Chapter 10: The Monster I Wish I Could Trust

-Arabella-

I wake up with a gasp, feeling like I'm drowning. I start flailing around, accidentally hitting Ronan in the face. He grabs my hands and pins me down to the wet floor.

"Arabella, calm down." His voice is firm, but gentle, and his piercing eyes bore into mine as he holds me there. The only source of light is a phone lying next to me.

It takes me a few seconds to come back to my senses.

There's a strange, metallic yet sweet taste in my mouth. I'm covered in what looks like Ronan's jacket, and the intolerable pain and cold from before has been somehow dampened.

It's still there, like a headache that threatens to come back in full force when I move. But everything seems…muted. My head is also fuzzy, in a warm and dreamy way.

Memories of where we are and what happened to me flood my mind.

"The guys. They… Are they gone?"

"I took care of them," Ronan says. "What did they want?"

"I… To scare you, I think. They asked me questions about you," I say, though I don't give in to telling him the truth.

I can't. Not if I want my family to live.

Ronan's grip on my hands softens and he places an arm around my back and the other under my legs. As if I weigh no more than a feather, he lifts me up and starts carrying me down the tunnel.

The sudden movement sends my head spinning, intensifying the fuzziness.

We move in the darkness until we reach the stairs those guys tossed me down, and I shudder thinking of how scared I was. So many things had crossed my mind at that moment.

That they were going to lock me up, bury me alive, chop me to pieces or bleed me out to sell me as a blood bag to the vampires.

Yet all they wanted was to threaten me into spilling Ronan's secrets.

"Grab on to me," Ronan says, as he positions my arms around his neck. "Can you hold on?"

"Yes…" I say, wrapping my legs around him and clinging to his body while he lifts us to the surface.

It's raining, and the wind makes me quiver.

Ronan subtly pulls me closer, and a part of me wants to snuggle into him even if he is almost as wet as I am, but another part of me is seething at all of this.

I don't think this is enough to break the contract, though it should be. I SHOULD be able to go to the authorities and they SHOULD investigate this as a crime.

However, that isn't the world we live in, and as long as Ronan makes sure I don't die, nothing will come of this.

We arrive at the parking lot near the gatehouse and someone runs up to us.

"Sir! I was attacked. I called Mr. Desmond, but…"

"Can you drive?" Ronan says, walking past him toward the car.

"Yes, but we need to alert—"

"We're going home. Now."

"But—"

"Charlie, she was also attacked. We need to get home."

"Oh. Right. Sorry, sir."

Charlie opens the door and Ronan slides inside the limo with me, setting me down in the middle seat.

"How are you feeling?" he says once Charlie starts the car and we speed out of the estate.

"I…I'm okay," I say, and he turns on the lights.

I watch him scan my body, and I finally get a good look at myself, too.

This isn't possible.

I've got muck and dried blood all over me, but my cuts and bruises are gone.

I distinctly remember getting scraped on the knee and thigh, and I'm sure my hand was bleeding.

My hand flies to my head, and I touch my matted hair. It's still bloody and it still hurts a little, but the horrible gash those guys gave me when they slammed me against the wall is also gone.

"What did you do to me?" I say, staring at Ronan.

"I'm not taking you to the hospital because I fixed your wounds," he says, looking out the window. "That's all you need to know."

"Did you…"

"I am not in the mood to scold you, Arabella. So I'm going to ask nicely. Please don't ask questions. You are going to be okay. If you still feel sore tomorrow, I will ask a doctor to check up on you at the house."

His tone is stern, but surprisingly patient considering the way he's spoken to me so far.

I know what he did, but I want him to admit it.

He gave me his blood.

Vampires are forbidden to let humans drink from them. Their blood works like a miracle drug, healing wounds and supposedly giving humans a high similar to the effects of cocaine, which is why so many laws that protect vampires and their privacy were passed.

The Compromise Laws: as long as humans don't kill vampires for their blood, they don't wipe out the human race by eating all of us.

Now I understand the fuzziness I'm feeling.

"Tell me what happened," Ronan says all of a sudden, his eyes fixed on the window.

"I went to get your driver, like you asked. But I didn't know which limo was yours, so I started walking around the parking lot. Before I realized what was happening, someone grabbed me from behind, put a bag on my head, and dragged me through the forest," I say, conjuring my memories as best as I can. "Then they tossed me down that horrid tunnel."

"What did they say? Did they mention any names?"

I take my time to answer him. "I don't remember everything. They spewed dozens of questions at me. Is Ronan Stewart your master? Where does he live?"

That was the general gist of it, at least. I'm technically lying by omission, but he can't know the truth.

"That couldn't have been all they said." He turns to me and raises his eyebrows. "Maybe your memory will work better tomorrow."

He doesn't push it, thankfully.

I sink into the seat and close my eyes, but the second I do, I feel a wave of dizziness come over me.

"Sleep, if you can," he says, and his words actually have a commanding effect on me this time.

My mind goes blank, and I drift off.

***

I feel him carrying me up some stairs and setting me down on a bed. Then his fingers slide over my body, unclasping the many buckles on this wretched harness he made me wear tonight.

I open my eyes, and when he realizes I'm watching him, he stops.

"You can't go to bed like this," he says. "Can you stand?"

I shake my head.

Whatever effect his blood had on me is now gone, and I feel the exhaustion anchoring me to the mattress. I have absolutely no energy to move.

After removing the last remnants of the harness, Ronan carries me to the shower, setting me down on the floor. I soon feel warm water washing over me, and his hands scraping off the dirt on my skin.

Hours ago, we were here having sex, and now he's caring for me like…like he's actually concerned about my wellbeing.

The next thing I know, I'm wrapped in a towel and on the bed again.

Now that I finally feel warm and safe, all things considered, I feel like something snaps inside of me. My eyes fill with tears and I start sobbing, trying to muffle my cries into the pillow.

Ronan is still somewhere in the room, but the lights are out and I can't see him.

And right now, I don't care if he sees me like this. I don't care if he punishes me or hits me or fucks me or anything.

If any other vampire had gotten me as his attendant, I wouldn't be in this impossible position. Right now, if ANY other vampire had gotten me, I wouldn't care if they were a sadist or if they wanted to keep me tied up in a dark room and stored just for food.

Because I haven't told him that those men knew my mother's name, and showed me pictures of Grace standing at the bus stop in front of her school.

That HE is indirectly threatening to destroy everything I care about.

"We want to know everything about your master. What he doesn't share with anyone. We'll pay you a visit before the Vampire Council meets, and if you don't give us something we can use, your mother will have some guests at your former house."

Those were the guy's exact words.

No matter how much I pleaded with them, telling them I knew nothing about Ronan yet, they kept hurting me.

"If he finds out about this and moves them, or tries to protect them, we'll know. And we'll find them. Besides, if we take Ronan Stewart out, you go free. You keep his money and you get rid of him, right?"

Like I told those guys, I've only known Ronan for a day. I have no idea what he'd do if I tell him the truth, and I can't risk putting my family in danger. I've already sold myself to help them survive in this despicable world, and if Grace gets hurt because of me…

I wouldn't want to continue living.

The last time I felt so lonely and abandoned was when my dad died. It was like a slap in the face, a rude awakening to the fact that all of us will ultimately die alone.

I continue crying for a few minutes, finally calming down when it seems like there are no more tears left inside of me. It's finally quiet, and I try to sleep.

Ronan's deep voice suddenly breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry that happened to you tonight. I promise it will never happen again."

What the hell does he want me to say? That I forgive him?

"Ara?" he continues after a few seconds.

"What?" I snap.

Let him beat the crap out of me if he doesn't like my tone.

He takes a deep sigh. "Would you feel better if I laid here with you tonight?"

I'm very tempted to tell him NO.

But I also don't want to be alone.

It's like my heart is being strung in opposite directions. I hate him for what he is and who he is, but I also feel safer with him.

The fact that he even asked me isn't lost on me. He could just get into his own bed and rest there. It's not like I have a choice, though he's actually giving me one.

"I don't care either way," I say rather harshly. I'm too tired to pretend that I'm happy or obedient right now.

For a second I think he's leaving, but once he closes a door, I hear his footsteps and the sheets rustling.

He slides in next to me and places an arm under my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. I wish I could relax, but my body tenses up once it comes into contact with him.

Soon though, the warmth of his skin against mine, and the soothing rhythm of his beating heart calms me a bit. I relax my shoulders and lie there with my head on his chest.

"I know you think I'm a heartless monster," he says. "But I didn't get you as an attendant to make you suffer. It's my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed today."

His words sound sincere, and I really wish I could believe him.

Right now I wish I wasn't his attendant, and that what brought us together is the fact that he paid for my family's debt.

But all vampires are monsters.

He just happens to be the monster I wish I could trust.

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