Natalie 5

NATALIE POV

"How? What do you mean," I yell?

 My mind is running frantically. Her words aren't making any sense to me. It's like she is speaking another language. 

Mrs. Sheppard doesnt seem shocked that I am yelling at her. She looks like she pities me.

"Your mom was at the hospital last night, and she passed peacefully this morning," Mrs. Sheppard says calmly as if that explains anything.

"Why was she in the hospital? Did she get into a car accident," I ask, a bit calmer but just as confused as before.

Mrs. Sheppard looks at the officer, this time with a slightly confused expression.

"Natalie, your mom, unfortunately, lost her battle this morning," she says as she turns her head back towards me.

Confusion courses through my mind like a plague. Lost her battle? Was she in a fight with someone? Finally, the lady with the red glasses shifts in her chair slightly.

"Natalie, my name is Mrs. Phillip. I am the school counselor. Were you aware that your mom was sick," she asks softly as if I might shatter at any moment.

I shake my head slowly before answering.

"Mom and I don't talk much. She goes out most nights, and I'm typically busy with work or soccer," I whisper, looking at three of them with wide eyes.

My mind begins to have a screaming match with itself about what kind of daughter doesn't notice her mother is sick. Sick enough to die? What kind of daughter doesnt ask her mom what's wrong? Oh no, the last things I said to her were terrible. You are TERRIBLE.

Mrs. Phillip sighs as she hears my words, and my guilt doubles.

"Natalie, your mom told us about her cancer on the first day of school. When she came in to do your enrollment paperwork, she apologized, saying she forgot because the treatments were really wearing her down," Mrs. Sheppard says slowly, and my world feels as if it is spiraling.

I instantly start replaying the last few months in my mind. Her weight loss, her constantly leaving the house claiming it was the casino keeping her out all night, and the fact that there wasn't a new guy in her life at all.

My hands cover my face as the realization dawns on me. I soon lose the control I have on my tears and let them fall down my face. I start sobbing and screaming the word NO over and over again.

I feel the presence of all the ladies around me patting and rubbing the available places on my body. I rock back and forth, lost in my sorrow.

How could I be so blind to my own mother's pain? Why didn't she tell me? Other people knew, but her own daughter was clueless.

I dont know how long I sob, but I am slowly quieting. The women around me are also sniffling with me. As the sobs finally leave my tired body, I hear a sweet, caring voice outside that I insistently recognize.

I jump up from the chair and swing the door open to escape. I pause only for a moment when I see him before running straight for his arms. He is now my closest friend, my only family, and dare I say, the only place I could compare to that stupid word "home."

The instant I feel his arms encircling my body, I begin crying again. My legs give out slowly, allowing us to sink to the carpet. He starts petting my hair so softly and rocking us. He instantly asks Ms. Lee to call his dad.

My world, my plans, and my mom are all gone. My body feels like it is seizing with sadness and panic; the sobs are so hard.

What am I going to do? I just turned 18, and I was already alone. Now my only parent is gone.

 I am so lost in my thoughts that I don't realize I am being picked up until Ryan starts whispering nice things to me. I feel the breeze of wind on my butt, but I don't even care that my panties are probably showing in the short knee-length dress.

I am soon tucked into Ryan's car, that is full of his amazing smell. He wears the same cologne every day, and it has become my favorite smell. Ryan buckles my seatbelt and quietly asks me where I live. I don't even look up when I tell him my address.

Sadness consumes me again at the thought of going inside. I am going to have to go inside the place where I last saw my mom alive—the place where my final words to her were filled with anger and resentment.

"Why, mom, why didn't you tell me," I whisper so softly I know Ryan didn't hear me.

******

I open the door, not caring anymore that Ryan will see that I come from a low-income family. I just want to wrap myself in my mom's blankets. I don't even care that I will end up smelling like smoke. I need the nasty smell for once. I need something to remind myself of her.

  I throw myself on her bed and curl into the blankets. I feel a part of me find along with my mom. 

  Ryan enters the room too quickly for my liking, but he doesn't try to touch me. He just sits down extremely gently for his large size.

"Nat, what happened," he asks softly, and I inhale deeply before answering him. 

"My mom died today," I whisper, and the truth of my words sting my heart.

He seems to freeze for a few moments before coming back to life.

"I'm sorry, Nat. I can pack your bag for you if you just tell me where your stuff is. My dad is totally right. It would be best if you came home with us," Ryan says sadly, acting like the perfect gentleman he is. 

I just nod while slowly standing from the bed. I'm glad someone is making plans for me when I can't. Plans will keep me moving. If I don't have a plan, I have nothing.

  He wraps his arm around my shoulders. And I lead us from my mom's belongings into my dull but tidy room. I don't want Ryan having to touch my underwear and bras, so I quickly begin packing my bag. I shake my head when he, of course, offers to do it again.

I am almost done gathering everything when I realize I want to wash this day from my body. I ask Ryan to give me a few minutes, to which he instantly complies. I spend a long time in the shower crying and scrubbing my skin. I braid my hair without even towel drying it. I pull on my oldest PJs and my cozy house shoes before leaving the empty apartment.

The ride to Ryan's house is pleasant. He doesnt try to make me feel better. He probably knows he can't.

 I don't deserve this awesome person next to me. He notices when anyone has problems. I didnt even notice my own mother was dying.

 Once we get to Ryan's, he leads me to a guest room that I have never seen in his huge house.

 The Wilson's house is big, too big, but it is cozy. The walls are covered in family pictures. It screams warmth and love, unlike our cold, lifeless apartment. Or I guess "my" cold apartment now.

Mrs. Wilson brings a sandwich and waters to the bedside table and orders Ryan to the kitchen before sitting herself on the bed next to me.

"Honey, do you need anything else," she asks me with deep care in her voice.

I look up at the woman I wished was my mother every day I studied in this house. I instantly feel guilty for wanting to replace my own flesh and blood.

"No, thank you," I whisper while staring at her kind face.

Her hazel eyes are identical to her three children's. She rubs my back before leaving me to wallow in my grief.

RYAN POV

Dad, the girls, and I wait for mom to come to the kitchen in silence. I can't help but worry about Natalie as I stare at my lap.

  It only takes mom about 5 minutes before she comes in and takes her seat next to dad.

"Well, she is set for the night," mom says softly, and we all stare at her wordlessly for a second. 

"Dad, what's the whole story here? How did Nat's mom pass," I ask after I find the courage to voice my curiosity. 

"According to Mrs. Sheppard, Shannon informed them at the beginning of the year she was battling lung cancer," dad replies, leaving me shocked.

"Dad, Nat didn't know her mom was sick, or she would have said something," I say with a high-pitched voice earning me a stern glance that says be quiet.

"I already know that, Ryan. Apparently, Nat's mom did not share her condition with her only daughter," dad says, placing his elbows on the table deep in thought.

I glance over at the girls to see how they are doing, and the pain in my chest only grows.

 Lacy is crying but rubbing Stacy's back quietly because she is crying too.

"Rick, what do you think we should do," mom asks while grabbing my hand.

I stare at Dad. He is our planner, the guy who always has the great ideas. He is the person we depend on when the chips are down. 

"Ryan, you know Nat the best. Do you think she would want to stay with us? Maybe put her mom's stuff in storage. Until yall graduate this year. I know she takes school seriously, and it will be easier not having to worry about rent," dad suggests, and I nod.

"I don't think she would mind that suggestion. She is very self-sufficient, but I know she will get overloaded with soccer, school, and picking up more hours," I say as I think out loud.

Dad nods. Mom strokes the back of my hand.

"Family vote," dad says, and we all clear our throats. 

Lacy- "yes"

Stacy- nods her head while wiping her cheeks

Me- "yes"

Mom- "I'm torn, I want to help her, but I worry. Ryan, you like this girl. More than just a friend. There will be no sex in this house. You are not married. And I don't care if you are both 18. There won't be any closed doors. Even if you two do form a romantic relationship, there will be boundaries, young man."

My jaw drops open as I stare at my mom. 

"Yes, mom, and my mind is not even on THAT at the moment," I stutter when I am finally able to form words. 

"I know it is not right now. But in a few months, it might be," she says while giving me the look.

"Mom, I will be a virgin until my wedding night," I say, blushing.

Even though saying it aloud is extremely embarrassing, I have always planned my life that way. I want those intimate moments to be shared with my wife. My life partner.

"Okay, then my answer is yes," mom says while looking proud she got that discussion out of the way.

"Alright. We offer Natalie a place to stay, and we help her the best we can," dad says, and we all nod again.

"Stacy, honey, it's your turn to end the meeting," mom says gently after a moment.

We all grab each other's hands as Stacy begins our family prayer.

"Dear God, thank you for our blessings. Help Natalie, lord. She is sad without her mom. She doesn't have anyone now. Thank you, amen," Stacy says with fresh tears on her cheeks.

I make my way to my room after making two pepperoni hot pockets for dinner. I let my mind wander to how drastically my best friend's life changed today. It seems like this morning was years ago. I had thought her turning me down was the worst outcome of the day. Boy, was I wrong!

Even though Stacy's prayers are always simple and sweet, she said it all with her few words. We have a bunch to be thankful for, and Natalie currently feels alone.

  I do my homework the best I can and ate my food. I don't want to play video games or watch tv, so I decide to visit Natalie.

 I knock on the guest room door a couple of times, but she doesn't answer. I immediately got worried. What if she hurt herself? What if something is happening? I decide I should peek in to make sure she is alright. I poke my head in while saying, "nat, it is me." But I am met with quiet snores.

She is passed out. Half her sandwich is eaten, and one of the water bottles is empty. She still has her slippers on, and she is curled into a tight ball. I walk over and take her shoes off her feet. I pull the blankets out from under her very slowly and cover her trembling frame. She must be exhausted from all her crying. I'm glad she ate something. I take the rest of her food and empty bottle from the room.

"It's okay, Nat, we are here for you," I whisper aloud, mainly to comfort myself.

I shower and get dressed for bed, ready to call it a night even though it is only 8. I hear a knock before dad enters and sits down on my bed.

"Yeah, Dad," I ask, immediately worried.

"Ryan, Natalie is going to need a bunch of help in th coming weeks. And she might fight the help we try to give her. I want you to prepare yourself, ok. I brought you these," he says while pulling out two books.

"They talk about grief and how to aid a person through grief. Your mom read them when I lost my parents," dad says, and I nod. 

"Thanks, Dad," I whisper. 

Dad stands up and stretches out his large body.

"Today sure has been stressful. I heard you might need new perfume," dad chuckles while looking at my dresser.

I know he is trying to lighten the mood, and I appreciated it.

"Well, if we buy me more, I would probably overuse it again and have Stacy making fun of me," I say with a smile.

Dad nods, finally meeting my eyes with his brown ones.

 "I'm sorry, son. You and your friend deserved a better day. We will celebrate her birthday tomorrow. If she wants," he says with a frown and concern wrinkling his forehead.

I just nod. My eyes are stinging, but I refuse to cry in front of my dad. My dad knows I'm a sensitive guy, and seeing Nat hurt is eating me up.

I pray tomorrow will be a better day for her.