Chapter 4 - Nathan

The pain was the worst thing that I have ever felt.  It feels like someone is trying to scoop out my still beating heart with a handful of serrated spoons all at the same time while I’m laying on a bed of burning hot coals.  Sharp, stabbing, constant, and all over my body.  

I can’t breathe, let alone talk.  The pain only gets worse when I’m touched by Tomas and Jai as they pick me up.  I don’t realize why they’re doing it until I feel the sun on my skin, which just intensifies the pain everywhere it touches.

I didn’t know that someone could survive pain this intense.  I don’t know that I will.

Doesn’t help when Tomas unceremoniously just drops me on the ground.  My wolf howls in my head, but all my human form can do is whimper.  Tomas waves Jai away who looks back and forth between me and Tomas before shrugging his shoulders and walking back inside.  Looks like I’m on my own with a pissed off male.

It takes a few moments for the pain to subside enough for me to hear what he’s saying.

“You fucking idiot!  You just threw away the best thing that could have ever happened to you!  Why in the hell would you do that?!  You fucking - “ Tomas’ words are cut off by my stepfather’s angry roar.

“Why the HELL did you just do?!” Dad screams.  He has always held the matebond as one of the most sacred things that the Moon Goddess gives to us.  Outside of Mom’s first matebond to my sperm donor, all of his friends have been gifted with some of the best wolves that we know.  Their bonds not only made it so that we won a Civil War and defeated the Riding Hoods on our soil, but they have also strengthened our pack and made it prosper beyond measure.  

And I just spit in the face of that gift.

The physical pain is starting to fade, but in its place is this gaping hole of sadness and heartache.  This desperate feeling of being incomplete and a frantic need to fill it with the missing piece.  I can’t stop shaking, like I’m in the middle of an arctic tundra instead of a mildly cool Texas winter morning.

I had no idea that it would hurt that bad to reject someone.  Is this what Tomas had to go through when Zoe and Kaia rejected him?  Fuck, dude had to deal with that twice.  And Alexander and Jacob when Josefina rejected them?  She is a strong ass fucking she-wolf to handle that.  I can’t imagine dealing with this feeling multiple times.

Panting, my voice barely above a whisper, I answer Dad.  “She’s a Riding Hood.  I can’t be mated to that.”

“She WAS a Riding Hood.  Born to it, just like you were born to Julian,” Mom says, her hand on Dad’s arm, the skin to skin contact immediately calming him.  “She could no more control that than I can control the weather.”

“She is the strongest witch that this world has ever known, Mom,” I say, my voice getting slightly stronger.  At least the shaking has started to subside.  “It’s only a matter of time before she turns on us.”

“She helped us to save all of the hostages the Riding Hoods had.  She stopped the sacrifices that would have made her unstoppable.  Shit, she worked with us to kill all of the Riding Hoods!”  Dad says, getting closer and closer to me.  He’s obviously extremely pissed off.  I’m pretty sure that the only thing that’s keeping him from launching himself at me is both of my mom’s hands wrapped around his bicep.

“Not all of them,” I wheeze as I try to raise my voice.  “Her mother got free.  The strongest Riding Hood of all!”

“That was unfortunate, but not her fault - “ Mom starts.

I can’t help but sneer as I interrupt her.  “Funny kind of coincidence, isn’t it?”

“Shut the FUCK UP!” Tomas roars, his voice getting louder with each word.  All of us stop bickering to stare at him.  Tomas is the most easy going male that I know.  He’s all about having a good time, enjoying the moment, and fuck the consequences.  I’ve never heard him get pissed.  Not even when he’s had his ass handed to him during a spar.  It makes him the most liked wolf in our unit, but also given him his playboy reputation.

But after being rejected by his mates, Zoe and Kaia, two days ago…well, he hasn’t been the same male that he used to be.  It’s like all the joy was sucked out of him.

When I turn to look at Tomas, I see that it’s also brought a physical change to him.  It’s only been two days since his rejection, but he looks haggard.  He seems to have lost weight and his skin looks sunken and sallow.  The charisma that has always drawn she-wolves to him is gone and the only sign of life on his face is the fire of rage burning in his eyes.

As his speaks, spit flies from his mouth, “You let your prejudice, your blind hate, take away the best thing that could ever happen to you.”  His words are filled with venom so hot it almost feels like it will actually scald me.  “At least Jacob and I did something to be rejected.  Nyx?  She didn’t do anything to make you reject her.  From everything that I’ve heard and seen, she’s fucking amazing.  Esteban can’t stop talking about her - “

And even though I like Esteban, even though I’ve rejected my mate and know nothing about her, I can’t stop the growl that rumbles from deep in my chest when I hear about another male’s admiration for my mate.

Tomas actually laughs at me, even though his laughter has a bitter edge to it.  “You dumbass.  You’ve fucked your life up beyond measure and you don’t even know it.  That hole that you’re feeling in your chest?  The one that says that you’ll never be complete until you go back to her?  That only gets worse.  It won’t go away until you find your second-chance mate.”

That stops me in my tracks.  I’m going to feel this pain every day until I find my second-chance?  It took me five years to find my first mate.  How long will it take me to find my second-chance?

And it gets worse?  How can it get worse?  How can I feel anymore desolate and hopeless than I do right now?  Tomas has only dealt with this for such a short period of time and it’s already worse for him?  What will happen if I can’t find my second-chance for years?  It will drive me insane!

Tomas sees the realization dawn on my features and he gives that mirthless laugh again.  He’s my best friend, has been for years.  He knows exactly what I’m thinking.  “You get it now, don’t you?  How much you’ve screwed up?”

I can’t even answer him as I stare at the ground, not seeing anything in front of me.  I really did screw up.  But so did the Moon Goddess.  How could she mate me with a Riding Hood?

I don’t even notice when Tomas starts walking away until he calls over his shoulder, “I hope that your second-chance doesn’t come for a while.  You need to grow up some before you’re ready for that kind of gift.”

And then he’s gone.  And his words hit home, just like he knew he would.

For the first time in this entire ordeal, I start to cry.  I don’t even realize that it’s happening until Mom comes over and wipes the tears off of my face.

She doesn’t say anything, just sits beside me on the grass.  She puts her arm around me and pulls me close so that I can tuck my head onto her shoulder between her chin and shoulder, like I used to do as a kid.

I can feel the disappointment that she feels right now, but she doesn’t say anything.  She just lets me sit there, letting me cry.  She rubs my back, silently lending me her strength.

Dad, on the other hand, paces back and forth in front of me.  His wolf is itching to go out for a run.  I can tell by the sudden, but graceful movements that he’s making, as well as the clenching and unclenching of his fists and the rolling of his neck.  He’s trying to keep his wolf at bay and that doesn’t bode well for how angry he is.

I’m too distracted to notice that he and my mother have to be mindlinking, based on the absent look on their faces. 

Suddenly, Dad turns to face me.  “You have not only deprived yourself of a mate, but you’ve also deprived our pack of one of its lunas.  One that would make you and our pack so much stronger.  And you’ve likely made it so that you can’t fulfill your prophecy.”

My jaw goes slack, my eyes wide.  

Dad’s smile is just as brittle as Tomas’s was, looking like his anger, sadness, and fear will make him break and crumble to dust.  “Didn’t think of that either?” He shakes his head with complete incredulity.  “What if that’s the way that you’re supposed to end the Riding Hoods?  By giving us a bond to the most powerful witch in the world.  She could help us hunt down the other three Riding Hoods.  She could help us find Hecate and Selene.  She could help keep us safe from any and all threats that are out there now or are to come.  And we could give her the love and family that she’s so desperately needed her entire life.”

Mom moves to stand beside him and I know that something bad is coming.

Using the tone she reserves for disciplining wolves, she says, “You have proven that you can’t put the pack’s needs above your own needs for revenge.  You are unfit to be an alpha of the Moon Goddess pack.”

The dread that I was feeling continues to build as my mother swallows.  It’s the only sign that she doesn’t want to do what she is about to do.  But she’s going to do it anyway.  For the good of the pack and the wolves under her protection.  “You are hereby stripped of your status as my heir.  The title of alpha will go to your brother, Ethan, when he comes of age.”