Chapter 3 Transformation between past and present

He Danggui looked around the mourning hall, and finally focused her gaze on an ebony board. It was knocked down by Zhen Ming and her partners.

The words painted with gold lacquer made her feel shocked - “My Lovely Daughter, He Danggui’s Memorial Tablet”. Beside it was a line of seal cutting words, saying “Founded on September 7th, 27th Year of Hongwu Period in Ming Dynasty.” The memorial tablet, the mourning hall, the Taoist temple, and even her body… All of these turned out that she had travelled back to 18 years ago.

She was 10 years old this year.

He Danggui had no time to figure out all of these. All she knew was to survive!

“Zhen Jing, could you please offer me a bowl of water?” As He Danggui spoke, she was shocked for her hoarse voice.

Zhen Jing was kowtowing and reciting scriptures at that time. Hearing someone calling her name all of a sudden, she was terrified, wondering if she was targeted by the ghosts. She poured a bowl of water like a marionette, then came to the coffin and held the water above her head tremblingly. Zhen Ming and another two girls never had seen such a scene before, so they fainted immediately.

He Danggui ignored all of their faces and reactions. She took the bowl and sipped. Right now, the cold water and the china bowl in her eyes were much better than the cubilose and chicken soup or golden cups in her last lifetime.

He Danggui didn’t return the bowl to Zhen Jing until she drank out the water. She smiled gently to the latter, but the latter was already stunned. He Danggui knew that her previous action must have frightened others, so she pulled Zhen Jing’s hand directly on her chest, saying, “Don’t be afraid. Touch me and feel my warmth. I’m not dead. I’m still alive.”

Zhen Jing earthed to herself immediately. Her round eyes were full of fear. He Danggui continued to press her hand on her pulse. Staring at the pale but calm face in front of her, Zhen Jing calmed down finally. She took a deep breath and then felt her pulse. Yes, under the warm skin, she could feel He Danggui’s powerful heart beating.

Fear was replaced by surprise. Zhen Jing shouted instantly, “She is warm. Miss He isn’t dead. Master, come here and have a check. Miss He is still alive! Let’s get her a doctor to have a check!”

Master Tai Shan was approaching her fifties. Experienced as she was, she soon accepted the truth that a person died for 2 or 3 days had now come back to life. She thought to herself, “It was said that Miss He was a sickly girl before, now she had put here and suffered two days of cold wind. For a half-dead person like her, there was a big chance that she had got a momentary recovery of consciousness just before death. Once she exhaled her last breath…”

Thinking of this, Tai Shan said, “It’s dark and rainy outside. How can we get a doctor here? Besides, Miss He has just regained her consciousness. The only thing matters now is for her to have a quiet rest. Zhen Jing, support her to rest in the East Wing-room. Hurry!” Then she took a glance at Master Tai Xi and said, “Tai Xi, what do you think?” Master Tai Xi didn’t refute her. Tai Shan smiled satisfactorily.

Zhen Jing didn’t understand. Beside the doctor who lived in the countryside of the hillside, Master Tai Chen also knew something about medical treatment. Now they witnessed a person who just came back to life, but what her Master said just now indicated that she just left Miss He here on her own… Then it occurred to Zhen Jing that the East Wing-room had left unused for a very long time, even the window papers there were not enough to keep the wind and rain out!

He Danggui glanced at Tai Shan without any expression. Then she smiled before she grasped Zhen Jing’s hand and got out of the coffin, “Master Zhen Jing, sorry to bother you to take me to rest in the East Wing-room.” Zhen Jing hesitated and nodded.

After they left, the biddies sent to carry He Danggui’s spirits besieged Tai Shan and asked,

“Master, you were close to her. Do you think she has really come back to life? Do we need to inform Second Mistress Luo about this overnight?” “It’s quite horrible. Master, is there any chance that you may perform a religious ritual to drive out the evil spirit?” “I’ve always suffered intolerance of cold. Am I unable to get close to the cold and gloomy stuffs?” “Could you please gift us pieces of amulet papers to keep away the evil spirits? As you have seen, she must come back to life to revenge. She hates her mother’s natal family for treating her bad.”

Tai Shan didn’t speak until they finished. She smiled, “No need to rush. What if Miss He just got enough energy to live one more day? By then, Madam Luo and the Madams would be happy for nothing. If Madam Luo overtaxed her nerves for this, it would be our fault. We can’t do this to the respected guests.”

“Right. Madam Luo is in bad health all these years. Second Mistress Luo invited a physiognomist to check out the reason. According to him, the one lived in West Lateral court brought bad fortune to her elders. That’s her. See? She has already died indeed. But she came back to life and even drank and spoke normally. That’s exactly what the physiognomist described!”

Another woman followed, “We didn’t get much from her when she was alive. It was expected that we could earn some from her death. But she hoped the opposite. Now the burial fees won’t be handled by us. We even have to pay for the notice. No wonder all the people in the Mansion said she is a loss-leader!”

One of them frowned for what they had complained, “It’s quite late. Let’s leave it to tomorrow. As for the stuffs in the mourning hall, we can deal with them a few days later.”

All of them were giddy for such a drama at midnight. So, they left one after another.

※※※

The East Wing-room was still the same as He Danggui remembered. Zhen Jing selected one from a dozen of rooms and supported her there. Although it was better than the rest of the rooms, it was still cold like an icehouse. Except the plank bed He Danggui lied, there were only a square table and a square stool inside the room.

“Miss He, it’s a quiet place for you to have a good rest.” Zhen Jing covered He Danggui with a Taoist priest frock, “Wait here. I’ll get you some clothes, beddings, stove and hot soup from my Master. Then you won’t feel cold.” She was about to run out as she finished.

“Wait!” He Danggui said all of a sudden. She remained silent along their way back.

Zhen Jing looked at the weak girl before her and comforted, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll be back soon.”

“Tell me? What year and what day is today? And what is my name?” She asked.

“What?” Zhen Jing was in a daze.

“Hurry, tell me!”

Zhen Jing scratched her cheek slightly and answered, “Year and day… It’s September in the 27th Year of Hongwu Period. As for your name, your name is curved in the memorial tablet. But I’m illiterate. I can’t recognize any of them…”

He Danggui closed her eyes as she heard this. Right. It was right. She travelled back to 18 years ago. Then she thought of something and found a gold lock from her clothes as she expected. It was a full moon gift made by a craftsman that her mother invited, representing wealth and longevity. She smiled bitterly as she touched the lock. That was the period her mother cared about her the most.

Her parents divorced when she was 2. That year, her father, Commander He, welcomed his concubine living outside as his wife, and specially changed her mother’s identity as “Concubine Luo (Divorced)”. So, she was then a daughter of a concubine instead of the legitimate daughter. Her mother took her back to her natal family in a rage. In her mother’s opinion, Commander He just divorced her for being seduced by the coquette. Once he missed his daughter, he would beg her and take them home.

Therefore, her mother bribed a servant in He’s house to get the information of Commander He and his new wife. Out of her mother’s expectation, the new wife had already given birth to a son as she was a concubine, and the boy was only one month younger than He Danggui. Madam He and her son, Commander He, paid all their attention to this eldest legitimate son and forgot He Danggui and her mother completely. Her mother smashed all the stuffs within reach into pieces. Since then, her mother never held her in her arms to sing for her.

At the age of 4, her grandmother, Madam Luo, finally made sure that He’s Family had given up to take He Danggui back home. So, Madam Luo came to their yard to blame her mother constantly. At that age, He Danggui had already understood “burden”, “get rid of” and such words. In fear of being abandoned, He Danggui was seriously ill. Madam Luo took the chance and persuaded her mother to send her to grow up in the countryside. Her mother was only 23 years old, hating her husband for his ruthlessness and was unwilling to live the rest of her life with He Danggui. As a result, He Danggui was sent away.

Three years later, her mother was convinced that remarrying to another man with the same family name as her ex-husband was accepted and her reputation would not be affected. So, she finally married He Fu. Her new husband was three years younger than her and he was a low-life. After two years of pregnancy failure, the doctor said she was unable to deliver a baby again because she had used too much musk in the early years. She didn’t remember her daughter until this time. The latter was now 9 years old. She took He Danggui back and demanded her to call He Fu “Father”. He Danggui was also required to learn playing Guzheng and dancing to amuse He Fu.

Unfortunately, less than 1 year later, He Fu was hired as Eighth-Grade Guarding Commander of the Capital after bribe. The day he went to Yingtian Prefecture to go to his post, he left the two of them home and only asked several servants to take his luggage. He didn’t even say goodbye to them. He’s house was her mother’s dowry. Now that He Fu had abandoned them, her mother pawned the house and took He Danggui back to her natal family.

Madam Luo passed away 2 years ago. Now Second Mistress Luo was in charge. Her mother was ashamed to stay at home, so she lived in Sanqing Temple most of the time to listen to the scriptures. He Danggui lived in her grandparents’ home for half a year gingerly. Then she was lifted to Shui Shang Temple as a dead one in coffin out of no reason. That year, she was 10 years old.

In her past life, she woke up in the coffin the same way she did this time. Her forehead was bruised and her ankle was seriously sprained. She couldn’t recall neither what happened nor how she slept in the coffin.

In the last time, He Danggui was asked how she came back to life. She replied that she had a dream. In the dream, three children fought for a jelly bean. As it dropped to the ground, she picked it up and swallowed, then she woke up.

Later, what she said about the dream was delivered to her grandparents’ family. They invited someone to interpret the dream. No one knew what the explanation was, but He Danggui was abandoned to Shui Shang Temple ever since. Besides, Tai Shan was rewarded 50 liang to teach her Virtue Ethics for Women and Advice for Women.

She was regarded as a guess in the Temple. The meals were simple but adequate. The only thing she had to do every day was to recite the Repentance Classic in public, which was written by Tai Shan and Tai Chen. The general content was that He Danggui was burn ominous. Her birth in the world brought bad fortune to her parents, grandparents, and even her possible cousins that couldn’t come to this world. Given her sin, she should recite the classic to beg for the forgiveness of various immortal beings. He Danggui was too young to understand the content, which was written in classic Chinese. She recited it every day as she was asked. And every time she did it, the nuns who could understand the content always covered their mouths and laughed at her.

Two months later, Tai Chen went to He Danggui’s grandparents’ house personally, expecting to report the results of her teaching so that she could be rewarded. However, she failed to meet Second Mistress Luo. Instead, an administrator’s wife gave her 5 strings of 1,000 qian from the corner gate and treated her like a beggar. Since then, He Danggui became the humblest person in Shui Shang Temple. She was distributed the least amount of meals and the most of the work. If Zhen Jing hadn’t leave her some leftovers occasionally, she would have lied in the coffin twice.

He Danggui was seriously ill after a cold shower in December. When she finally recovered, she dared not to bathe herself again for the lack of hot water. When the nuns met her, they always ran away with their mouths and noses covered, like they were chased by ghosts. While faced the stink men who were responsible for delivering firewood, they approached near one by one.

In her last lifetime, she lived in that way for half a year. Not until her mother heard enough scriptures in Sanqing Temple and didn’t find her at home did she finally pick up from the temple.

The third time she got in her parents’ house, she couldn’t help complaining all her sufferings to Madam Luo (He Danggui’s grandmother’s sister) and her mother, but they neither listened to her nor sought justice for her. What’s worse, Second Mistress Luo heard about this, so she reduced He Danggui’s eating and clothing expenses secretly for revenge.

Living in this home miserably, He Danggui wished the most to get married. She fantasied that one day there would a handsome man who could take her away from here and prevent her from all the sufferings.

At the age of 14, she saved an old lady who got injured by accident. Later, someone came to her home and asked if she was willing to marry Lord Ning as his concubine. She didn’t know that she saved Madam Nanny until now.

The news stirred up thousands of waves. He Danggui never felt the house so hilarious even on the festivals. All the madams came to her, wondering if she had anything in need. A number of cousins and nephews surrounded her, expecting that she would assist them in the future. They talked as if they had saved all the words in this life to tell her within one day.

Her mother had lived awkwardly in the past decade. But on that day, her mother went in front of others confidently and glowingly, accepting all their blessings with a smile.

This Madam Luo was He Danggui’s grandmother’s sister, who married her grandfather as well. She was always taciturn, but she enjoined He Danggui a lot on that day. According to her, He Danggui should always bear her mother in mind before she made any decisions. She was also convinced that she should not hate this family for the history. Besides, a woman should be obedient to her father at home, obey her husband after she got married, and submit her son when her husband died. Therefore, all the sufferings she encountered in her childhood were not because this family being cruel to her, but because she was lack of her father’s caring and protection.

Also, holding a string of Buddhistic beads in her hand, Madam Luo guided He Danggui that she should neither keep away from her family for the negligible disputes in the past, nor forget their kindness to her for inappreciable hatred. A blood relationship was connected by flesh even if the bones were broken. No matter how bad her family treated her in the past, the fact that they raised her for the past years was what really mattered. Therefore, she should bear their kindness in heart. Even if she failed to rise up her family when she was honored, she should protect her family from compromising once she was guilty.

Finally, holding the dowry her mother prepared for her painstakingly, He Danggui memorized all their words and got on the red bridal sedan. She thought that was the end of her miserable life and she could rise up ever since. Unfortunately, no one could ever expect that she just came out of the frying pan, but got into the tiger’s mouth.

Since she was just a concubine designated by Madam Nanny, after she got off the sedan, there was no ceremony or bridal chamber for her, no need to mention the bridegroom, Lord Ning.

The next day, she came to Princess Xie (Xie Qiaofeng) for kowtowing and serving teas. The latter overturned the teacup “accidentally” and her face scalded for that. Later she met Senior Concubine Zhou (Zhou Jinglan), who gave her a cup of medicine and comforted her that she had suffered this before and things would get better later. He Danggui made her best to repay the medicine and the words she gifted to her, but Zhou Jinglan brought her the fatal blow.

A year after He Danggui came to the mansion, she finally met her husband in a family feast. Zhu Quan, also known as Lord Ning, was a man who combined noble, mysterious, wise and elegant characteristics. His slight smile was enough to attract a girl’s soul. Despite the cruelty hidden beside his graceful face, he was exactly the one He Danggui had ever fantasied of her husband. No, he was even better.

Most people in the world only did three things in their whole life: self-deceiving, deceiving others and being deceived. He Danggui spent the first half of her life being deceived, and the second half deceiving herself. She deceived herself with the words Madam Luo said to her before her marriage. She told herself that mercy was the best weapon, and forced herself not to resent the members of her grandparents’ family, Princess Xie, the ones who framed her before and the ones who were gonna hurt her.

Heart was the biggest liar. Others could only deceive her for the time being, but heart could blind her for the whole life. In her previous life, she believed that if she tried her best to do everything perfectly, then all her sufferings could turn into happiness in the end. However, life told her a different story. She sacrificed all her love and heart to complete Zhu Quan’s ambition, but he betrayed and abandoned her at last. She bore all the harm her rivals in love did to her, but was repaid with endless nightmares.

Destiny played a joke with her, so she lived a ridiculous life in the last lifetime. Now she was finally enlightened that all her life was started with a swindle. Everything she did was just doing others favors.

He Danggui didn’t dare to close her eyes. She watched every inch of the wall and ground of the broken room greedily, and smelt the cold wind that caused her cough avariciously. She was afraid that she would still struggle under the Water Dungeon once she closed her eyes…

The whole night, He Danggui was tortured by the memories in her past lifetime. Tears burst out heavily as if tonight she was destined to dry out her tears in this lifetime.