Chapter 3

While we’re in the condo, I can’t seem to pacify my feelings right now. I still keep on thinking what could be the reason why Calvin didn’t show up on my birthday yesterday.

That wasn’t the first time he did that.

Curiosity keeps on bugging me.

But why do I keep on forgiving him?

I looked at my wristwatch, he’s my boyfriend, yes, but why does my world revolve around him. Yes, I love him but is this still, right? 

I took a deep breath, went on fixing the dining table. I wonder if this dinner will be memorable. 

I almost fell from the chair in shock.

It was Calvin, he was hugging me from the back.

“Your mind seems preoccupied?” I just smiled at him and faced him.

“I’m thinking about us,” I said.

Calvin’s forehead immediately creases.

“What about us?” 

“Just some random things, I wondered how many times did you make me cry?” I said then stood up. 

He sat in front of me then he pretended like he didn’t hear anything at all.

I just shook my head and sat in front of him. I’m still pissed that he didn’t come to my birthday but I can never stay mad at him. God knows how many times I tried to keep myself from hating this man but no matter what I just can’t.

“Let’s eat.” He said.

But I didn’t move.

He looked at me annoyed, he’s starting to get angry.

“Why do you keep on doing this to me?” I asked without hesitation.

I badly wanted to know the reason.

His jaw tightened, he was calming himself.

“Andrea.” He called me by my first name.

When Calvin starts to call me by my first name it’s a sign that he’s already mad and deadly serious.

“I don’t want to fight with you, I want us to be okay.” He said firmly.

I shot him a glare.

“Then act like you’re my boyfriend,” I yelled. I was keeping it together but I felt like I wanted to avenge all my resentment on him.

“I already said that I’m sorry. What else do you want?” He asked.

He was looking at me so intently.

I looked away because I know myself, I would be bought by his stares again.

“Sorry? You’re always sorry. Every time you’ll do something that will hurt me. You say sorry, sorry for this, sorry for that but did you actually consider that mere fact about my feelings?” I asked, tears started to fall.

“Do you actually know na I feel jealous for the girls out there flaunting their relationship publicly. I idolize how their boyfriends flaunt them in public.” I said with a smile. 

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

“I wanted to experience those things, I wanted them to know that I was taken. I do have a boyfriend who will pick me up outside of my classroom, the one who just won’t look at me from a distance. Those kinds of things,”

“Lov--”

I cut him off.

“I wanted to feel those things but then I realized I was your secret girlfriend.” I laugh awkwardly.

He stood up.

“Don’t touch me,” I said.

He tried to reach for my hands again but I took a step back.

“Andrea, please don’t fight with me right now,” He said.

I wiped my tears away.

“This wasn’t a good idea, having dinner with you right now.” 

I grabbed my things and went for the door.

I didn’t look back because again if I saw his sad face, I might get soft yet again for him. I didn’t want to go home because I knew I’ll just cry a bucket of tears.

So I texted Rachel, thank god she replied fast.

Where are you? 

I’m in the bar, why?

Can I join?

Are you serious? Won’t Calvin get mad at you?

The hell I care.

You’re on. I’ll wait for you.

The place was crowded, it was noisy but then I needed this.

Rachel waved her hand at me, she was with some of our classmates. As soon as I reached their table, I immediately drank one of the alcohol.

“You’re on fire girl,” Rachel said.

I wanted to forget things, things like how Calvin and my parents always stood up to me.

Every shot they gave me, I drank it willingly. I wanted to get drunk tonight, just for this day.

“Here, another shot for you.” Rachel.

I was about to reach the shot glass from her hand when someone snatches it away from me. 

“Really, after getting out from the hospital you’ll drink?” 

It was Tobi.

He looked at me angrily. 

I looked away.

“Rachel is this how you care for your friend?” He asked.

Rachel raised both of her hands.

“Chill man,” Jerome said, one of our classmates.

Tobi pretended like he didn’t hear anything.

“We’re going,” He declared.

He faced me and made me stood up but I barely managed to stand up on my own that’s why Tobi assisted me into his car.

He didn’t start the car. He was just sitting in the driver’s seat.

I didn’t say anything, I don’t know what to say but then tears started to fall again.

I was crying for myself.

“Can you please enlighten me on why the fuck am I hurting myself? I keep on loving the same person over and over again.” I said then looked at the stars. “I gave him everything but why does it look like it’s not enough?”

He didn’t say anything.

“It’s very funny because they say there are so many men out there who like me yet I’m making myself miserable for a man,” I remembered so many times, the men will approach asking if they can court me or they can get my number. I would say ‘no’.

He started the car.

“Where do I drop you off?” He asked.

I don’t want to go home because for sure, Calvin is there waiting for me.

“Please take me anywhere else,” I said.

He took a deep breath and said. “Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that love does not work the way you want it.”