4. Second First Kiss

August 2026,

Scars Bay, USA

Jayden

I paused at the doorway of my old bedroom. I hadn't been here in a while. It was filled with memories of Alya. The mini library reminded me of the hours we had spent building and curating the perfect collection of books - ones that both of us loved. The shelves full of trophies, medals, and framed certificates reminded me of the years we had spent playing sports and competing for awards. The desk reminded me of our study sessions. After we started dating at the beginning of our senior year of high school, most of those study sessions ended up with us in bed.

I walked in and sat on the bed. Those memories felt like a lifetime ago and yet, I remembered them like it happened yesterday. It was weird to be in here again.

My eyes fell on the side table. I picked up a picture frame of Alya and me. She was smiling so hard that I could see most of her teeth. Her blonde hair was tucked behind her ear on one side and her cheeks were red. And I was kissing her cheek. I had a slight smile on my lips as if I couldn't help but smile when I was kissing her.

"Do you remember that day?" Alya asked. I was surprised to see her here but I was also very happy.

"2nd August, the summer before our senior year. The day we had our second first kiss." Of course, I remembered.

Our real first kiss was when we were five years old. Alya had seen adults do it and wanted to see what the fuss was about. So, while playing hide and seek, we were hiding together and Alya took the opportunity to kiss me. She walked away with a nonchalant smile, unaffected and unaware of how that kiss had changed my fate. Those three seconds made me fall in love with her when I didn't even fully understand the meaning of love. Those three seconds made me obsessed with her for the rest of my life.

Our second first kiss was in Belmont Hill, her father's art gallery.

At that time, we thought that he had walked out on her and her mother when she was thirteen years old. Despite claiming otherwise, we knew that she missed him terribly. On her seventeenth birthday, after the party was over, I convinced her that we should hire a private investigator to find him. She agreed. And that was the beginning of the end. Kate had given us the contact of one of the best PI's in the city - Samuelson. While he started searching for Alaric, we decided to be proactive and become detectives ourselves. We went to Belmont Hill to go through his office in the hopes of finding some clues.

I remembered that day as if it happened yesterday.

***

August 2017,

Scars Bay, USA

"Jay," Alya called, looking a little thrilled. I looked over and spotted a diary in her hand. It was covered with thick, handmade paper and it looked like the pages had been stitched together. "Dad had once taught me how to make books from scratch. I made the one in which we stuck our pictures from the school trip. This is the one he made. I didn't know he kept it."

I walked over to her and took a closer look at the book. It was definitely handmade. All the papers in it were handmade too and they were definitely stitched together by hand. "He sure was a talented man. I wonder what happened to you," I teased.

The only reply I got was a smack on my arm. Figures. "Ow!" I rubbed where she hit me. She had a bit of a violent streak, not that I was complaining. Because that meant physical contact and I was a sucker for her touch. In fact, I teased her quite often just to feel her hands on me, even if it was for a 'stop annoying me' smack. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Growing up around boys and playing all kinds of sports made her tough.

"Stop being a baby," she replied and gently opened the book. It was relatively empty but had dates written on the first couple of pages with names of artworks, their prices, and addresses under it. The last entry was a couple of weeks before he left.

"What do you think these dates are about?"

"Seems just like delivery information." I couldn't imagine it being anything else.

"Probably. But I'll still look into it later," she said and put the book in her bag. "Did you find anything else?"

"Not really." We had been in here for the last few hours and had gone through most of his office. We couldn't find anything that seemed like it could be a clue to where he was.

She looked disappointed and started picking at the skin around her nails again. A bad habit. "I suppose we could go through the addresses we have found in this diary and come back later for another search if needed."

"Of course." I nodded. "Don't worry, Alya," I said and grabbed her hand, stopping her from making herself bleed again. "We will find him."

She looked down at our linked hands for a moment before looking up at me. "What if we don't?"

Her eyes which were always filled with mischief, wonder, and determination looked vulnerable. It didn't happen often. "We will," I asserted and then tried to lighten the mood. "We will find him even if he is living in an igloo in some obscure corner of the world."

She didn't laugh. She didn't smile. She looked down at our linked hands again. I took any opportunity I got to hold her hand for as long as she let me. We had held hands casually thousands of times. Sometimes, she barely noticed it, and others, she held mine back tighter. This was the first time she had acknowledged it by looking at our linked hands. I instinctively released her hand. She looked back up at me.

"Thanks, Jay." This time, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it before taking it away. Wait. Did her hand linger? Was I imagining it or did she want to touch me more? DID HER HAND FREAKING LING- "You're a great friend." Ah, well. Fuck it.

I smiled. "I know. It's about time you rise up to my level."

Her eyes slid shut and she shook her head with a smile, clearly expecting such a comment. "You're an idiot." The way she said it was less annoyed and exasperated, and more loving.

My smile widened. Lately, her saying 'you're an idiot' sounded a lot like 'you're my idiot'. Maybe, I really was an idiot.

I followed her downstairs and past a couple of sections before we entered the area where her father's paintings were displayed. I left her on her own while I wandered around, looking at the paintings.

After her father left, Alya was angry and stopped coming here altogether. In solidarity, so did I. Two months ago, on her birthday, Kate somehow managed to convince her to come back here. We had been here a handful of times after that. This place felt homely because of all the time we had spent here with her father and played in the courtyard garden as children while he worked.

As usual, she was standing in front of the wolf painting. She had seen it for the first time on her birthday and had taken a special liking to it. I thought that he had made better paintings but Alya preferred it to everything else. I wanted to see it through her eyes. I wanted to know what she saw in it that made her want to keep staring at it.

I walked towards her but wondered if I should disturb her. She was staring at it intently as if she didn't see anything else around it.

So I went and stood behind her. I now had the same view as her and I wouldn't disturb her. The painting was full of bold strokes. Black. Blue. And a hint of grey clouds. It was a beautiful stary night. And in the far distance, a silver wolf sat on top of a mountain. It didn't have anything else in it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I got impatient. Sue me. I wanted to hear her thoughts.

"It's so full of pain, Jay..." she said, her voice feeble. What? How? All it had was a wolf! "Makes me wonder what he went through to paint it."

Suddenly, I saw it in a slightly different light. It didn't look like just a stary night and a lone wolf. It looked like a lonely wolf looking at millions of stars. Wolves usually lived in packs yet this one sat alone, looking slightly sad and yet, at peace, like it had accepted its fate. I wondered if Mr. Rosellini felt lonely and if this was his way of expressing his feelings. He had left his home country to live here with his family. But from what I remembered and what Alya told me, he didn't have the best relationship with Alya's Mum. And while he was very close to Alya, there was only so much one could share with a child. Maybe he felt lonely here.

"Don't all artists suffer for their art?"

"Maybe that's why it's called a painting." There was a catch in her voice.

She sounded so sad. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted her to know that I was there for her. I always would be. I placed a hand on her shoulder. She tensed up before she relaxed. After a moment, she turned around.

I felt like I was punched in the gut when I saw a tear roll down her cheek.

Softly, I cupped her cheek and wiped her tear with my thumb. I didn't ever want her to cry.

She bit down on her bottom lip, wiped her eyes, and pushed my hand away at the same time. I didn't let it bother me. I focused on her instead. I knew that the last thing she would want was to talk about her feelings. Or that she cried.

So I did the only thing I thought would cheer her up. "Do you want to get out of here and go get some ice cream?"

She nodded.

I smiled and walked to the exit.

"Jayden." Alya's voice stopped me. "When are you going to tell me that you love me?"

I froze. My heart stopped.

How did she know?

Had she known all these years?

Did Kate end up telling her after all?

HOW DID SHE KNOW?

I turned around and she was looking at me seriously. She really was expecting an answer.

"I ..." I had no answer. I had been waiting for the right time for years. And it had yet to come. Looking at her face, the fire in her eyes, the slight pink in her cheeks, and the stubborn tilt of her chin that was eerily like Kate's made me realize that I couldn't wait. Not anymore. I felt an overwhelming need to tell her that I loved her right this instant. I wanted to show her how much I loved her. I wanted to wake up to her face and sleep with her by my side. I wanted to hold her hand all the fucking time and I wanted to kiss her whenever I wanted. And I wanted her to want those things too. I wanted a lifetime with her. And I wanted that life to start right now.

In a couple of long steps, I was in front of her.

I lowered her head and kissed her.

Just like that. Without a second thought. Without the fear of rejection. Because it was that easy. Being with Alya had always been easy.

***

August 2026,

Scars Bay, USA

"I can't believe you held it in for more than a decade." Alya shook her head in disbelief. "I found out a week before that day and I wanted to talk to you about it."

"Why didn't you?"

"Kate said I shouldn't. She said you deserved an opportunity to tell it to me yourself. And only if I felt the same way, I should go talk to you," she replied. "I wasn't sure about my feelings then but that entire week..." she took in a deep breath. "When you wiped my tear, I realized that you were the only one whom I wanted to wipe my tears away. And that made me realize that I was in love with you. I always have been. I just didn't know."

"I'm glad you eavesdropped in on Kate's conversation with me and found out. Who knows if I would have ever even made a move on you." I was being a coward. If I had gathered the courage to confess to her earlier, we would have had more time to love each other.

"You would have." She smiled and looked into my eyes. "Or else I would have realized soon enough. It was meant to be, Jay."

"We are meant to be, Alya," I smiled back. She might not be here anymore but she would always be in my heart.

I caught some movement in the corner of my eye. Mum was standing at the door with tears in her eyes.

Oh, fuck no. The last thing I wanted was for Mum to see me talking to Alya first-hand. She finally seemed happy today after so long and I just had to ruin it. She would worry about me more now. My throat choked up when I remembered all the times I had stressed my parents. All the times I had seen Mum cry because of me. I bet that wasn't even half of how much she had cried behind my back. I used to be her perfect boy. Now, I was broken. And I broke our happy family.

"I-I didn't mean to intrude. I wanted to tell you that dinner is ready. We are waiting for you."

I stood up. "You didn't intrude. Thank you for letting me know." I pressed a kiss on her cheek. "I know I haven't said it in a while. But I love you, Mum." It was important to tell our loved ones that we loved them and appreciated them as often as we could. We never knew what the future had in store for us.

"I love you too, Jay," she said with a tumultuous smile, swiftly wiping her tears.

My phone rang while we were walking away from my bedroom and I pulled it out of my pocket. Kate's name flashed on the screen.

"Please, excuse me," I told Mum as I picked up. "Hello."

"Where are you?" she asked without preliminaries.

"At my folks'. Why?" I asked.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." And the line went dead. I shook my head. Kate was just being Kate.

Once we descended the stairs, I was greeted by Stella. "Good evening, Jayden!" Oh, hell no.

"What are you doing here?" The last thing I wanted was to spend an evening in her presence. The only reason I decided to stay was I needed to make it up to Mum after making her cry. I wanted to make her happy.

Stella's toothpaste commercial smile slipped before it was back on again. "Your mother invited me," she replied. "She said it was a family dinner."

"Exactly. Family dinner."

"Jayden!" Mum gently admonished. "She is family."

No, she isn't. I forced a smile on my face and looked at Stella. "I apologize. I hadn't been  expecting you here." The best way to get out of this quickly was to get through dinner and not start any drama. Right after it, I could excuse myself and say that there was a work-related emergency and that I needed to leave.

"I understand." She stepped closer and pressed a kiss on my lips. "Come," she wrapped her arms around mine, "let's go have dinner."

Dad was sitting in the dining room with Ajax.

Ajax was my dad's stepbrother's son. He had been going through something with his father back when we were in our senior year of high school so he came to live with us here. We became fast friends. I introduced him to my friend group and he was quick to insert himself in it by dating Kate. I had spent countless hours listening to him vent about his father. I had been there for him. But he couldn't do the same for me when I needed him. He left. Just like everyone else.

He stood up as soon as I arrived. "Hey, Jay." He extended his hand for a handshake. I ignored him and looked at Dad. "I thought this was supposed to be a family dinner."

"We are around family," he asserted and gave me a disappointed look. "You are late."

That was how he looked at me ever since I dropped out of college six years ago. In his eyes, I was a failure. A college dropout. The heir who refused to take over the family business. The wayward son who became a chef and ran a loss-making restaurant. A lost cause.

He wasn't wrong.

"I never complained when you came home late from work."

"From work," he emphasized. "Won't you greet your cousin?"

"I don't have one," I replied and took a seat on the other side of the table from those two. Stella took one beside me. That's when he noticed that Mum was standing right behind us.

Their eyes immediately found each other’s. They shared a loving look, and an intimate smile before Mum went in for a kiss. I looked away.

I imagined myself sitting at the table with a couple of kids around me, and Alya walking into the dining room with a smile on her face. She would catch my eye and her smile would grow. She would walk straight to me and bend down to give me a kiss. If closed my eyes, I could imagine her lips on mine.

"Jay," Stella placed a hand on my arm and whispered, "are you not hungry?"

I realized that everyone had started eating and I had yet to serve myself. Stella started putting a bit of everything on my plate. I barely registered it.

I looked at Mum, Dad, and Ajax talking. They laughed at something he said. That used to be me. I used to be the son that every parent wanted and Ajax was the one people said didn't have a future. And despite it, we used to be a happy family. Until the incident and I became the depressed boy that no one wanted to be around.

"Isn't that amazing, Jay?" Mum asked, smiling. For the first time in a while, the stress lines on her face were replaced by laughing lines. Her eyes had a bright sparkle in them and her cheeks were pink because of all the smiling she had been doing. I didn't remember the last time I saw her like this. Because lately, I had done nothing to make her smile. She had constantly been worried about me.

"Huh?"

"Ajax has some work in the city so he would be staying with us for a couple of days." She looked worried again.

"Ah, yes. Amazing," I replied and looked down at my plate. I played around with the kebab on my plate as I waited for the attention to be off me.

It was quiet for a moment before Ajax said something and they laughed again. This time, Stella laughed along with them too. For a moment, I wished I had heard what he said. I wanted to know what was so funny.

I wondered how this dinner would have gone if Alya was here. She would have been pulling Ajax's leg for sure. Maybe Kate would be here too and the two of them would have been getting married instead. She would come to his rescue by cracking a joke at my expense. Maybe Mum and Dad would join in, retell one of our embarrassing childhood stories for the thousandth time. But it would still make us laugh just as hard as the first time we heard it.

"Jay." I felt Stella's hand on my arm again. I looked at her and then at my parents in question.

"You and Stella have been together for a while. When are you going to put a ring on her finger and make an honest man out of yourself?" Ajax chuckled at his little joke but I felt three pairs of very curious eyes on me.

I didn't like to be put on the spot. I didn't smile. I didn't laugh. It wasn't funny.

"Chill, man. It was a joke." Ajax sobered up. He knew that I didn't like Stella, that I barely tolerated her. I didn't like being the butt of his stupid jokes. Just because he wanted to show them that he wasn't the brooding delinquent anymore, that he had changed, and become funny and charming didn't mean that he got to do it at my expense.

"Ha-ha. Nice one," I said in a flat voice. "While we are on the topic of putting rings on fingers, have you heard the latest news?"

"Jay, don't," Dad warned.

I smiled. "Kate is getting married."

All humour drained from Ajax's face. For a moment, that brought me great pleasure. He deserved it. He let the love of his life go because he had too much of an ego to go grovel at her feet for forgiveness and clear stuff out. If begging for the rest of my life would earn me a moment with Alyanna, I wouldn't even give it a second thought.

Mum immediately looked at him worriedly. "Ajax, we jus-"

"Don't worry, Aunt Jade." He forced a smile on his face. "It's over between us. I've moved on."

In Wilde's words, a cynic was a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing. But what did you call a man who knew what he had was invaluable but let it go because the cost was his ego, and he believed it was too high a price? A dumbfuck.

He infuriated me.

"Good for you," I said, standing up. "I'm not hungry. Please excuse me." I stood up and my eyes fell on the clock. Kate would be here any minute. "I actually have somewhere to be so I'll see you later. Thank you for the lovely dinner, Mum." Without giving anyone the opportunity to stop me, I swiftly made my escape.

I didn't want Kate to come in and have to face Ajax. Neither of them were ready for it. I decided that it would be best if I waited for her outside.

The moment I stepped out of the main door, I saw a car roll to a stop by the gate. It was probably Kate's. I was proved right when the back door opened and she stepped out. Weirdly, she had a newspaper in her hand.

Like a woman on a mission, she was headed straight for me. I met her halfway. I really didn't want her to come in and potentially come face to face with Ajax.

"You need to sit for this. Let's go in."

"We can't," I said. "Let's go someplace else."

"Why not?" She narrowed her eyes before looking around. "Three extra cars. One is yours, one is Stella's and the other one...who's the guest you don't want me to meet?"

It was difficult to get things past her. I remained silent.

"Ajax is here," she stated and looked up. I followed her gaze and looked back at the mansion. It was dark and the house was a bit far so we couldn't see clearly. But the lights of a room on the first floor were on so a dark figure standing by the balcony was visible. It was easy to judge by his built that it was Ajax. And it seemed like we had all of his attention.

Kate lifted her left hand and trailed it through her hair. It looked like a casual move but I knew her better than that. It was a strategic move. The bling on her ring finger sparkled under the moonlight. Ajax clearly saw it because I faintly saw him lift a glass as if to say 'cheers' before he downed it.

"Are you done with your games?" I asked her.

"Why didn't you tell me that he was back in the city?" she asked with a hint of annoyance.

"I didn’t know he was here until after your call."

Her lips twisted in annoyance.

"Forget him. Let’s get out of here." I lead her to my car and once she was buckled in, I pulled out of the driveway.

I drove us to the little park that was down the street. It looked creepy at this time of the night but it was filled with so many good memories that coming back here was always a pleasure. I made sure to come sit here for a while every time I visited Mum and Dad's.

Kate and I walked in, looking around. Near the centre of the park was a mango tree. Alya and I had met right under it. For years, until we moved to Los Angeles for college, we came to this park every day for our morning run. Ajax joined us too after he moved in. And on rare occasions, when she was able to wake up early in the morning, Kate joined us too.

I liked sitting on a particular bench near it; it had the perfect view of the mango tree. I led her to my bench and sat down. Kate took a seat beside me. She still had the newspaper in her hand for some reason.

I took a moment to look at the mango tree. When we were young, we used to bet on who could climb it. It used to be considered quite a feat but now, it actually seemed quite small and easy to climb.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked Kate.

"We never saw Alya's body," she said.

I stood up. I didn't want to talk about this. Not here. Not ever.

"Jayden!" She grabbed my wrist, stopping me. "We were told that she got into an accident and her car fell into the river. They said that a window was open so she made it out of the car but due to the fast current of the river, she probably couldn't make it out. They searched for weeks! They couldn't find the body."

"Body?" I snapped, yanking my wrist out of her hold. "Is that what you call your best friend?"

"Alyanna," she corrected herself and stood up too. "We didn't actually see her."

"What the hell is your point, Katerina? Why the fuck are you bringing it up?"

"It was New York City. The city that never sleeps. Do you honestly believe that when the accident happened, no one else was nearby? That no one else happened to pass by it and call 911 until the next morning?"

"What are you trying to get at, Kate?" I felt like everyone in the whole world had collectively decided to make my life difficult.

"Something was off about the whole thing, Jayden! And it has been eating me alive!"

Had she lost it?

"Just have a look at this!" She smacked me with the rolled-up newspaper before handing it to me.

"What am I looking at?" I unrolled the thing.

"It's the Van Acker Industry’s newsletter. Look at the picture on the front page." I immediately spotted the picture she was talking about. It covered a major portion of the page.

The headline was about a joint venture between the Van Acker Industries and the Volkov Corps. I focused on the picture Kate was talking about it. I lifted it so the light over our heads would fall on the paper and I could see the picture clearly. It was a picture of Konstantin with some man.

My heart stopped when I noticed the woman in the background. She was standing a bit far away, looking elsewhere. She wasn't even supposed to be in the picture but she somehow was. 

I knew her. She couldn't be anyone else. I could recognize that face in my sleep.

It was my Alyanna.