Forgot how to Cry

Amethyst sat quietly in the backseat of the taxi, the city lights blurring past through the rain-speckled window. He was biting his lower lip because of the series of misfortunes he had in his life. Add to that the pain that Dylan gave him.

Amethyst was really wondering to herself, How did she manage all this?

He came back to his senses when Amethyst heard the taxi driver's voice.

"Miss, are you okay? Where are you going?" asked the taxi driver.

Hesitating whether to go or not, Amethyst still gave the address of her family's house. It's a villa in an exclusive subdivision; that's why, when the driver saw it, he was surprised. Even so, he did not speak or ask.

The steady hum of the engine and the rhythmic patter of raindrops provided a soothing backdrop, but her mind was far from calm.

It's really raining today. Heaven is with the pain he feels. How about it? At that dinner, even in front of you, Dylan was openly flirting with others.

Yes, she has no right to be jealous, but doesn't she also have the right to be hurt?

She's only human; she gets hurt too. She doesn't show how she feels, but she's also hurt by what's happening.

She just keeps herself quiet and smiling, but behind that smile hides pain and tears.

The more he thinks about the pain, the more it hurts.

He stopped thinking and turned his attention to others. Her phone buzzed in her lap, breaking the serene moment of her thoughts. She glanced down and saw Dylan's name on the screen. He couldn't believe what he saw. He even wanted to double-check if what he was seeing was correct. If he doesn't go home to his family, he will feel happy.

In Dylan's text, somehow, for Amethyst, she couldn't feel the joy she used to feel.

Has the wind pattern changed?

Her heart clenched instinctively, the familiar cocktail of anxiety and longing washing over her. He closed his eyes before looking at Dylan's message again. How long had it been since Dylan last texted her? One week? That's right, a week. It happened to be about their meeting. How funny. It had been weeks since he had last reached out; their last conversation was etched into her memory with his cold, indifferent words.

When did everything change? Did everything really change when he confessed? When did he start to pursue his feelings for Dylan?

Amethyst didn't know what the reason was for them to end up like this.

Was loving him really making things difficult? Was it really that?

With a deep breath, she opened the message.

"Hey, can we talk?"

She sneered. Amethyst didn't know how to feel.

She stared at the text, waiting for the usual rush of panic and desperation. Strangely, he didn't feel silly. But instead, she felt a strange sense of calm settle over her. It's as if it just doesn't exist in him. It was almost ironic. After all the times she had fretted and worried, after all the energy she had spent trying to understand him and win him, she now felt... detached. Is it just stress because she's going home to her family, or is she really tired of chasing Dylan? A weariness weighed on her, a tiredness that ran deeper than sleep deprivation. It was the fatigue of constantly chasing someone who remained just out of reach.

Is he really tired of chasing Dylan?

How many times has she felt this? Amethyst couldn't count anymore.

Amethyst just stared at her cellphone.

What should she say?

No, she won't say anything.

She didn't reply. She simply read the message, let out a slow exhale, and turned her phone off, slipping it back into her bag. She couldn't say anything either; maybe it would be better if she didn't reply to Dylan. There was a surprising clarity in her mind and an unexpected tranquility in her heart.

This is really weird.

Out of nowhere, Amethyst noticed that the driver was looking at her. Amethyst smiled because she didn't know what to say either.

The taxi driver glanced at her in the rearview mirror, noticing her moment of reflection. "Everything okay, miss?"

Amethyst immediately felt the concern on the driver's face as well as in his voice.

Amethyst managed a small, wistful smile. "Yeah, just a message from someone I used to know. He wants to talk."

She used to know. Well, back then, she really used to know him. Maybe it's because he confessed his feelings that everything changed. Somehow, she felt like she's the one to blame.

The driver nodded, his eyes soft with understanding. "Are you going to call him back?" This isn't out of curiosity but because he wants Amethyst to look okay.

The taxi driver could see that Amethyst wanted to cry, but she couldn't.

Amethyst shook her head, feeling the weight of her decision settle comfortably in her chest. She doesn't want to talk to anyone at first. "Not tonight. I'm tired of always being the one to chase after him." Amethyst smiled after answering the driver.

Somehow, Amethyst felt that someone would listen to her; that's why she spoke.

The driver gave a sympathetic nod. "Sometimes, you have to take care of yourself first."

Amethyst gazed out the window, watching the raindrops race each other down the glass. Amethyst also wanted to cry like the sky cried, but she couldn't. "Yeah, I think you're right. It's just... I'm not ready to give up completely. Not yet."

The driver offered a gentle smile. Just with the smile of Mr. Driver, Amethyst already knew he understood what she wanted to say. "You'll figure it out, and when you do, you'll know what's best for you."

silence

"But, Miss, you know, sometimes it hurts more to hold on than to let go. I know because I've experienced it myself and I've also seen my daughter go through it. Miss, if you can't take it anymore, it's better to cry than not. It doesn't mean that you're weak. When you cry, you'll be stronger than before. Crying can make you stronger, you know?"

Amethyst felt a strange warmth enveloping her heart.

Amethyst nodded, her heart lighter than it had been in a long time. She felt a strange sense of peace, knowing she could let this moment be without feeling compelled to act immediately. The rain continued to fall, a gentle lullaby to her tumultuous emotions, and she allowed herself to simply be. For now, the chase could wait. Maybe it's not bad to stop for a few days and then go back to the old way again, right?

Amethyst stared outside and watched the raindrops on the windshield of the car ahead. After a while, the silence also disappeared because the driver turned on the radio.

The song kind of matches the vibe.

It is relaxing, yet it is full of sadness. As Amethyst feels now. She's relaxed despite the fact that she's going to meet her family and sad because she really wanted to cry for what Dylan did in front of her.

Amethyst immediately thought about what the driver said.

Crying can make you stronger too.

Amethyst knew that.

Even so, even if she wanted to, she couldn't do it.

It's like Amethyst's body has forgotten that it can cry; it's like the girl's body has lost the ability to cry.

When she was young, she always cried. While she is growing, it disappears until she is tired.

No matter what she experienced, she couldn't cry anymore.

When was the last time she cried? Amethyst couldn't remember anymore. It's been too long.

Because since she found out that the people in their house don't care about her and that only men are valued in the family, she has lost the ability to cry.

Several times, she almost cried because of Dylan's words, but they didn't last. Not because he could stop it but because he couldn't get it out.

She just forgot how to cry.

That's right, Amethyst couldn't get all the bad feelings out of her chest. Everything she wants to say is only in her mind. She couldn't tell it to everyone; that's why she kept it to herself.

Also, she doesn't want to add to the problems of the people around her. After all, he's not the only one with a problem. Even though Venna and Maureen don't tell her, they both have problems.

She knows because that's what she felt.