70

I wrapped my arms around myself. Even with him so close to me, I’d never felt so alone. “Elias,” I said. “Please talk to me.”

“What is there to talk about?” he snapped. His voice was cold and stiff with restrained anger. “You left me. You chose Draunar. And I had been foolish enough to think that what was between us was real.” He shook his head, laughing softly.

“I had to,” I said. My voice rose in desperation. I had to make him understand. “I had to, Elias, with his terms—”

“I believe you called our marriage a ‘practical arrangement?’” he said. “Isn’t that right?”

I snapped my mouth shut. After all that had happened, I’d almost forgotten what I’d said in order to force Elias to let me go. I had said our marriage was just a forced agreement—a practical decision. Not rooted in love.

That had been true, at the start. But things had changed.

“I didn’t mean it,” I said meekly.

“Then why would you say it?” He whirled to face it, golden eyes blazing. “You chose him so easily. Hardly any hesitation. How am I supposed to trust you? How am I supposed to call you my queen when you are willing to abandon me at the smallest obstacle?”

“In what realm was that a small obstacle?” I shot back. Frustration was beginning to clash with the guilt in my chest. “He was threatening to bring dragons to Frasia. To kill our subjects. And we were just supposed to let that happen? For our own comfort?”

“You are naive,” he said. “It was never that simple.”

“What other option did we have?” I asked. “I couldn’t let war come to Frasia.”

“And yet it did,” he said coldly.

Shame, guilt, anger, all blended together, icy and nauseating. “You did that,” I said. “Not me.”

“Because you are my queen!” he roared. “You expected me to stand by while that beast hauled you into the sky like a common cow picked up for prey? You imagined there was any way I would accept that? That I would live happily in Frasia with some other wolf, with the image of your body in Draunar’s claws burned behind my eyelids?” Pain leaked into his voice. He scowled and looked back toward the fire, as he rubbed one hand roughly over his face.

“I just wanted to do what was right for our kingdom,” I said. “What other option did we have?”

“There are always other options,” Elias said. “That is why you are naive. It is never so black and white. He was threatening us, certainly, and complicating negotiations, but there are always other avenues. Negotiations are not choosing a dress from a handful of options—it’s weaving a tapestry. It’s complicated. And you threw out all the work we’d done when you accepted his ridiculous terms.”

I bit my lower lip. I had felt so righteous when I had made that decision. I’d felt like a strong, serious queen. A queen willing to sacrifice for her people. A queen who would do whatever it took to do the right thing. But through Elias’ eyes, it was shortsighted. Foolish. Again, we weren’t working as partners—we were working separately, but side by side.

“How was I supposed to know all of that?” I demanded. “You didn’t include me in the negotiations at all. If I had known what your method was, what our method was, I wouldn’t have felt so cornered when Draunar proposed the terms.”

“Diplomacy is not an immediate privilege,” he said. “It takes time to learn.”

“You should’ve told me that, too.”

“I should’ve done a lot of things. But even so, how can I trust you after this?” he asked. “How can I know you won’t leap at the chance to leave me again?” The rage had finally melted from his gaze. Now, there was only hurt in his expression, as if now in the relative safety of Siena, he had allowed himself to feel his betrayal.

I stepped closer. When he didn’t move away, I carefully set my hand at his upper arm and slid my hand to his shoulder. He shivered slightly under my touch, and his eyes fluttered closed.

“You’re right,” I said softly. “I never should’ve agreed to his terms.”

He exhaled hard out of his nose.

“I didn’t see another way,” I said. “I was afraid—afraid it would escalate to war if I refused. I didn’t think there would be fighting because I agreed. I thought—I thought we would both put Frasia first, and accept the conditions.”

“Putting Frasia first does not mean sacrificing ourselves,” Elias said. “It never has.”

“You make it sound so easy,” I said.

“What?”

“Being the leader.” I set my hand at the joint of his neck and shoulder. My wolf was purring at being this close—at finally connecting with him. Even if I couldn’t soothe his pain just yet, at least we were starting to understand each other again. “I was doing what I thought was right. I realized how wrong I was when I ended up in his hoard.”

“I thought I’d lost you,” Elias admitted. He said the words with his jaw clenched, like it hurt to even admit the fear. “I thought you were gone forever. I didn’t see a way to lead without you at my side. I couldn’t see past my own pain. I just ran.” He shook his head slightly. “If I had known the duchess would call on Rodthar—”

“And if I had known Draunar wanted me for his hoard, not as a diplomat,” I said, “we both would’ve made different choices.” I sighed softly. “Elias, I’m sorry.”

His brown eyes, flecked with gold, met mine. My heart beat hard in my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “I never wanted to leave you. I fought my way out of Draunar’s cave because of it. I fought my way back to you.”

Elias’ brows pulled together. He closed his eyes again and then bared his teeth briefly, an uncontrolled response, like being this close hurt.