Chapter 7: Silent emotion

He wanted to follow Kai's wishes, he wanted to try living by getting help but how? Every time he sees Kole, he reminded him of Kai, that perfect visage.

"Doctor, tell me... can you cure me?" Sky's tears streamed down his face blurring the image of the man in front of him.

He clasped Kole's hand with both his cold and bone-skin hands. He held on to it tightly and gradually brought it to his now drenched cheeks, caressing his face as if the person in front of him was his lover.

"Tell me that you can cure me, I'm in too much pain. I lived in an illusion of my husband, I can see and talk to him as if he is here. As if my husband... as if my husband is beside me." He continued telling everything to Kole. Everything that he closely kept in his heart for the past long years.

Kole watched him with so much care, this man, who had a beautiful heart and soul was grieving over a deceased beloved. How many people can love this much? How many Sky was there in the world? How many were those who stop living when they lost a special person in their life?

"Kai," he chuckled lightly remembering his deceased husband. "Kai was an idiot. Did you know that when he took me on our first date he panicked? He panicked so much that he kept on tripping on his own feet." Laughter along with tears was the scene in Kole's eyes.

"He brought me to an expensive restaurant 'cause he was trying to impress me but his money was not enough to pay the bill," he let out another loud laugh, his eyes sparkling but it was not clear if it was due to his tears or to the happy feeling he had while thinking of Kai.

"I had to call my mom to pay for our food. That idiot, he could just bring me to a simple diner or we can sit in the park while watching the stars and drinking some beer. He could have just held my hand while we walk and giggle. He always gives his extra effort to me... doctor, I haven't even expressed my love as he did. I have not told him enough that I love him. I failed as a husband."

Sky lowered his head and grab tighter to Kole's hand.

"How can I live if I have so much guilt in my heart? How can I forget if all that's in my mind were things he did for me? He made me his world but I took that for granted."

All that was heard was Sky's crying. Kole's heart was pricked witnessing the scene in front of him. He wanted to hug Sky but will that help? He wanted to pat his back but will that help?

It's the first time in his entire career that he hesitates to do things for a patient. He usually knew when a patient needed a pat or a hug but why can't he decide with Sky? Why was he like this to Sky?

He doesn't want Sky to see him as Kai. As a doctor, he does not want to satisfy his patient's issues. They need to wake up from their dream. Patient-doctor relationship, right, this was the most sensible reason he could think of.

But why was there a prick in his heart? something that he did not feel with other patients. "Kai knew how much you love him. He felt your love and care for him. Sky, your husband..." 

Kole placed his right hand above Sky's both hands. The three hands that were clasped together before now became four, holding tighter, giving the crying man a sense of security.

"... your husband left the world knowing that you love him." he continued.

He speaks to Sky with so much assurance, positivity, and comfort. This was what he wanted Sky to feel but... "You talk as if you met him," Sky said with sarcasm. "How can you be so sure, doctor? Don't makeup anything to fool me!" this time Sky's voice was higher than usual.

The crying man a moment ago now yells at Kole. Sky knew his husband well, how can this doctor just spout nonsense? He very well knew that he did not give his all when Kai was still alive, how would Kai feel it? Nonsense!

"I said help me not fool me!" He let out another scream.

He stood up and with all his strength cleared everything that was on the table. The food was scattered on the littered floor. Sky screams and screams choked from his crying.

Kole did not expect this reaction at all. He thought that his words will go through Sky's heart. Why? Why was he making such a mistake?

Brushing off all those questions in his mind, Kole quickly grabbed Sky and embraced him tightly. He locked him in his arms not letting Sky go. He brushed Sky's hair gently while repeating the words, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I will watch my word in the future." Kole said gently. When did he say sorry to a patient like this? He needed to control himself.

They stayed like that for a while. Kole lets Sky cry as much as he wants in his embrace until Sky dozes off.

He carried him inside the dark messy room, tuck him well in a ragged bed, and watched him sleep. He wanted to leave but his feet won't move, he seems to enjoy watching Sky sleeps and at the same time he's afraid that if he leaves Sky might wake up and cry again. He doesn't want him to cry without someone by his side.

He stayed awake until dawn just watching the sleeping man then decides to leave before the sun shone. Sky hasn't eaten anything last night so he will buy food again. No, he will prepare the food himself before Sky wakes up.

Looking for the last time, Kole walked towards the door to leave.

"Kole... watch out!"