Chapter 14

As the evening deepened, a soft glow from the table lamp illuminated the cozy living room of Ryan’s apartment. He cooked my favourite dish . I felt so lucky to get a boyfriend who cooks. The city hummed faintly outside, but inside, everything felt muted, intimate, as if the world had shrunk down to just the two of us. I had come over for a simple dinner, but now we were sitting on his couch watching movie,close enough that I could feel the warmth of his body next to mine, our conversation ebbing into a comfortable silence.

I wasn’t sure how it happened, how the gentle touch of his hand on mine turned into something more. Maybe it was the way he looked at me, his gaze so tender and full of unspoken promises. Or maybe it was the way my heart had been aching for him, my mind torn between what I wanted and what I knew was complicated. Whatever it was, it drew me to him, making me lean in just a little closer, my breath hitching as our lips met in a slow, lingering kiss.

There was something different about this kiss. It wasn’t just the exploration of new feelings; it was an affirmation of everything we’d been through together. His hand slid up to my neck, pulling me closer, and I felt a warmth spread through me, starting in my chest and radiating out to my fingertips. My body responded almost instinctively, leaning into him, wanting more of that closeness, more of him.

The kiss deepened, growing more urgent, more insistent, and before I knew it, we were moving together, our bodies pressed close as the space between us disappeared. My hands roamed over his shoulders, feeling the strength in his muscles, the way they tensed and relaxed under my touch. There was a raw intensity in the way we kissed, a shared hunger that neither of us could deny.

Ryan’s hands were on my waist now, pulling me onto his lap, and I went willingly, straddling him as our lips never parted. The world around us faded away, leaving just the two of us in that heated moment, the anticipation building with every touch, every breath. His hands slid under my shirt, warm against my skin, and I shivered, not from the cold but from the electric thrill of his touch.

As his fingers traced the curve of my spine, I felt a tightening in my chest, a mix of desire and trepidation. My mind was racing, caught between the present and the past, between what I wanted and what I feared. The heat of the moment was undeniable, the way our bodies moved together, the way his breath hitched when I kissed the hollow of his throat. But there was a small, nagging voice in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite silence.

Ryan’s lips moved to my neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake, and I tilted my head back, my eyes fluttering shut as I lost myself in the sensation. His hands roamed higher, sliding the fabric of my shirt up, and I felt my pulse quicken, my body responding to him in ways I hadn’t expected. There was a moment, a fleeting second, where I could see it—us, together, giving in to the passion that had been simmering between us for so long.

But then, as his hands reached the edge of my bra, something in me froze. It was as if a wall had slammed down, a sudden and unshakable reminder of everything I hadn’t resolved, everything that still hung over me like a shadow. The ring on my finger—my wedding ring, the one I had taken off and hidden away but could never truly forget—seemed to burn in my memory, a cold weight that dragged me back to reality.

“Ryan, wait,” I whispered, my voice trembling as I pulled back slightly, my hands still resting on his shoulders. My heart was pounding in my chest, not from excitement but from a deep, overwhelming sense of conflict. I wanted this—God, I wanted him—but I wasn’t ready. Not yet.

Ryan stopped immediately, his eyes searching mine with concern and understanding. He didn’t say anything, just looked at me, and in that moment, I saw the depth of his care, the patience that had always been there, just beneath the surface.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, feeling the sting of tears welling up in my eyes. I felt like I was on the verge of something wonderful, but also something I wasn’t ready to face. “I want this, I do, but…”

He shook his head, cutting me off gently with a soft kiss on my forehead. “You don’t have to explain, Amira,” he murmured, his voice soothing, as if he could sense the turmoil inside me. His hands dropped to my waist, holding me close but not pushing for more. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

The relief that washed over me was almost overwhelming. I hadn’t realized how tense I’d been, how much I’d feared that my hesitation would push him away. But Ryan was still here, holding me close, his touch gentle and reassuring.

I nodded, unable to find the words to express my gratitude. Instead, I leaned forward, resting my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a warm, comforting embrace. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other, the intensity of the moment gradually ebbing away, replaced by a deep sense of connection.

Ryan shifted slightly, and without a word, he gently lifted me off his lap and onto the couch beside him. He lay down, pulling me with him, until we were lying side by side, our bodies pressed close, but not in a way that felt overwhelming. His hand found mine, our fingers intertwining, and I felt a sense of peace settle over me.

“Just hold me,” I whispered, my voice barely audible in the quiet of the room.

He tightened his hold on me, his breath warm against my hair. “Always,” he whispered back, his voice filled with a quiet promise that made my heart swell.

We stayed like that, cuddling on the couch, the tension slowly melting away as we found comfort in each other’s presence. There was no rush, no pressure, just the simple act of being together, of sharing this moment without the need for anything more. The warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing, it all felt so right, so natural, as if this was exactly where I was meant to be.

As I lay there in his arms, my head resting on his chest, I felt the tight knot of anxiety that had been building inside me slowly begin to unravel. I knew I had a lot to work through, a lot of unresolved feelings and unfinished business that I needed to face before I could fully move on. But for now, in this moment, I felt safe, cared for, and deeply loved.

And that was enough.