Warning: R18. Zandrey was my first and my last kiss and more and it has been years since it happened. But when our lips touched, it was like I still knew all along how it would feel. It was familiar and consuming. I was guessing he was surprised because of what I did as he was not able to react right away. I’m crazy, I know. Earlier, I don't even want to be with him, but a few glasses of beer later, I’m even initiating a kiss. When I realized what I had done, I quickly moved away. “I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t hear him reply. When I looked at Zandrey, he was just staring at me- the kind of stare that’s trying to pierce through my soul. “Why did you do that?” He asked. Why did I do that? Because he looks good and dashing and dreamy and I’m drunk and I haven’t kissed anyone for a very long time. But I didn’t say a word. “Aira…” “I’m drunk, I’m sorry,” I said. Now I’m starting to feel ashamed. “Please don’t say you’re sorry.” I didn’t move. I feel like
The moment I woke up, the memories of what happened last night all came to my mind. I couldn't even care about the throbbing pain in ny head because the memories of what happened last night invaded my entire system. Now I feel so frustrated not to Zandrey or anyone, but to myself. See? I knew I would regret it but I still let it happen last night. No, I made it happen last night. I suddenly remember how I initiated the kiss, how I told him to fuck me. I don't know if my mind was playing tricks on me, but I thought about me almost begging him for it to happen. And I even told myself I’ll deal with it today. Now that today finally came, I wanted to slap and punch myself. “Good morning, Mommy,” Andrei greeted. I was glad he didn't see me look crazy rolling above my bed earlier. When he went inside my room, I was just lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What can I do now when everything's already happened? It can't be undone. And even if I try to not think about it t
The entire time I was with Zandrey was a torture for me. It should be a good time for us because we’re making Andrei happy. But everytime I see his face, the first thing that comes to my mind was what happened last night. I tried my best to dismiss it because it would only affect my day with our son. I’m not sure if I did succeed, I just know that I survived. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I can't avoid him forever. We have a kid together. At times like this when I don’t know what to do, I always go to Daisy. But with what she's going through, I don't want to burden her with my problems. She has a bigger problem she has to face. I feel bad that I don’t have any idea how she’s doing right now. I always send her a message, asking how she is or of there's anything she wants to do but she never replied to my texts. I thought maybe I should visit her. And that’s what I did. After weeks of thinking about it, I finally went to visit her. I'm already outside their house. I just
Everytime I ask myself, I also don't know the answer. I don’t know what I feel. I don't know if I still feel mad or I just don't want to feel anything at all. Feelings are too complicated to deal with. I don't want to add more things to the list of stuff I need to think about. I was staring at nowhere, diving deep into my thoughts, but I still ended up answering, “I don’t know.” “It's hard to assess feelings, right?” Daisy suddenly murmured. I looked at her and quickly wondered what’s going on with her and Dom. I was drowning with the things that are going on in my life lately that I forgot to ask her. “How's you and Dom?” I queried. One of the reason why they got married was because Daisy got pregnant and both of them realized they want to give the child a complete family. But I can see and feel it, that they feel something for each other. I saw them before everything got messy. And I saw how genuine Dominic is. It’s just sad that going through this rough patch led them t
It took a few more minutes before Zandrey at Dominic completed the grilling. When they finished, they also prepared the rest of the food. They also got the utensils and other stuff we’ll be needing for the dinner. Daisy and I were just sitting pretty there. It kind of feels nice. The food was served, and there was even a bottle of wine. I don’t know who wants to drink the wine, but I’m sure as hell I won’t drink some. I'm scared to get drunk again and do something stupid. Alcohol really contributes a lot to my stupidity. Daisy and I were sitting side by side on one side of the table while the two guys are in front of us- Zandrey in front of me and Daisy in front of Dominic. We looked at each awkwardly. We didn't know who would move first to get food. We look like crazy fools just sitting straightly. Something’s going on between Daisy and Dominic, as well as Zandrey and me. This awkwardness is kind of expected. And I didn't really know why all of us pushed through wit
Zandrey looked so stunned when he saw me entering the backseat. When he got in front, he didn't start the car right away, and peeked from there to look at me. “Are you serious?” He queried, furrowing. I couldn't look at him straight in the eye so I just looked ahead. “Yes,” I said in a firm voice. I saw him shake his head through my peripheral vision. And then I heard him chuckling. “Okay, Ai,” he mumbled, amusement was laced in his voice. “Whatever makes you happy.” He then started the car and I heard him buckling the seatbelt and before even starting to drive, he turned his head to look at me. There was a grin fighting to show. “Where to, Ma'am?” He asked teasingly. I looked at him and threw him a glare. "Stop that." Zandrey started laughing heartily. He looks really entertained with what's going on. I have really become his source of entertainment. “Are you really sure you're sitting there?” He asked again. “I will sit here.” “Why?” He queried. There was a smile
I am a logical person. I used to think more than once before arriving at a decision. I used to have a system. But that was before. When I met him, I felt like everything I’ve done was out of impulsiveness. I used to not think things through when it comes to him. When something involves him, I become this stupid person who's decision making skills is crazy. Smart people are dumb in love. Maybe that's true. I’m probably a walking example. But there’s no love involved. Just him. Just Zandrey. But I still make myself a fool. “Is there anything you want to say, Ai?” He inquired. His face looks like he’s expecting me to say something very life changing. And I feel like he has an idea what it is. He’s smart. He can probably figure it out. But how can I ever tell him that that's all I need from him? “Come on,” he urged. He really knows. I can feel it. He can read me well. He then chuckled. “Or do you want me to be the one to make the proposal?” Damn. I knew i
Zandrey followed me to the office. I was just trying to remain silent. On the other hand, he was saying a lot of things while we were on the way to the office. He seems to have unlimited topics in his head. Andrei really got that from him. “I actually have something to ask also,” he said when we were riding the elevator. We're the only ones inside. “‘What?” I queried. Whenever people say that line, I don’t know why but I always feel nervous. I know I'm not doing anything bad and questions shouldn’t make me nervous, but heck, it makes me feel uneasy until I hear the question itself. “‘Would you like to meet Mom?” He questioned. He means my biological mom and his stepmom. “Why?” “She’s been asking me to ask you,” he replied. "Is it okay with you?" Is it okay with me? Sure, we were civil the last time we saw each other, but it has been weeks and I’m not sure if that would still be the same. Until now, I still don't know what to feel about things. A part of me also