“You are trusting these boys to keep you safe?” Mom asks.Behind her, all four of the brothers look properly chastised, even Steven, who I haven’t even had penetrative sex with.“You need to get on the pill for extra protection,” Mom goes on.I’m too embarrassed by now. I cover my face and pretend I
Two beers in, the mood of the evening shifts somewhat. There is an ugly cloud hanging overhead, weighing us down with worries about what tomorrow brings. But the alcohol makes it all more bearable. The worry is still there, but it feels like it is separated from us by a fog.Sitting around on the pa
Some argument breaks out about who should go first. It’s a ridiculous argument that I absolutely refuse to participate in, even enough to pay attention. I’m still embarrassed to be taking part in this silly endeavor at all.It must be the alcohol churning through our veins driving all of this forwar
I leave Neil at the base of the stairs. He’s not ready for sleep yet and plans on going into the kitchen for a snack. He invites me, but I’m not hungry. I’d rather go lay down for a while and think about what to do.It’s not that I mind spending the night with Neil. Far from it. But I have a hard ti
He walks past me without touching me, heading into his bedroom. The door closes behind him quietly, though I quickly notice that it is not latched. It’s open about a quarter inch.Enough for me to enter if I want to.This is Steven’s invitation. Much more subtle than the rest.I watch the not-totall
“Nothing happened, I assure you,” Steven says quickly. His eyes are still closed, but I can feel the panic in every line of his body as he holds me.“It’s okay,” I tell him. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me if something did happen, though I would have liked to be more awake from it. Right now, the mo
“It’s not what it looks like!” I call out as I scramble out of bed.No one says anything.Steven ambles over toward the bathroom.Beau continues laughing.Neil clears his throat and tells me, “We have to get ready now. We are leaving in one hour.”“Okay,” I say. There’s more I want to say but no one
We all piled into two cars. I entered the car with Neil and Archer. Steven, Beau, and Isaac followed along in a second car behind us.We should be discussing strategy. Instead, we are just riding along in silence.It feels like we’re riding along on our final death march. It is far too morbid. I hat