JennyJuly-Twelve Years AgoOn shaky legs, I stared at the ocean, hoping the lull would settle me. I squished my toes in the hot sand. Sunlight bounced off the waves and sailboats dotted the horizon. Seagulls squawked and scoured the water for fish. Down the beach a long way and currently out of sight, people were crowded outside the hotels and rental units. It was peak tourist season. My Grampy's tavern was even farther south, not right on the beach but, when I was there, I could see it from our apartment over the bar.After running into Jared earlier at the ice cream shop and encountering his self-righteous smirk, I needed away from my side of the strip and had taken the bus up here, where it was less populated. The homes in this area weren't the ostentatious mansions farther north, but they were beautiful. Simple elegance. Grateful no one was trying to shoo me away from the semi-private beach, I closed my eyes and breathed deep. Sweat beaded down my back and dampened my hairlin
MattPresentTemples throbbing, I stared around at the chaos and shook my head. While I'd been assembling my bedroom, Jenny had unpacked the kitchen stuff. Boxes were still scattered everywhere, my things mingling with my parents'. The plan had been to pack up whatever of theirs I didn't have room for and ship it to them.Perhaps leaving my furniture in Greensboro had been a mistake. I'd all but forgotten the floral-print couch and loveseat here, not to mention the knick-knacks and books. This place didn't feel any more mine than my house back home. The walls were white, scattered with paintings of flowers.The open floor plan allowed for creativity in furniture placement, but I wasn't creative, and all I could see when I looked around were years of July vacations. The large living room was separated from the kitchen by an island. I liked the distressed white cabinets and blue tile countertops, plus the stainless steel appliances were new. Bare, pale hardwood was throughout the fir
JennyPresentI'd crashed at Matt's the night before. He'd been adamant I not ride the motorcycle home while tired. I'd slept in the guest room, though very little sleep had been involved. All I kept thinking was he was in the room right next to mine. I wondered if he slept naked.Anyway, I arose early and started a pot of coffee for him, then left a reminder note the Salvation truck would be there at nine. I visited my grandfather-not a good visit-and packed a few items in an overnight bag. None of what I had in mind for Matt's house with regards to decor was difficult, but it would be time-consuming. Best I be prepared for a few late nights.It tore at my chest to see Matt worked up like that yesterday. I knew he ruled by organization, even more so the past couple years, but I was totally unprepared for witnessing it in person. The confident, funny friend I knew had vacated the premises and had been replaced by an unsure, almost frightened person I didn't recognize. Whatever had
JennyJuly-Ten Years AgoI was so excited to have the Seasmoke crew back in town. This would be our third summer together, and the year seemed to take forever to pass. Matt and I talked once a week by phone and emailed, but it just wasn't the same.We'd done the customary bonfire and roasted marshmallows. We got caught up in chatting about our year and how things were going. They told me about where they'd be headed to college, and I got a little jealous. Grampy didn't have the money to send me to school, and with me inheriting the tavern someday, there wasn't a necessity. I'd enrolled in a tech program for a few business classes, but that's all I'd need besides my bartending license.Ian had been good ole Ian. Flirting and teasing. We hadn't slept together, but I had a feeling that would change this year. He wasn't a bad guy at all. He was charming and sweet and, to be honest, safe. My heart could never engage with Ian, but my body didn't seem to have that trouble. Last year, we'd
MattI rubbed my lips with my fingers and stared at the water. "Why do you only date tourists? Don't you want long-term someday? Marriage?"Her spine stiffened. "I'm not exactly the kind of girl a guy takes home to meet the family."My gaze jerked to hers, anger pounding my temples. Her profile offered me no insight to that bullshit answer. "What the hell does that mean? I've taken you home countless times. Explain."Pulling her knees to her chest, she rested her chin and wrapped her arms around her calves. Everything about her posture screamed defensive, even her avoidance of my eyes. "We never dated, though, and your view of me is skewed." The hesitant, reserved tone had my stomach knotting. And how I viewed her was not skewed, distorted, or any other effing thing. "Jenny, start talking."She rubbed her forehead in clear frustration. "When you grow up with next to nothing, people treat you like you're nothing. After my mom died and I went to live with Grampy, I was in a better
MattJuly-Two Years AgoStill shocked at my behavior, I followed Cara's directions to the pier and parked my car. She'd said very little since we'd left the nightclub together, and it was wringing my nerves raw. I was a bit of a good guy, a safe bet. Ergo, I'd never associated with the likes of a woman resembling Cara. I'd been instantly attracted to her and still didn't know why. Without a word, she climbed out of the car and headed toward the dunes. I followed, stepping under the stairs to the massive pier jutting out at least two hundred feet into the ocean. I'd never been down this way, but by the look of it, the pier was used by fisherman. This area was relatively deserted. No one wandered the beach. A few restaurants dotted both directions, but they were closed for the night.Staying under the canopy of the pier, she walked the width of beach until her toes dipped in the ocean. I came up beside her, glancing up at the dark brown painted planks and beams overhead. It offered
JennyMatt's bedroom door opened with a quiet snitch of a hinge, and I stilled. I'd left my door open because I hated enclosed spaces, especially while asleep and defenseless. I hoped the light or my movements hadn't woken him. He didn't move for several beats, and then his footsteps padded on the hardwood floor.As he came into view, my heart pounded. Stupid, but it was my visceral reaction to him every time. Twelve years and it hadn't evaporated. Especially when he wore nothing but a pair of black nylon shorts and an uncertain expression. He stopped in the hallway outside my door and sighed, not meeting my gaze. He gripped both sides of the doorframe, leaning into his hands. Head hung, he stared at his feet. I took in his lean, athletic build while he wasn't paying attention. My panties grew damp, but that wasn't unusual around him either. He was so damn beautiful. Not rugged or built. No edges or bulges. He was subtly sculpted as if created from stone. Slight ridges of a six pac
MattCoffee in hand, I stared out the patio door, watching tumultuous waves pound the shore. The weather matched my crappy mood. Sleet poured down in horizontal ugliness and the wind was brutal, bending palm trees nearly in half. The temp was only in the lower fifties, too. I hoped to hell Jenny didn't drive her motorcycle today. The thought of her on that deathtrap during ideal conditions gave me shudders.I shook my head. For the first time in my twenty-eight years, I understood Ian's insane alpha protectiveness he'd always possessed around Summer. Sure, I'd been defensive of my friends and family, cared about them a great deal. Honestly, though, I tended to bite back a smirk at the lengths Ian went to for Summer. The guy could go from zero to batshit in point five seconds if anyone so much as narrowed their eyes at her.After last night, I was thinking of writing him sonnets as an apology for ever questioning his devotion. Because...yeah. I got it now. Without. A. Doubt.From
JennyHe shrugged as if it were no big deal. His expression sobered as he cupped my cheek. "We need to talk. I've got a thousand things to say.""I've got some things to share, too."Nodding, he glanced around and set me on my feet. Then he bent and hauled me over his shoulder fireman style. I squeaked as he carried me toward the back rooms. We passed the bar and I looked up, blowing hair out of my face. "Rock, close the bar tonight, would you?"Wiping a glass with a white towel, he winked. "You got it."Matt fished around in my pocket for the keys, unlocked the private door to my apartment, and kicked the door shut behind us. With a quick reset of the lock, he climbed the stairs, me still over his shoulder."I can walk."He skimmed a hand over my thigh. "I'm not letting you go for so much as a second tonight." Plopping into a recliner, he adjusted me until I straddled his lap. He cupped my cheeks, thumbs stroking my jaw. His gaze was haggard and apologetic and fraught. "I mis
Jenny"Has he called?" Facing me, Rock crossed his arms and leaned against the back counter.Perched on the bar top, I swung my legs in nervous energy. "No." Nearly an entire week, and not one call, text, or so much as a smoke signal from Matt. Even when he'd lived in Greensboro we'd never gone this long without talking."He will."I shook my head. "I'm not so sure." Rubbing my forehead, I dropped my gaze and forced my stomach to stop rolling in dread. "I'm an idiot cliché. Girl professes her love. Guy runs for the hills."Rock's brows pinged in awareness as if he knew something I didn't. In fact, he'd been acting strange all damn day. "As a guy, I'm telling you, he'll come around. You didn't see the way he looked at you when you sang. Or how when you walk into a room, his only focus is you. He's so in love with you he doesn't know up from down."Too gutted to even hope, I glanced around the empty tavern. Rock and I had talked all afternoon about the details for Winter's Den. Mat
Matt"That's how I got your number. I don't know why she had that, or what it means."Memory shifted in my mind. Why we'd argued. The things we'd shouted at one another. The way I'd pleaded with her.We can go on a date, eat out at a restaurant. Hell, I don't know. We could spend a lazy afternoon collecting seashells.The breath seeped from my lungs. Damn. Damn, damn, damn.After I'd left her under the pier that night, she'd done just that. She'd...collected shells. Christ. It had been an olive branch, and she'd died before I could ever have the opportunity to reach for it. Or she'd known she was going to die and left me this as a message. Either way, the whole situation sucked. Down to the nitty-gritty kind of suck.I cleared my strangled throat. "It was something normal, one of the things I'd urged her to do. Collect shells." I tore my gaze from the bag to him. "That's why she had this."His brows furrowed, understanding in his eyes. "You should keep it, then." His finger tapp
MattI stood there in the middle of my living room, gutted, long after Jenny had shut the door behind her. Hands in my hair, I glanced around, seeing nothing but the fractured look in her eyes before she'd left. Maybe I was ten kinds of a fool, but the thought of her loving me had never occurred to me. I mean, yes, we'd loved each other for years. Probably since the first second we'd met that hot day on the beach. We'd connected in one of those rare fate-like moments people rarely experienced. We'd been friends and a crutch and support for a decade plus. But love? The kind it was apparent she felt...I hadn't a clue.And she'd been right. I'd allowed fear of...who knew what to keep her in this box, stupidly not realizing it was feeding into her ingrained insecurity of not being worthy. Christ. I was the one not good enough. I was the one who couldn't get a handle on what was wrong, not her. From the get-go, Jenny had an innate ability to read me, to get inside my head and fix things
JennyThe others joined us, and Matt's gaze slid right past me. We chatted about Dee's pregnancy and Summer's engagement party, the holidays, work."I can't get over how different the house looks." Summer shoulder-bumped me. "Matt said you did all the decorating. You have no idea how many times I visited his place in Greensboro and wanted to go Jackson Pollock all over. All that gray and white he had going." She shuddered. "This is really beautiful, and more like him.""Thank you." I chanced a peek at him, but he was studying his glass. "To think, all it took was a roll of duct tape to restrain him and voila."Well, that got a laugh.Amber and Rock showed up shortly after, and I went into the kitchen with the pretense of offering them food. Amber took a plate into the living room where everyone gathered as Rock hung back with me.He surveyed the scene, then me. "So, that's them. The infamous Seasmoke crew.""Yep. Pretty gorgeous, aren't they?" The day was weighing on me and I le
JennyI headed to Matt's an hour before his guests were to arrive for his housewarming party. I timed it that way so there would be little chance for us to be alone. Wearing a pair of black leggings, knee-high brown boots, and a white fitted sweater, I donned my coat and checked my makeup in the hall mirror. Subtle, but I'd had to add concealer under my eyes to hide the shadows and blush to my cheeks to give some color. I left my hair down. Matt liked it that way. A girl needed advantages.God, I was nervous as hell. Which made no sense. I'd known these people more than half my life. But Matt and I were a couple now. They didn't know that, though, and the stupid, silly part of me wanted him to tell them tonight. We'd been together a couple weeks. Surely, he'd want us to come out while everyone was in one place.Last night, after I'd sung and we got back to his place, we'd had sex. No talk, just sex. And though things had aligned like always and it had been great, the act lacked our
MattShe moaned. Kissed my mouth in a sweet, sorrowful brush. "I'll see you Friday at the bar?"I had to clear my throat to speak. "Yeah. Wouldn't miss it.""Laters, handsome."Watching her go left an empty ache inside me. And that ache didn't abate until I strolled into Winter's Den two nights later and saw her grinning at customers. What in the hell was this? These errant feelings swirling. The insane need to be near her all the time. Wanting her with every ragged breath between our time together. It was as if oxygen didn't exist if she was out of reach, out of sight.Pulling up a stool, I chatted with her grandfather's friends and Rock until she could break free to say hello. As she leaned over the bar, I caught her scent and closed my eyes to hold it to me. Drifting forward, I went in for a kiss, but she eased back."Are we still a secret?"I studied her expression, her tone, because I'd never heard that chill before. Keeping our relationship from friends and family had be
MattThe woman was killing me. Killing. Me. Dead.If it wasn't the strike-me-now bartender/musician side of her personality taking up all available retail space in my head, her sweater-wearing, endearing, generous side managed to complete the task. One minute she was my best friend, making me laugh until I required a respirator, the next she was taking me inside her body with reckless abandon and...making me require a respirator. For all intents and purposes, we were a normal couple. We shared meals, snuggled after mind-blowing sex, talked all the time. But none of this felt normal to me. I don't know if that was because it was Jenny or if the blame lay on the fact I hadn't truly had anything close to a real relationship before. There had been lovers, girlfriends, potentials, yet nothing in this kind of realm. Not like the balance Jenny and I had.And something was bothering her. She sat across my kitchen table from me, picking at her food. Despite her incredibly petite size, she
JennyI had a toothbrush and shampoo at his house. And not in the guestroom. No, in Matt's bathroom. I also had, on his insistence, a couple changes of clothes and panties in an extra drawer. With the bar closed Sundays and Mondays, we'd agreed I'd sleep over on those nights and keep the Wednesday dinners since I went in late that day. Matt liked the routine of it. I liked being with him any chance I could.Filling a Miller tap order on Tuesday evening, I winced at the woman on stage doing karaoke. These Boots Were Made for Walking would never sound the same again. Alas, I cheered when she finished.Rock came up behind me. "I can't believe you're getting laid and I'm not."Laughing, I passed the frosted mug to the customer and collected change. "Maybe if you weren't so picky." With the orders caught up, I turned to face him. "What do you really think?" I kept my voice low enough to avoid stray ears. We'd briefly talked before opening, but he had been pretty mum on the subject. Mat