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1. The big decision
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2024-10-29 19:42:56From the window of my room, I observe the intense glow of the silver circle, solitary despite being surrounded by bright points. Just like me. Six months have passed since I learned about my ex's betrayal, but the scars on my heart still ache as if no days have gone by.
I tried to move on, distract myself with work, friends, hobbies, but nothing seems to pull me out of this state of pain and deep sadness. I catch myself always thinking about him, about the happy memories we shared, and then the pain is sharper when I realize that it was all just a lie.
Likewise, I still have nightmares. Furthermore, I dream about him and the other woman, about the humiliation I felt when I discovered everything at the altar in front of more than a hundred people. And even when I'm awake, I still feel a tightness in my chest, as if the world is crumbling around me.
I take a pause from writing, look at the moon's glow again, and sigh tiredly. I need to recover, I need to shine again like the moon, regardless of its size, regardless of my pain. Maybe I need to be away from here, away from everything that reminds me of that fateful day. Leandra comes to my mind now, she always wished to have me with her in Berlin, "even if it's just for a day," as she said the last time we spoke.
I stand up, leaving the diary aside, enter the room, and pick up the phone from the bedside table. I take in the air with determination and release it slowly before searching for Leandra's number, my sister who has been living in Germany for seven years. It doesn't take long, she answers.
"Hi, Léah, how are you?" I ask in a hoarse voice as soon as she picks up the phone.
"Hey sis, I'm great, and how have you been?" she inquires with a concerned voice.
"I've been trying to heal before this wound becomes chronic," I say.
"I... I'm sorry," she murmurs after a brief pause. "Why don't you come spend some time here with me? There's nothing better than traveling to forget a heartbreak."
"That's the reason I'm calling you," I say, hesitating.
"Are you finally accepting my invitation? Are you serious?" she asks excitedly.
I put the phone back to my ear after moving it away from her shouting.
"Yes. And I'm thinking of staying indefinitely," I reply.
"No problem at all, you and yo... SIMON, GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW," she yells at her two-year-and-eight-month-old son. "Sorry, Niah, this kid just doesn't stay still. What was I saying again? Oh, you have impeccable timing..."
"Why do you say that?" I raise an eyebrow, curious.
"It's just that right now at the company where I work, the position for the creative director is vacant. And my boss tasked me with conducting interviews with potential candidates for the position, and I have to select only three portfolios for him to choose the perfect candidate himself," she explains.
"Wait... do you still work as an HR assistant at the Metamorphosis advertising agency? No," I exclaim, bringing my unoccupied hand to my mouth and then sit back down on the edge of the bed.
"Yes, my dear."
"Oh my God, that's great."
"Isn't it? Bad luck in love, good luck at work."
"Actually, it's good luck in gambling."
"Doesn't matter. Send your resume and portfolio right away."
I rush to the office/library, which is in the same hallway between my room and my sister's room. Just like in my room, everything here is meticulously organized. The physical books are sorted by genre and alphabetical order, and the computer follows suit – documents, photos, music, videos, and e-books are all in different folders. Therefore, it doesn't take me long to find the documents I need.
I open my email and attach the files, then send them. A new life awaits me, I whisper. Seconds later, I receive a read receipt for the email, and minutes later, she replies.
One step is already taken, the next one is harder – communicating my decision to my family, how will they react? I don't know. Tomorrow I'll have my answer. After finishing my brief reflection, I close the computer and return to my room, elated by this step I'm determined to take.
***
The sun's rays invade my small room, highlighting the delicacy of the yellowed curtains. Although I wish I could stay in bed all day, I remember I have one last task to complete: the presentation of the website I created for a sports goods company.
I walk slowly to the bathroom, still drowsy, rubbing my eyes. The cold water running down my body relaxes me, and my mind drifts back in time without my realizing it.
"The fruit of our love is on the way, mom, and dad are already too excited."
"I always knew this relationship wouldn't go far, it was too good to be true."
I jump when I hear knocks on the door and realize that I've been lost in thoughts for several minutes, with the water continuously flowing over me.
In a hurry, I cover myself, exit the bathroom, and in my room, I come face to face with Nilza, sitting at the edge of the bed, staring fixedly at the medium-sized photo frame – me in a wedding dress. “I need to take that down.”
"What are you doing here?" I inquire, trying to keep my composure.
"I-I needed to talk to you," she said, approaching. "I'm so sorry for what happened, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't."
"You knew all along that he was cheating on me and never said a word," my voice trembles with anger, "and now you come here trying to justify yourself? I don't want to hear your excuses, Nilza. I never want to see you again."
"Please, you need to listen to me," she pleads, gripping my hands. "I was afraid you would get hurt even more if you knew the truth. I didn't want you to go through what I went through."
"And what do you know about me?" I shout, pulling my hands away. "I was living a lie, preparing to marry a man who was cheating on me. And you knew it and did nothing to help me."
"I-I know," she says, sobbing. "I know I messed up, and I'm so sorry. But please, you have to understand that I was only trying to protect you."
"Protect? Protect me how? Let me marry a liar? You don't know what protection is, Nilza. You only know how to betray a friend."
I push her out of the room and slam the door shut. I want to scream, cry, but I hold myself back. Likewise, I won't cry again, not for anyone else. I sit on the bed, my head spinning with emotions. I didn't know how to deal with this betrayal, but I knew I would never trust Nilza again.
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