Pollock all over. All that gray and white he had going." She shuddered. "This is really beautiful, and more like him.""Thank you." I chanced a peek at him, but he was studying his glass. "To think, all it took was a roll of duct tape to restrain him and voila."Well, that got a laugh.Amber and Rock showed up shortly after, and I went into the kitchen with the pretense of offering them food. Amber took a plate into the living room where everyone gathered as Rock hung back with me.He surveyed the scene, then me. "So, that's them. The infamous Seasmoke crew.""Yep. Pretty gorgeous, aren't they?" The day was weighing on me and I le
JennyI headed to Matt's an hour before his guests were to arrive for his housewarming party. I timed it that way so there would be little chance for us to be alone. Wearing a pair of black leggings, knee-high brown boots, and a white fitted sweater, I donned my coat and checked my makeup in the hall mirror. Subtle, but I'd had to add concealer under my eyes to hide the shadows and blush to my cheeks to give some color. I left my hair down. Matt liked it that way. A girl needed advantages.God, I was nervous as hell. Which made no sense. I'd known these people more than half my life. But Matt and I were a couple now. They didn't know that, though, and the stupid, silly part of me wanted him to tell them tonight. We'd been together a couple weeks. Surely, he'd want us to come out while everyone was in one place.Last night, after I'd sung and we got back to his place, we'd had sex. No talk, just sex. And though things had aligned like always and it had been great, the act lacked our
MattShe moaned. Kissed my mouth in a sweet, sorrowful brush. "I'll see you Friday at the bar?"I had to clear my throat to speak. "Yeah. Wouldn't miss it.""Laters, handsome."Watching her go left an empty ache inside me. And that ache didn't abate until I strolled into Winter's Den two nights later and saw her grinning at customers. What in the hell was this? These errant feelings swirling. The insane need to be near her all the time. Wanting her with every ragged breath between our time together. It was as if oxygen didn't exist if she was out of reach, out of sight.Pulling up a stool, I chatted with her grandfather's friends and Rock until she could break free to say hello. As she leaned over the bar, I caught her scent and closed my eyes to hold it to me. Drifting forward, I went in for a kiss, but she eased back."Are we still a secret?"I studied her expression, her tone, because I'd never heard that chill before. Keeping our relationship from friends and family had be
MattThe woman was killing me. Killing. Me. Dead.If it wasn't the strike-me-now bartender/musician side of her personality taking up all available retail space in my head, her sweater-wearing, endearing, generous side managed to complete the task. One minute she was my best friend, making me laugh until I required a respirator, the next she was taking me inside her body with reckless abandon and...making me require a respirator. For all intents and purposes, we were a normal couple. We shared meals, snuggled after mind-blowing sex, talked all the time. But none of this felt normal to me. I don't know if that was because it was Jenny or if the blame lay on the fact I hadn't truly had anything close to a real relationship before. There had been lovers, girlfriends, potentials, yet nothing in this kind of realm. Not like the balance Jenny and I had.And something was bothering her. She sat across my kitchen table from me, picking at her food. Despite her incredibly petite size, she
JennyI had a toothbrush and shampoo at his house. And not in the guestroom. No, in Matt's bathroom. I also had, on his insistence, a couple changes of clothes and panties in an extra drawer. With the bar closed Sundays and Mondays, we'd agreed I'd sleep over on those nights and keep the Wednesday dinners since I went in late that day. Matt liked the routine of it. I liked being with him any chance I could.Filling a Miller tap order on Tuesday evening, I winced at the woman on stage doing karaoke. These Boots Were Made for Walking would never sound the same again. Alas, I cheered when she finished.Rock came up behind me. "I can't believe you're getting laid and I'm not."Laughing, I passed the frosted mug to the customer and collected change. "Maybe if you weren't so picky." With the orders caught up, I turned to face him. "What do you really think?" I kept my voice low enough to avoid stray ears. We'd briefly talked before opening, but he had been pretty mum on the subject. Mat