Chapter 04

IRIS'S P.O.V

...

Two weeks, it been two weeks since I abandoned and broke all ties with Camille and her so called boyfriend, I have nothing to do with them anymore and I regret absolutely nothing!.

My eyes trace down, I look back at her face, feeling my lips curve, before wiping the teardrops off my eyelids. I would cry no more... it was worth it.

....

"Congratulations, the surgery was a success" Black eyeballs, the doctor said, as I could feel my heart practically exploding. I blink twice, wiping the tears that swelled on my eyelids.

"You... mean...my...mom...

"Yes ma'am, he said taking a step closer to me, but I don't mind, I feel like hugging him and kissing all his face, after all he was the one that saved my mother's life.

Those absurd feelings trying to gain control of me, I pinch my arm to stop myself from bouncing on top of the doctor with joy.

"But we will have to keep your mother in the hospital for supervision, we don't want...

"It's alright doctor, I .. Holy Christ" I cut him off, I don't care. "The surgery was successful", "My mother would live".. those words were enough to make me crazy, enough to make my soul somersault a million and one times.

....

"It was worth it"

Returning back from memory lane, I whispered, glancing at my mother again. Her eyes are closed now, she only spoke two words to me today before drifting off as a result of the medications, but those two words are enough to keep me going.

Those two words are enough to make me continue living, after... Camille!. Saying her fucking name sounds like poison to the tip of my tongue.

I promise, I swear I would forget her, as well as her memories forever, memories of her are all ashes to me now.

Thinking of her, makes me remember how she used me, am not a virgin anymore, nor am I a damn saint. Am used!

What was I thinking to ever become friends with her, was I mad?. I could feel my blood boiling, as I clenched the sheets of my mother's bed, before realizing and letting it go.

"I can't wake her up, because of my own foolishness" I mumbled, standing up from the little side I sat on the bed. I stand up, moving away, before my eyes drifts to the outside window, my soul is hurt, poisoned.

I remember telling Audrey, the only friend I have left, about Camille, but I wish I didn't. She already knew the kind of girl Camille was, I knew that too but I ignored, and let her stab me right in the heart.

Damn, I hate to admit that I ever cherish our godforsaken friendship, that left me with nothing but pain, bitter heartbreaking pain.

"This is not how my life was meant to be" I stared at little hospital room, trying to swallow my tears back in.

I move a step forward and I feel dizzy, yet again. I quickly grab a nearby table, to support my balance, so that I don't fall.

This feeling yet again... I've been feeling this way for the past week, it strange, new, hurts and I can tell no one. I said to myself, as I watch my eyes trace back to my mother's bed.

If only she knew what I did to get this money, I take a step closer to her. I take her soft hands with mine, before giving it a gentle squeeze.

Nothing matters as long as you're fine, I could feel my cold lips whispering out to her.

I would rather die, than ever tell Ma about this "grave" sin I have committed.

"I slept with a man whose not my husband" Even if I try to explain to her, she would never forgive me and I don't ever want that to happen. I have had enough troubles and complications in my so called life.

I plant a soft kiss on her forehead and took my little red bag, leaving the hospital. Mother needs rest, I thought, before walking out, but little did I know that it will feel like am on suicide journey the moment I left.

My head kept on spinning as I tried to keep on walking, I am on the edge of passing out, but I try hold myself together.

One thing is to know what's happening, so that you can cure yourself, but I?, I am in complete oblivion, I know nothing.

I increase the pace, cause I don't want to fall in the roadside. Oh gods, that would be disgracing. My leg quickens and I finally arrived at the one place where the everybody is not trying to draw the life inside me, the one place where I can still have my sanity. It didn't take me seconds before flicking the doornob open.

"Home sweet home" I whispered, but the smile faded away from my face. Home sweet home?, that was a lie, nothing has ever been the same after mom landed and had to stay on the hospital bed.

Everything here screams her name and now she's still under that fucking supervision. I lose my cool and throw a vase, shattering it on the floor. I don't regret doing that.

It not a lie that am always so afraid of coming back here, it's lonely and miserable, but there's no Camille luxury home to go too anymore.

Damn, I feel so foolish for always relying on her, every fucking thing in my life hovers around her. Am tired of been so miserable, am tired of it all.

My legs slowly failing me, my head spins again and I find myself slowly dropping on the floor. It hurts to fall, but it hurt more to realize your life stinks.

"Ding!, Ding!"

My phone vibrates, but I throw it to the side, I don't want to know whose calling, I want to be alone. Mumbling, I place my hand on my head, trying to gather my thoughts together, but the darn phone kept on ringing, disturbing the little peace I can only afford.

My lips squeeze in frustration, grabbing the phone, before answering the call.

"Whose this and what the fucking hell do you want from me" I yelled, but words would never be able to express the darn misery I was passing through right now.

"..."

I hold the phone much firmer, no response. My heart is stirred with anger and a inch of concern for no reason.

"Are you deaf?" I yelled again, before finally hearing something. Loud heartbreaking sobs, I recognize the voice immediately. it was Audrey, but calling me in a unknown number makes it off.

"Audrey?...

"I. need. you. over. please. am lo... losing my mind" I heard her cracked voice, before quickly disconnecting the call, I needed no one to tell me that she must be in some kind of trouble.

Even though Camille broke me, it doesn't me I don't care about Audrey. I grab my purse and leave.

The headache is splitting my head into two, it hurts so bad with every step I took to get there, it should be considered a miracle I didn't pass out in the middle of the road.

"Knock!"

I stand in front of her door breathing heavily, my heart feels like it's going to explode, not only do I feel dizzy, but I feel like my whole body is soaked in a cup of milk, so weak, so slow. Darn, it frustrating.

Knocking again, the door finally opens and I see her face. Swollen brown eyes, she's been crying yet again and am cursing my life everyday, thinking that am the only one going through shit, I thought for a brief second, before looking back at her.

"I..Iris" She called out to me giving me a smile, the smile is a lie.

"Why are you just standing there, like a log" Noticing my face, she tries to ease the tension, but her joke sounds awful too.

My wandering eyes moves on it own and looks at her body, I see marks, red marks she carefully tried to hide, my blood boiled.

That bastard had been hurting her again, why can't she just leave Kilian, her good for nothing husband, I feel my blood boiling more, she's in so much pain.

"Men are wicked!" I concluded, staring at her marks again, but am not sneaky enough and her eyes catches me in the act. She quickly covers the part with her cloth and somehow it makes me pissed off.

"That fool has been hurting you, isn't he" I yell, before taking her hand gently, but she takes it off mine.

"You can always leave him, he's not right for you, he's..."

"I don't think we should discuss something like this while you're still standing outside the house" She said, bringing her brown eyes back at me, she was right.

"The walls and trees have ears" She said again, before immediately bringing me in.

I folded my arms waiting for her to speak, she paced around, before finally locking her eyes with me.

"You are right, Killian is not right for me" She paused, looking at my face.

"I called you for advice" She whispered.

"But you already know the only advice I can ever give you" I yelled out, it came out a little bit harsh, but it's time she listened to the truth, the truth was never sweet.

Killian, her good for nothing husband never loved her and when Audrey couldn't give birth to a child, he started having mistresses outside and yet Audrey still wants to live with a man who torture and makes her life hell.

I take a step forward, coming closer to her, her eyes wander, but it managed to lock with mine

"You have to leave him" I repeated again.

"No, you always say that" She yelled out like a child, am tired of having this endless conversations with her, if she doesn't want to listen then calling me over was a waste of time.

"Audrey..." I try to speak, she cuts me off.

"I called you to advice me..." I see a lump forming on her throat, "To tell me if there's another way to change him, for good"

She looks into my eyes with hope, but I have nothing to say to her, if I tell her to leave him, she won't listen and if I tell her to stay, then her life is done for, My head spined.

She was asking for help from a messed up girl like me, who got so many shitty problems, my head spined again. My head kept on spinning and I place my hand on my head, it hurts.

I feel her hands touch my forehead, but my vision is blur to see her clearly.

"Iris you are burning up" I hear her faint voice, she sounds tense, but all I feel is like the weight of the whole world placed on my shoulders, I can't carry all the burden, am no superhuman.

"Iris, you have to see the doctor" I hear her voice again, but I feel my hand push her away.

"Am...fine" I said, grabbing my purse, taking a step forward to leave.

"You need help" She said and it's pissed me off

"You're the one who needs to help yourself, am tired of carrying all the burden" My eyes traced to her scars, before looking back at her in the eyes, she got the point.

Even though it's harsh, am tired of caring, am tired of it all. Grabbing my handbag, I take a step forward, the world spins again, I feel my head hitting the tiled floor and find myself in complete darkness.

...

I open my eyes, it feels heavy, everything feels foggy and blur. I had to close it back, before opening it again, in order to finally see where I actually was.

I see Audrey looking at me with a unreadable look, it looks like concern and it makes my soul twist, I feel uneasy trying to read her expression.

My eyes wander away from her and looks to the side. Am in the hospital, she brought me here, even though I said I was perfectly fine. Everybody get stressed out, why did she have to do this and make me feel more miserable of myself.

I feel anger taking over me and I get off of the darn bed.

"Why did you do this, how could you" I yell at her, I see her lips parting to speak, but a nurse comes in, she looks at me and gave a warm smile, I feel disgusted.

"Oh madam, I see you're awake" She said looking at me, before shifting her gaze to Audrey.

"You should have inform me, you know it is really important for her to get enough rest now" She scolds the silent Audrey, making my eyebrows arch.

"What do you mean" I ask the nurse impatiently, she gave me a awkward look, before giving me that smile that just keeps pissing me off.

"Didn't your friend tell you?" She looked at Audrey, before back at me.

"Congratulations ma'am, you are a week pregnant".

The world spinning before my eyes, I held myself, watching my legs move back...

"No!".