VOLUME SEVEN: LIFETIME RISKThe oversized black beast roars, charging directly at my body. I stumble and waste a precious second staring at the small butterfly caught between its teeth as the beast runs into my side headfirst, knocking me to the ground. The pavement eats away at my skin and I slide a short distance, but I don't notice the pain in my leg until one of the other forest animals yells."Oh my God, look at her leg!"More words are volleyed in the area surrounding where my body lays on the ground, but it's difficult making out what they say. A persistent wail fills the area, but not one like I expect. This isn't the ambulance coming to my rescue. No. It's worse. My head shakes back and forth, and with an unsteady hand, I reach out to silence the alarm on my phone. The ever present 7 a.m. warning it's time to start the day's madness.Madness is the only way to describe a morning when you're the mother to a two-year-old.The sound does more than wake me. It also wakes
He said not to worry, but I can't help my growing concern. The ends of my crutches catch on the carpet when I don't lift them up high enough, but I manage to make it to the kitchen without falling on my face.My eyes water with the haze billowing out of the small area. I twist the knob, turning the stove off, but a steady stream of smoke continues to rise from a blackened pan with what looks like burned and shriveled eggs. The smoke tenderloins reach up toward the ceiling as if calling for help from whatever torture he's put them through this morning. A stack of dishes rises over the edge of the sink and there're bits of scrambled egg squashed to the floor. I'm not sure who made breakfast—Nate or Emma.How did all this damage happen in the few minutes it took me to turtle walk from my bedroom to the living room? How long has he been here?The one lesson I learned since becoming a parent is that it's easier to stay in front of the mess than to come up behind it. If you're continuo
There's no blood, but Emma has finished her eggs. Most of them found their way to the surrounding areas. "What did you do to her hair?" A large chunk of her hair–by no means all of it–is wrapped around a ponytail on the top of her head. The strands fall limply to one side and pieces stick out in every direction."I tied it up," Nate answers, his face proud.That's going to be hell come bath time.I grab the sponge and with one crutch finagle my way to the dining room table."What are you doing?"The question catches me off guard. "Wiping down the table." Duh.Nate steals the sponge from me and waves it around the tabletop, spreading eggs over the surface. "You're supposed to be resting. I'll take care of this."Eggs fall to the floor and he steps in a clump, smooshing them into the carpet. Definitely not getting my security deposit back. After Barry cheated, I needed a fresh start away from everyone in my past life. I didn't just lose my husband to his affair. I also lost
I also don't like the fact that practically a stranger — the same one who hit me with a truck — is watching my child play with blocks on the floor. He was the one to chase after her the last time the toilet flushed when neither of us were using the room, and most recently he ran off to figure out why it was so quiet in the hallway before he could drop off the laptop. At least if I had my laptop I could work.I need the money, but I'm also concerned about my job. The Environmental Quality Office in Clearwater is understaffed at the moment, and the more work I get done from my couch the better. I don't have enough hours at my part-time job to qualify for FMLA, and my inability to make it to the office for the next two weeks — until I get better at getting myself around — means I'm back to living off my savings account.When I left Barry, I promised myself I'd never depend on someone else again, but that's what I am right now. At Barry's urging, I'd quit my job when I gave birth to Em
"The same way I have every day since she was born."Like having a sprained ankle makes me incapable of taking care of my child."It can't be easy and I'm sure the hospital gave you pain meds. I don't like you in this apartment alone with Emma while you're taking drugs." His words make me sound like I'm a drug addict getting hopped up in the bathroom.My skin heats as anger builds, and even though I shouldn't, I picture Nate's big black truck running him down as I watch from the sidelines. Oh no, Barry. Watch out....Not. I'd at least pretend to be upset.For Emma's sake."I'm fine, as you can see."Of course, just my luck, my balance takes a hit as I stand back up trying to let Barry see I'm fine taking care of myself. Thankfully I don't fall over on my ass and I'm able to regain my balance without my crutches. It requires me to take one small step back and I grimace through the pain."See?" Just from his smug face he thinks he's already won. "I'll take Emma off your hands
"Daycare? How can I let my girlfriend's child go to daycare when I'm capable of taking care of both of them? Plus, with Josie unable to work she'll be missing a paycheck, something I'm sure you, as a concerned father, care about and want to open up the checkbook and help with the extra expenses." Nate ends his short speech with a knowing smile and my heart blossoms for the man who a few hours ago I worried had a criminal record.Barry and I both stand looking at him with our mouths open. Me because I can't believe he called me his girlfriend. He's doing it for shock value because that's something he should ask for approval on in advance."Well, um, things haven't been great at the firm, but I can slip you extra grocery money. I can keep a record and make the courts take it out of future child support checks once you're back on your feet," Barry stumbles over himself getting all the words out.This time it's my turn to roll my eyes. I may hate the trait, but I picked it up from hi
"You don't want me here?" he asks, as if the sheer idea I would want to spend time without him hovering over me is unimaginable.I shake my head so he can see. "I want to be alone and go to bed."His face hardens and his lips pinch together in agitation. I don't get what he's upset about. I'm the one with an ex-husband trying to steal her daughter and an overflowing toilet. He gets to leave here tonight acting like he did a good thing helping me out today and enjoy his nice normal life leaving me and this mess as a distant memory."Fine," he says the word breathily. "Be that way, Josie. I'm here trying to help, but I'm done. You've made it known you don't want me around, so fine. Stay here by yourself."He stands from the couch, the back of his polo shirt coming untucked from his jeans, and without a second glance back he storms out of my apartment and life as fast as he barreled into it.I don't watch him leave, preferring to be alone with my sadness, but the heavy sound of
Yesterday, I saw what he considered under control, but I haven't eaten breakfast, let alone breakfast alone, in months.I wash down my morning pain pill with the glass of orange juice and eat the eggs in under five bites before I remind myself to calm down and chew slower. There are no devious little giggles coming from the living room and besides a steady clatter of pots and pans, nothing sounds as if it's breaking.It's a pleasant morning.A different scene than the one I went to bed with last night. After I let out two years of tears and relayed my entire life history and the ugly divorce while Nate cradled me on the couch, he put me to bed. Tucked me in and everything. Before he left, he said he'd see me in the morning, but I thought I'd scared him away for good. I was only 25 percent certain it wasn't all a dream.Once the eggs are finished, he hasn't come back to collect the tray. There's no way I can carry it while using my crutches, so I abandon the dirty dishes to the