Chapter Four

Joan's Pov

The dinner went successfully even though what happened there felt unrealistic to me. I hated myself for feeling that way towards him, I hated how my body kept responding to his touch. He had touched me twice to show his mother how true he was to have me, giving me those sweet romantic looks that almost made me think he was for real.

He told me to go to his room and wait for him while he escorts his mother to her room. All that kept ringing in my mind is why exactly did he ask me to come here? To question me or yell at me for winning the poor old woman's heart?

I stood in the same position until he finally showed up. Those romantic looks were gone, and I was staring at the ruthless Alpha Rex who has no single feeling for me.

"All thanks to you for winning her heart, yes, I really appreciate that. But don't take it too personally. She finds you quite interesting doesn't mean I do. It's two different things. So, if you still wanna live your life without crossing my path, then you better try to act normal."

"Why do you hate me?" I asked, unable to tell where the courage was coming from.

"I don't hate you, Miss Crawford, I just don't want anything about you in my life."

"Then why did you pick me if you don't want anything about me in your life? Why did you call me your mate?! Why did you bring me here in the first place if you knew nothing would change the fact about us? Why do you want to make my life miserable then it already is? Why don't you just let me be the slave I have always been and stop pretending like you've accepted me."

"You don't expect me to repeat myself again, do you? I already told you, I'm not doing this for anything, I'm doing it for my mother. So, you better start accepting the fact that you are my mate."

"No, I am not accepting any stupid fact! I am not your mate."

He rolled his eyes at me. "I'm tired of having this conversation discussed. Take off your clothes."

"What?!"

"You heard me, take off your clothes."

I hesitated. I couldn't understand why he wanted me to take off my clothes when he hadn't accepted me as his mate. Does he want to rape me or some thing? Is he trying to use me then at the end, he dumps me like some kinda trash bin?

I took off the heels on my leg, slowly zipping down the zipper of my gown. His eyes were fixed on me, he wasn't saying anything, but I could see the patience he was playing on me to have my clothes taken off.

I finally took it off, standing just in a bra and panties. He walked closer to me, covering the gap between us. He curled his hands to my back, unhooking the hook of my bra. He pulls the bra from my skin, exposing my breast to himself.

He smirked evilly.

I felt a sensation curling my nipples, a feeling of want. As much as I was scared of this moment, I found myself betraying me, wanting him for me. I can't believe I was longing for his touch on me, but this time not just on my hand, but every part of my body.

"Not now, Joan, not now." I say mentally to myself. While still drifting with my thoughts, I felt the soft touch of his lips on mine. His tongue met mine, causing a spark to ignite inside of me.

This isn't a dream, is it? Can someone please wake me up and tell me none of this is real?

I felt his lips move from mine down to my neck, kissing his way to my collar bone, where he stopped. He jerked me up, gently dropping me on the bed. He laid on me, hungrily devouring my lips like it was the only thing he's got to live for.

I wanted this moment to go, but my body loved every action he was playing on me. While he kissed me, his hand busily went down to my waist, pulling my panties away from my legs. He stopped kissing me, his lips journeyed its way down to my chest, stopping on my breast bone. While he sucked on my hardened nipple, his hand massaged my other breast.

I couldn't contain the moan as they kept escaping my lips. Hearing the way I moaned made him continue what he was doing. He didn't stop, and he wasn't taking it quite easy on me. Not like I am complaining, I think I'm kinda enjoying it.

I felt his hand leave my breast, and in a second I felt it in between my thighs. A soft touch which made me skyrocket. He massaged my tender skin, before thrusting his first two fingers into my delicate entry. I moaned loudly, squeezing my butt as he made no sign to take his fingers off me. I was already breathing heavily like a chased rat, my head clouded with things I have sworn never to imagine in my life.

He didn't stop, he never gave up trying to satisfy his urge. Even as he spread my legs to have his way in, I saw myself willingly giving myself to him, letting him do to me whatever he wanted to do. But then, all I could do was to hate myself. I felt so cheap to him. I wanna believe this is the bond working in us, I wanna believe none of these is my fault, but then on the other hand…

…I think it is.

I'm actually committing my first Sin with the man who hated me with all cost.

***********

I couldn't sleep, my eyes were opened with regrets boiling inside of me. Alpha Rex was already asleep, and he looked innocent like he didn't do anything.

What have I done? Joan, what have you done to yourself? I rubbed my hair in frustration, weeping quietly so I won't have to wake the Alpha from his sleep. "You're such an idiot, Joan."

I couldn't contain the regrets any more. I realized I was already growing hatred for him. If only he hadn't asked me to take my clothes off, none of these would have happened. I couldn't think of a way to get the thoughts off my mind, the only way was that I don't want to, but somehow I think I should just stick to it.

I need to get the heck out of here. I need to leave this place at all costs. Not like seeing my nakedness will ever change his heart towards me, it's just like what the young lady had told me hours ago, I don't deserve him, I don't deserve his love. I don't even deserve to be here in the first place, so I should probably head to where I deserve to be, where I'd be treated like a normal person.

I wished I had had this opportunity earlier, none of this would have become a part of my life. I hope Silvia is happy wherever she is, probably not experiencing the same thing I am facing right now. I won't have to blame her for putting me in her prayers, but if only she knew where those prayers were heading to, she wouldn't have thought of wishing me to find my own happiness.

Not about this mansion feels happy, nothing but torture and pain.

I went to the wardrobe to pick something else to wear. Life won't be easy out there, but I just have to give it a try. I wore a pair of jean trouser with a black shirt and a canvas. The longer I waited felt like years. Though my thighs still hurt, but that seem not to be my problem at the moment.

I stared at Alpha Rex for the last time, "I hope you find yourself a better mate." I said. I sneaked out of the room to the basement which led me outside the house.

I took to my heels, running without turning my back.