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Chapter 18
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I'd like us to establish one thing and one thing only, I'm fucking damaged. Always have been and probably always will be. I tried to change but we all know that change can't happen overnight especially for a fucked up girl like myself. I've been through all kinds of shit, all kinds of shit with all kinds of men.
I've been in prostitution ever since I was only sixteen years old. So when I say I'm fucking damaged, that should already let you in on some of the fucked up shit I've done. I'm talking about sleeping with men triple my age.
I've tried to deal with my issues but every person I've ever been with has never allowed me to deal with it. They all just tell me to hush and that everything will be ok.
I'll let you in on a little secret about men, they love damaged women. Not because they can fix us, but because we end up depending on them and making them our heroes and men love that.
I'm
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Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 19
It was Saturday night and as promised, Zale had returned from whatever his business was. We didn't talk much, he just told me that he and I were going to have dinner together and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved. I guess I just wanted to break away from the routine my life had become this week.I’m not complaining but it’s been a big change of scenery and running a club wasn’t easy. It was so much simpler running the “red boot guards” as Zale had come to call them. They were only a handful of men and they stuck to my side every hour of the day. Whereas running the club was taking care of all of the many employees which were north of 20 and trying to control the drunk men and women who stumbled around. I was doing my absolute best and I very quickly figured out how to do my job because I wanted to impress Zale and show him that I was capable of doing this.He told me the driver would drop
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 20
Everything about my day had been perfect. I'd gone shopping until my feet hurt and I bought the most beautiful of silk dresses and the sexiest of underwear. I didn’t rob myself of the luxury of designer bags and shoes and as I had promised Zale, I went for a massage. I did my hair and nails and I was feeling refreshed and the best I've felt in a while.But I needed some relief and now that Zale was home, I knew that some way, somehow he'd catch me in my bathroom. I don't know how but I just know that he will and honestly, I don't think I'm ready for him to see me like that. I just got this job and I can't lose it, and this might be what will make him snap and push him over the edge. Strangely, I don’t want to upset him because he was trying so hard to bring light into my world but he had no idea that I was more damaged than I let on.So I stood outside the door of Hadassah's apartment, waiting for her to
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 21
It was hours after, when I finally returned home. Home?The word registered in my head after I had said to myself and it almost made me freeze up in surprise because I’ve never had a place to call home. The words had just come into my mind and the thoughts were like words that echoed from my heart and it was strange to believe that I had only been here a little over a week and I was now calling it home.Before I left Hadassah's place, I made sure I had cleaned up and there would be no trace of anything on my face and anywhere else.I pushed the door of my bedroom open and when I did I found Zale sitting on my bed, with his head in his hands, "Zale..." I called out softly wondering if he was ok.He looked up at me but didn't say a word, he just looked at me, "where have you been?" he
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 22
"Hello, Beauty," a man with a white coat on said to me, "my name's Steve and I'm assigned to you for the next 30 days," he said to me, smiling as though I was supposed to be happy that I'm here. I look his features briefly and he seemed like the typical kind of man you would find working in these types of institutions.The hair on top of his head was grey and thin but neatly combed back to make him seem more professional and neat, his thin framed glasses sat on the bridge of his long nose and his face was mapped out with more than just a few wrinkles. His skin was olive toned and he had a smile on his face that caused the laugh crinkles around his eyes to become more pronounced."I'm not a drug addict," I lied to him, nervously scratching my arm as I looked around his office because I didn’t want him to see the truth in my eyes."The first step to healing, Beauty, is accepting that you hav
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 23
"You have a visitor," the assistant nurse said to me as she opened my door and made motion for me to stand up."Who?" I asked her, wondering who the hell wanted to see me but she didn't answer me. She just started leading me down the hallways until we got to the visiting area, where various other recovering addicts were seated with their families.I rolled my eyes when I saw Zale and turned around, wanting nothing to do with him but the assistant nurse, whose name was Echo, stopped me and forced me to carry on until I got to Zale before she blushed when he looked up at her and thanked her.I frowned at the interaction and then glared at Zale who finally looked away from her and then at me, a smile on his face which slowly slid off when he saw my expression.I didn’t want to see him, not for a very long time. I was mad at him
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 24
In all the time that I have been here I keep to myself. I just sit and stare at the white walls as I try to fight the strong urge to start screaming and looking around for my medicine. I need it, so much. The memories keep coming all at once and I don't know how to deal with it without my medicine. There's no escape from the horrible memories.Drugs were the only way that I have thought of dealing with my trauma because they helped me escape the problem. Unlike Steve who thought that I had to talk about my problems in order to learn to forgive myself and heal, I thought otherwise. If I talked about it, it would only make the shit that I have gone through that much more real. Whereas if I keep them locked away in my mind, it helps to push the thoughts away and makes what I have gone through seem like only a bad dream.Today was the first day I'd stepped out of my room and I couldn't take it. I kept scratching my arms and n
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 25
Fear.I haven't felt that feeling in more than thirty years. What did I, Zale, the American Don have to fear?I had a group of loyal men who were willing to kill and die for me. I had an army of men at my disposal at every edge and corner of the United States of America and dare I say, across the entire world. I was untouchable and no one, not even the president of the Free World could lay a hand on me if I wanted. If it did happen that someone did, like Carter had, their deaths were slow and painful. And their families would also have to suffer from their foolish actions. Carter’s entire bloodline was wiped out and I wouldn’t have it any other way.I feared nothing. Not even death itself because I felt invincible.Until now...I'm so afraid to the point where I'm paralyzed. I'm just sitti
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 26
The misfits, as I like to call them all walked into my hospital room followed by Steve. Each held a concerned look on their face, as though me being here hurt them as much as it hurt me. I felt like I had been run over by an 18 wheeler and I was in a lot of pain. I would move if I could but all I could do was just lay there and look into their eyes with shame and despair. It was embarrassing to be laying here in this bed after what had happened. So I avoided their eyes and shamefully looked at my hands, choosing to stay silent because I couldn’t find the right words to say.I wished I could disappear at this moment and for the earth to swallow me whole. It felt so much more real right now and it was so obvious that I had a problem and I felt ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed of putting up a fight when Steve only tried to help me because if only I had listened I wouldn’t be here.A small part of me wished
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Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 39
"Boss, your phone," I was sitting on my balcony, looking out at the beautiful sunset and just thinking about what life will be like in a few days. I can't wait to look at sunsets with the love of my life, for the rest of my life.Beauty and I have been looking at sunsets for these past few weeks and I can't get out of my mind how peaceful she and I are whenever we watched the sun set. I'll hold her in my arms and I won't get tired of her body being close to mine and now...now we're going to be parents."Boss," I snapped my head back at the silly man who kept calling me."Who the fuck is it?" I snapped at him. I was thinking about Beauty and whenever I think about her, I don't want to get interrupted because I enjoy the world I get lost in."It's your uncle, he says you want to hear him, it's about Beauty," the man said as he hande
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 38
After our little yet beautiful and private, kind of sad excuse of a ceremony, everything felt right with the world and everything felt perfect between us. The sun seemed to shine a bit brighter and the air felt cooler with all the breeze that blew through his bedroom. We were having the time of our lives, still dressed in our wedding attire and acting silly.We sang and danced around his bedroom, spinning each other and rapping along to rap music. We ordered pizzas and sat and ate about a million slices as we talked about baby names and decorating a baby room.We laughed and took a nap, wrapped up in each other's arms and it felt like we really had our wedding day. To us, we were already married. We just needed it to be on paper but that's alright.Yesterday felt like a dream as I stood arguing with Zale right now. It's nothing serious, he just doesn't want me to leave but I promised him I'd be fine b
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 37
Zale refused to let me out of his sight ever since we found out I was expecting. I can't even go to the bathroom alone without him following me to make sure I don't get hurt. I keep telling him it's alright to at least let me pee in peace but the man is determined to protect me and who am I to stop him from that?So I had to keep us entertained because if we weren't making love or having rough and wild sex, we were sitting and planning for our future, talking about this baby and how we'd spoil them rotten.Zale has been begging me for the past week to show him my wedding dress, that was hidden in his closet somewhere and I made him swear he won't look at it. I know he keeps his word when it comes to me.I kept telling him no but today, I guess we were feeling a bit rebellious and I was so eager for him to see the dress. I didn't care about anything else because I wa
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 36
"That's the third time you've thrown up this morning," Zale complained and looked at me with great concern as he handed me a glass of water to drink, "I'm calling the doctor, whether you like it or not," he told me. I understood why he wanted to call the doctor but it was just a bit of normal sickness. I probably ate something that upset my stomach and I was paying for it. Or maybe it’s because of my detoxing and my diets and it’s somehow upsetting my stomach."No," I shook my head, "I'm fine," I sighed, handing him back the now empty glass as I put my forehead into my palm, wondering why the hell I was feeling so under the weather. I couldn’t help but ask myself what it really is because everything that I’m on is healthy and it shouldn’t make me throw up like this."Look at you, Beauty. The sooner I call the doctor in, the faster you can get better. I don't want you feeling so sick on
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 35
We were both all wrapped up in his silk sheets, our legs intertwined and his hands all over my body and my hands all up in his hair. We were both sweaty and only calming down from the multiple orgasms we both experienced.The curtains were wide open and the room was brightly lit with the early morning sun. Fresh air was coming into his massive master bedroom that was the size of a mall with a bed that could fit more than twenty people.Everything really felt right with the world at this moment as I looked at this man who had given me a lot more than I thought he or any other person would be able to. I really can’t stop thinking about how well he has treated me and how long he stayed by my side even when I was struggling with my addiction and trust issues."Zale," I said his name softly and he kissed me on my collarbone, "you're the first person to
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 34
"I'm going to go see Hadassah," I told Zale as I stepped out of the shower with him and avoided his eyes. It was because I knew exactly how he would react when I told him. Zale blames Hadassah for my overdose and I’ve argued with him and tried to explain to him that it was all entirely my fault and I had manipulated Hadassah for my own wants. Zale refuses to see it that way, to him, if Hadassah actually cared about me, she wouldn’t have brought me the drugs.He does have a point but I refuse to blame Hadassah because it was my decision to take the drugs and I take full responsibility for it."Why?" he asked me, furrowing his eyebrows, as he looked down at me and I matched the intensity of his gaze."Because she's my friend and I want to invite her to the wedding.""I don't like her," he said with a frown and I sighed. Zale had been so upset after my overdose and
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 33
A lot of girls grow up with dreams and visions about how their special day will be and I’ve come across many girls who have described to me the perfect princess fairy tale. Almost every young girl wanted a big ball gown and the carriage with white horses. They all pictured themselves getting married in a castle to their perfect Prince Charming.But because of the kind of living environment that I had grown up in, I wasn’t afforded a chance to dream of a better life and imagine my future. I was forced to deal with the deep and dark present nightmare that I called my life.And even when I had grown up and I turned 30 years old, I never thought that anyone would still want to settle down to me. I also didn’t plan on settling down with anyone because I didn’t think that I was capable of loving a man or a woman at any point and time in my life. Yet here I was, going wedding dress shopping with
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 32
The second we returned home and walked into his bedroom, Zale strode towards me. When he reached me, he threw me on the bed and climbed on after me. He balanced on his knees over me, pulling the buttons of his pants open impatiently.I laid where I had fallen and watched as he reached down and tore the shirt I was wearing, ripping it from me and revealing my dark nipples. His hands went into my pants and pulled them off with rough motions.I couldn’t find any words to say because I was anticipating this, all I wanted was him and I didn’t want to fill the air with any empty words. The air was filled with our heavy breaths as he made quick movement to give me the relief we both needed sexually.He flipped me onto my belly, putting his hands under my hips and lifted me. He was on me and then inside me in a moment, kneeing my legs apart, finding the angle and plunging into my softn
Obsession of Prisoner VII Chapter 31
"Oh damn," Zale whistled as I met him by the foyer and he extended his hand for me to take, spinning me slowly so he could see me in my outfit. I was dressed in a sophisticated pure white pantsuit with a white blouse underneath the jacket. I had on a pair of sensible heels and my hair was brushed to perfection.
