Chapter 5

Eliana

The next day, when I woke up, I was all alone in the house. I checked every single room, starting with the guestroom, thinking that maybe Nicholas had decided to sleep. After my efforts proved futile, I busied myself with preparing breakfast. I felt the urge to give him a piece of my mind for leaving when he had offered to stay.

"Maybe he left at sunrise," I consoled myself. It wasn't until hours later, before my class at the local university, that my mom arrived. She was with Robert, giggling and laughing like teenagers in love. The sight made fire begin to light up on the inside, ready to run through my veins and explode.

"Good morning, honey. Had a good night?" my mother asked as soon as she got in. I was all dressed up and ready for a drive up the college with Dorian and Rachel. They would pick me up in 20 minutes, and I couldn't have wished more for them to arrive earlier.

"Morning Eliana," Robert followed, helping my mom out of her trenchcoat, the same one she wore the previous night. I looked at the two, mouth set into a thin line. I didn't respond to their pleasantries; instead, I left for my room to pick up my bag and my phone.

"Is something wrong, Ellie?" My mother didn't get the hint that I didn't want to talk to her. She leaned on my bedroom door frame, looking at me as I shoved my books inside the bag. I paid no mind to her as I headed for the door, but she blocked me.

"I hope you are not mad because I spent the night with Robert." She crossed her hands on her upper abdomen, looking expectantly at me to talk. I didn't say anything; instead, I tried sidestepping her.

"Answer me when I am talking to you." Her voice was low, but she was anything but calm. I could see her eyes begin to squint and her nostrils widen a bit.

"You know since dad died that sometimes I have nightmares at night, right? You are aware that his bloodied body, as he gasped for his last breath, sometimes flashes before my eyes. You do know that the memories stir up at night, don't you?" I finally spoke, letting it all out.

"And that is why I took you to a therapist, honey." Her voice softened. She extended her hand to touch me, probably to pull me into a hug like she always did, but I stepped back. I watched as her hand dropped to her side, and her face fell.

"Aren't you the one who offers to sleep with me in my room when the nightmares get worse?" I bitterly asked.

"But you are doing good now; the sessions are working." She still didn't get where I was driving my point to.

"Yet you decided yesterday over dinner that you weren't going to be home. You chose Robert and forgot about my extreme fright of being alone at night." My voice trembled as I pictured her laughing at his lame jokes without giving a flying fuck about me.

"Honey I..." She stepped forward again, making me step back again.

"No, don't." I raised my hand and spread my palm to stop her from talking.

"I just thought that the sessions we—" she continued even after I indicated that I didn't want to hear her talk.

"I don't want to hear it!" I screamed, cutting her off while I covered my ears.

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me in my own house! You are acting like a small child, inconsiderate of my own feelings. I can't always be there when you need me; I have my own life, Eliana. If you cannot accept the changes in my life, then that's your problem." My mouth opened while my eyes filled up very fast. Every single word that she uttered made me wish that my father was still alive.

A very uncomfortable silence, entangled with thick tension, filled my bedroom. My mouth opened and closed for a few seconds. I looked at her through my blurry vision, eyes wide. She didn't care at all whether I slept okay or not. She didn't care whether I had nightmares or not. All she cared about was me accepting her decision and supporting her marriage.

"If dad was the one in your place right now, he wouldn't have abandoned me for a woman for a whole night knowing that I had trouble sleeping." My voice was barely audible as I spoke.

My lips trembled, feeling the emotion that had gripped me. I felt rejected and unimportant by my own mother.

"I wish dad was alive," I whispered, squeezing past her and through the door.

"Ellie I..."

"I wish you were the one who got shot in the chest that night. It should have been you in his place." I cut her off and left, just as the first tear slid down my cheek. I didn't spare Robert a glance as I went out of the house. Dorian's black Subaru Outback was already in the driveway when I exited. I wiped my tears furiously, trying to hide any evidence of my sorrow from my friends.

"Hey bitch, long time no see," Rachel shouted, sticking her head out of the backseat window.

"We were together two days ago," I replied, failing to match her energy.

"Hey beautiful, what's wrong?" Dorian asked when I finally got inside.

"It's nothing, just had a fight with my mom." I tried keeping it as cool as I could but my friends knew me inside and out. Given the stares they were giving me, they didn't think that it was nothing.

"Cut the crap, babes, what's wrong?" Rachel scooted closer to me as Dorian drove.

"My mother is getting married." I went straight to the point.

"But it hasn't been long since Papa..." She trailed off. She and Dorian used to call my father Papa; he was, after all, like a father to them.

"I'm sorry about that, Ellie, but you knew it was bound to happen in the future, right?" Dorian prided himself on speaking the truth, even when it hurt the most. It is the reason why I fancied our friendship so much.

"Yeah." I sniffed, closing my eyes as more tears escaped.

"But not this soon. Not when the case and the investigation are still active," I added.

"We only have one class today; how about we skip the damn business class and go cheer you up?" Rachel suggested holding me against her side.

"Looks like we are going skinny dipping at the lake," Dorian replied, turning the car around to head to the lake. I couldn't help but smile, and when I did, Dorian's fist pumped in the air.

"We just made her smile, Rachel," he shouted, switching on the radio.

"Damn right, we did. Now it's time to go have some good time," Rachel responded, but I couldn't stop my mind from wandering back to what Nicholas told me in his car. Was I being selfish by trying to prevent my mom from getting married? But that was not the only thought that gripped my mind. The memory of Nicholas touch on my shoulders seemed to take over, warming up my body in an instant.

If only my friends knew that I was sexually attracted to an older man who was going to be my step-uncle.