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2024-10-29 19:42:56MACK
“NINA, THIS EVENT IS SO FUN!” CRIES SANDRA BENNINGTON AS SHE RUNStoward us, her hands outstretched. My date beams and catches the other girl in her arms.“Thank you for saying that. I thought people would find the games dumb. Some people”—she casts an evil look in the direction of her stepbrother, who is trying very hard not to stare at Nina’s chest, which is about to fall out of her dress—“were very skeptical of it all.”“Eric, why are you so dour all the time?” Sandra slaps the man across his biceps. He doesn’t move. “This is supposed to be fun. It’s for charity.” She reaches out her hand to hit me, but I’ve had enough of all this social contact. If one more society woman comes up and rubs her tits on my arm, I’m going to lose it.“He was born dour,” replies Nina.Over her head, Sunny’s eyes meet mine. I jerk my head to the side and then separate myself from Nina. She doesn’t notice as she’s too intent on arguing with Eri
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Our Secret Baby 29
MACKI THOUGHT EATING HER OUT MIGHT CHANGE OUR RELATIONSHIP—OR AT LEASThow we interacted with each other, but in the week that has passed, it seems like nothing is different. We had scary movie and tacos on Tuesday. We watched Big Brother on Sunday where Sunny fell asleep again.There hasn’t been more sex, though, since Sunny went to the doctor and came home looking pale and weak. She said it was the flu and she just needed to drink lots of fluids, eat well, and get plenty of rest.I figured that was code for me to not touch her. “You feeling okay today, Sunshine?”Sunny’s been getting up real early in the morning and going downstairs. I hear her in the hallway but when I asked her about it, she brushed me off, saying she needed to be to work early. I contemplated following her to work but figured that was too much. Like I didn’t need to be a whole stalker. We lived together, and it wasn’t like she was going home to Brad or Brick or what
Our Secret Baby 30
MACK JELL-O SALAD IS FUCKING HARD TO PREPARE. SO HARD THAT I HAD TO CALLmy mom to come over.“You took the day off to make this?” Mom pokes at the finally completed Jell-O salad. With her help, the final product looks exactly like the picture.“She was desperate for it last night and started crying when we read the instructions, and it said you had to let the whole thing sit for three hours.” Then we had the best night of my life. Hers, too, I hope, although her first thought in the morning was about the damned Jell-O salad. I used my tongue to successfully distract her and had a brief mad thought that she could transfer her craving for a particular food to me.After she left for work, I slapped myself in the head and decided to win her over the right way—and went to the store.“Upset stomach and unusual food cravings,” Mom murmurs. She taps her chin in thought.Alarmed, I bark, “Are those the symptoms of some kin
Our Secret Baby 31
MACK “WHAT BABY?” I STARE INTO SUNNY’S EYES AND COMPEL HER TO SPEAK. DIDI hear her right? I knock the side of my head to unclog my brain. I could be having delusions. All this sex could be creating a fantasy fog where my whole perfect life exists.“B-baby?”It’s the stutter that convinces me. I get up and pull her to her feet. “Where’s your purse?”“Downstairs.”I pick her up and carry her out of the bedroom. “Mack, put me down. Where are we going?”I don’t reply because I can already anticipate the comments. It’s too late. We don’t have to get married. Let’s co-parent. All those modern terms that might be fine for other people but not for me and not for Sunny.I spot her purse on the kitchen table and sweep it under my arm. “Seriously, Mack. Where are you taking me?”“Courthouse.” I kick the door open and make my way to the car. “The courthouse? It’s past ten. The courthouse is closed
Our Secret Baby 32
MACKMY EYES SLIDE DOWN HER PERFECT BODY AS SHE STANDS AT THE END OF THEbed. Even though she’s wearing sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt, I’ve never seen a sexier sight.“Are you going to stare at me all night or are we consummating this marriage?” she teases. There’s a slight nervous quaver to her words.The corner of my mouth twitches up. “Can’t a man do both?” I pull up the T-shirt until a thin line of skin at her midriff shows. “This is my first time as a married man. Go easy on me.”“What about me? You think I’ve been in this position before?”I twist the fabric into a ball and jerk her against me. “Better not, or there’s going to be blood on the ground.”“Speaking of blood, I thought you were going to kill Eric.”“Why are you saying the name of another man in our bedroom? That’s a spanking offense.” I twist her around and push her over until her tits are flush with the mattress and her ass is high in the air. I tap her ass lightly. “You want some of this?”She wriggles her ch
Our Secret Baby 33: ANTI Boyfriend
"At first, my neighbor Deacon frustrated me.Sure, he was great-looking and friendly.But our walls were thin, and on occasion, he’d bring women to his place and keep me awake while he “entertained” them.As a single mother to an infant, I didn’t appreciate it.So, finally it was my turn.When my daughter wouldn’t stop wailing one night, Mr. Manwhore came knocking on my door.Miraculously, at the sound of his voice, Sunny stopped crying. And when he held her…she eventually fell asleep in his arms.Deacon was rough on the exterior, but apparently on the inside? Mr. Single-and-Ready-to-Mingle was a baby whisperer.After that night, we became friends.He’d go for coffee runs. Come over to chat. Normal friend stuff.But over time, our conversations ran deeper. We got closer.Until one night we crossed the line.Our friendship turned into a complicated mess.I’d gone and fallen for a guy who’d sworn off commitment and kids.I knew Deacon was starting to care for me too, even though Sunny a
Our Secret Baby 34
A text came in about a half-hour later.Deacon: Okay. I’m in the diaper aisle. There are a lot of choices.I smiled as I typed. Bless his heart. The idea of my hot neighbor standing clueless in the diaper aisle was as adorable as it was funny. Some unsuspecting mama was going to have a heart attack when she went looking for diaper pail bags and found him instead.Carys: Anything in size 2 will be great. Deacon: Huggies or Luvs?Carys: Whichever is cheaper. Deacon: Which does she prefer?Carys: LOL. Well, we’ve never discussed it. She can’t exactly tell me.Deacon: Ah. Right.Carys: But Mommy prefers whichever is cheapest. Deacon: Which do you like better?Carys: I’ve never really compared. Either one is fine.He didn’t text again, so I assumed he’d chosen something. Then another message came in.Deacon: Oh…plot twist!I laughed.Carys: What?Deacon: There’s Pampers too. Carys: Just choose one. LOLDeacon: There are a couple of women coming to my rescue now. They think I need help.Sur
Our Secret Baby 35
A shiver ran down my spine, as if he’d complimented me on something much more exciting than my name.My senses were having a field day between Deacon’s amazing scent and the delicious aroma of the espresso—two of my favorite smells blended together. But mostly my body was hyperaware of the gorgeous creature standing in front of me—one who’d made a woman scream in pleasure just last night.Deacon walked over to the corner of the room. I admired him as he examined the photos displayed on my shelves. Most of them were of Sunny, but he lifted one of me. I braced myself as he looked back and forth from the photo to where I was standing.“You were a ballet dancer?”I nodded. “Yeah. I was…for several years. Not anymore, obviously.” “Professionally?”“Yes. I performed for The Manhattan Ballet as a principal dancer.”If I’d thought his stare was penetrating before, that was nothing compared to the way he looked at me now.“Wow.” He glanced back down at the photo. It showed me in an arabesque.
Our Secret Baby 36
BABY WHISPERERA couple of weeks later, Sunny had a pediatrician appointment downtown late in the afternoon. Since we were out and about anyway, I took her to meet my friend Simone for an early dinner at a restaurant near the doctor’s office.“How did her appointment go?” Simone asked as she perused the laminated card that listed today’s specials.“Six-month checkup went great. The doctor says her weight is right on target for her age.”“I’m so glad.” She looked up from the menu. “And how are you?”I paused, momentarily stumped as to how to answer that. “Good…good.” There was no point in venting about my day-to-day problems. Simone and I were in two different places in life, and she likely wouldn’t understand. As one of the city’s top ballet dancers, Simone was where I would have been had I not been injured: an elite principal dancer, performing at night, sleeping in most mornings, and attending rehearsals in the afternoons, in addition to having an active social life. In many ways, I
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Our Secret Baby 67
EPILOGUE Deacon Getting Carys to fully believe in me didn’t happen as quickly as I’d hoped. And there was no formal discussion or announcement when things had finally crossed the barrier of trust. Our being back together happened slowly and organically. I spent every day for months showing her I wasn’t going anywhere, and taking the time to learn how to be a good partner to her and a father to Sunny. Because I’d put in the work, I finally reaped the rewards.In the five years since Carys entered my life, I’d learned many things, including the following, in no particular order.One: You can’t prove yourself with words, only actions.Two: You can’t choose who you love. It never mattered what I told myself about not getting into a relationship with Carys. From the moment we connected, I was destined to lose the battle with my brain.Three: Full freedom can’t be achieved until you forgive yourself. I finally so
Our Secret Baby 66
CarysNAUGHTY GIRL The months since Deacon’s return had reminded me a lot of the early days of our relationship. He was there when I needed him but didn’t cross any boundaries. I knew he was being careful not to make assumptions about my readiness to let him back into my life.It all felt a little like déjà vu because Deacon had reverted back to being a good friend I desperately wanted to have sex with. But I hadn’t let myself go there yet. I kept waiting to feel a hundred-percent sure he would never hurt me again. But is it ever possible to be absolutely certain?One Saturday afternoon, Sharon called to tell me she had the day free if I wanted her to come spend a few hours with Sunny. She said she figured I might appreciate some time to myself. Never one to refuse unexpected help, I thanked her and said I would love to take her up on that.She arrived about an hour later. As I kissed Sunny goodbye and headed out the door, I re
Our Secret Baby 65
DeaconHOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? You’ve heard the saying that life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon? Well, earning Carys’s trust back was more like a slow wade through an ocean. But it was worth it, even if not getting to reach out and touch her was downright painful. A month-and-a-half after I returned to New York, my relationship with Carys was slowly improving.One afternoon, as we sat in her living room drinking the coffees I’d brought over, I presented her with something I’d made back in Minnesota.I took it out of the small bag. “I forgot to give this to you. It’s for Sunny. I made it while I was home.”Carys smiled as she examined the pink hat. “You crocheted this?”“Yup. My grandmother was trying to get me out of her house, where I stayed half the time. She wanted to invite dirty old men over without my being there, but that’s a story for another day.” I laughed. “Anyway, she commissioned me to help her make hats
Our Secret Baby 64
CarysJUST COFFEE Despite saying he’d give me time to ready myself, Deacon texted me a few days later to ask if I would be willing to meet him during my lunch break on one of the days I worked in the office. I said yes. We needed to have the conversation away from Sunny.I chose Friday, but instead of a lunch meet-up, I opted to have the sitter stay late so I could meet Deacon after work. I didn’t know how I’d feel after our talk, or how long the meeting would last, so I didn’t want to have to go back to the office.Deacon was waiting in a corner seat at Starbucks when I arrived. It was my first time in here since before he’d left for Minnesota. He looked painfully handsome, dressed in all black. He fidgeted with his hands as his eyes wandered the room. His mouth curved into a hesitant smile when he spotted me. He stood.When I approached, I could tell he wasn’t sure what to do, whether to hug me or not. He leaned in and gave m
Our Secret Baby 63
CarysTHE TEXT This was a huge day. It would be the first time I let Charles see Sunny without me being there, too. The plan seemed innocent enough. He’d brought his kids to my apartment, and they would be hanging out for a couple of hours.Talia and Xavier had recently met Sunny for the first time. Today was their third visit. The kids had really taken to her, and Sunny liked them. Allowing them to meet seemed to be one of the rare good decisions I’d made this past year.So with Sunny occupied by Charles and his kids, I was off to run a couple of errands and take a breather. I had mixed feelings about leaving her alone with them, but Charles had earned back a bit of my trust in the past few months. While I wouldn’t trust him with my heart again, I knew he was a responsible father to his two other kids. I had no reason to fear for Sunny’s safety while in his care.And also? Mama needed a breather. I mainly had a babysitter for
Our Secret Baby 62
DeaconHINDSIGHT IS TWENTY-TWENTY Since arriving in Minnesota, I’d avoided being alone with my father. I’d gone over to my parents’ for dinner but left before Dad had a chance to corner me. He hadn’t said anything hurtful yet, but I dreaded encountering the version of him I remembered—the one who did nothing but criticize me. I didn’t need him making me feel inadequate when I already felt pretty damn shitty since leaving Carys the way I did.It appeared I could only hide for so long, though. I was shoveling snow outside my grandmother’s house one day when I looked up to see my Dad’s red truck.Sticking the shovel into the snow, I leaned on it as I watched him approach. He reached over to brush some snow off my coat, and I felt my eyes widen. It was rare my father touched me. Aside from the brief hug I’d given him when I first arrived here, there had been no other contact—no handshakes or pats on the back.I stepped back. “What’
Our Secret Baby 61
DeaconCOCKBLOCKER “What are you looking at?” she asked.Shit. How long had I been staring at her? I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. It was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’d done a pretty decent job of keeping Carys out of my mind this week. Then I got to the checkout line at the supermarket where I’d been picking up groceries for my grandmother. The cashier looked like an older version of Sunny. Did she think I was staring at her because she had Down syndrome? Shit. That wasn’t it at all.“I’m sorry. I know I was staring at you. It’s because you remind me of someone who’s special to me, someone I don’t get to see anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude.”She rolled her eyes, and it made me chuckle, because I could see Sunny growing up to be as feisty as this girl. My chest tightened at the thought that I might never see Carys or Sunny again.It had been three months since I’d left New York, and my life ther
Our Secret Baby 60
CarysNICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN Over the next six weeks or so, Charles proved he hadn’t been kidding when he’d vowed to earn my trust back. I appreciated that he was letting me call the shots on his reentrance into my life, though.In addition to abiding by a visitation schedule, he’d also begun depositing money more regularly in my bank account. I’d never refused his occasional offerings, but now that he wasn’t doing everything behind Violet’s back, he’d set up a direct deposit each month. I wasn’t going to complain. Sunny deserved his support.We’d agreed on a twice-a-month visitation schedule for starters. I gave him a few hours on Saturdays. We’d take Sunny out, and she was slowly taking to him, offering occasional smiles and responses to his endless efforts to make her laugh. It was noticeably different than her immediate attachment to Deacon had been, though.Charles hadn’t insisted on using the term dad around her, and I was
Our Secret Baby 59
DeaconLAST WORDS I’d rented a car for the ninety-minute drive north to Poughkeepsie, and it had been a smooth ride with no traffic. This had definitely been a good idea. I now held Sunny up as she sat atop one of the ponies at Archwood Farms. She was always a happy child, but the ponies brought out a level of excitement I’d never witnessed before.After the pony ride, I went to fetch Carys and me a couple of coffees from the small concession building, while she took Sunny to a grassy area with a bunch of pumpkins laid out. Sunny was now walking independently. While a little wobbly, she was fully mobile.After I ordered our drinks, the woman I knew to be one of the owners of the farm smiled at me. “Your daughter looked like she was having so much fun out there. I’m so glad you guys could come up north today.”We’d spoken to her briefly when we first arrived, but I didn’t realize she’d assumed I was Sunny’s father. I opened my m
