ZaneI should let her go.It was my new mantra, the damned sentence kept going on repeat over and over in my head until finally I just tuned it out and watched as she made a little marshmallow tower on my hospital tray."It's going to fall.""Shhh!" She placed a marshmallow on the top of the pyramid and pulled back just as it took a tumble sending the thing crashing down. "Ugh.""My turn." I rubbed my hands together. "You forget," I licked one side of the marshmallow. "It's about the lick."Her face turned bright red."I'd love to know where that little mind of yours went right now."She turned redder."That good huh?" I whispered, wishing like hell we weren't waiting for the stupid results from the surgeon to see if we were moving forward or just waiting for my little bomb to go off. I would have loved nothing more than to lock the door, pull the curtain, and devour those red lips."I can be quiet.""Hell..." I wiped down my face with my hand. "Are you seriously trying to
ZaneAn hour later, we had a rented stretch limo.With two SUV's following.Alec, Demetri, and their wives plus the baby in one, and Jay's crew in the other.Dani and Lincoln decided to ride with Jay, but I knew they were probably regretting it by now. Jay drove like a maniac and still managed to forget to drive on the right side of the road. Often. It was his thing, well that and threatening Lincoln, who was still sleeping with his wife Pricilla's sister, Dani.Fallon read all of the instructions out loud while I tried to get her to underage drink so she wouldn't stress out.She said no to wine, champagne, beer - everything.If you can't have it - I don't want it.That was Fallon though.She even handed me her chapstick for safekeeping. Ugh, I was so far gone if chapstick did it for me like a freaking promise ring or something.Her parents weren't thrilled that she was traveling with me to Portland. Then again, all she did was explain the situation. They were completely si
Fallon"I refuse to be the one who ruins his hair. Isn't it insured for like ten million dollars?" Alec wondered aloud while Demetri silenced everyone with a loud hush.After arguing for a few minutes, Demetri decided he was the most qualified to shave part of Zane's head; he referenced one time when he'd cut Alec's hair in his sleep and said it was practically the same thing, only without scissors.Every time he got close to Zane, he backed up and tried a different angle."Just do it!" Zane clenched his teeth while Demetri paled."I'll do it!" My dad offered."No!" Everyone said in unison while he shrugged, his only experience was skinning animals, I highly doubted that Zane wanted my dad's hands anywhere near his person.Demetri took a deep breath and then muttered a curse. "I can't. His hair's too silky.""Come again?" Lyss, Demetri's wife, rolled her eyes. "Did you just call his hair silky?""Oh please, like you haven't been thinking that this whole damn time!" Demetri f
ZaneA headache that felt a hell of a lot like someone had run me over with a semi-truck set up camp near my temple just above my ear. The pounding was so intense I wanted to take a hammer to my head just so it would end."Hey there, sleepy head!" The woman hovering above me winked as my blurry vision focused in on her. "The surgery went fantastic, no hiccups, though we aren't sure of any side effects until we keep you for the next week, alright?""Alright." I answered."Good!" She blinked or winked. "Your speech sounds good, why don't you tell me your name and what you do?""Zane Andrews," I frowned. "And I'm..." My brain tugged at the information like I was in a fog. "Amazing?"She burst out laughing. "Try again.""I sing." My lips moved ahead before the memory could pull. "Saint." Memories of concerts assaulted me, arriving in Seaside. "Girls throw their bras in my face, and I sign boobs for a living - I'm recording my album." Details were still fuzzy, but they were there,
ZaneWith shaking fingers, I folded the note up and greedily searched around for my phone. My stuff was in the corner, neatly folded, my phone had to be there."Come on Zane, you can do this, just a few steps." My legs slid over the side of the bed while nausea tossed my stomach in circles.Five feet.I could go five feet. Right?I pushed up onto two very wobbly legs. My body felt so weak it was ridiculous. Two steps felt like a freaking marathon, and I wasn't even all the way there yet.Three steps and sweat was pooling in the palms of my hands.Almost there.Two more steps and I leaned against the chair ruffling through my clothes until my hand came into contact with a cold object.Another note was attached to the phone.Good job you bad ass, you took your first steps! No, but seriously, I'm glad you made it. The other side effect is learning how to walk again. Your headphones are in the back left pocket of your jeans. The tracks from the last few recording sessions are
FallonI spent a week by his side in the hospital. We played poker with marshmallows as our cash, and he wrote music - beautiful music about second chances and falling in love twice.His album was finished. Complete.Will stopped by a few times but seemed stressed every single time he was in the room. His phone never stopped ringing, and his eyes had dark circles beneath them.The last time I saw him, Lincoln was huddled with him in the corner apologizing about his sister, I wasn't sure what that meant, but when I brought it up later to Demetri, he cursed for a good five minutes before briefly explaining that Lincoln's sister Angelica was Satan in female form.Lincoln didn't agree, but he didn't deny it either.Slowly, Zane started gaining more and more of his memory back, but only pieces and most of them were only tiny pieces of me.I think the low point was when he remembered my dad's name was Bill and my mom was Stella and then proceeded to ask my dad about hunting.He rem
FallonMy mom and dad weren't really sure what to do, and since I'd always been a relatively happy kid as long as I didn't have a ton of homework and didn't have to eat my mom's burned food - we were all in foreign territory.They ordered Chinese takeout.We ate at the table as we always did.Only this time, Zane wasn't in his spot.The spot he'd occupied for the past few weeks, teasing me that even muses need to eat, but not my mom's food.My parents showed him love because they knew I loved him. But I think they would have fallen in love with him if they would have had a chance to spend more than a handful of dinners with him.He and dad would have talked about guns and actually taken that hunting trip that Zane swore up and down he was still going to do even if he came back with holes through his skin.I wiped at a few fallen tears.He made my family feel like his friends too. He engaged in conversation because he was genuinely interested in others' lives.And he genuine
ZaneI was leaving in two days.I had two days left at Seaside.I didn't want to leave - but what choice did I have? Everyone here had a life, and now that I was no longer running away from mine, it was stupid to stay.Right?The guys understood.But they weren't happy about it.I'd completely forgotten that I had a hotel room in the Seaside Resort until Will called to remind me to go grab all of my shit before they sold it on eBay.I sent another text to Fallon as I made my way over to the resort.Still nothing.I missed her.It hurt.But the connection I knew I should have with her - wasn't there, unless I was kissing her, talking to her. And she'd shut down. The person she was before surgery no longer existed because the person I'd been to her... was gone.I didn't know how to get us back.I wanted to try, but I was afraid she was right, afraid she'd resent me if we never got back to the place we needed to be.Was that what I was doing? Leaving because I was afraid?
Will"I can't hear you, Chicago!" Zane yelled. "I said are you ready for some Adrenaline?"The roar was deafening.We'd sold out across the US and had to move to larger arenas, it was unreal.And I'd missed it so damn much that I was having a hard time wiping the grin from my face, though part of that could be because of Ang.She agreed to sing on some of our newer tracks.And I'd coerced her by way of sex into performing a few of them with us.It was what people wanted, especially after seeing the music video from the film, and even more so, after seeing the opening scene, the raw emotion in her eyes.And knowing our story.The whole story.The whole damn thing.Word for word. Written out in our new album, for the world to see.Andrew wrote half.I wrote half.And then we traded, added things to each other's riffs, made sure the lyrics worked, and then very amicably went into the studio to record with the rest of the group.It was intense.We still barely spoke any w
AngelicaIt was midnight by the time we made it back home. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and just... exist.And then Will started taking my clothes off, and I forgot all about existing on my own, and began to think about licking my way down his body instead, or up, I wasn't picky."Mmm." I groaned when his lips slid down my neck. "That feels nice.""You feel nice," he murmured stealing another kiss. "I love you.""Say it again.""I love you."I couldn't help the sleepy smile that spread across my face at his words. Or the desire to press my palm against his chest. And when he gripped my fingers like a lifeline, unbridled passion flickered across his handsome features as the lean muscles of his stomach seemed to ripple in the moonlight. I couldn't resist the feeling of power it gave me to know... that expression was for me.He leaned down and mapped my body with his tongue, I whined when he stopped and lifted his gaze to mine, a wicked smile teased his lips."More," I
WillBy the time we made it back to set most of the chaos had died down. Andrew was back, but he was still lurking in the corner, his eyes downcast but not as lost as when he'd first gotten to Seaside.Alec and Demetri had started a bonfire down by the ocean.All of us just followed, like we knew the fire was for us, like we were in need of the calm the heat would bring.Even Andrew eventually ventured over after Jay said something.Demetri had his ever-present guitar.Alec had his.And then Zane said something like, "Oh, look what I have here.""Any other instruments we should know about?" I said casually."Don't!" Demetri waved his hands in the air. "Don't give him the perfect set up to take off his pants, not when he's finally wearing them."Zane just shrugged.I leaned back into the sand and closed my eyes for a few seconds.Everything fell silent.So I opened one eye and then another.A guitar was being held over my head."Are you going to hit me with it?" I asked
WillThe Andrew I knew was gone.His eyes were cold.Lifeless.He finally slapped Ang's hand like a high five rather than a shake and continued to glare at me."I was scared," I finally said. "Jealous and scared."Surprise flickered across his face."I'd sent her into your arms knowing you'd take care of her while I was gone while hating the bad influence you were on each other. You had this connection I didn't understand, this... thing that gripped both of you like a vise. I didn't get it, I hated it, hated you for bringing her into it almost as much as I hated that I couldn't stop it." All things I'd told Ang without reservation. "And I'd been gone so much, it made sense, she chose drugs over me, why not eventually choose my best friend? The one who was there when I wasn't?"Andrew looked away.Ang reached for my hand and squeezed."The thing is..." I dug my heels into the sand and looked out at the horizon. "You're right, I blamed everyone but me. Hated everyone for my o
AngelicaAndrew was a runner.I could tell by his stride, the easy way he inhaled through his nose, out his mouth. While I thought I was going to pass out from shortness of breath."Andrew!" I yelled.The ocean swallowed my voice.Finally, he stopped and turned.I kept running; he was a good hundred feet in front of me.And when I finally caught up, I couldn't catch my breath, my tears were mixed with sand by then, and my lungs burned."I'm disappointed." He rasped, "You still don't exercise. Isn't that part of the steps in rehab? Find a healthy..." He made mock quotes. "Outlet.""I bite," I sucked in a gulp of air, "My fingernails and," I put my hands on my knees and tried breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth. "I color.""Color." he repeated, "With crayons? Markers? Colored pencils? Watercolors-""Crayons." I blurted then collapsed onto the sand.Slowly, he lowered his massive body next to mine.We were a few feet apart.Both of us staring at the ocean.
WillI'd passed out once in my life.Dehydration.So I didn't realize what was happening when Zane was snapping his fingers in front of my face and asking how old I was."He can't count that high," Demetri muttered."So many candles." Ty shuddered.I shoved them away and moved to a sitting position then held my head in my hands rubbing my temples. "What happened?"Nobody spoke.I sucked in a breath as the events crashed over me, jarring my memory to a painful degree.That night.That. Night.I chose never to think about it.Hated giving it power.But in that moment.I did.I thought about it - really thought about it.The fight with Ang before the concert.The fight with Andrew after.Drinking just enough to be angry at the world that things weren't going my way - that my best friend wouldn't listen to me about drugs, that he'd hurt the woman I loved, and that the woman I loved was choosing drugs over me.The groupie was pretty.And it was easy.So easy to wonder
AngelicaI heard the yelling.Demetri grabbed my arm while Alec shielded me.It looked like Andrew and Will were going head-to-head.I rolled my eyes. "I got this, guys, it was bound to happen.""Yup." Zane said from behind me, "Should have just killed him.""Hey, I was ready," Alec agreed as we all slowly jogged over to the chaotic scene where Ty was trying to hold Will back.But something about the scene was.Wrong.Rather than looking pissed - Will looked.Worried.Andrew looked ready to rip Will's throat from his body.And then I heard it.The words."...it's not that I didn't care, it's because I knew exactly whose baby it was... yours"I stutter-stepped.Demetri caught my arm.I shook my head over and over again while pieces of my memory fused.I refused to think about that time in my life especially after rehab, especially after moving on.Healing."Think about it!" Andrew kept raising his voice higher, higher. "I had just gotten back to my room, you were o
WillThings were going too good.And when things went good.I panicked.As an agent, it usually meant that you were minutes from a phone call about a publicity stunt gone wrong, or an actor taking a bender, or one of your musicians trashing a hotel room.Ticket sales being down.Labels dropping musicians.Every single time I had this feeling.Something happened.It was the same feeling that woke me up that night and made me go search for Angelica. The place in my bed, the space she belonged in was empty. And I'd missed her even as dread washed over me.The same dread that followed well into the night when she was in my arms, when we rode together to set.When we shot the cameo scene with the rest of the band.And had to keep redoing it because Trevor couldn't keep a straight face half the time, and Andrew kept snorting like he was too big of a deal to do anything.Besides that, fans had caught wind of what was happening, and we had groupies lining the outside of the set.
AngelicaI didn't want him to get to me.But he did.The way he leered at me like I was naked.Even with Will standing right there.And all the shame, all the mistakes, all the touches he'd given me, things he'd whispered in my ear, the so-called brushes of his hand, kisses to my neck.My stomach lurched.It took everything in me to walk past him.To smell that same cologne floating off his skin.And all the things that came with it.Drugs.Partying.Waking up in his hotel sheets that night, knowing that I only had myself to blame, and that I may as well embrace that side of me since Will was gone, since he wasn't coming back.The trailer door jerked open.He took one look at me, scooped me up into his arms, and held me on the couch, playing with my hair while his kisses dried up my tears.His lips moved across my cheeks, my chin, his mouth was so warm, comforting, sexy, I turned into him, inhaling his shirt while he rested his chin against my head."Thank you." I pre