EMBEACING CHANGE

Days have gone by, but things in my head are still the same. I am still trying to come to terms with my new life after losing my memory, which is taking a toll on me. It's so difficult. I know nothing about my previous life except that I was a musician. Well, I still am.

I have been listening to my songs through the laptop Ejay gave me, and I wish I could go back to my usual self. The purse that Ejay gave me had nothing inside it aside from my ATM and a chain. He said the ID was there too, but just like he does with the girls here, he confiscated it for the usual security reasons. There is no phone that I can track down people with, and nothing else useful.

The question lingering in my head is: What did the people who supposedly wanted to kill me want? Money? It's been weeks of beating myself up, trying to figure out what really happened to me. What happened to my family if I had one? But nothing comes to mine, and there is no sign that I will be lucky to know anything any time soon because Ejay ordered me not to dare investigate if I want to be at peace with him.

I had always known he was heartless since the day I met him, but I saw the real beast in him the day I told him I wanted to investigate what happened to me. He went wild. He became enraged. That day, I did not see the heartless Ejay I had known for weeks, and neither did I see the Ejay who had started making advances toward me. He was another different person. He was a beast! A monster with no remorse or feelings. It was a demon who stood before me that day. A demon that I feared. A demon that made my body go livid with fear just by his words And when I told him I would find out what happened in one way or another, his final words were, "I'll give you two choices. You either follow my order and forget about this absurdity and live under my protection in this club, or two, you disobey me, and you'll vanish in thin air after torturing you like a hopeless whore. Nobody will ever know what happened to you. Choose!" 

So here I am, trying to think. I don't want to die. I know that that monster meant every single word he said. I saw how he beat up Mayleen that day, almost killing her. I want to live. I want to make new memories. I want to make new dreams and fulfill them all. Maybe I should try and make a life in this club. May be it's high time I accepted that this will be my home forever? But how can I accept being used like a toy? The girls here are just toys. This is not what I want for myself.

"Miss, you seem lost in thoughts." A voice startles me from behind. It's Ajay. Of all the stupid Jay's I have encountered here, he is the most cool, sensible, and easy to talk with, unlike Rjay, who is as heartless as Ejay. I wonder what the connection is between them. They look like they are of the same age group, in their early thirties. Are they siblings? Are these even their real names? Anything is possible in this club. Even the girls don't go by their real names. You are given a new name the moment you enter this den. I am yet to be given my own.

"I don't find this place tranquil at all. I can't help it. How are you?" I say nicely.

"I am good. I understand your sentiments. But don't they say that if you can't change a situation, then just make peace with it? Try to do that, and it will help a lot." Ajay says it in the only soft voice I have heard ever since I came here.

"So, I should make peace with Ejay? Is that what you did?"

"Trust me, you don't want to get to the bad side of him. Don't dare him to unleash the monster in him for you. As for me, he is my boss. I am bound to be at peace with him."

"But this is wrong, Ajay! I don't think I will ever accept this kind of life. Do you have any idea what kind of hell these girls go through? They are mentally traumatized. Their lives have been totally messed up. Even if they get to leave this place some day, they will never be able to live a normal life. Their lives will never be normal. I am even better than them with my memory loss! And you are telling me to make peace with that?"

"There is nothing you can do about them. But you can do something about yourself in order to not end up like them."

Huh?

"What do you mean?" I curiously ask:

"The boss likes you. You have his protection. Use that to your own advantage." He has a good point. But what if Ejay asks to have sex with me? I mean, if I agree to be his girl, I might as well accept the complete package of the deal. Then again, isn't it better to be only his whore than to be made every man's whore?

"Think about it. And don't wait for him to make his decision before you make yours. It will be impossible to change his mind." Ajay speaks while I still mull over his words.

"Thank you, Ajay." I thank him, and he leaves after giving me a smile. I walk back to my room and stand in front of the dressing mirror.

I would do anything to meet the Gia Wilsons who she was before she encountered that accident—my other version, my real version. Just like Ajay advised, I can't spend my whole life whining and torturing myself over things I have no control over. Ejay won't even keep a useless person in here.

It's time for a change. And my change will be to revive the Gia Wilson in me. To revive the old version of me. Maybe in the long run, I will fully recover my memory. But until then, I will try and be happy with the only memory I have of Gia. She and I have a common interest in music. It's time to sing. It's time to try and be happy in the only way possible—through music. It's time to summon Gia Wilson back! Get ready for the surprise, Ejay! Next time you see me, you will fall a million times for me.