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105. Overdose

[Kian]

(TW: Suicide. Pills overdose.)

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I couldn’t comprehend what I had done, or why I chose to do it.

Maybe I knew why, but I just didn’t want to accept it.

‘Did you ever love me?’

‘I didn’t hate you… It was just impossible for me to love you.’

I didn’t want to accept that I expected something from her. I don’t know what I expected, but the truth wasn’t even on the list because I knew it already. I didn’t want to accept that I expected her to say something other than what she did.

An apology? A confession?

‘How was I supposed to feel love for you when pain was all I felt because of you?’

Even though I asked her to not lie to me, a lie was all I was longing to hear from her. A lie was all I needed, not the truth.

‘I couldn’t correct the mistakes I made with you because I knew it was already too late…’

I had lived my whole life repeating the same words she told me today to myself a thousand times. But now that I had heard it from her lips, living a second more felt like dying a th
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