BITTER EXPLANATIONS

I yank my hand away from him the minute the door of his room bangs shut behind us. My face is all drenched in tears. I am barely seeing anything, so I take a moment to dry some of the tears. I need to have an explicit image of him this last time because I am certain that there is no turning back. This is it! He has made his decision and I have made mine.

It stings!

It sucks!

This is something I never dreamt of nor would I have ever expected to ensue. But this is the sudden reality now, and I have to embrace it. It's the end of our sweet love. Now I get what Christopher Martins meant when he said love comes slow, but it goes way so fast. I can't believe ours is gone. This soon. And in just a blink?

"You are going nowhere until I say so, you hear me?"

I snap my clammy wet face to Ray, my eyes burrowing through his flaming ones. They are an inferno of fused dreadful sentiments, blazing with redness. He seems like an enraged beast right now. Why? Who among the two of us, who should be seething with rage? Shouldn't it be me who he just stung in the back like I meant nothing?

"You don't deserve this, but I will give you one last chance." I tower under his frame, cool and composed, not even blinking as I speak. "Give me just one good-fucking reason why I should listen to you." I dare him, or so I thought, but I was damn wrong because he doesn't take even a second to respond.

"You are mine, Irma. And until I let you go myself, you stay the fuck here!" He roars.

Someone please ascribe this new version of him to me. Why does he sound like an egotistical dominant jerk? What am I to him? A puppet? A toy? An object? A slave who has to abide by what the master says?

Hell, no! That is not Irma Rodgers for anyone!

"You don't freaking own me, Mr Rayson. And in case it skimmed out of your fucking brains, you spit me out the moment you decided to marry some other bitch!" I fire back, letting this jerk know that I am not an object he can pick and drop any time he feels like it. Is he even serious?

"I had it all in control but you had to disobey me and complicate everything!" He bursts out between gritted teeth. He must be boiling inside with unwarranted outrage.

So, it's my fault now? Last I checked, things were already complicated that is why he came to me before going out to sign that fucking deal, right? He knew exactly what he had done. And to think that I told him his decision would be the best. Or maybe it's really is the best.

"Do you know why I made that decision?" He furrows his eyes, summoning his full attention to me. "It's because I am so fucking tired of waiting for you to decide for us. I waited. I gave you chances. But you blew them all. And with that fucking alignment or whatever you call it, you've proven that I have no place in your life. So, don't you dare blame this on me!" I state.

He smirks, but he cloaks the smirk immediately, wearing his signature icy look. Today it's worse than ever, though.

"It was necessary for me to do this, get it?!" He quizzes, sounding pissed off.

"You mean, it was vital, so freaking right, to spit me out like garbage for that bitch? For that ridiculous shit you call merger or whatever?" Okay, that hurts, and he closes his eyes tight to that pain. "Why couldn't it be me, Ray?" And yes, I know I sound like a broken record right now and it's not what I promised, nor is it what I want. It just slipped out. But, maybe I need to hear it from him. Maybe my soul will find peace after hearing him out.

A moment pass. And another long one, until it feels like an eternity of absolute dreary lull. Finally, he flickers his icy orbs, but for the first since I knew him, he evades my gaze. Maybe this is deeper than I know. But still, if not for anything, for the great times we shared together, I deserve to know the truth.

"Speak up, Ray! I need to pack up because I don't want your family dragging me out of here like a dog. I want to leave with my respect and dignity intact. You and I know that I deserve nothing less." I state, and he finally finds the bravery to haul his miserable eyes to me.

"The pandemic impacted on everyone, Irma. Nothing is stable - not even the government itself. Everyone is suffering from the damages the pandemic inflicted, and our businesses are no exception. We need as many investors as we can get to sustain our businesses and keep them running. And this, the Mauricio's offer, is something we couldn't turn down." He elucidates, but still, where the heck is the point I am itching for?

"The marriage? Were you cheating on me with that bitch or what's with this marriage nonsense?" I implore.

"Do you think I am such a manwhore?" He shoots at me with incredulity and hurt, as if that was a slur.

"I don't know anymore, Ray! You tell me." I challenge, sincerely.

"And here I thought you knew me better!" He whispers, sounding like a dagger is piercing through his heart.

Can anyone blame me?

"At this point, put yourself in my place and tell me what you think." I fire. If he is hurt, then I don't know what to call what he has done to me anymore. It's beyond damage!

"It's an arranged marriage. I need to do this for my family." He spits out.

Mental blink!

Arranged what!? What sort of a preposterous absurdity is this? Arranged marriage?! I thought those ridiculous things used to happen back in the 17th era? During the times of our fore-ancestors. We are in the 21st century for God's sake! Who in this era would be this old-school to come up with such insanities? And what straight man in this era would agree to be bound by such a ridiculous thing?

‘Someone who would do everything for his family. Especially if there is a multi-billion empire at stake.’ My sixth sense mocks, and I curse it! This ought to be bullshit!

"How long will this marriage last?" I think out loud.

He shrugs his shoulders, closing his eyes for a moment. He then peels them sluggishly, and acquits a heavy sign.