Estel continued to gaze at him, her emotions vacillating between hesitation and an almost overpowering urge to accept Michael's request. Because it was the first sign he'd given in days that he felt anything more for her than complete disinterest. She was willing to forego her doubts and use this first opportunity to get to know him more intimately. Her common sense told her that it stemmed only from Michael's sexual nature and not from anything meaningful. She couldn't fathom the change in his attitude. Still, she would use it to get to know him more personally. However, her throat began to close up when she tried to say yes. As a result, she only nodded her head and proceeded toward his bedroom on feet that appeared to barely touch the earth. Her belongings were in his room, and Estel breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that Michael wouldn't make her return to her old room, as she had a nagging suspicion that he might. A situation like that would have made her job much more
Estel gave a feeble shake of her head, desperately trying to get his mouth closer for a proper kiss, but he managed to avoid her lips. "Remember I said I wouldn't touch you again until you admitted I meant something to you?" Estel was only dimly aware of her surroundings as she emerged from her trance-like state brought on by Michael's sexiness. Her participation was much too extensive for that to be true. "You're my husband, Michael," she whispered to him. "I love you." "Of course, you mean something to me." Michael gave a slight shake of the head, the look in his eyes molten but intent. "I want to know what I mean to you, Estel," he stated gently but persistently. "In detail." Estel's impatience increased due to Michael's failure to promptly provide the gratification she desired. She was forced to concentrate on a response that might sate his curiosity while at the same time not revealing an excessive amount of information. She consented by saying, "I want to love you, Michael,"
Estel entered Michael's office carrying a tray of coffee while he was studying, replacing the telephone on its hook. Michael's attitude was detached and rather gloomy as he performed this action. Estel remarked matter-of-factly, "What's the matter?" as she set the tray on the coffee table and sat down to pour the tray's contents. "Bad news?" Estel's query coaxed Michael reluctantly out of his thoughts, and he looked at Estel for the first time as he responded with a question of his own: "What?" He went around his desk and moved to join her, settling beside her on the sofa and stretching his hand for his cup. "Oh, you mean the telephone call?" he said as he moved around his desk. "Yes," Estel responded with a grin as she allowed her eyes to wander over him with a sense of contentment. "You look as though whatever was said disturbed you. Who was it?" Michael responded, "Henrick," somewhat curtly, and his tone lacked the humorous fondness that he often gave to his editor. "He wants me
If Michael knew that she blamed herself just as much as he did, would it change how he felt about her? Estel wished with all her heart that she had waited until she was fit to make a decision of that magnitude. Estel realized she was not thinking well at that time. There were moments when she woke up in the middle of the night, pondering the possibility that the child may have been healthy, or at the very least, not terribly disabled, to the point that it would have been able to live a normal life. Or had she ruined any possibility of his understanding by letting him know that she didn't want his baby in the first place? For whatever reason, Estel had not been able to bring herself to the point where she could be completely honest with Michael. This was something that he had been looking forward to hearing from her. She had an irrational fear that he would throw her love back in her face or, what was worse, feel pity for her and decide to keep the marriage going for that reason inst
Estel was overjoyed to see that her efforts had unquestionably been effective as Michael gave her first a fleeting look, then returned his sight to her a second time, his eyes widening with admiration as he took in the image she produced. Michael had arrived late and had to rush to get dressed. When he walked in, she was striking a nonchalant stance in front of the windows, even though her heart raced with panic. Her manner, however, was calm and collected. The shell-white, body-hugging dress was silky and flowed over one shoulder, revealing the milky tan. The garment clung closely to her shape and emphasized her curves. The only other jewelry she wore was a pair of gold earrings that dangled from her ears and a gold slave bracelet that she wore on the naked right side of her wrist. Her tresses were pulled away from her face and rolled into a complete roll at the back of her head. The light hanging above brought out the shimmering highlights in her hair. She was aware that she was be
When Piers Shaw pointed her toward Lars Pederson's library, she was so focused on following him that she hardly heard him whisper, "Certainly." She had a strong desire to be left alone, but she was astute enough to recognize that Piers wouldn't abandon her if he believed she required assistance. She also realized that, at this time, having Piers assist her would be far preferable to asking Michael to accompany her. It was perfectly conceivable that Piers would go and tell her husband about her sudden unsteadiness if she refused to take his arm, and she couldn't risk that happening for the time being since she couldn't afford to. Just as they were about to enter the library, she heard Dr. Jill's soothing voice calling her name. "Estel! How good it is to see you again!" She had the need to flee, but after a little pause during which she was undecided about what to do, she gently turned around to find the elderly guy walking toward her with a warm greeting gleaming over his kind face.
Dr. Jill's tone was tense and insistent as he said, "For the love of God, why not?!?" "Without honesty, a marriage is not good for much, Estel. Your husband has the right to know that you're not the type of woman to be so callous, and you have the right to his unstinting regard. Why are you refraining from honest communication?" As Estel closed her eyes, she pondered how to explain the situation, even though she wasn't entirely sure of the cause. "For one thing," she said as she opened her eyes and walked aside to peer into the dimly lit garden, "the child was his." She took a momentary pause and looked back at Dr. Jill, during which she noticed a dawning of comprehension in his eyes. She stated this with a delay in her voice that made it clear, at least to Dr. Jill, how profoundly the pain of that hatred had affected her. "He hated me when he found out I'd aborted his child," she added. "For all that I know, he probably still does," she said with a softer tone. Dr. Jill was about t
By the time they boarded the plane to go to Aspen to visit Michael's parents, Estel was at her wit's end. She prayed to God for a miracle so that Michael would recognize her deep love for him. It would be a miracle in their marriage if only he could bring himself to love her as much as she loved him. Estel hoped that Michael's parents would convince him to love her. When Estel first saw the tall, stately, and beautiful woman who was Michael's mother and his father's equally tall but less awesome figure, she felt a surge of animosity toward the couple. She wondered if they were the key to Michael's inability to respond to the love she was offering him. Estel's first impression of Michael's mother and father caused her to feel this way. Estel had thought that Michael had made it past his childhood difficulties. Still, the people in his life may have permanently damaged him and given him an icy hole in his heart—a spot that he desired love to so severely fill. However, as Mrs. Jensen c