004: What should I do?

Elena

"You should have walked out of our lives peacefully, but no. You wanted to take my husband down with you.” Those words coming from Auntie felt like a slap in the face. Am I so forgettable? Why do I always get rejected by the people I’ve come to trust so much?

My father was a military man in the same unit as Uncle Simpson. The two were so close that my father didn’t think twice about saving Uncle Simpson when they went on a very dangerous mission. After that incident, Uncle Simpson felt like he owed his life to my father. We were also neighbors, which made our relationship even closer.

I grew up considering Aunt Delores my mother. We were incredibly close, even more so than she was with her own daughter. 

I didn’t have a mother while growing up, and for the longest time, it was Dad and myself. Mom left when I was only five, and I never heard of her again since then. Now, the person I grew to love as a mother was telling me to get out of her life.

Why must Auntie treat me this way just because I didn’t give her an heir? Can’t they see that I’m hurting also?

“Have we not paid you enough for your father’s sacrifice?” This statement seemed to remind me of all the pain and helplessness I have tried so hard to forget. How could Auntie say they have paid me enough for my father’s sacrifices when he has been in a vegetative state for the last nine years? I have not felt the warmth of my father for years because he chose to save Uncle Simpson to the detriment of his own life.

How could anyone call this fair to me?

It’s not that I blame the Simpsons, nor do I regret what my father did, but I just wish he could be here right now. I need someone to talk to. A shoulder to lean on—someone who wouldn’t judge me because of what I can and cannot give.

Is that too hard to ask for?

I realized I was all alone in this world. I felt so trapped and hurt that I wished the ground could just open and swallow me. How could I continue to live like this? It hurt so much.

“Those crocodile tears wouldn’t make you look any more pitiful, Elena. Don’t you think it’s too low of you to use your tears to solve all the problems you created?” Ronan… Why won’t he spare me a leeway? Why so much scorn and hatred?

“Let her be, son. I don’t want anyone to think we’re bullying her. This is a hospital, after all.” Auntie spoke those words as if I were a thorn in her flesh. I couldn’t tell what else she said, but my head began to hurt like hell.

I fell back into the chair, silently. All I wanted was for Uncle Simpson to get better.

The mother and son stood to one side, isolating me from their little family. I guess I was never considered a part of the family since I married Ronan.

“Elena… Who’s Elena?” After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor stepped out of the emergency room and called for me.

“Why would my husband ask for her instead of my son and I?” My thoughts exactly. I didn’t understand why Uncle would ask for me as soon as he regained consciousness.

“The patient only asked for Elena, ma’am. Who is Elena?” After the doctor repeated this question, I could feel Auntie and Ronan’s glares on me. It felt so weird, but I had to bypass them and answer the doctor with a simple "It's me."

“You only have a few minutes. We need to transfer the patient to his ward.” The doctor’s prompting came once more, and I nodded absentmindedly, walking into the room like a zombie.

Before opening the door, I used my hands to clean my face clumsily, hoping Uncle wouldn’t know I’ve been crying.

“You’ve been crying.” Those words came like a whisper, but I still heard them anyway.

“I’m fine, Uncle. You don’t need to worry about me. How do you feel?” I asked in a careful tone, taking in the weak sight of the tall and sturdy man in my memory.

For a brief moment, I wondered if I’d also look so weak and have tubes connected to my body in my last days.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” I asked again when Uncle didn’t answer me. Maybe I wanted him to say no because when he shook his head, I let out a relieved sigh. It was as if a huge burden had just been lifted from my shoulders.

“I’m sorry, my child. I’ve been unable to take good care of you.” Uncle Simpson declared weakly, and my tears began to fall once again. The treacherous tears just wouldn’t listen to me. This man has been the best to me, yet he said he didn’t take good care of me. I couldn’t find the words to retort, as I just cried silently.

“Child, when your father got hit by that truck to save me, he made only one request: ‘Take care of my daughter.’ Elena, you are the most important thing to him, and we were supposed to treat you better.”

“Uncle, you have treated me well enough, and I am grateful.”

“You do not understand, Elena. I am here because your father saved my life. I would have been…” Uncle paused before he could say the word, and I’m glad he did.

“I would not permit this divorce, Elena. Only you are worthy to be my daughter-in-law. Please don’t stop me from keeping my promise to a comrade. Allow me to take care of you, okay?”

I wanted to tell him to relax and get better first, but I knew he wouldn’t stop pushing until I agreed. So, I agreed to remain married to Ronan.

Even though this was my aim for visiting them, I felt bad seeing him like this because of me.

___

“Father, I’m here. I hope you’ve been doing well. I really miss you so much. When are you going to wake up? Wake up, please.” I held my father’s hand and laid my head on the bed. Talking with Uncle made me miss my father a lot, so I came to visit him as soon as I left his side.

My father looked so frail and lifeless, but he was the only family I had left. Even though he was lying right in front of me, only the beeping of the machines accompanied me.

“Dad, I’m pregnant, but the doctor said it’s either the baby’s life or mine.” 

I felt a huge lump in my throat, but I forced through it and asked what was weighing heavily on my mind. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, after all.

“No guarantee that I would survive after aborting this baby and having the surgery. What should I do? Dad? Please talk to me. ”