The pain continues

Chapter 6

Samuel

I hobbled all the way to the med bay. Kyle was his usual helpful, non-talkative self. The fucker could have swept me up honeymoon style and singled handily make the trek in less time than it took for him to hoist me half on half off his shoulders. I have seen the asshole bench press weights three times my size without breaking a sweat. No, he preferred to assist me with brooding silence, which spoke volumes. This was another long mark in my book of disappointments. No wonder Naja was angry he practically threaten to kill me. I deserved it everything his sadistic mind can think up. If he wanted to snap my neck like a twig or rip my throat out as he so elegantly put it. After all the times, he turned a blind eye to my stupid decisions, thinking rightfully so that it was just a phase. I had been a sullen pain-in-the-ass handful.

During his explosion, I desperately wanted to shout have at it put me out of my misery. Strangely, I kept my mouth shut, and they said I couldn’t be taught. My brother’s tirade had told me one thing my ignorance had missed, Naja had a breaking point, her name was Charlotte.

All my life I had pushed the boundaries, using my dead absentee parents---no fault of their own that my father's brother was a sociopath, and the secrets buried deep within my subconscious as scapegoats for the things I did.

I often wondered if my gifts had somehow protected me from the evil I witnessed that day by the cliff. It certainly sealed my mouth shut for the better part of ten years. So much so that Naja became worried. He believed I had suffered some inexplicable illness stunting my development, not like he could have asked my mother why her youngest had stopped talking for no apparent reason.

Disclosing what I knew seemed less prudent considering my brothers' lives were on the line. Forget about avenging my parents. I had to keep Naja and Kyle safe, so I did what Micah ordered me to. I kept my mouth closed back then. Several years later, Naja killed Micah, took over the pack. All was well. Expect for the memory I had unknowingly repressed, forgotten, shrouded in darkness, lost for so many years, while I moved on with my life, finding my place in the pack as Naja’s third. One day it just appeared. It reared its ugly head, a nuclear bomb detonating inside my carefully constructed walls. Destroying everything in its wake. In the last year, I have gone from responsible Samuel in charge of defenses surrounding the pack lands to fuck up Samuel, the drunk, starting fights for females that could never be mine.

How ironic the master of memory manipulation was being manipulated by his own mind. I tampered with the memory of so many, causing untold trauma without care. Finally, I received a taste of my own medicine.

If my dad was alive,  he would have been just as disappointed in me as Naja, when he found me passed out in the forest of the pack lands, or in a ditch behind Miller's Bar? Naja was more of a surrogate parent than a brother. He’d sacrificed most of his childhood to run interference with Micah’s cruelty. Never asking why our last remaining relative hated me so much? Naja became one of Micah’s henchmen, so Kyle and I didn’t have to, and I repaid his loyalty and love by lying to his face every time he asked me what was going on. If he ever found out my secret, it would kill the last piece of his soul stolen by Micah Greyson. I would rather die than let that happen.

Glancing at Kyle, I felt the anger radiating off his bulky frame like a second skin. The skin on his forehead pinched tightly, his jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed to slits when his eyes sort out mine. My cheeks flushed in embarrassment,  I quickly averted my eyes, unable to see the disappointment in my brother’s eyes. Disappointing Kyle and pissing off Naja in one day was new and not likely a good thing. It seemed they both wanted to beat the shit out of me at the same time.

 His anger was warranted, and so was Naja’s. He practically sent his mate away to keep her safe, and I almost put her in danger. Andrew Greyson was as demented as his dad, maybe even more so. I knew his minions frequented Millers Bar, and in the back of my mind I knew stepping into that bar was a mistake. Still, I ignored the warning, the telltale signs that my decision-making was being impaired by alcohol. What the hell was wrong with me? When couldn’t I get my shit together?

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on in that head of yours lately, but I suggest you figure it out quick,"

Kyle, words started me for a moment I hadn't expected him to talk to me. He usually ignored me for days after I did something stupid he said it was to cool his temper, otherwise, he would give me the trashing I rightfully deserved.

"I may be the strongest member of the pack, Naja included, but the look in his eyes terrifies even me. We both know the inside of Naja's head isn’t right, don’t push him."

I bowed my head in resignation. I have really done it this time.

"Sam,"

"Yeah,"

"Whatever it is, I expect you to tell us when you're ready, but stop punishing yourself for whatever you think is your fault."

Silent tears fill my eyes as Kyle sees the demons fucking with my head.  My heart was torn in two directions, and I had no idea how to resolve the conflicted emotions I felt.

"Okay," I say as we step into the med bay, where Ambrose is waiting to fix my leg. If only the good doc could fix what was wrong with my head and heart. Life would be fucking perfect.