LOGINShare
09 | Porque mi cintura!
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56If there's one thing I love about Sunday lunch, it's my mom's lasagna. Every Sunday, like a damn tradition.
Sure, it's delicious, and she cooks well, but after eating it every week, you eventually can't even look at it without losing your appetite.
My mom seems to get high on cocaine and hallucinogens every Sunday.
She has this obsession with inviting different relatives for lunch each time, and because of this, she's incredibly hyper. Today, she's even more so because she decided to invite all her siblings and my dad's siblings, and all four grandparents, to announce the news of the upcoming baby.
Some lunches only happen at Christmas and Easter, and we're such a dysfunctional family that they usually end in disast
Related chapters
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 10 | AAA looking for.
Within half an hour, things have gotten out of hand; we're all drunk except for my mom.The grandparents, to celebrate, gave alcohol to Jace and me. He's only slightly tipsy, while I'm completely gone after having a drinking contest with Grandpa Carl with beer and champagne shots.I have no idea what song is playing right now; I don't recognize it, but it's quite lively. Our living room looks like a freaking nightclub, and I've brought out my panda-shaped Bluetooth speakers to blast the music even louder.Grandma Maria approaches me. "Brianna, shall we do that nice butt move you young girls do?""You mean twerking?""Yes, exactly! We'll attract some nice guys!"
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 11 | But is your condition a curse by any chance?
I need to mentally prepare myself to go back to work since it's Tuesday.Yesterday, Jace sent me all the videos he took, including the one where I was singing standing on the coffee table.Oh God, when I saw the video, I didn't know whether to cry because the song was beautiful or because I realized I will never be normal.My mom told me she told Paul the truth, that relatives came over and I got drunk.Thanks, Mom. If it weren't for the fact that I work to pay for the damages, I would have been fired already.When I arrive at the shop, I see that the door is already open. Evidently, they took precautions.
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 12 | You've been separated from birth!
"Oh my God, it's so ugly!" I scream, hiding my face behind a pillow that I was holding against my stomach like a shield.What a brave person I am."It's obvious it's ugly. We're watching a horror movie, not a Disney cartoon."Along with me and Skyler, James and the chocolate bar, whose name I can't remember, have joined.My memory is pretty bad.I give James a disdainful look. "I know it's a horror movie. That's why I screamed when you walked into the room."Skyler laughs, while the chocolate bar raises an arm, inviting me to high-five.Like I'm going
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 13 | I go out with the ghost of my deceased husband.
"It's delicious. Can I have another slice?"Julie made a chocolate salami for dessert, and it's absolutely wonderful. I've already had two slices, and I'm determined to have a third.Maybe then I'll take a fourth, and maybe a fifth.Or I'll pay her to come over and make desserts at our house.Julie smiles at me, pleased. "Of course, Brianna." She cuts another slice and places it on my plate, and I immediately dig in.Connor watches me, amused. "It looks like you've never had chocolate salami before."I swallow the bite I was chewing. "Aside from ice cream and chocolate, my mom doesn't like sweets, so she never makes them. And my dad and I are hopeless in t
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 14 | My father has also started smoking weed.
Today I have to babysit little Amanda.I started babysitting as a job when I was sixteen, so I could start saving some money.And yes, sometimes, well, rarely, I can act mature and responsible too. Even though the times I’ve actually been like that can be counted on one hand. But on the hand of someone who’s lost at least two fingers.I go to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Or to empty the cupboard. Depends on your perspective.I pull out a tub of ice cream from the freezer. Then I open the cupboard and grab a pack of paprika chips.Uh, but usually, chip bags are made up of eighty percent air, five percent broken and really broken chip crumbs, and finally only fifteen percent actual chips, which are always either too salty or have no salt at all.After my little reflection, I decide to take two packs of chips, not just one.In the end, it’ll be like I only ate one pack anyway.Then I grab a pack of cooki
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 15 | Amanda killed your favorite vase.
I keep staring at my phone screen, open to a Google page, carefully reading through the steps to exorcise Amanda.Jesus, if you're real, please don't let me end up in Hell for traumatizing a little girl.In my defense, I'm doing a service to humanity.I lift my gaze toward my father. "Okay, according to this site, 'Bible Today'—what kind of name is that, anyway?—it says the poor possessed person should be tied up. Apparently, the evil spirit controlling their body—these are the exact words—tends to get violent at the sight of holy water, a cross, or a Bible."I look back at my dad, and we both turn simultaneously toward little Amanda, who’s smiling at us, completely clueless.Dad smiles. "Alright Amanda, we're going to play a game. How about we pretend to be Indians? Does that sound fun?"The little girl claps her hands and laughs.Dad is pleased with this reaction. "Good. You'll be our prisoner, so we&rsqu
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 16 | Jack the Ripper.
Skyler: S.O.S. emergency! Come to my house right now, I need you.That’s the message I just received. After spending the afternoon at Skyler’s with her family, I exchanged numbers with her, James, and with the chocolate bar, also known as Connor.I haven’t had lunch because Amanda ended up telling my mom that it was Dad and I who broke her favorite vase. So, she’s started ignoring us, even when it comes to cooking lunch or dinner. She refuses to cook for us at all, and given the incidents that have happened in the past when Dad or I tried to make anything that involved fire or appliances, we both refuse to even enter the kitchen, let alone make ourselves a sandwich.As soon as Mom leaves to hang out with her friends, Dad and I raid the pantry.I quickly put on my shoes and bolt down the stairs, rushing to get to the front door as fast as possible. I fling the door open, shout to my parents that I’m l
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 17 | Fuck you and your idea of changing the place!
The volume of the music is really loud, so loud that I think I might go deaf as soon as I leave here.Jace and I came to the club, as we do every third Friday of the month. It has become a sort of tradition for us.Jace pulls me by the arm and we head to the bar.You can’t face a night like this without alcohol.Behind the bar is a girl with black hair, who immediately approaches us as soon as we sit on the stools.She smiles at us. “What can I get you?”My cousin shamelessly checks her out from head to toe, then winks at her and licks his upper lip. “You, if possible.”Stupid hormones. Jace acts like a girl with PMS who has her hormones on overdrive.The girl looks at him with disdain, then her gaze shifts to me. “What can I get you, beautiful?” With that, she opens a couple of buttons on her blouse to highlight her chest, and through all this, she’s looking at me and not Jace.
Latest chapter
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you Special - I want to live every day and all the days
Five years later...I’m lying diagonally on the bed with my head resting on James's stomach, which keeps making strange noises. "James, honey, just so you know, if you're hungry, you can go down to the kitchen."My boyfriend makes a face. "But your parents are downstairs. It embarrasses me to go down and act like it’s my house."I prop myself up on my elbows and raise my torso to look James in the face. "Are you serious? We’ve been together for over seven years. Seven! You practically have residency here. You even have a group chat with my parents where you exchange embarrassing photos of me, and you still have the nerve to be embarrassed."James puts a hand on my face and pushes me back down onto his stomach. "These are trivial details, Brianna."In response, I lick his hand to make him remove it. "Do you want me to walk you downstairs while holding your hand too?" I tease.James grimaces. "No, be
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you Special - Happy birthday
“Happy Birthday, Love!”“Happy birthday, love!” James yells in my ear.I mumble irritably, turning over in bed and burying my face in the pillow.“Do you remember what day it is today?”I blindly move my left hand until I find his face. “Shh. Go back to sleep.” I then press my hand against his forehead to make him lie down.He stands up and comes to my side of the bed. “You need to get up.”I take the blankets and pull them up over my head. “I need to sleep.”James huffs. “You need to move your ass and get up.”I poke my head out from under the blankets and turn onto my left side to see him better. “I’m sorry for you, but I never learned how to twerk. I’m not as good as my grandmothers.”James stares at me without blinking.I stare back at him, waiting for a reaction.I shouldn’t have done that.
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 40 | Never go to the tattoo artist if bad luck is following you.
A year and a half later.I watch little Jeremy staring at me curiously while he has his fist in his mouth, drooling like a Saint Bernard. He’s lying on the changing table, waiting for me to put a clean diaper on him.How was it done again? The YouTube videos make it seem so easy...“Well, little one, what if I took you to church naked? You’re so small; kids get forgiven for everything.”“Do you really want to let him go around naked?” James leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. “You don’t remember how to put on a diaper, do you?”I give him a dirty look. “Don’t stare at me like that. It’s difficult, okay?”“He’s been home for months, and you still haven’t learned?”I throw a clean diaper at him. “Why don’t you do it?”James catches the diaper in midair and approac
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 39 | The next time, I will read you like a roast.
JAMESI feel a foot come down on my backside rather unceremoniously.I groan in pain and try to move away, but as I turn, I fall off the bed.I snap my eyes open and sit up, massaging my cheek.I look at Brianna lying diagonally, taking up the entire bed.The passion for sumo hasn't faded.I hate waking up with her nearby because she always pushes me out of bed.Literally.I decide to take revenge.I go to Connor's room and grab one of those stadium horns, then I return to my room.I bring it close to Brianna's face and blow.She screams in fright, and I, not expecting that reaction, scream in fright too, and Mrs. Porter, my neighbor, screams in fright as well.Once we've all calmed down, Brianna looks at me in shock. "Let me get this straight, how many times did you fall off your high chair when you were little?"I give her a dirty look. "Only twice, unlike you."She n
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 38 | Do you want to be my magnet for bad luck?
I'm about to have a heart attack.My breathing is quick, my hands are shaking, I feel a trickle of sweat running down my forehead, and I'm sure my face is pale.Paler than usual, that is.James asked me out on a real date, and when I read the message, my heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. The date is at his house—thank goodness at least one of us knows how to cook—and I have no idea how it’s going to go.But that's not why I'm anxious. When I got James's message, I was in the kitchen with my parents, and when they saw me smiling at the screen, they asked me what was going on.But now my only question is: why did I tell my mom that the date would be at his house?Now, after calling Julie and discussing our "relationship," she's convinced we’re going to end up rolling around in the sheets since we’ll have the house to ourselves all weekend.But we haven't even rea
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 37 | Where could I take her for the first date?
JAMESI feel my heart beating faster than usual, my hands trembling, and anxiety rising.This morning, while I was going through the worst hangover of my life and felt like I had been hit by a car, my brother Connor came to wake me up and told me to get a move on, because apparently our parents had forgotten that we had an appointment.So, once I was awake, I had to reluctantly move Brianna's head off my chest; apparently, we had fallen asleep hugging each other.And now I’m terrified that she might think I left of my own accord because of our kiss or, rather, our kisses, and that she thinks I regret it.And right now, I'm feeling so many emotions, but regret isn't one of them.In fact, when I think back to what happened last night, a spontaneous smile spreads across my face.And it’s exactly while having these thoughts that, like a bolt from the blue, one single, burning truth flashes through my
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 36 | What will you do?
"I swear I will never touch another drop of alcohol again. I swear I will never touch another drop of alcohol again. I swear I will never touch another drop of alcohol again," I continue to mumble while lying on my back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.Yesterday, when I fell asleep, James, Sky, and Connor were here with me, but this morning I woke up alone.I hear my cousin and my best friend's voices coming from downstairs, but I doubt the other three are still here.James left before I woke up. Was he so remorseful that he didn’t even want to talk about it?The thought gives me a tight feeling in my stomach. I don’t want to lose him. But this time, I’m not regretting the kiss. I mean, I’m not saying I’m head over heels in love and dreaming of spending my life with James, but I simply believe that if two people kiss multiple times, even if they were both under the influence of alcohol, there has to be at least some attrac
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 35 | Eeeeeeeee, macarena!
At home, Skyler and Connor have also arrived, along with Paul and Aisha. Only my family is missing. We’re all in the kitchen chatting when Paul turns to me. “Do your relatives have problems with doors too?”Everyone laughs while I bang my head against the kitchen table. “Are you going to remind me of this for life?”No one has time to respond because the doorbell rings.I lift my head from the table and give a creepy smile, then I get up and go to open the door.“Jace!” I scream, while at the same time my cousin screams my name.I also greet Uncle Mark and Aunt Annie and bring them into the kitchen.My cousin walks over to my mom, holding up the pack of beer in his hand. “Aunt! I brought more alcohol!”Connor looks at us perplexed. “Isn’t there too much?”My cousin and I exchange glances before turning to Connor. “No alcohol, no party!” we shout
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 34 | It will be a disaster regardless.
Before the Party...Dad is at work and suspects nothing; Mom and I have already wished him well and given him fake gifts, because we’ll give him the real ones at the party.Mom has already started making the cake, and later Julie will come to help her decorate it since she decided to make a two-tiered cake given the number of people who will be at the party.I’ve already stocked up on alcohol with my cousin, who helped me and then went home to sleep, saying that this way he’ll be ready for dancing.We have crates of beer, wine to stay a little tipsy at first and not get drunk right away, bottles of vodka, and rum.Then for sure the grandparents will bring more wine and beer, so we’re all set.I walk into the kitchen, where I slip on some flour and fall to the ground.My mom peeks over the table and, seeing me on the floor covered in flour while I massage my butt, bursts out laughing."My
