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Chapter 11: Show Must Go On
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2022-09-20 18:18:19Related chapters
Not Like Me Chapter 12: Possibly Forever
I feel bad about Zander. I didn't want to make him sad. I didn't want to make him cry. I am not one-hundred percent certain; he did cry. But I did. I want to imagine we are empaths. Our emotions are cousins, and we can feel each other's pain. I know that that's not the case, though. The first bell rings. Zander isn't in homeroom. I see him drive away from the second-story window. I must have hit a nerve. Sorry Zander, but I don't remember you asking me out. And Brit would hate me. Leslie Thompson sits down next to me."That was so savage."I am a bit startled by her comment. Is she talking to me? "Excuse me?" I ask. I fold my hands on my desk. "You and Aiden Buckland. Damn, I never thought he'd choose someone like you."She glances at me up and down. I know I am not good enough. I'm the ugly duckling being interviewed by a swan. Swans are bitches. They are beautiful and meaningful. "If you're trying to scare me, you can fuck off," I snap. "Whatever, watch yourself. Once Aiden is
Last Updated : 2022-09-20Not Like Me Chapter 13: Facing the Truth
I give Zander all the space he needs. Space is the best medicine. He's put a boundary around me, and it's for the best. Brittany finds me after school. "So, you're dating Aiden? Spill."I hate that I have to tell her everything. It's at this moment when I realize I don't want to be friends with Brittany anymore. Being best friends with a control freak is wicked hard. I want a new friend. "Yeah, I almost ran him over with my car at the mall a little while ago. We ended up going on a date, and it just took off from there.""Well, it's about time. I'm glad to hear it. For a moment, I thought you were trying to date Zander. You know, when I found you in his room." "Brit, you ditched me to have sex with Kyle. Zander offered to watch some guy movie with me. But yeah, Aiden and I are a thing now.""Well, I'm glad you and Zander didn't happen. Then you and I couldn't be friends anymore."I don't understand her backward logic. I want to understand where this terrible idea stems from. What i
Last Updated : 2022-09-21Not Like Me Chapter 14: Stephanie Returns
The backwoods have always been my safe place. After a hunt with my dad, I would come here and relax. It was the best place on earth to be...to calm and chill. I remember cleaning my gun on that bench. Zander sits down on my sacred bench. I'm not sure how to feel. The pretense of Aiden and I was all a con to get Zander's attention. I fear Aiden will want it to go on for longer than a week or two. Aiden and I have gone on a few dates these last few weeks. And I have enjoyed it. I have enjoyed eating food and laughing with him. I have enjoyed his company. It's been more than pretense at times. But now that I have Zander's attention, I don't know what the fuck to do. "Why am I here, Zander?" I know it's stupid to ask. I'm the one who wanted to chat with him in the first place. I'm the one who wanted Zander to hold me forever. I fell into the arms of another man to get to this conversation in the woods. Well played, Ashley..."I think you know."His eyes look at me the way they did thi
Last Updated : 2022-09-21Not Like Me Chapter 15: Aiden's Game
It's good to be around Steph. She's a breath of fresh air. She's more like me than Brit ever will be. I'm the tomboy, and Steph is the punk. She's almost goth without being emo about it. She still wears all black and has her hair straight down her back. As we get in my car, I see the purple and red streaks in her hair. She has a spider web tattoo on her wrist. I'm sure it's real. Her mother was always into letting Steph do whatever she wants to her body. "So tell me about Aiden?" "Well, he's a hot soccer player now. His hair is curly and blonde. He's tall. He's sexy.'"Gross. I get the picture.""Steph, there's a lot I need to tell you. Could you and I have a sleepover this weekend?" "Sure, will Brit be there?" "No, just you. I want one with just you. Brit knows all about boring old me.""Is there something going on that you don't want her to know about?""Well...." I don't even bother finishing that sentence. "Got it. Sure, I can come over, just like old times. You always did k
Last Updated : 2022-09-21Not Like Me Chapter 16: A Little Bit Longer
In life, we all have roles to play. Lover, musician, teacher, athlete, daughter, son, or friend. We all have a story in this wonderful thing called life. There are many paths to take, many what-ifs to follow. And sometimes not enough reason to go on. My life is a path with a two-way fork in the middle. The trail for Aiden is straight, predictable, and as clear as glass. The path for Zander is covered by thornbushes, with twists and turns in the road. Zander gave me a choice. It's time I talk to Aiden. But first, I need to be a good friend and be there for Brittany. I've always been there for her. I wish she could be there for me. Stephanie Burnham coming back into my life was no accident. It was fate intervening on my behalf. Steph and I get out of the car. We knock on the Hogan's large door. Mrs. Hogan answers. Luckily, it's a Friday night. I'm sure a sleepover is in my future. I wanted a sleepover with just Steph. Unfortunately, Kyle had to break up with Brit at the worst possibl
Last Updated : 2022-09-21Not Like Me Chapter 17: Gentleman
Kissing is a crime when it involves a triangle. I kissed Zander, and I can't deny it. We kissed, and now I'm more confused than I have ever been. I want to be with Zander. I want to be with Aiden. I have cheated on both with the other. I'm confused and new to the game. I'm in the game, and I don't know how to play by the rules. My parents didn't teach me these rules. They technically don't want me to date until college. Something to do with my mother's questionable past. I get it. They don't want me to repeat some shallow high school love triangle that my mother lived through. But the history in my family is here, repeating itself before my eyes. And the worst part is. I'm still confused. At my core, I want Zander. I want him and everything he stands for. He was there from the beginning. Aiden, on the other hand, is easy. He is not off-limits, and people now recognize us as a couple. I pull away from Zander. "I can't do this. You told me to take my time and gave me space. Well, I
Last Updated : 2022-09-21Not Like Me Chapter 18: Hopelessly Devoted
Two weeks pass. I never met Zander in the woods. I haven't spoken with Brittany in ages. The Hogan twins have kept their distance from me, and it's for the better. There's nothing wrong with letting go, as long as moving on is the ultimate goal. And for me, that is the only option. I have been lonely these past two weeks. Other than Aiden's company, I've been alone. The raccoons in our house have taken over once again. I found myself talking with one last night. I think I saw Meeko. He still misses Rocket. Stephanie has ignored me. Not that it matters, though. I haven't seen her in years. We didn't talk much during that time. It's not like I was used to having her in my life anymore. Lunch in high school is about peer pressure. I grab my lunch. The milk is pink today. Strawberry milk is disgusting. It makes my stomach ache. I grab apple juice instead. I gran two sub-sandwiches. As I pay the cashier, I realize I have no one but Aiden to sit with. And if he dumps me, I am truly alon
Last Updated : 2022-09-21Not Like Me Chapter 19: The Studio
Aiden takes me to the ballet studio. I blush and giggle inside. So this is what it feels like to fall for a guy. Zander is in the back of my head. He will always be there. My first crush will always live in my memory. We didn't date, but he left his magic on me. And magic lasts forever. The memory of Zander is there, but I won't let it spoil my feelings for Aiden. The dance studio is larger than the one at Stanford. This is Concord Heights, and the walls are made of gold, and angels enchant the hardwood floor. The dancers of Concord Heights go on to study at Julliard. I would be honored to be among them. My ankles feel the footwork within. I remember plies and pirouettes. I can sense them in my ankles and toes. My accident came with a price; the ticking bomb in my ankle is my tumor. My foot tumor is painful. My parents spent thousands of dollars to have it removed. It came back with a silent vengeance. Vengeance stole my talents and dreams from me. I'm a dreamer without a dream. A
Last Updated : 2022-09-22
Latest chapter
Not Like Me Chapter 41: The Nutcracker
A week has passed since I broke up with Zander. Aiden and I are in a new relationship, one I intend to keep. Christmas break is almost here, and with it, the opening of the Nutcracker ballet. I know I'm ready. I have studied and have practiced more and more with Madame. My mother has even attended a few of my last minute one on one sessions. She praised me for my comeback. I know it's a small comeback that a seven-year-old could perform...but for someone with an injury, a comeback has so much meaning. I was told I would never dance again that the tumor in my ankle was too vicious to even dance upon. Well, during Christmas break, I will prove them all wrong during my final performance as a ballet dancer. I have other passions now. Thanks to Aiden and art, I have a desire to pursue more things with my whole heart. Madame has heard about my ballet paintings and has agreed to let me sit in the back of the studio to paint her students in action. She plans to decorate the entire ballet s
Not Like Me Chapter 40: The Heat
Aiden and I get ready to leave the cabin. I put my clothes back on to avoid suspicion from my parents. I'm already going to be in trouble with Zander. I don't need to get my parents mixed up in this drama. At least not today. Aiden gets in the car. He puts his sunglasses on. He is wearing his letterman jacket. The name Buckland is in black bold letters on his back. I wonder if that last name means anything to him now that the cat's out of the bag. I can't worry about that now. I'm a nervous Nellie. It's ridiculous, really. But this is Zander we're talking about. The man I shared my first bed with. Did it mean something, right? Did any of it mean anything? Have I just thrown something special away? Aiden parks in the Hogan's driveway. I get out like an embarrassed deer. Brittany and Stephanie open the door. "Hi, Ashley, why are you with Aiden? You're mom called, and I covered for you. I told her you were asleep. Were you with Aiden all night?" Steph asks. "Yes, I was. That's not i
Not Like Me Chapter 39: Truth Be Told
I wake up to the sounds of a crackling fire. It's 4 am, and Aiden is still half-naked and lying next to me. We've had so much sex these last three days, I'm almost convinced Zander and I broke up. But the truth is we aren't. I'm the worst kind of terrible for it. I never wanted to be a cheater. But what am I supposed to do when Aiden loves me and Zander....wanted sex? I go into the kitchen and look around for anything resembling breakfast food. Instead, I find eggs and bacon. Protein it is, then. Clearly, a man went shopping. The only thing I find remotely similar to juice is lemonade. Good enough for me. Aiden wakes up and squints his eyes. He sniffs around the room, wondering why it smells like meat. A true hunter-gatherer if I ever saw one. He's a caveman at heart. "Are you cooking for me?" "Obviously!" "I knew you were perfect, but this is unexpected." He comes over with his shirt off and shorts on. He has the 'I just had sex' smirk on his face. He waltzes about the cabin, f
Not Like Me Chapter 38: Finding Out
I wake up from my post-sex nap. Aiden is still here, holding me. We turn to look at each other. I roll over and lie on his chest. I start kissing him over and over. I don't want this moment with him to end. It's as if I'm trying to make up for the lost time and apologize for my actions. He rolls over and finds himself on top of me again. I admit I'm a confusing girl. But this feeling I have with Aiden is fire. My fire for Zander has gone out, and I know he lied to me. Perhaps I'm horrible for having sex with Aiden now. My parents still haven't come home from work. I'm lucky not to have been caught. "Aiden, can we go to the ballet studio now? I really do need to get this note and x-ray over to Madame." "Sure, give me two more minutes. I want to look at your forever." He looks at my lips and kisses me slowly again. We aren't rushing to leave as I had hoped. Aiden puts himself inside me again as we start having sex a second time. "I love you, Ash. I know you might be confused right
Not Like Me Chapter 37: All Over My Body
Thanksgiving has come and gone. I haven't spoken with Aiden since we kissed in the art wing. I haven't told Zander. I brush it under the rug. Romance is complicated, and I'm caught in the middle of understanding it. I've distanced myself from Zander. He doesn't seem to notice since he's been busy with the holidays. I've texted him, but I've avoided going to his house. He's invited me to his house plenty of times. I've had lots of opportunities to verify Leslie's claims. I know Aiden needs me to find the truth out for myself. He's been honest with me. I know I told him we would speak later. But I feel like I'm lying to Aiden by not telling him the truth about his origins. He's not a Buckland by blood. And he needs to know this. He will find out from me in due time. My phone dings; it's Zander. Zander: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, Brittany and Stephanie, and I are having a sleepover. Zander: Want to come to my room later at night? Me: Of courseZander: Great, see you tonight. I
Not Like Me Chapter 36: Art Room
Dad drops me off at school. The glazed donuts are tucked away safely for my friends. I think we all need a pick me up every once in a while. My friends need me to do something nice for them every once in a while. Zander finds me in the parking lot. He looks perplexed as to why my dad took me to school this morning instead of him."Why are you with your dad?""Because we're related. Are you mad about something?" I ask, confused. "Hmmm...well, let's see. I woke up, and you were gone." "We aren't married, Zander. I needed to get home. And my mom caught me sneaking back into my room at 5:30 am. It wasn't exactly fun for me. Then my dad ended up taking me to a donut breakfast early in the morning. I bought you one. Want one?" I pull out a glazed donut hoping it will change Zander's sour mood. He takes it. He's unimpressed. He sinks his teeth into the donut, and immediately his mood changes. "Are these from Danny's Donut Cafe? We used to go there....""Every Saturday in our pajamas. I
Not Like Me Chapter 35: Ugly Duckling
"Where have you been all night?" Mother repeats with a bit of curiosity in her voice. "Nowhere? I was out...walking around." Way to be and sound convincing. Like mom will ever believe that bullshit response. "Ashley, where were you? The truth." "I was at the Hogans. I wanted to see Brittany. I needed to tell her about my ballet news. And I had something else to tell her about Stephanie." My mother knows I'm telling the truth about being at the Hogans. I told her half the truth. But she already got me to spill about ballet. So I don't need her budding in on another secret of mine. "Mom, can dad take me to school today? I want to pick up some donuts for my friends before school?" I ask. "That's a random idea. You haven't gone with your dad to get donuts for a long time. Is everything okay?" Mom asks. "Yes, I just need a guy's opinion on dating."I have to say something to get her off my case. I won't be sneaking out anymore. Not for a while. I'm pretty sure that when I get home,
Not Like Me Chapter 34: Grumpy Cat
If I aim for the stars, maybe I'll become one. I used to believe that with all my heart. But now I don't know what to believe anymore. It's nighttime, and my parents have gone to bed. They believe that I am an ordinary girl who follows the rules. But I am not shy anymore; I have blossomed into a rose. Roses come with thorns attached. Thorns are there to protect the beautiful flower from losing, from failing. And perhaps my attitude and determination to dance one last time is my version of growing thorns. The clock reads 12:43 am. Zander told me to climb into his bedroom at 1 am. I want to sneak into Zander's room. It's late November; Thanksgiving will be here soon. It's cold as shit outside. I rummage through my belongings and find an ugly Christmas sweater with the 'Grumpy Cat' on it. That will make Zander laugh. I put my jacket on and climb down the window-ladder. I fall off the ladder halfway through. I land on a bush. Being graceful at night is difficult when I'm tired as fuck.
Not Like Me Chapter 33: Mothers and Daughters
Leaving the ballet studio is hard. Madame has revealed a hard truth to me. Her life is not all cupcakes and rainbows, as I once thought. She wanted me to be in love with her son. That's why the lessons were free. She was making me happy to make Aiden happy. I open the large gold doors of the studio. I know it's not real gold, but I'm still excited to touch it. It's like touching famous people. Maybe their success will rub off on me. Unfortunately, I'll never be that lucky. It would take healing water and a goddess to heal this dumb ankle. I get into Zander's car. I don't have the heart to tell him or anyone the truth. Aiden's truth. I doubt Aiden himself even knows. It's not my place to tell his truth to the world or him. "Thanks for helping me pay, Madame. She can be a bit of a firecracker. I know she's tough. She has to be to run a high-end business in this big town.""You're welcome. Sorry I stormed off. I didn't mean for that to happen. It just did. I know I need to not be so b
