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93: Conflicting feelings
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2022-04-20 15:31:54Josh froze up and she could feel his heart beat so hard she got afraid if it could be dangerous for him.
She was about to pull away, to excuse her behaviour, she had clearly read him all wrong, which was a good thing, because this was so wrong.
But then it was li
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Amelia had never been this scared in her entire life, not even during the earthquake, she wouldn't be able to bear if anything had happened to him, if he had done something stupid. But then she spotted him, he was laying in the grass on the brink by the lake. At first she was afraid he had fallen, but he was relaxed and had his hands behind his neck, staring into the sky, looking like he had an internal conversation with himself. Connor heard her approach, he knew it was her and for just a moment a smile graced his lips and he whispered. "Thank you". She squatted down next to him and sent him a loving but lightly reproachful glance. "Connor, what are you doing here ? Everyone is looking for you". "Hi Ami, I needed some fresh air, needed to get away for a bit". He had a hard time seeing her, because she was sitting at his right side. She lay down next to him and he knew without being able to neither see nor feel it, that she grabbed his hand, a stab of pain ran through his heart,
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"I don't know, I thought there might be a change, but no it is still the same with him". Amelia pressed herself into Josh, sobbing and he put his arms protectively around her. It was three days later and Amelia had thought she saw a change in Conner that day by the lake. She had hoped it was a light in the darkness, but ever since he had been back exactly where he was before, keeping her at an arm's distance. Josh sighed and rested his cheek on the top of her head. "I hoped to darling, hoped so much". She felt it again, her brain and heart was a big mess of tangled threads, pulling in all directions, getting more and more entwined and she couldn't find the one to pull to unravel it all. So she did the only thing that kept it all from falling apart these days, she let her mouth find Josh’s and kissed him like it was her only way of breathing. Her hands found his soft curls, he had let them grow out and he looked younger with them, she loved those curls. He moaned when she pulled
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One week later "Hi Connor, how are you ? You look much better". Amelia came into his room, she still had no luck getting through to him and her hope was slowly dying. He looked up at her, at least he reacted, but his eyes were still cloudy and empty. "Do I ? Well I hadn't noticed". "Connor please, I heard the doctor say that you were making progress, that your legs have gotten much better". She smiled at him happily. She had been so happy when she heard the doctor tell a nurse, but she didn't understand why no one had told her. He looked out the window. "It is nothing special, nothing to get worked up about, it probably won't get any better than this". "Please don't say that, when it has started getting better, then there is hope for more progress". She smilingly put her hand on top of his. He pulled his hand away like she had literally burned his skin. "Just don't Ami, don't think that just because I can take a couple of fucking steps on my own, I will be okay in a moment, I
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Josh opened the door to Conner’s room, he was sitting in a chair, talking to the doctor and looked up with confusion when Josh walked in without knocking. "Hi Josh, what are you doing here ?" "I hope that it is okay, I would like a word with Conner alone". Josh looked at the doctor, the doctor looked at Conner who nodded, then the doctor got up and left. Conner looked up at him, his eyes asking questions. "What is it Josh ? I thought you would be with Ami". "I was Conner, we have to talk about this". Josh sighed, at least Conner seemed to be present, he actually looked directly at him. Conner bit his lip. "I already know Josh. I could see it between you two right away, it is okay, I harbour no ill feelings towards any of you". "Well you should. You should be furious with me. You should slap me into next week for God's sake". Josh couldn't handle him, seemingly not caring. Conner sighed and slowly stood up; it made Josh happy to see him being able to do that on his own now. "Jos
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Amelia sat on the edge of the bed, her brain running wild rabbit trails. She was waiting for Josh to come back. She tried once again to untangle the threads, but they just seemed to knot more up. She felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest and she tried desperately to keep herself in one piece. She knew Josh loved her, that he would treat her like a princess. And she did love Josh, maybe not in the right way, but she could live with it. If she had to be alone she would fall to pieces and never pick herself up again. She heard the door open and expected it to be Josh coming back, she was ready to accept him, hoping it could push away the pain if only shortly. "Ami ?" No she had to have heard wrong, her head snapped up, no it really was Connor standing in the doorway. His eyes shining yellow and his voice deeper, half a growl. She stared at him, how had he come there ? And why ? He leaned on the door frame, but there was no wheelchair in sight, had he walked ? "Connor
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