CHAPTER TEN

His hesitation is all I need to know. It's a simple question. If he really were my biological father, he would tell me right away. If anyone asked me if I was his daughter, I would agree right away.

But he hesitates. He hesitates and I know what Gavin told me is true. I'm not his daughter. They took me. They lied to me all this time.

I just can't imagine why they did this to me. I don't know why anyone would want to take me, lie to me, or fight over me. But I do know I need to get away from him. I need to find Gavin.

“Nicole, you don't understand,” my father calls after me.

He's not my father though. He's never been my father. I don't know who my parents are. I don't know anything.

So, I keep running. I run away from him before he can get to me. I run into the fighting.

I don't stop running until I see Gavin fighting the alpha. I'm terrified for him. Their fight is the nastiest of the bunch, chunks torn out both of their flesh, gashes all along their sides.

Is this really all because of me? Are they really fighting this because of me? Are they getting hurt because of me?

“Stop this!” I yell. “If this is all over me, then stop! I want you to stop.”

I'm not sure that this will work. They seem too intent on fighting to really listen to me.

It does though. Gavin and the alpha stop fighting. They both look at me, as if wondering what I'll do next.

“I'll stop fighting,” Gavin says. “If that's what you want, I won't fight. Before we end it for good though, you need to know everything. You need to know why this man is dangerous. You need to know why we're fighting.”

Of course, that's what I wanted all along. I want to know why everyone is fighting. I want to know what's going on.

“We certainly don't have time for that,” my old alpha says.

And with that, he goes in for the kill.

It's too quick for Gavin or me to react. We are both too busy listening to each other.

In that moment of pause, that moment that I caused, the alpha gets the upper hand. He's able to bite into Gavin’s throat, ripping a deadly hole in it.

I can't believe it's happened. I just stare in shock. I can't believe that Gavin is dead. I can't believe he's dead because of me.

All I wanted to do was stop the fighting. I wanted to make it so people weren't dying over me. I couldn't stand the thought of people dying over me. But now Gavin has died over me. He might have won the fight if I didn't speak up, but I did and now he's dead.

The emotion is too much for me to handle as I watch him bleeding out on the ground. I know there’s nothing I can do to save him, and the agony of that is so intense that I can't handle it any longer. I can't do this.

The forest around me turns black as I fall to the ground.

*

When the world clear's again, everything is even brighter and in sharper focus. It's just like last time, everything is more vivid than before. It feels like I'm more alive than before.

My body is flushed with heat, with electricity, with strength. I feel more myself than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like magic. And to my surprise, I'm standing.

Somehow, I blacked out but I went back to standing. Even in my disassociated stage, I was able to stand and...

I look down at my hands. They're covered in thick, dark blood. It's warm against my body. Something feels strange my mouth.

I run my tongue over my teeth and realize they're covered in blood too.

What have I done?

I look around me to try to see the damage I've caused. I hope it's not like last time. I would hate for it to be like last time.

Though I want to win this fight, it’s scary to know that I'm not in control of myself. It's scary that I've blacked out and done this.

What if this keeps happening? What if I hurt someone I love? What if I've already hurt someone I love?

I scan the ground in front of me and find him.

The alpha lays on the ground, his body torn to bloody shreds. Whoever attacked him was particularly vicious. It looks like they didn’t leave a single part of his body unharmed. It looks like a monster tore through him.

That's when I look around me at the other wolves. They have all stopped fighting. They're all staring at me like I'm a monster.

My hands.

I look back down at my hands. Could I have done this? Is the blood on me the blood from the alpha? Did I really kill the alpha?

It seems impossible. I'm not strong enough to kill an alpha. Besides, I blacked out. There's no way I killed an alpha while I was blacked out.

Everyone is looking at me like I killed the alpha though. They're looking at me with a look of respect, a look of horror, a look of fear.

Everyone looks terrified of me.

My father still stands close to me, watching me. And though maybe he isn't my father truly, he did raise me for my whole life. I still feel safe with him. I still need his comfort right now.

“Dad,” I say, stepping towards him.

He looks regretful about it, but he steps back. His hands shake. He's terrified of me too. He's terrified that I’ll kill him too.

Will I kill him? Would I kill someone I love? Or am I only blacking out to kill enemies?

I can't trust myself until I know for sure. I need to know that I'm not going to snap and hurt the wrong person. I need to know what's going on. This is the most important thing I'll ever have to figure out.

It's vital I figure this out on my own though. I can't risk anyone else getting hurt. I’m unpredictable. I need to be away from this pack even if it'll hurt me to do so.

So, I turn and take off running into the woods.