CHAPTER 3: GOODBYE MARIA BELL HELLO MARIA BELGRAVE

~ MARIA         BELGRAVE ~     

            Outside cabs waited for clubgoers. I gave one the address of the condo David maintained for me and sat back. That’s my last glimpse of David.

            With my other phone, I dialed a number. “Hi, Josy love. Can I still stay on your sofa for a few nights?”

            “Maria hon. My door’s always open for you. Stay as long as you need. Did he kick you out? Or did you leave him? No, you can tell me when you arrive.” A female voice said.

            “It’s worse Josy. I need a friend. Who’s willing to help. When I say I need a big favor it’s an understatement. Yeah, we’ll talk. You can say no. If you don’t want to help. I’m just running out of options.”

            “I’ll have tea ready. Girl, you know I’ll help you hide the body.” Josephine (Josy) Soaper’s been my best friend since I left home.

            I cried again. It’s too much. My body turned icy as I accepted my father’s death. I’d never fix things with him. If I screw up, I’m on my own.

            Fine, I’m returning to my past. I’ve options. Live on the streets in poverty. Jobs exist, but it takes time to find one. Or I believe the lawyer. A man paid by those who hate me. I’ve inherited the family business. I’m rich. Yeah, they’ll welcome me with open arms. Right? Sunshine and rainbows. After abandoning me behind a hospital the trash bin one night. Okay, I’ve abandonment issues.

            I’d lived in this condo under David’s thumb as Maria Bell for years. Tonight, I’m homeless. It’s ironic. I can’t wait until someone discovers my identity. I’m not telling. They’d never believe me. It’s sad, I’ve proven my stepmother correct about being worthless. I look nothing like I once did. If David saw an old photo, he’d never see me. I suffered from a simple issue, but not something found with a common test. My stepmother wouldn’t address it. Instead, she used it to rid herself of me. See I’m her problem. Jacqualine thought she got rid of me, and I believed she’d succeeded. Now, I’m unsure.

            I’ll collect my things; Maria Bell will cease to exist. When David discovers Maria Bell doesn’t exist, he’ll hate me. He’ll learn my real identity, then he’ll want me dead too. I hate deceiving David. I lied to protect him and me. I do love him. I’m not proud of this.

            My secret’s a double-edged sword. I hid and pretended I’m a gold-digger, a sugar-baby. The only issues I have with money is people keep taking it away. I found myself propositioned by my father’s business rival not long after I’d changed my appearance. I’d been desperate for a way to hide from my stepmother’s people who wanted to force me to give her the inheritance my mother gave me as a wedding present. Which would leave me with nothing. I didn’t dare to use the money. Fearing she could track me from the transactions. So, the name change; Maria Angelica Belgrave to Maria Angela Bell. Everything’s in David’s name. I don’t exist. It’s the cost to live. Albeit I live the claims my stepmother’s made of me.

            I entered the lobby and smiled at the doorman. I couldn’t speak to him. David fired three who leered at me when I went for runs. After, he fired the third; he bought a treadmill and insisted I use it instead of going out. He claimed I’m safer. It’s about control.

            In the elevator, I pulled out the phone, David’s credit card, and the condo’s keycard. Then out of spite I backed up my phone to the cloud. After that, I reset it, and removed the SIM chip. I wasn’t losing any of my memories. They all still existed; David wouldn’t have them. I set the phone on its charging stand in the kitchen. He’s now unable to track my location or what I’m doing. He won’t receive any information about my life.

            My old luggage was arranged in the closet for a quick getaway. It may seem like a game, but it’s not. I’m trying to stay one step ahead of everyone. It’s difficult. People see me as a cold, emotionless. It’s how my stepmother and stepsister have described me to others. I’m interested in money because everyone takes it away. Telling me, I’m not worthy. When David finds out I didn’t use him for his money but as a place to hide, I’m sure he’ll sue me for some reason. How did I hide? My stepmother couldn’t find me, because men like David keep everything in their name. Nothing is in my name, I don’t look like me, and I’m not using my name.

            Why didn’t I return after transforming into their desired version? Returning would change nothing. There’d be no welcome. My change happened, but theirs didn’t. My place was gone. Why accept further punishment? I’m not sure I want to attend this meeting.

            I pulled my luggage and new phone from the closet. It’s not an old number. I kept it for emergencies. I figured if I died, my father would want to celebrate. On a whim I take a business suit with me. Anything in my luggage is five seasons old and I’m sure Sabrina would announce that. I made sure I left David’s credit card, the condo keycard, with the phone I left on the kitchen counter. I found my important papers in the closet drawers where I’d hidden them. David never went into my closet. Signing the ones ending our arrangement, I put them on the counter. They need David’s signature and it’s over. The rest went with me. David could never see them. Something told me I’d have a problem explaining why I had Maria Angelina Belgrave’s birth certificate and passport.

            I didn’t know how motivated David would be, so I needed to leave. Counting on him underestimating me was foolish. He’d accept a jealous tantrum for so long before he came to do something about it. Oh, he’s strict but generous. If money could buy it, he gave it. He spent time with me, and I guess, in his way, I saw him care for me in his own way. I know I was being foolish. He didn’t care about me. I’m just a toy.

            I tried to be everything he needed and wanted. Everything David could wish for. So much so, I gave up my identity. My heart got involved at some point too, and now I can’t bear to leave. But I can’t reveal what’s been happening for the past five years.

            David wants me as his mistress. He wouldn’t want me having other responsibilities. I’ll not compete with my stepsister for his attention. Nor will I be the one who interrupts his family’s life. Nor will I stand by and watch my stepsister have a full family life while I live part-time when David remembers me. I don’t know where my first boundary is. There’re too many.

            At least, I won’t hear how disappointed my father is. That thought comes with its own pain. Doubtful of finding light ahead. The tunnel's tight and dark now. I felt trapped at the pit’s bottom as dirt rained down.

            I planned to leave Maria Bell’s ID, I didn’t. It might come in handy. I might not have finished with it as I thought I had. Perhaps Maria Bell had more fight still.