48

Though I’d expected this answer, it filled me with a sense of relief that followed me through the day and into the night. The next day, the day of the ritual, that relief slowly shifted into prickly nervousness.

I believed in the ritual’s effectiveness, but I had no doubt that I’d be seeing some disturbing stuff in Samuel's memories. When I’d looked into my mother’s memories, it had been to learn more about my parents. Though her life ended tragically, seeing things through her eyes had given me closure and strength. Because of that experience, I felt like I could be a better woman, a better mate, and a better mother.

But Samuel would be different. When Night and I had spoken to him months ago, he’d mentioned a shadow monster. There was no telling what he had actually seen, but it had been enough to cause deep hurt and fear that had lasted a decade.

Adam and Cathy told us it would be better to do it in the daytime because Samuel was at his most calm, so Tavi, Night, Violet, and I were