Chapter 6 - Goodbye's the saddest word.

I wake up with a jolt, sweat coating my brow at the familiar feeling that someone is watching me. I've woken up numerous times in the past with this exact feeling, only to find my father standing by the side of my bed and just looking at me.

Instead, this time, it's Alyssa standing there in her glittery gown that really doesn't suit her.

Then the night comes rushing back to me.

Me hitting my father over the head and then running.

I hope he's alive. After everything, I hope I didn't kill him. When I think of revenge, death isn't a part of the equation.

"So, you're dating Liam Boyle now?" I find my voice after my heart rate returns to normal.

Alyssa switches on the bedside lamp and proceeds to get undressed from the glittery red concoction she's wearing.

She shrugs as she gets dressed in a nightgown and slides in next to me. "He asked, and I said yes."

"You don't just say yes to any boy who asks you out on a date." I tell her the same words I've told her countless times before.

It's funny how we haven't spoken in so long, yet we're falling back in the same routine we've always had.

"Not everyone looks like you, Juliet, or has your talents and brain." There's no venom in her voice when she says this.

Whereas other girls tried to break me down, my looks were never a factor in how Alyssa treated me. Maybe it's because we've been friends way before we ever thought of our bra sizes.

"You're the best person I know." I say quietly, turning on my back and looking up at the ceiling where the stars are still glowing that we put up there in fifth grade. "You deserve the world."

It's quiet between us as we both lie on our backs, a thousand words unsaid swimming between us.

After a while, she clears her throat and turns her head to me, and she holds out her pinky for me to take.

We started this tradition when my mother died. Alyssa pinky-swore that she will forever be my friend and that she will love me always.

There's a lump in my throat as I hook my pinky with hers and squeeze tight.

"My mom and dad told me everything." She whispers. "I'm so mad at you."

My eyes meet her warm brown ones. "I know."

Forgiveness settles between us without us having to say anything at all. Again, I think of my mother's words, who said that friends aren't worth it.

But Alyssa is. She always has been.

"I'm never coming back here, Alyssa." I tell her. "You and your family have done so much for me over the years and I owe you, but when I leave here, it will be for the last time."

Despair flashes in her eyes, but she nods in understanding. "I can still come visit you, right? I mean, you're moving so far away and all, but you'd let me, right?"

I nod, but I know that I'm lying.

Alyssa and the Millers have been a light in a dark world in my childhood. Normal people would want to cling to that, but I've long come to accept that I'm anything but normal.

Normal people don't want to destroy other people's lives and watch them burn.

It's better that I would rather not taint them with my darkness.

Apparently, I didn't kill my father. I have to plead with the Millers not to go to the police. I don't want any attention on me like that.

I survived him, and I'm leaving. He was just another stepping stone for me.

The day before graduation, there are boxes with my personal belongings in front of the Miller's house. In one of the boxes, I find an envelope with five-thousand-dollars cash inside and a note that simply says: I'm sorry, Dad.

I shouldn't have taken the money, but it will sure help me get to where I need to be, so I pocket it.

As the valedictorian, I need to give a speech, and I spill words of ambition and encouragement that I absolutely don't mean, but the applause from the audience is raucous, which means the people believed the lies leaving from my lips.

And that's all that I've been in these school halls.

A fucking liar.

A fraud.

I've never belonged here.

I've spun a tale of success, I've been on a mission to see if people will believe the shiny image of a daughter who has overcome the suicide of her mother.

They believed me.

I've succeeded.

The next day, I'm at the airport on my way to the West Coast, with Alyssa and Mrs Miller both having tears in their eyes.

I don't really know what love is, but I think the aching feeling in my chest is what it's supposed to feel like.

"I'll see you soon, right?" Hope shines in the tears in my best friend's eyes, and I nod.

Another lie.

I hug them back when their arms come around me, and when I walk away with goodbye on my lips, I make sure not to look back.