Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

I have asthma, but it did not stop me from pursuing my job. In fact, I have two jobs - one in the morning and another at night after my classes.

While others focus on preparing for school as soon as they wake up, I prepare for work. And while others rest and do school assignments at night, I work at a fast food chain.

I know, I know that what I am doing can make me sick, especially with my asthma. But I don't have a choice. How can I provide for my daily needs if I don't work? How can I study if I don't work hard? How can we survive in this world if I don't work hard? I am the only one providing for my grandmother and myself, and I have to work doubly hard, especially since my grandmother needs maintenance medication. I work so hard that I sometimes forget to take care of myself.

Life is so cruel to me. Those are the only words I can describe my life. Life or destiny is so cruel to me that at a young age, I already have to work hard. This made me think about how it feels to be a normal student.

I wonder what it feels like to be a normal student? The kind where you only wake up in the morning to prepare for class, and you don't have anything else to worry about. The kind where your only focus is studying in school and not work that's waiting for you. The kind where your only concern at night is your school assignments and not your job.

I want to feel all of those. I want to know how it feels to be a normal student. I also want to experience the things that normal students experience.

As I touched my face, I realized that I was crying. I didn't even notice that tears were already flowing down my face because I was so deep in thought.

I quickly got up from my bed and realized that I was already late. Damn! It's too early, but my mind is already preoccupied with many things, which is why I lost track of time.

I quickly went downstairs to eat, and I didn't expect to be so delighted by the sight before me. It was a view that I could never get tired of looking at, where my grandmother was in the kitchen, busy with cooking while facing away from me.

To be honest, I am closer to my grandmother than my mother. I don't know why, but maybe it's because she was the one who was beside me as I grew up.

"Grandma, it smells so good," I complimented her as I smelled the aroma of her cooking.

I approached her from behind and hugged her, but she turned to me and asked, "Who are you?"

I was taken aback by her question and let go of her. I couldn't help but smile, "What's wrong with you, self? Haven't you gotten used to this by now?"

I cleared my throat to relieve the lump in it and said, "Grandma, don't you remember your most beautiful grandchild?" I tried to sound happy as I spoke, "It's me, Marra, your most beautiful grandchild."

After saying those words, I hugged her again and wiped my teary eyes discreetly.

Whenever she forgets me, I can't help but cry. It hurts me to know that the grandmother I love the most forgets about me.

She has Alzheimer's disease, which makes her forget things and people who are important to her. She was diagnosed with this disease two years ago, and she hasn't recovered from it yet.

She let go of my hand after I hugged her and looked at me with her sparkling eyes as if she was trying to see if I was telling the truth. I smiled at her to show her that I was confident with what I said.

However, my smile disappeared after a few minutes when she still didn't recognize me. I was about to tell her to forget about my presence and what I said, but I stopped when I saw a smile appear on her face. She then approached me and hugged me, "You are my grandchild."

I smiled when I heard what she said, but my smile disappeared when I heard the words she added to her previous statements. "Why are you only coming now? Where have you been and why are you coming home so late?"

I secretly winced at her words, but I was happy that she still remembered me, which means that the medicines I bought for him are working somehow.

I answered her question with a kiss on his cheek and didn't bother to answer her question because I know that no matter how many times I answer it, she will keep asking because he forgets easily. That's just how he is.

"Look at this young one, he didn't even answer me," I heard him grumble when she saw me turn around to get the plates and utensils.

I ignored what she said and put the plates and utensils on the table. This seemed to be a signal for her to start serving the food he cooked.

I couldn't help but smile when I smelled the aroma of the vegetable stew he cooked. My grandmother may be forgetful, but when it comes to cooking, I don't doubt her skills and her memory of the ingredients needed.

The only things I could hear while we were eating were my grandmother's sermon about coming home late and the clinking of the utensils. I remained quiet while listening to her sermon, smiling because I find her amusing. I'm glad that she still cares about her beautiful grandchild.

But my smile disappeared when I remembered the time.

"Shit!" I exclaimed before hurriedly finishing my meal. After eating, I quickly put my dishes in the sink and rushed upstairs to prepare my things and change my clothes.

When I finished getting ready, I went back downstairs to bid my grandmother goodbye. She was busy washing the dishes, so I told her that I was leaving for school, when in reality, I was going to work. She didn't know that I had a job, so I didn't bother telling her, especially since she might not allow me to work because of my asthma.

Whenever she asked me where I got the money to support the two of us, I would tell her that it came from my foreigner friend, so I always got scolded. I said those words to change the subject, but unfortunately, she always repeats the same question, so I am forced to lie.

I am telling her that the money comes from my mother and she believes it by the grace of God. What she knows is that my mother went abroad, so we can no longer be together, and because of that, she believes me every time I tell her that the money I am spending is from my mother, but little did she know, it was from me, from my work. But little did she know, my mother is in jail because of a sin she did not commit.

They accused her, and we cannot do anything about it because of our status in life, and it is the sad reality that we must accept, the reality where those who have power have the privilege in life.

"Aling Bebang, can you please look after grandma again?" I asked Aling Bebang as soon as I left our house. "I'm leaving now," I added.

She stopped what she was doing, watering the plants, and turned to me, "Sure, my dear, I'll take care of her," she answered my question, which made me smile.

"Yes! Thank you, Aling Bebang, you're the best," I said with a big smile, overwhelmed with happiness.

Since then, Auntie Bebang became my go-to person whenever I needed someone to look after my grandmother whenever I had to leave for work or school, and she never failed to do me that favor. What's worse is that she even did it for free, which made me feel ashamed to ask for her help.

I admit, I feel embarrassed every time I entrust my grandmother to her, but I have no choice because she's the only person I know who can take care of her. Sometimes, I even thought of giving her two thousand pesos every month, as a way to repay her kindness to my grandmother and me. But she never accepted the money, instead, she told me to use it for my food and tuition.

Every time I asked her why she was so kind to us, she would simply say that there would come a time when I would need her help, but for now, she would help me. All she asked was that I not forget her once I achieve my dreams.

Those words stuck with me every time she spoke them. For me, she was one of the people who believed in my abilities, and because of that, I needed to treasure her and her words.

I stopped thinking as soon as I reached the eatery where I would work. Deep in thought, I hadn't realized I had arrived at my destination. This eatery was just a short walk from my house, which I was grateful for because it saved me money. Instead of spending it on jeepney fare, I saved it.

I took a deep breath before preparing myself for whatever awaited me as soon as I stepped inside the eatery.

"Why are you only coming now?!" someone angrily asked as soon as my foot stepped on the eatery's doorstep, causing me to stop in my tracks.

I looked at the person who spoke those words, feeling uncertain. I swallowed hard as soon as I saw the sharpness of their gaze.

I'm doomed.