"What does that mean? I like working. I want to keep doing it. I just hate how it interferes with the fun parts of life." My mind fills with vivid images of getting to be a stay-at-home mom to Nate's kids, but that won't happen. I won't allow myself to be into a situation where I don't have to work again. It sounds odd, but getting divorced caught me off guard and I wasn't prepared. I counted on my husband for everything and the day he told me he was leaving, he left me out in the cold with nothing. No job, no savings, and no prospects for the future.I refuse to let myself fall back into that position ever again, regardless how wonderful the person I'm with treats me at the time."What about working part time or something?" His words sound almost hurt as if my response isn't what he expected. I already only work part time.I do my best to sit up straighter without leaving his side while I share a bit of my past. "When I found out about the cheating with Barry, it was the scaries
"It is too soon. I'm not making any promises right now, but I want you to know where I'm coming from. Josie, I'm not looking for a two-month stand. I promise I wouldn't be in Emma's life if I didn't plan to be here a while, and I want to be in both your lives for as long as possible."Hearing him say he wants to be in our lives creates another little crack in the wall formed in my chest keeping me from trusting. It's too soon.Neither of us are ready to say the words yet, but I hope he has found a family in Emma and me. I never thought I could be taken with a person — especially after the divorce — but as corny as it sounds Nate and I have a connection. Being with him doesn't make me feel like I have to fill every second with mindless chatter. I don't have to dress up and look perfect every time he's in the room. With him I can be myself. It's as if before I met him, I was running around looking for the second half of my soul. Now that Nate is here, I've been stitched back together
Nate holds the door open for Pearl as she walks into the bakery, and she turns back, spending a few seconds watching him leave. "That man. I don't know how you are so lucky to end up with the backside that dude is sporting."The word dude coming from the older woman's mouth is weird and off-putting, but then so are half the things Pearl says.She sits down at her favorite table and Crispin raises his book, pretending to read again."Although if you had seen Roland in his younger days. Tsk tsk tsk. That man was a looker. We used to get it on three times a day.""Pearl!" Tabitha says.Crispin lifts his book a little higher, and I swear his ear turns a shade of red.Pearl rolls her eyes. "Don't tell me you aren't, ladies. If you aren't, then you are not using your time effectively. You're young right now. Don't waste these years of flexibility."Anessa wipes her hands on her pink apron and brings over a teacup of water and tea bag for Pearl, setting them on her plate."Why
A BIT OF WIND — a cool blast off the ocean's waves — twists my hair and pushes past where Nate, Emma, and I walk along the beach. Emma squeals in her stroller. She's always loved to be near the water."Are you cold?" Nate asks, looking at the goosebumps running across my arms.I wipe them away and they stay gone. "No, every once in a while the breeze picks up, but I'm not ready to go back."We spent the day together, walking the beach hand in hand. Emma played in the sand, knocking down all the tall sand castles Nate worked so desperately hard to build for her. It was a wonderful afternoon. The sun warmed my skin, and the birds squawked in the sky while the waves crashed against the shore. It has been one of those days I'll remember for the rest of my life but each time I'll wonder if it was as amazing as I recall. It'll seem too good to be true.But that's what it is. Perfect.Nate stops and then pushes down the parking brake on the stroller. He stares out into the water wit
Nate walks us right up to the Pelican Bay Bed and Breakfast, using the ramp to get Emma past all the steps. The hostess meets us at the door and he asks to be seated on the patio."Wow, I can't believe they have an opening," I whisper as the blonde-haired hostess leads us to one of the large open patios facing the water. In the past, I've tried to eat here before when my mother was in town, but reservations happen weeks in advance over the summer.Nate checks his watch. "Not many people coming in for dinner at 9 p.m."He has a point.The waitress steps up to our table as soon as the hostess steps away. A few pieces of hair have slipped from her bun and her eyes are droopy."Hi, my name is Sammie and I'll be your waitress tonight. The kitchen is closing down and shutting off ovens, but we offer cold items from the fridge. Salads and chilled pastas.""That's okay, Sammie. We're just here for dessert. Can we have those menus?" Nate asks, handing back the dinner menu she passed
He shakes his head. "Although, some days interesting things go down on cameras." The way he says it has me narrow in my eyes as if I stare at him long enough maybe I can see what he means. I suspect it has to do with the tiny incident involving the storage unit visit. Or Emma's adventure with chocolate."Why are you on camera duty?" I don't know what Nate normally does, but it seems like a downgrade going from spying on the motorcycle club to watching a bunch of cameras for a day. How many cameras could there be for him to watch?He shrugs. "Spencer's dog ate some carpet and needs surgery.""Carpet?"Nate shakes his head. "Not the weirdest thing the dog has ingested, believe it or not, but I guess this time it was like half the living room or something.""This time?" Pictures of a living room with half the carpet missing and a trail hanging from the dog's mouth make me reconsider getting pets. Maybe I just became a fish person."Oh shit." I say checking my watch. "I'm going
Chocolate and Nate would be best, but I can't bother him while he's at work. I refuse to be that helpless in my life. The money I received in the divorce, which I planned to supplement my income for the next sixteen years while Emma is living at home, has dwindled down to nearly nothing. Before I realized it, needing a job became a serious concern. Expenses kept piling up when I wasn't looking.I drive down Main Street in Pelican Bay, intending to head to the beach and clear my thoughts by listening to the waves crash against the shore, but the smell of fresh baked bread forces my car to pull over into a space in front of the bakery.I walk in the front doors not talking to anyone, but Anessa takes one look at me and pulls a chocolate cupcake from her display case. The frosting is white with black specks and it's easy to figure out the flavor with the circular Oreo placed on top standing straight up in the frosting."You look like you need this," she says, handing me the cupcake.
AFTER A QUICK CAR switch at the Pelican Bay Security office where I managed to swap cars with Nate before he saw me, I picked up Emma at daycare. Wanting to get us home for the night so I could continue on with my pity-fest. Emma's car seat buckle is difficult, and today is no different as I work to jab the metal into the bottom connector. The five-point harness might be safer for children, but does a number on parents' nerves."We're going home to get some dinner," I say to Emma, trying to maintain an upbeat personality. I faked it for the last few hours, sitting at the bakery and listening to the general chatter of bakery customers. The time to go came upon me quickly. I needed to leave, pick up Emma, and come home to face the fact that tomorrow I didn't have a job to go to anymore.And Emma doesn't have a daycare provider. They weren't too happy when I explained I needed a few more weeks of time off until I found a new job. There are four more days left on our contact and then I