II. War's Wins and Wounds

Ryder dropped by as usual.

The old house hadn't changed for the past twelve months that he had been visiting. Still half-broken, still half-burnt.

He twisted the door knob but the hinges creaked so loudly it finally gave up. 

The door just fell to the floor with a sickening thud. Aegis had been insisting the government for repairs but all they got were empty promises. Instead, they were provided a large house and property on the cliffs near the desert. The government said that the place was hard to reach and so it was perfect for a base but Ryder knew better.

They just want us to be near them in case they get attacked by the rebels.

Their new house wasn't bad. It was spacious and was filled with exotic furniture as their reward from the last war but for Ryder, it felt too empty.

There was no longer a garden that sprouted happy memories of their fallen friends. There was already no one to cook Ngooka stew every Monday. Even their training sessions---their only time of bonding with their fists was gone due to lack of equipment. And most importantly, no porch to sit on late night stay outs. Sure, they could still do campfire with the remaining members of Aegis but it wouldn't be the same.

Fhae.

The face of his former manager flashed in his mind. She was his first trainer and the one who guided him into what he was now. The First Lady of Aegis, people called her.

And the best.

Ryder walked around the fallen door and a crumpled paper lying on the floor caught his eye.

When he picked it up, he saw that it was their last picture as a family of Aegis. He had left it as a sign that they once walked around the house until Absinthe came knocking at their doors and shattered everything. Yesterday when he visited, the picture was on the table as it should be. So why was it squashed?

Small creaks from the second floor alerted his body.

Ryder instinctively pulled out his bonesteel knife. His heart pulsed a little bit faster. Someone was inside right now, aside from him. Someone who could crumple Aegis' picture--either an enemy or an ally with hate.

He knew that his friends were waiting for him. He had forgotten yesterday to tell them that he would be late again but he could not just let an intruder go away.

He walked the crumbling stairs up to the dorms with minimal noise. He was not really used to it. He mistakenly walked one step loudly and the noise in the girls' room went quiet for a while. Ryder didn't move or breathe until the noise resumed. Ryder heard cabinets being opened. Was it a thief? It should be obvious based on the structure outside that there was nothing to be seen inside.

The door was slightly ajar.

Ryder didn't hesitate. He swung the door open and threw his blade at the person who was five meters away. But a familiar scream made him cause the blade's projection to curve and instead it impaled on the clothes above the shoulder.

"I-it's me..."

"Macy?"

He didn't know who was more surprised, him or her. Ryder snapped his fingers and the knife returned to his hand. The child gasped in relief. Ryder walked towards her and the girl came into a clearer view. She definitely had her sister's deadly eyes and even her bright blonde hair. He looked around. Every drawer was opened.

"Macy, what are you doing here?" The last time that he saw her had been so long.

Macy's strange smile suddenly shifted the mood. Ryder felt something was odd.

"I came for my sister."

Her words jabbed at his heart. He felt like he had been slapped but he retained his composure. He kneeled down to have the same eye level with her. Right in front of him was the sister of the one whom he owed his life yet here he was still not able to pay her back.

"Macy, you know what happened to Fhae. All her things are at the headquarters. Didn't you retrieve them all?"

"That's not what I meant. They said you were keeping her."

Her restrained anger surprised him. Even the way she said it made it seem like she wasn't the girl who wailed so much at Fhae's burial that even the heavens wept with her. Macy would be twelve by now. Ryder was puzzled. Why did she seem so mature for her age?

The girl crossed her arms and Ryder's eyes went wide at the mark burned on her right palm. He immediately grabbed it and blinked his eyes twice to make sure he didn't imagine it.

It was a tattoo of a red feather.

Macy seemed to understand his expression. She held it up for him to see clearly. Ryder froze all the more.

"Oh this? Yeah, I joined them."

She made it seem like it was just a friendly neighborhood youth group. There were other companies out there. Why them? Why in the world would she choose them?

Ryder stood in revolt and he didn't mask the shock and anger on his face. They said you were keeping her. Now he knew who 'they' were. This was not right.

"Are you out of your mind, Macy? You're joining the group that killed your sister!"

That's when Macy snapped her fingers and what remained of the windows exploded. Splinters of wood and glass flew and the surrounding walls cracked. Where the windows were, a big hole replaced it.

Ryder didn’t move. That was undeniably a sign of the power of the Shore. Macy has become a soldier, like him.

"No! I'm joining the group that protects Khenealm's freedom, unlike yours who protect the corrupt officials but can't even save a friend!"

Macy jumped out of the hole. Ryder just stood there, not moving, and slowly processing that Fhae's little sister has joined their former enemy.

***

"Whoa, easy! You don't have to be so mad."

Ryder came barging into Absinthe's base after the incident at the old house. In contrast to Aegis, their former enemy's base seemed to improve. There were more books, more shelves, and of course, more weapons displayed on the walls. Since Absinthe is undergoing surveillance as part of the peace treaty, Ryder couldn't see why they were gathering weapons. 

Don't tell me...

The head of Absinthe kept on raising his arms, trying to defend himself.

"Zed, you allowed a twelve year old kid to join you whom you know you have a touchy issue with. You think I'll take this easy?"

It was not just a touchy issue. It was a serious issue. Why in the world would they allow the younger sister of Fhae, one of the biggest victims of what they did last year?

"We're still allowed to welcome new members, right? That was part of the deal," the head reasoned out but Ryder was not buying it. Although it was true that Absinthe wasn’t banned from accepting new members into their company, the question was how they were able to convince Macy to be one of them. There had to be something fishy going in here. Ryder loomed over the table where Zed was writing earlier.

"Zed, if you're planning something---"

"We have our own reasons. She has her own, too."

The welcoming aura was gone from Zed's face, replaced by an older one. It was the same expression he had when they met on the battlefield. Ryder went really quiet. He had pushed him too hard.

"Look, you won, remember?” Zed’s tone was taunting. “We admitted defeat and we agreed to be tagged by you, even if you knew that it was not really our fault since that cursed Hearth just brainwashed us." He showed his right palm where his Scar of Shame was---an ugly, X-shaped scar. 

The bitterness in his voice made Ryder remember that what happened last year was a messed up one. Hearth didn’t want to surrender to the government so they brainwashed Absinthe to counter Aegis. Hearth was defeated along with Absinthe but Aegis didn’t also really win, only according to the news. Ryder and his team were able to take down Hearth but at the cost of precious lives whose souls were invading his dreams every single night.

There wasn’t a single day that he didn’t feel regret. It affected his stature and inner being. It was as if he lost his purpose. He must have already forgotten Aegis’ creed. His friends suggested that he should frequently visit the clinic but even his therapist could only do so little, like listen to his sad story of regret and nothing more. 

Ryder wanted to do something to keep his mind active but he couldn’t seem to move on from their burnt former base. Although it was his second home, it was where he spent his life and where he discovered himself. 

Ryder’s only dream was to be with Aegis until the end of his life. He didn’t want to retire if there was such a thing as retirement. Aegis was the top warring company of the land. To him, there was nothing so grand and at the same time, so noble as being under Aegis. But that will of his has already faded, so it seems.

"Absinthe's keeping the promise with you, right? I mean, we're not always to be blamed every time something goes wrong with you,"  Zed added.

His words bit at him deep enough. Ryder took it as a sign that they were getting tired with all the 'monitoring'. And by 'you', it seems that he was talking about Aegis, Ryder's company. On second thoughts, he wasn't sure whether it was his group or him personally.

The last war with Hearth has chipped into his dignified stature. As the company leader, he was trained and taught to handle his emotions well. Charging right through Absinthe without any prior notice and accusing Zed at first sight made him look like an immature kid throwing tantrums.

"I see. I shall go, then." 

He would look into this matter deeper by himself. Ryder turned and was about to walk out of the library when he heard Zed stand up.

"One moment, leader of Aegis." Ryder’s ears perked at the mention of his title which he didn’t know if it still fit him. 

"There's just something that I want to ask."

Ryder faced him again. Leader of Aegis. Since when did he last hear someone say that to him? He couldn't remember because he had been slacking off. He didn’t know why but he didn’t seem bothered by it. It scared him.

Zed pulled out a coffee sachet from his desk.

"Everyone knows that we have two types of marks. The first is our sigil. Everyone of us has their own. It is our personal emblem, they say." Zed was now mixing his coffee. The soft clink of the spoon echoed within the silence in the library. "But the thing is, you can't see it. You only can when you entrust it to someone else. Just like yours."

Ryder's left hand suddenly felt warm. He knew who he was referring to.

Khenealm was a land of people who believed in the Shore, the life of the planet. Khenealm was a place where contracts of two or more souls were possible. 

"What's the name of that girl again? The one with narrow eyes and pale skin?"

"Raeya."

"Right, Raeya. Pretty girl. That's her sigil on your left hand, right? A crooked sword. Flashy for a lady."

Ryder flexed his left palm and studied the white tattoo of a dagger with a jagged blade burned on it. Ryder felt uncomfortable talking about Raeya with another guy, especially their former enemy.

"So, you were about to confirm something? I hope Raeya's got nothing to do with it."

"Nah, just saying. The second type of mark is our affiliation, like my red feather as the symbol of Absinthe and your black-stained shield as the symbol for Aegis, both on our right hands. It's always been that way. Why? Is there a connection?"

Maybe, Ryder thought.

"I just think that there is,” Ryder answered. “The left hand is for your contract partner because it's nearer to the heart. Maybe it just means that the one whom you've entrusted your whole being is much more important."

"So you're saying that the girl's---Raeya's life is worth more saving than the dozens in Aegis?"

"Yes," Ryder answered without hesitation. "Remember the golden rule of Khenealm: The contract is greater than the company’s conditions. And if you're gonna ask what is Raeya's value to me, I'll just say that Raeya is the one closest to my soul." Ryder paused for a while when he realized that he was saying too much about something that was supposed to be personal. He didn’t know why he suddenly blurted that out.

"Why do you ask?" Ryder pressed.

There was a bit of silence before Zed answered.

"I was just interested. I asked because I'm reading a particular story, very similar to yours where the main character has a female sigil partner. Basically, it just talks about their hardships as partners." Zed took a sip and sat on the edge of the table before he continued talking.

"Only few actually take their vows seriously. That's why I took the opportunity to ask while you're here visiting. You're the only one I know who's had a partner for such a long time."

Ryder didn't react. That was not news to him. He had heard that phrase too many times already over the years. Ten years, to be exact.

His contract with Raeya was not something that he took for granted. However, it was hard for him to keep up with her recently. He knew that he had to make up for it. Ryder remembered. They should be at the desert to guard the Cleansing Ceremony of the Shore priests, marking the first anniversary of the last civil war.

"Huh. So this book that you're reading--- what have you learned?", he asked nonchalantly. It would be rude to suddenly leave when he was the one who intruded their space. But then, he was tapping his finger on his leg. Aegis had a mission today. He had to be there or else he would get another round of scolding.

"A lot. There's this one sentence quoted by the protagonist that caught my eye. For him, the deepness of a relationship will determine the dread that you will feel. It's because eventually, their partnership was broken after seven long years. Every contract was meant to end, he even said."

"Are you warning me?" The air suddenly seemed cold. It's like Zed's eyes and words were freezing him and overpowering him when it was Ryder looming over him earlier.

"Nah, not really. Consider it as advice."

He then gestured Ryder towards the door.

"Well, then, have a great day, Mr. Radstille."