I’ve been almost living in the hospital. I would go to work but my mind would always wander, that’s why after work, I always go directly to the hospital. My mind’s really in chaos when I don’t get to visit Mommy Miranda and Daisy. Whenever I don’t know how they’re doing, I feel uneasy. It has become a part of my routine to visit them every time I have the chance. I went to Daisy first. Dom texted me earlier that she’ll be discharged tomorrow. I knocked on the door before opening it. I peeked first to make sure I’m not walking into an awkward situation. Because the last time I went it straight, I walked into them both crying. I saw Dominic sitting beside Daisy who’s currently sleeping.“How is she?” I asked when I entered the room. I tried to not make so much noise because I don’t want to wake her up. It's the only time she gets to be at peace. Because the moment she opens her eyes, she would always cry. “Still not as talkative, but she’s eating now,” Dominic replied. He’s looking
I didn’t know what to say. What he said really caught me off guard. Why does he has to say all of these?I stayed silent simply because I am lost for words. We looked like fools standing in front of a door. People would be weirded out if they see us here. “You know what, never mind,” he said, dismissing the topic we had earlier. I am suddenly lost. I don't know what's going on in his head. He opened the door to Mommy Miranda's, so I was forced to tuck that topic at the deepest part of my brain. When we entered the room, both Mom and dad were looking at us. And Mommy Miranda’s smile as usual looks like she’s teasing us. They might have noticed too that Zandrey and I are getting better. We were pretty much always together and everytime, Mommy Miranda has that weird smile on her face. I know what she's thinking. A part of me wants to stop her from thinking that way but I still ended up letting her think whatever. If that somehow makes her forget all the pain she's feeling, that's fi
We were a little quiet during dinner. Not that I don’t want to talk, but because I was enjoying the food. We talk sometimes. Zandrey would start the talk but it would immediately die down. Maybe we were both hungry because our attentions would be directed to the food right after. But I liked it better that way. We were not as awkward unlike before. I could really say I’m slowly getting comfortable again. When we finished eating, I felt like there’s something else I want to do more. It’s Friday and I’ve never been out for so long. I miss going out and drinking on Friday nights. Sadly, that rarely happens these days. First, because I don't have anyone to hangout with because Daisy's still recovering. Second, I’m swamped with work. Third, do I even have the energy left? I don’t think so. “Do you want to go home?” Zandrey asked after paying the bill. I asked myself, do I want to go home already? I looked outside. The street lights made outside looked magical. Maybe I was re
Silence enveloped us after he said those words. I don’t know how to react. He totally caught me off guard. He also didn't say anything after blurting out those words. Because of the silence, I felt the need to do something- anything that can distract me from the words he just said. So I took interest with the beer. I was supposed to stop drinking, but I took the glass to my mouth and drank the remaining beer in it. I could feel Zandrey gazing at me. “Don't you want to go home?” He broke the silence. I could feel the heat spreading on my face, which means I’m quite drunk now, but i could still think straight, just drunk enough to be shameless. “Do you wanna go home now?” I asked back. I tried to stare back at him. We were both staring at each other, like no one wants to lose the staring game. “Only if you want to,” he replied. “I can't leave you here because you're... quite drunk, so you can’t drive,” he added. I nodded. Something crazy’s running in my head. And I d
Warning: R18. Zandrey was my first and my last kiss and more and it has been years since it happened. But when our lips touched, it was like I still knew all along how it would feel. It was familiar and consuming. I was guessing he was surprised because of what I did as he was not able to react right away. I’m crazy, I know. Earlier, I don't even want to be with him, but a few glasses of beer later, I’m even initiating a kiss. When I realized what I had done, I quickly moved away. “I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t hear him reply. When I looked at Zandrey, he was just staring at me- the kind of stare that’s trying to pierce through my soul. “Why did you do that?” He asked. Why did I do that? Because he looks good and dashing and dreamy and I’m drunk and I haven’t kissed anyone for a very long time. But I didn’t say a word. “Aira…” “I’m drunk, I’m sorry,” I said. Now I’m starting to feel ashamed. “Please don’t say you’re sorry.” I didn’t move. I feel like
The moment I woke up, the memories of what happened last night all came to my mind. I couldn't even care about the throbbing pain in ny head because the memories of what happened last night invaded my entire system. Now I feel so frustrated not to Zandrey or anyone, but to myself. See? I knew I would regret it but I still let it happen last night. No, I made it happen last night. I suddenly remember how I initiated the kiss, how I told him to fuck me. I don't know if my mind was playing tricks on me, but I thought about me almost begging him for it to happen. And I even told myself I’ll deal with it today. Now that today finally came, I wanted to slap and punch myself. “Good morning, Mommy,” Andrei greeted. I was glad he didn't see me look crazy rolling above my bed earlier. When he went inside my room, I was just lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. What can I do now when everything's already happened? It can't be undone. And even if I try to not think about it t
The entire time I was with Zandrey was a torture for me. It should be a good time for us because we’re making Andrei happy. But everytime I see his face, the first thing that comes to my mind was what happened last night. I tried my best to dismiss it because it would only affect my day with our son. I’m not sure if I did succeed, I just know that I survived. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I can't avoid him forever. We have a kid together. At times like this when I don’t know what to do, I always go to Daisy. But with what she's going through, I don't want to burden her with my problems. She has a bigger problem she has to face. I feel bad that I don’t have any idea how she’s doing right now. I always send her a message, asking how she is or of there's anything she wants to do but she never replied to my texts. I thought maybe I should visit her. And that’s what I did. After weeks of thinking about it, I finally went to visit her. I'm already outside their house. I just
Everytime I ask myself, I also don't know the answer. I don’t know what I feel. I don't know if I still feel mad or I just don't want to feel anything at all. Feelings are too complicated to deal with. I don't want to add more things to the list of stuff I need to think about. I was staring at nowhere, diving deep into my thoughts, but I still ended up answering, “I don’t know.” “It's hard to assess feelings, right?” Daisy suddenly murmured. I looked at her and quickly wondered what’s going on with her and Dom. I was drowning with the things that are going on in my life lately that I forgot to ask her. “How's you and Dom?” I queried. One of the reason why they got married was because Daisy got pregnant and both of them realized they want to give the child a complete family. But I can see and feel it, that they feel something for each other. I saw them before everything got messy. And I saw how genuine Dominic is. It’s just sad that going through this rough patch led them t
Zandrey should know because he's a doctor. I wanted to ask him, but I suddenly felt conscious. Even if we've done it many times, I still have an ounce of shyness in me.I saw him walk towards me. He's carrying our son in his arms. I saw how the kid ran to him earlier and how excitement filled his face when he saw his father. And now, the kid was talking non-stop while they were on the way towards me, yet Zandrey's gaze remains on me.He has that usual smile on his face. He looks so carefree and problem-free. He's always glowing. I feel like the world is really unfair because those who has stressful jobs are the ones more glowing. Zandrey is a walking example. He's busy with his job and does not have much time for himself, but he still manages to smile like that.He radiates so much positivity, and I just realized how much I needed someone like him in my life. I feel like we compliment well. Even when we just knew each other, we already clicked. I know he's a good person and has a good
"Are you joining in the van with us?" Daisy asked. They're currently loading all the stuff we need to the van. Dominic will be driving. All their stuff are already inside. They just dropped by here to get the stuff we will bring. After that, they'll go to Mommy Emily to get her. As for Zandrey, I'm not sure. He's not here yet. "I'm not sure," I answered. They did almost everything, while I just sat there watching them. I wanna help but I know lifting heavy stuff isn't for me, especially right now. I get clumsy sometimes so I should move as less as possible. "Where's Zandrey?" She added. He has work last night. I just don't know if his shift is over. His schedule often changes and he wasn't able to inform me. "I also don't know," I replied. I kind of feel sad that he's not here yet, but I cannot do anything about it. "Can you give me some of that?" I added. She was eating some chips and she was eating it with gusto that I felt the need to eat some as well. She handed me the pack. I
We weren't able to push through our plan of going to the beach after my birthday. When I knew I was pregnant, I told everyone we can't go because I was not feeling well. Maybe I lied well in that part because they never doubted me.However, maybe we were bound to go one way or another, because Daisy decided to set another date. And this time, I was not able to invent a lie, unfortunately. "This will look good on you!" Daisy mumbled. She handed me the hanger with a pair of swim suit. I frowned at her. I shouldn't wear something like that. I'm not sure how visible my bump is. We're currently at the mall, buying stuff for our beach getaway which wil happen this weekend. She wanted to buy some new stuff for herself so I just tagged along. She ended up choosing things for the both of us. "I don't like that," I said. "This really suits you," she insisted. I shook my head and tried to look for something else. I don't want something so revealing. "What do you want?" She asked as she put
Since we haven’t told anyone yet about the pregnancy, we were very careful when it comes to doing things. He wants me to stay at home for now, and maybe work from home too. But I don't want to. People will definitely wonder why I’m not doing my normal routine. So here I am, in the office and doing all the things I’m supposed to do. I even drove myself coming here while Zandrey drove Andrei to school. “Good morning, Ma’am Aira,” Jelyn greeted when she saw me coming. I smiled at her and gestured to her to follow me to my office. This time, I was not wearing heels and was walking as carefully as possible. I'm still afraid I'll trip and fall. Of course, I don’t want that to happen so I’m being extra careful. Jelyn then proceeded to tell me all the things that I need to do today. That includes some meetings and site visits. But I declined the site visits. It's too risky for now. “Can you ask my Dad if he can do the site visit instead?” I asked. “Yes, Ma'am. I'll inform him
I’d like to think that this is my pregnancy hormones craving for Zandrey, craving for his presence and all of him. I’m definitely not the clingy type but I have this feeling that I just want to see him all the time. I want to feel his presence all the time. I want to hear his voice all the time. I’m getting used to this feeling of wanting him to be just around all the time. It has been two weeks since we knew about my pregnancy. I haven't said anything to anyone just yet. Even Zandrey hasn't said anything too. It’s just the two of us who know I’m carrying his child. We have already been to the OB-Gyne. I was so nervous. I was reminded of the time I also went to the OB-Gyne when I was pregnant with Andrei and Andres. I was also very nervous that time. But unlike now, I have someone I can hold when I’m trembling in fear. Before, I used to go to my appointments with Dad or Mommy Miranda. But being accompanied by Zandrey hits different. The entire time I was being checked by the d
I feel like I look like a kid waiting for her parents to come home. I was sitting on the balcony of my room. I could see the gate from up here and I could see anyone coming. I sat there patiently, waiting for a car to arrive- waiting for Zandrey to arrive. I already cleaned myself after puking. I'm already wearing fresh clothes. I don't want to go downstairs just yet. I wanna know he's already there before I go down. While I was waiting for him, I was also thinking about a lot of things. I was thinking about when I should tell the people close to me about my pregnancy. I need the perfect timing. Mommy Miranda just passed away and Daisy lost her baby. I'm really not sure if it's okay to tell them just yet. I really have to think about it. I'm also not sure how Andrei would react. The kid would be thrilled, I can imagine. But I also don't know if I should tell him already. I probably need Zandrey’s perspective on this. While thinking about things, I saw Zandrey’s car parked o
"Daisy," I called. She asked me to meet her at a restaurant just near my shop. I don’t know what’s going on. She didn’t tell me anything, but I know something is bothering her. Her calling out of the blue and asking me to hang out somewhere definitely tells me something. "Oh Ai," she murmured. She motioned me to sit in front of her so I did. "Why did you call me again? Is something wrong?" I asked the moment I sat down. She smiled at me. I’m just not sure if it was a genuine or forced one. She suddenly became hard to read. Before, I could read her by just looking at her face. It seems she has become better at hiding what she really feels. I don’t know if that’s a good thing. "I just needed someone to talk to,” she answered and then she stifled a sigh. I suddenly feel bad. I don’t know just yet what’s really the reason why she’s like this, but I already feel so bad. "Tell me what's wrong," I grumbled. "A lot of weird things are just happening in my life lately,” she replied and it
The thought that I am pregnant didn't register in my head right away. I still can’t believe it and the idea’s still out there, in the abyss of my thoughts and is refusing to be acknowledged. We ate the ice cream together, but that was just it. We barely spoke a word, and I don’t know what to feel about it. I know Zandrey is also thinking about a lot of things right now. When he left, I was left there with my thoughts. It was surrounding me that I almost thought I was drowning. I tried swimming and then gave up. And then there it is… It finally sinked n. I am pregnant. Andrei’s going to have a sibling. Dad will have another grandchild. Daisy will have another niece or nephew. God, Daisy… I don’t know why but I suddenly felt guilty about getting pregnant unexpectedly. I’m not sure how it happened. I was prompt with my pills… or was I? I know it happens, but it’s crazy to have happened to me. We were careful, since we started the agreement. Were his sperms that strong? Does t
Zandrey’s POV I don’t want to agree on the arrangement Aira wanted. I’m not just after her body. I want to be in her life, to be in our son’s life, to be included in her priorities. But I can't just push that thought, can I? I want her for myself, but I don’t want her to think I’m selfish. In every decision I make since we met again, she was in my head. Every step I make, it’s her that I consider. I just wanted to win her back. But destiny has been so playful. We see each other, but she doesn't like seeing me. But still, giving up on her was not in my plans. I’ll do everything I can to win her trust again. If it means waiting for her until I turn seventy, then I am okay with that. She’s worth the wait, so I am willing to wait. Giving her pleasure was so important for me. It’s always her over anything. Even if I don't get mine, I'm fine, as long as she’s satisfied, and I make her moan for my name, I’m good with that. Nothing feels better than that. Everytime she scratches