Warning: R18. Zandrey was my first and my last kiss and more and it has been years since it happened. But when our lips touched, it was like I still knew all along how it would feel. It was familiar and consuming. I was guessing he was surprised because of what I did as he was not able to react right away. I’m crazy, I know. Earlier, I don't even want to be with him, but a few glasses of beer later, I’m even initiating a kiss. When I realized what I had done, I quickly moved away. “I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t hear him reply. When I looked at Zandrey, he was just staring at me- the kind of stare that’s trying to pierce through my soul. “Why did you do that?” He asked. Why did I do that? Because he looks good and dashing and dreamy and I’m drunk and I haven’t kissed anyone for a very long time. But I didn’t say a word. “Aira…” “I’m drunk, I’m sorry,” I said. Now I’m starting to feel ashamed. “Please don’t say you’re sorry.” I didn’t move. I feel like
The moment I woke up, the memories of what happened last night all came to my mind. I couldn't even care about the throbbing pain in ny head because the memories of what happened last night invaded my entire system. Now I feel so frustrated not to Zandrey or anyone, but to myself. See? I knew I would regret it but I still let it happen last night. No, I made it happen last night. I suddenly remember how I initiated the kiss, how I told him to fuck me. I don't know if my mind was playing tricks on me, but I thought about me almost begging him for it to happen. And I even told myself I’ll deal with it today. Now that today finally came, I wanted to slap and punch myself. “Good morning, Mommy,” Andrei greeted. I was glad he didn't see me look crazy rolling above my bed earlier. When he went inside my room, I was just lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What can I do now when everything's already happened? It can't be undone. And even if I try to not think about it t
The entire time I was with Zandrey was a torture for me. It should be a good time for us because we’re making Andrei happy. But everytime I see his face, the first thing that comes to my mind was what happened last night. I tried my best to dismiss it because it would only affect my day with our son. I’m not sure if I did succeed, I just know that I survived. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I can't avoid him forever. We have a kid together. At times like this when I don’t know what to do, I always go to Daisy. But with what she's going through, I don't want to burden her with my problems. She has a bigger problem she has to face. I feel bad that I don’t have any idea how she’s doing right now. I always send her a message, asking how she is or of there's anything she wants to do but she never replied to my texts. I thought maybe I should visit her. And that’s what I did. After weeks of thinking about it, I finally went to visit her. I'm already outside their house. I just
Everytime I ask myself, I also don't know the answer. I don’t know what I feel. I don't know if I still feel mad or I just don't want to feel anything at all. Feelings are too complicated to deal with. I don't want to add more things to the list of stuff I need to think about. I was staring at nowhere, diving deep into my thoughts, but I still ended up answering, “I don’t know.” “It's hard to assess feelings, right?” Daisy suddenly murmured. I looked at her and quickly wondered what’s going on with her and Dom. I was drowning with the things that are going on in my life lately that I forgot to ask her. “How's you and Dom?” I queried. One of the reason why they got married was because Daisy got pregnant and both of them realized they want to give the child a complete family. But I can see and feel it, that they feel something for each other. I saw them before everything got messy. And I saw how genuine Dominic is. It’s just sad that going through this rough patch led them t
It took a few more minutes before Zandrey at Dominic completed the grilling. When they finished, they also prepared the rest of the food. They also got the utensils and other stuff we’ll be needing for the dinner. Daisy and I were just sitting pretty there. It kind of feels nice. The food was served, and there was even a bottle of wine. I don’t know who wants to drink the wine, but I’m sure as hell I won’t drink some. I'm scared to get drunk again and do something stupid. Alcohol really contributes a lot to my stupidity. Daisy and I were sitting side by side on one side of the table while the two guys are in front of us- Zandrey in front of me and Daisy in front of Dominic. We looked at each awkwardly. We didn't know who would move first to get food. We look like crazy fools just sitting straightly. Something’s going on between Daisy and Dominic, as well as Zandrey and me. This awkwardness is kind of expected. And I didn't really know why all of us pushed through wit
Zandrey looked so stunned when he saw me entering the backseat. When he got in front, he didn't start the car right away, and peeked from there to look at me. “Are you serious?” He queried, furrowing. I couldn't look at him straight in the eye so I just looked ahead. “Yes,” I said in a firm voice. I saw him shake his head through my peripheral vision. And then I heard him chuckling. “Okay, Ai,” he mumbled, amusement was laced in his voice. “Whatever makes you happy.” He then started the car and I heard him buckling the seatbelt and before even starting to drive, he turned his head to look at me. There was a grin fighting to show. “Where to, Ma'am?” He asked teasingly. I looked at him and threw him a glare. "Stop that." Zandrey started laughing heartily. He looks really entertained with what's going on. I have really become his source of entertainment. “Are you really sure you're sitting there?” He asked again. “I will sit here.” “Why?” He queried. There was a smile
I am a logical person. I used to think more than once before arriving at a decision. I used to have a system. But that was before. When I met him, I felt like everything I’ve done was out of impulsiveness. I used to not think things through when it comes to him. When something involves him, I become this stupid person who's decision making skills is crazy. Smart people are dumb in love. Maybe that's true. I’m probably a walking example. But there’s no love involved. Just him. Just Zandrey. But I still make myself a fool. “Is there anything you want to say, Ai?” He inquired. His face looks like he’s expecting me to say something very life changing. And I feel like he has an idea what it is. He’s smart. He can probably figure it out. But how can I ever tell him that that's all I need from him? “Come on,” he urged. He really knows. I can feel it. He can read me well. He then chuckled. “Or do you want me to be the one to make the proposal?” Damn. I knew i
Zandrey followed me to the office. I was just trying to remain silent. On the other hand, he was saying a lot of things while we were on the way to the office. He seems to have unlimited topics in his head. Andrei really got that from him. “I actually have something to ask also,” he said when we were riding the elevator. We're the only ones inside. “‘What?” I queried. Whenever people say that line, I don’t know why but I always feel nervous. I know I'm not doing anything bad and questions shouldn’t make me nervous, but heck, it makes me feel uneasy until I hear the question itself. “‘Would you like to meet Mom?” He questioned. He means my biological mom and his stepmom. “Why?” “She’s been asking me to ask you,” he replied. "Is it okay with you?" Is it okay with me? Sure, we were civil the last time we saw each other, but it has been weeks and I’m not sure if that would still be the same. Until now, I still don't know what to feel about things. A part of me also
Months swing by so fast. It gets slow when you're feeling lonely, but when you're in glee, it's like the clock is in a race.I was having all the fun while Zandrey is here with us. He's so good at taking care of me. Everyone cares a little extra of me after knowing we're having another baby. It's strange, but I admit that I like it. I'm getting used to it and it makes me sad that it's almost ending. But I'm certain it's a different kind of joy when the new baby is finally here.All of them are so excited to meet the baby. So when we decided to finally have the gender reveal, everybody was so excited. They couldn't wait to know the sex of the baby. Even I can't wait. I've had two boys, and I'm secretly wishing it's a girl. But whatever the sex is, I know for sure that we'll gonna love her/him so much."I bet it's a girl," Dominic guessed. It was clearly his guess because he's wearing a pink dress shirt.We are still waiting for all the guests to arrive. Daisy and Dom came first so we'r
I woke up to a quite heavy morning sickness. Weird stuff were going on inside my stomach that I just felt like puking. So the moment I opened my eyes, the first thing I did was stand up quickly and run to the bathroom as fast as I could.Zandrey probably heard me because a few moments later, I saw him following me. I looked at him for a brief time, unable to say a word because I was pre-occupied with my situation. He gathered all my hair for me, allowing me to focus more on my thing. That way, I didn't worry about my hair getting in my way.I feel bad because he's supposed to be sleeping as he only slept for about an hour or so. He just got home from his graveyard shift. But even if he was tired, he's still helping me. I realized just how easier really things are ever since he came here.Just like what I'm supposed to do, I still stayed in bed rest. I avoided work or doing heavy chore as what the doctor instructed. I can only do those things if we're in the clear already. I admit I m
I just watched the two of them unsmilingly. The woman was being so touchy and I have this urge to slap her hands away. They were in public, yet they seem to have their own world, and it made my head ache. "You know, we should catch up some time. How about coffee? When will you be free?" I heard her ask. I don't whether she's oblivious of my presence or she's choosing not to acknowledge me. There's a pregnant with Zandrey, but her eyes seem to only capture him entirely. It was so annoying. She was annoying. "I'll head first," I told Zandrey. I didn't wait for him to reply and just went ahead and left them. I just couldn't stand being around them. I was already a few meters away when I realized I don't have the keys to the car. Zandrey was the one who drove us as I'm not allowed to drive. I could feel my temper boiling up. I looked back at them with a frown. They were still talking. Actually, it was the girl who kept on talking. Her hand was on Zandrey's arm. It looks as
Since I wanted Zandrey close to me, we decided to stay in one room. Actually, it was dad who suggested it. He said it would ease his concerns if I have someone with me in my room. Both Dad and Andrei are upstairs, while I'm here on the first floor. Zandrey was busy taking out his clothes from his luggages. I was just sitting on my bed, watching him fixed his clothes. I already emptied a closet for him. It was weird. I have mixed feelings while looking at him unpack his stuff in a room we'll be sharing together until I give birth. But I'm quite sure the baby's happy. For the first time, I'll be living with a guy. I mean, sure, we live in the same house with my Dad and our son. But a guy who's not blood-related staying with us is definitely new to me. Sometimes, I regret not dating around when I was younger. Maybe if I did, I'd have more experience ehen it comes to men and I should have known better. But i chose to prioritize my studies and work. And well, the twins came so I really
Everybody now knows about the baby and it was indeed a good news for them. They even started planning for a gender reveal party, baby shower, and whatnot. But for now, we decided to have dinner together- an intimate one where all of the people close to my heart are present.It was just a small dinner and it was just really with family and friends. I was definitely looking forward to it because this time we don'y have any secrets to keep. Daisy and Dom just arrived. They brought a cake with the message, "Congratulations Ai and Zandrey!" My Mom also brought a pan of her baked lasagna. Auntie Gina prepared all of my favorite food.It is a happy night. I couldn't count how many times I smiled just tonight."What about you, Andrei? What do you want your sibling to be? A girl or a boy?" Daisy asked the kid. We were all gathered in the living room, just talking about things. We just finished our dinner and we're having the dessert here at the living room. I was eating the pie I asked Zandre
I don't know until when can I dodge that question. When no one asks me, it's me who questions myself. It was an easy question, yet answering it was hard. Being asked if I love him is something I think I will never be prepared for. I cannot find the words to describe what I feel for him yet. Or maybe I do. Maybe I'm just being in denial. But when will I ever be sure of what I really feel when everything's still clouded with memories of the past? I tried to look away from my Mom. The ways she stares at me shows she is trying to read me. And I'm scared. I'm still afraid of the things that might happen in the coming days. Even when Zandrey says he loves me, I really still cannot bring myself to easily believe. It can still change. Maybe he loves me now. But the real question is... until when? And why would he love me? Do I have something he's looking for in a woman? Do I possess something so extraordinary? I'm just a mediocre architect girl when we met. We live in the same world, but
I felt Zandrey squeeze my hand while we were waiting for Dad. We arranged a dinner for us- Zandrey, Mommy Emily, Dad, Andrei, and me. We decided to tell it first to them then we'll think about how to tell it to Daisy.Zandrey and I are sitting side by side on the table. I could feel the erratic beating of my heart. I know Dad won't be mad as I'm already an adult. But I still won't feel uneasy unless I've told him. "What's this dinner for?" Dad asked. We just started eating, and I knew he's been meaning to ask it since he came. Why would we invite him out of the blue, he must wondered."Uhh..."I rehearsed what I was gonna say to my Dad a hundred times. I already knew what exactly to say and how to say it. But the moment he asked, I feel as if I lost the ability to speak and my mind can't seem to process anything at all."Mommy, I want the chicken," Andrei suddenly said. I couldn't even move, so Zandrey got the chicken for him instead. "You good?" I heard Zandrey ask the kid."Yes, D
I woke up to a white surrounding. I was lying on a bed and I still feel so weak. When I looked around, I saw Mommy Emily looking at me. Even Zandrey was staring at me, probably waiting for me to open my eyes. "How are you feeling?" Mom asked. I tried to get up dlowly and Zandrey was quick to help me. "You were advised to be on bed rest, Ai," Zandrey mumbled. "Does she know?" I asked, pertaining to Mom. I remember how she was with me when I passed out. For sure it was also her who rushed me to the hospital. "I know," she answered. There was a smile on her face when she went closer to me. She fixed the few hairs that covered my face. "Don't worry. If you want me to keep it a secret, I will definitely keep it to myself." "And the baby?" My heart began beating so fast inside my chest. I quickly shifted my gaze to Zandrey. "How's the baby?" I could even hear the trembling of my own voice. "The baby's fine," he said softly. "But you have to be on bed rest for the time being, Ai. You
Our weekend was quite eventful. After the beach getaway, we spent a few hours at Mommy Miranda and Andres' graves. But it's really true that when your happy, it seems like time passes by so fast. Monday came quickly and I almost don't want to get up from my bed. I was tired from all the activities last weekend that I just wanted to stay all day in bed. But I still have work and I can't just not go to work. I have responsibilities. So even if I feel a little heavy, I got up and prepared myself for work. If I could just use my pregnancy as excuse, I would, but I can't. Nobody else knows about my pregnancy yet aside from Zandrey and I. "Good morning," Jelyn greeted upon seeing me entering. I smiled at her in return and let her follow me to the office. I need to know what are the things that I need to do today. But I have to sit first. I kinda feel nauseous. Jelyn then proceeded to telling me the tasks for the day. "Are you okay, Miss Aira?" she inquired. I looked up at her. My