CHAPTER TWO

PRETENDING to be okay, even though I'm clearly not, isn't easy. It also isn't easy being expected to live my life and go back to the way things were before. But, I don't think people seem to realize that for me, nothing is as it was before.

     It's been three weeks since she's been gone and instead of things getting easier with time everything seems to be getting harder. Especially my social life.

     "Alexa? If you don't mind we think it would be best if you sit this practice out. It's not that we don't want you here, it's just you're not in the right head space and we think that you should rest and get some time to yourself." Madison says nervously as the rest of the girls silently agree.

     I can't blame them. The whole practice I haven't been able to get in the right headspace. I've been messing up and instead of me helping them with the routine, they've been helping me. It's just so hard to focus when everything I look at brings back thoughts of her.

     "I think you're right," I say as I head over to the bleachers and grab my things.              

     "Maybe I do need a break." After muttering a quick goodbye I head out the door and don't fail to miss the slight smirk on Paige's face before there's nothing but the wood and metal of the door stopping me from waltzing back in and giving her one good slap.

     I let out a frustrated sigh before sliding against the wall and burying my face in my hands. After what seems like hours, but is only a few minutes, I get up and head to the schools parking lot which is empty with the exception of a few cars.

     "Alexa?" I hear my name being called and internally groan. I've got to stop meeting people like this. 

     "Oh! Hey, Matt." I greet as I turn to look at him and his friends surrounding his truck, sweat and dirt running down their faces.

     Matt Carpenter. The quarterback of our school's football team and biggest player ever. No, I've never dated him (fortunately) and he's never tried to get with me reason being that I put him in his place a long time ago.

     "It's been awhile since we last hung out." He smirked.

     "Yeah, I have a lot of things going on at the moment." I unlock my car door not caring to continue this conversation after the shit day I've had.

     "Wait," he says as I'm about to make my escape. I look at him expectantly feeling annoyed that I am being delayed from leaving this hell hole.

     "Will I see you at one of my party's sometime soon?"

     "Very unlikely." And with that being said I shut my car door and leave.

                                                                   ***

     I walk into my house and am greeted by the smell of mom's cooking. Normally, I would be rushing into the kitchen, anxious to get a bite. These days I barely have an appetite anymore.

     "Hey honey, how was school?" She greets with a smile as I throw my keys down on the table.

     "It was okay," Sighing, I watch as she dumps some pasta into the pot of boiling water.

     "You know you can talk to me, Alexa. What happened isn't something you can easily recover from," she started, a soft gaze in her eyes as she looks at me. "I know you both were close but-" I clench my hands at her words.

      We weren't just close. She was all I had. The only person that understood me and now she's gone. No explanation, no warning, and no apology.

     "Mom, I know you're trying to help me and I appreciate it I really do, but I just need time and space. She was my best friend and I don't want to think about that fact that she isn't here anymore." My mother looks taken aback by my words but nods her head.

     "Okay, well I'm here if you need anything. I just want you to know that you're not alone." She replies with a sad smile and I give her a quick hug before heading upstairs to my room.

     I lock the door and collapse onto my bed as I stare up at the ceiling. I grab my journal from off the nightstand and open it up to a clean page but freeze as a picture falls out.

     It's she and I at one of Matt's outrageous parties holding red solo cups in our hands, which were filled with ginger ale, and smiling like there was no tomorrow.

     "I can't believe you did that!" I exclaim as we both stumble into my room, hunched over in fits of laughter. "The look on her face was priceless!" 

     "Someone had to teach the bitch a lesson. No one insults my best friend and gets away with it. Well, except for me of course." She says with a smirk on her face.

     She's the only one that hates Paige as much as I do and though I tolerate her as much as I can for the sake of the cheer team, she crossed a line tonight. Which resulted in her getting hosed. 

"And that dress! Who wears a white skin tight dress to a high school party?" I burst out laughing again as I replay the scene in my head. Because she was wearing white, it made it even more embarrassing for her as she gave everyone a nice view of her Betty Boop underwear as she got hosed down. 

     "Okay, enough of that," She says as we finally calm down from laughing so much. "What are you waiting for? Get the ice cream!" 

     I shut the journal and hold it to my chest tightly. The tears fall down my face one after another and before I knew it, I was asleep.