Chapter 0004

Chassy

I didn't know how I managed to get through the day. I felt like I was already dead because I didn't think that my heart was still beating either. I didn’t want to get up and work in the pack house when I felt my heart aching the following day. What am I going to do? The tears that I thought were drained started to fall on my face. I thought I was already immune to any kind of pain, but I was wrong. Mates are the ones who could hurt anyone the most.

Because I didn’t want my mother to yell and shout at me, I decided to get up and do my daily routine. Only this time, I stayed in the shower a lot longer than usual. My body felt so numb that the cold didn’t bother me. How can I? When I already feel my heart freezing.

An alpha. I was mated to an alpha, and this happened to me. How can I be so foolish to think that just because he wanted me, he would claim me as well? I walked my way to the pack house as usual and passed through the training ground, but unlike any other day, I didn’t notice them or hear them making fun of me.

“How can you be this late???” my mother asked, shouting right at my face while I held it after she slapped me. Will I cry? Would there be any changes if I did? Would it touch her heart? I don’t think so. After so many years of maltreatment, cursing, and beatings, I don’t think that there will come a time when she will realize that I am her daughter.

“I’m sorry, this is not going to happen again,” I replied with my head down, resigning all my feelings, hope, and love for this woman whom I needed now more than ever, but here she was, and she didn’t even know that something was happening to me. After I said that, I walked to the pantry and got everything she needed for the breakfast she was cooking.

“Can you move faster?” as usual, Arlene asked arrogantly. We are all omegas and were supposed to set the table together, but here she is telling me to do it alone. My life really stinks. I feel like I am the lowest among the lowest creatures in this pack.

The breakfast had started, and I don’t know why the jerk alpha decided to eat with the warriors. Does he want to know how much I was affected by what he had done to me? “Good morning, Alpha!” Everyone greeted him. The female warriors all looked so happy. Who wouldn’t, when they see the most handsome creature that the moon goddess has ever made?

I never glanced at him and just stood where I was and waited for anyone who needed anything so I could get it for them. My face was stoic, and I tried to look stoic. He will never hurt me again. I shouldn't let him. A little later, his beta, Limuel, arrived with Gamma Jack, so I went back to the kitchen and got their food.

“Thank you,” Beta Limuel said after I placed his plate in front of him. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t even look at him or our gamma. “Eherm,” he said, clearing his throat, but I still didn’t look at him. Then I left and went back to where I should be standing during their meal. I wonder why I had to do this. Why do I need to serve them like this? Don’t they have their own hands to get their food? Wash their dishes and laundry? This hierarchy is pissing me off, and I promise myself that if I live long, meaning if I never take my own life out of misery, I will change everything here.

The days have passed, and I don’t know how that happened. It was over a month, and I don’t know what keeps me going either. Alpha Xander didn’t talk to me anymore, and I was wondering if he only wanted my body. Why can’t he just reject me?

In the second month, my mother let me go home early so I could be early the following day because there would be a Luna celebration the day after tomorrow. How come we’re going to have the ceremony when my mate has not talked to me about it? Did he decide to accept me already? Is this the reason he wasn’t talking to me? To surprise me? I shook my head with that thought—no, he would never do that. He is not the type to do that.

Everything was clear when I was cleaning the living room and a group of she-wolves arrived, they were talking about one of them having a Luna's ceremony and being the chosen mate of an Alpha. “You are really lucky to be chosen by alpha-” one of them said, but was stopped by our gamma.

“Ladies, Alpha is waiting for you,” he said. I looked at him and found him looking at me as well. He didn’t say anything, and I turned my gaze back to what I was doing. That jerk!

I went home after and stayed in my room. I think and think and think. I wanted my mate, that’s for sure. But he doesn’t want me. What am I going to do? I know that I can’t force him to accept me and make me his Luna, but isn’t it just natural for him to love me because I am his mate?

My heart clenched once again, as the thought of being rejected was close to happening. I didn’t wish to be mated to an alpha and become Luna. All I want is a mate who will accept and cherish me. Why did the moon goddess do this to me? What have I done in my previous life that has caused me to suffer like this?

After some thought, it was 10 in the evening, and I knew that my mother, along with other pack members, was resting and in their slumber. I got up from my cot and had a bath. I may not have my mate now or in this lifetime, but I didn’t want him to see me suffer.

Yes, I am going to leave. But before that, I wanted to spend another night with him. I heard from the warriors that the wolves earlier had left the pack and would be back tomorrow, so I’m sure that my mate is alone in his bedroom.

Slowly, I walked out of my mom’s house and went to the pack house. The kitchen door is always open because of the omegas and warriors who left the pack without Xander’s knowledge and enjoyed a night in human territory.

As I entered, I walked straight to the fourth floor, where Xander’s room was. After I gathered my courage, I knocked and waited. I didn’t hear anything, so I opened the door and went in. And there he was, lying on his bed, sleeping.

“It’s late,” I heard him say, and I sat up. So he’s not asleep yet. He looked at me, and I met his gaze. I didn’t try to hide my feelings. I want him to know that I want him and, at the same time, I hate him. A smile appeared on my lips as I walked closer to him while he was still on his bed, sitting, waiting for me.

Then I slowly stripped off my clothes as soon as I stood in front of him with our eyes locked on each other. I wanted to see his reaction—whether he would feel disgusted or what. He did nothing and just looked at me.

With my shaky hand, I reached for his face and touched it. His face was so smooth that I thought he was not a man. I was about to lower my head and kiss him, but he pulled me to his lap and did the deed. It feels so good. His lips were on mine, and I didn’t want to end it, but I knew I must later.

We were catching our breath when we stopped, and he didn’t leave my gaze as he said, “You’re the one who came here; don’t say that I forced you this time.” He said that and waited for my reply. But I didn’t say anything. Instead, I reached for his face and kissed him once again.

As I felt his hands on my skin while they traveled around my naked body, I thanked the moon goddess for giving him to me, even if he was not going to stay with me. Tonight, I am going to feel his love as I make him feel mine. Tomorrow, I am going to end my madness.

I don’t know what time it was, but one thing for sure is that it was still dark outside. Xander was sleeping beside me after so many times that we cummed together. He screamed my name, which I thought he didn’t know, while I screamed his. I looked at him, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with this handsome man who stole my heart.

Slowly, I got up after I successfully removed his hand that was wrapped around my waist. I took my clothes and got dressed before I left his room and went out of the pack house. I made my way out of the territory without anyone knowing. I don’t know how I managed to do that, but what matters is that I am outside the pack.

I looked back, and with a heavy heart, I said, after I closed my eyes, "I, Chastity Reid, reject you, Alpha Xander Finch of the Red Moon Pack. I also denounce you as my alpha and proclaim myself a lone wolf.”

It was very painful. I grabbed my chest because of the unbearable pain and knelt. Then I remembered that I had to leave. I didn’t want them to find me and punish me. With that thought, I got up and started to run deep into the woods, still holding my aching heart. Am I free?