5

Aria

I wake up some time in the early hours of the morning. Blue light filters into the room, casting everything into a hazy shadow. I am on my back and two arms are crossed over my waist as warmth embraces me on both sides. I turn my head slightly to look at Moira on my right, looking peaceful in sleep.

On my left is Halona, both of their arms wrapped tightly around me and their hands gripping each other so that the three of us are linked. Connected. The thought gives me comfort and peace. 

I vaguely remember them coming to me last night. They had knocked but I ignored it, not feeling up to talking to anyone. I heard the click of the lock turning, then they had come into the room, having used magic to get in.

When they each sat beside me on the bed, the dam had burst and the tears flowed freely, as I sobbed out what had happened. I remember being gathered to them and comforted. I felt safe and loved for the first time in a long while. It was something that I now realize that I really needed.

Very carefully I slide out from under their arms, scooting off of the bed and tiptoeing across the room to the door. I don't want to wake them, considering they only went to sleep a few hours ago. We stayed up most of the night, talking. They tried to distract me from my troubles.

I easethe door open and come to an abrupt stop. There on the floor outside my door is Madoc. He stares up at me from red, blood-shot eyes. I jump, barely holding back the yelp. He scared the heck out of me because I didn't expect anyone to be there. He remains still, staring up at me in silence. I feel tears gather behind my eyes at his forlorn expression.

Looking at him, I think of just how unfair life is. A few months ago I lived with my parents in Richmond. I lived in a huge house with the two of them and my two sisters. My big brother was off at college, coming home one weekend a month. Life was good. My sisters and brother had powers that they had to hide in the normal world, but that they cultivated in the small paranormal town that Grandma Aggie lived in. Then one day, my parents hugged me goodbye and got on a plane. They had something come up involving this new project of theirs. 

They were only suppose to be gone for just a few nights, so Aggie came to stay with us. Then one day the doorbell rings. It is two men in suits. They ask to speak to my grandmother. They tell us that there was an accident. I remember that I heard a loud thundering in my ears, drowning out his words.

“I'm so sorry, but there were no survivors” managed to sneak past the roar and register in my brain. I heard my Grandma let out a sob as both of my sisters started wailing. I don't even remember calling my brother, just the next thing I know he is saying 'hello' in my ear and I say the words aloud for the first time. My new normal. I said, “Mom and Dad are dead. We are all alone and I need you.”

After that, I remember nothing as the room faded to black. The next time I woke up I was in my bed with my brother beside me in a reading chair. His eyes red-rimmed and swollen from crying. I remember him giving me the smallest smile as he took my hands in his. “Everything is going to be okay. I have got you, kid. We will get passed this.. together.”

From that moment on, I never doubted that I would be okay because I never doubted for a minute that he would always protect me. When everyone was at their lowest, reaching their breaking point, he stood firm, never wavering in his strength. He handled the arrangements for the funeral, managed the finances and the selling of the house, all the while keeping us together and watching Grandma closely. She had us all worried there for a moment.

He packed my and my sisters up, moving us to Hamlet with him and Aggie. Grandma Aggie had just moved into a retirement home for supernatural beings, so the four of us moved into her newly empty house. He was a pillar of strength, never letting on that he was tired and hurting, even though I know he must have been. He had so much to deal with and yet he never complained. He dealt with it all, never showing his pain. 

That's what last night was, I suddenly realize. He has held all his grief and pain in for weeks. Last night, he lost it. I pushed him too far, until he lost it. I know deep down that just because he said that I am a burden doesn't mean that he doesn't love me.

The three of us are a burden on him. We are a cross that he has to bear constantly. A responsablity that he never asked for. Yet, he took all of it on, no matter the cost to him. So, even though it hurt me at the time to hear his words, I know that he needed to say it. It was his honest emotion. I can not find fault with him for that.

I lean on the wall across from him, my back sliding down until I am on the floor, as well. I draw my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, resting my chin on the top of my legs. I look at him and he watches me. “Aria..”

“I am so sorry.”

I say the words before he can. He shakes his head vehemently, “No. Not this time. You have nothing to be sorry about. This was me. I was out of line and I was stupid. I didn't even mean what I said.”

“You did. And it is okay that you did. You are right. We are burdens on you. You didn't ask for this either. You lost just as much as we did, yet we act like we are the only ones who are allowed to feel the loss and the pain. Like we are the only ones who can mourn or feel angry. We set impossible standards for you. We can't expect you to be happy about us ruining your life. We-”

“Stop!” He leans forward towards me, his intent gaze capturing mine. “You did not ruin my life!” He lays a cool hand on the side of my face. “Yes, my life changed just as much as yours did. I was suddenly thrust into a new role that I might not have been prepared for. But I never, not even for one second, regret this. The three of you are all I have left. Aggie lives her own life, doing what she can to heal. That leaves the four of us to try to heal each other.”

“But we haven't helped you heal, we have just made you help us. We were selfish.” I cry out, feeling the sting of tears behind my eyes once more. Shit, I never knew that I was this much of a crybaby. I brush at my face impatiently, not giving the tears a chance to fall.

“That is not true at all. You want to know how I can remain so strong? Because I know that behind me I have Halona's fire, Moira's light and your huge heart. The three of you are my strength. The day of Mom and Dad's funeral, I woke up and I couldn't move. I was paralized in bed. But then I thought, Aggie is going to be a wreck. Someone is going to have to comfort her. I knew that Moira would lean on her and Aggie would lean back. The two of them would hold each other up. I knew that Halona's fiery nature would win out and her seething anger at the unjustness of the world would tamp down her grief and give her the strength to make it through."

I smile wanly at his description of Halona. It is pretty darn accurate. He smiles back at me, looking sad but sincere. "It was you. The thought of you, standing alone, drawing into yourself for strength. I knew you would handle everything. Hell, you would have done an even better job than I did. You keep saying how strong I was, how I was the one who was there for you. You have been wrong all along. I got my strength from you. Without the three of you, I would have been lost. You didn't ruin my life, you gave it purpose again. You gave me a reason to get out of bed each morning, when I would have stayed in. I wanted to be there for you, not to offer you comfort, but to be comforted by you.”

I sniff back tears, inhaling sharply. I have never heard my brother speak so passionately about anything or so profoundly. He lays his hand on mine. “Look, I know that I was horrible last night. I said things that I didn't mean. I overreacted and I was a fool. I need you to know how sorry I am.”

“It's okay.” I say.

“No, it's really not.” He shakes his head. “You are not immature, you know. You do more for this family then any of us realize. We never thank you enough. We take you for granted and it's not fair.”

“Maddy-”

“No. Listen just a minute longer. I want you to know something. I love you. You are my little sister. I remember the day you were born and every day with you since. I know that you don't feel like you fit in because you don't have powers, but that's what makes you so wonderful. The only thing that makes us unique is some magical fluke that we were born with. The thing that makes you so spectacular is your personality. That is why you are so special to us and to anyone who knows you. You are such a wonderful girl. I am proud to be your older brother. So just remember, you are not invisiable and you do fit in. You fit in right here with us. We aren't complete without you.”

Just when I felt like I was done crying he says something like that and the flood gates reopen. I move into his arms and he hugs me close, letting me sob it out against his shoulder. Suddenly I feel another pair of arms around us. “Don't leave me out!” Moira says, a smile in her voice. “Come on Halona!”