ELIZABETH. I scurry off the floor and make my way to the bathroom. Shame and guilt fill me as I lean against the tiled wall with my eyes shut. I can’t believe I just did that. Masturbate while eavesdropping on their private moment. “That was so low of you. “ I mutter under my breath as I get rid of the clothes I have on, my panties going first; feeling too disgusted in them. I turn on the shower and step under the cold water, rubbing and scrubbing my body in hopes of stopping the shame that crawls my skin. After spending minutes intensely washing my skin, I finally take a proper bath and drop my clothes in the sink just next to the exit before I walk back into my room with a towel wrapped around my body. “I feel like I can finally breathe again. “ I mutter as I walk to my closet to get fresh clothes. After getting dressed, I grab my phone and plug in my headphones to drown out any conversations I could potentially hear. As I lay there, gently rocking my head to the soft beats of
ELIZABETH.It’s been a long, tortuous week.A week filled with torment, awkwardness, and only a bit of awesomeness.We’re starting to open up to each other in the house. I can now stay in the room with Gabriel for more than ten minutes before having to feel like my seat is on fire and we communicate better. No one is happier about this improvement other than my mother. She seems to think I dislike Gabriel–if only she knows the truth about why I behave the way I do.And James. James tortured me on nights when there’ll be those familiar noises coming from his room and I start to wonder why they had to get a place with those thin walls. He’s being however quite sneaky about it. I remain clueless about what he does until I hear those sounds, and I wonder why he’s being so sly about it. James is never the type to sneak a girl in, and I’m pretty sure his dad knows all about his adventures.“Hey. “Louis’s voice takes me out of my thoughts and back into reality, and I smile as I greet him. “H
ELIZABETH. I stand in front of the bathroom's small mirror with my toothbrush in hand and I groan at how puffy my eyes are and the trail of dried tears on my cheeks. I couldn’t stop my tears last night and I hated that so much. I hated how pathetic I felt. How pathetic he made me feel. I’ve always hated fighting with James but this is so much different. I hate how bad I feel about it too. I sigh and apply the paste on my brush, one hand harshly rubbing on my cheeks to wipe off the dried tears, until I’m afraid I might leave a scar while I use the other hand to brush. ~After calming myself with the hot water and taking longer in the bathroom than necessary, I step back into my room with a small towel wrapped around my body. I move to my closet and open it to take out my school uniform when my phone vibrates on my bed. With the school uniform in hand, I turn to retrieve it and Louis's text is staring back at me. There’s more than one and I slowly scroll to reveal all. LOUIS: Did
ELIZABETH.His lips stay against mine for a second and just as he opens his mouth, I press my hands to his chest to stop him and he moves back with a dazed expression on his face.His hooded eyes are staring right into mine and I feel my panties dampen between my thighs when his breath comes out in short pants.I move my hand from his chest to his face and trace a finger over his bottom lip. It feels soft against my fingertips, and I want to bite and suck on it until it’s bruised."Lizzie. " James calls my name as he moves one hand over the one I have on his face. He guides my finger from his lip to his mouth and a gasp falls from my mouth at the feel of his warm tongue against the skin as he sucks on my middle finger."Fuck." I mutter and James smirks before he lets my finger slips from his mouth. He doesn’t move, and he doesn’t do anything else as he waits for me to make my next move and the tension between us can cut through a wood as we breathe in a rhythm.God. I can’t hold on any
ELIZABETH.James’s eyes are waiting for a response to his words, but I don’t trust myself to have one. Even after he just confessed to wanting to kiss me again. Words that I never thought I’d be hearing for him and ones that make my heart leap with glee."I—" I begin and he nods for me to continue. "Hmm." I pause when James pushes his head to the side, his nose scratching against the crook of my neck."James," I grab his shoulders as he presses his lips to my neck, sniffling and gnawing on the skin. Fuck."I’m all ears, Elizabeth." He whispers into my ear before he pulls back to meet my eyes. But he isn’t ending there. He bends his leg, pressing his knee against the bed, which gives him easier access to my lower body, and I let out a pleasured sigh when he raises my shirt a bit and traces his finger across my stomach."Why?" I find myself asking him and his gaze moves to where he’s touching, not meeting my eyes as he asks. "Why what?""Why did you say that? You want to know what I tas
ELIZABETH.I look down at the space between us with reddened cheeks after James’ question, and I shake my eyes as I meet his eyes. "No."He smiles, burying a hand in my hand while the other goes around my lower back. "Well, you’re about to touch one."He moves his head forward, snatching my lips in his and I let out a groan in his mouth as I swipe my tongue over his plump lips, pulling the upper one between my teeth and sucking for a good few seconds before I slide my tongue in his mouth.James keeps my head tilted for easier access to my mouth and soon his mouth disappears down my neck. I shut my eyes and let out a low moan as he decorates my hot neck with kisses down to my throat. He presses a kiss there and my hands move to his shoulder. After a quick kiss to my chin, he takes my mouth again.He breaks away from the kiss just as I start to run out of breath, and there’s an unfamiliar look in his eyes as he stares down. I understand the slight gesture and move to my feet before him.
ELIZABETH.James is leaning against the shelves with glasses on and a lopsided smile."James?" I call in surprise, turning back to where I just saw him before I look back at him. "Weren’t you just there?""You were watching me?" He raises a brow as he grabs the book and takes a step closer. I blush at the indirect confession, then try to lie my way out of it. "What? No, I wasn’t. I was just—I uh. Came in and saw you."He hums. "If you say so, gorgeous."I snatch the book from him, and he laughs as he crosses his arm. My eyes take in his full appearance and him in white rimless glasses is doing things to my heart. Where did he even get that from? He wasn’t wearing that when I came in earlier."Where did that come from?" I nod towards his face and he touches the glass. "Oh, this? It’s just to study better. I’ve had this for a while but hated how I look in it, so I don’t use it often." Hate how he looks in it? He must be insane if he thinks he looks anything other than hot in this."It’s
ELIZABETH. James moves away from me so fast and I press my hand to my mouth to push back the sound that threatens to fall. "James. You’re still here?" It’s Gabriel’s voice and I immediately remove my hand from my mouth when I hear him getting closer, and shut my eyes instead. "Yeah. Still here, trying to finish the movie." James laughs and Gabriel whispers something I didn’t catch. "There it is. Oh, I think Elizabeth fell asleep." God, this is so awkward. "Yeah. Don’t worry about her. I’ll get her to bed." I hear James say and Gabriel speaks again. "Alright. Have a great night, son." "You too, Dad." There’s silence and then the sound of receding footsteps. I open one eye first to make sure it’s safe before I open the other and I meet James’ gaze. Immediately our eyes meet, we both break into a laugh and he presses a finger to his lips for me to keep it down. He grabs the remote and turns the volume a notch up before he falls back on me, and I let out another laugh. "That was f
ELIZABETH.—TWO MONTHS LATER.Miley is saying something about organizing a party for my birthday, but I’m not paying attention as my gaze runs along the words on my screen, my left palm pressed to my cheek. As if she’s right here with me and knows I’m not listening, her voice booms through the speaker, "Elizabeth? You’re not listening to me, are you?"I gaze at the phone on the desk, and the screen reads for fifteen minutes. I think I stopped paying attention around five minutes, but I still lie and say, "Of course I am.""What were my last words?""You were saying…" I trail off and there’s silence on her side. "… something about Darcy and a party.""Elizabeth!" I can imagine the frown on her face as she calls my name and I chuckle, finally grabbing the phone as I lean back in my chair. "Sorry, I’m just busy with work. I really don’t want a party, Mile.""Are you leaving for James?"I purse my lips, a small wave of sadness hitting me and my voice is small when I answer, "No. He’s busy,
ELIZABETH.—FOUR YEARS LATER.I’m nervous.My harsh breathing fills the tiny space of the car and I rub my palms together before I look out the window with my heart racing in my chest.Everything goes past me in a blur. Houses, shops and restaurants. And the closer the car gets me to him, the faster my heart pounds; so loud that I can no longer hear the words the driver is uttering to me.I don’t know why I’m this nervous.Actually, I do. I haven’t seen him in almost a year. It shouldn’t be any big deal since we speak occasionally over the phone; video calls, voice calls, texts. We tried to remain close in every way possible and although I had tried hard to convince myself those were more than enough; I knew they couldn’t compare to seeing him with my naked eyes. Like I’m about to do very soon.I’ve been counting down the days until I’ll stand before James and now that it’s come, I can’t help the nervousness that spikes through me. Along with a tiny fear. I don’t want it to be there, b
Hello loves,First, I’d love to thank you all for being so patient with me on this book. Despite the long gap between the updates and my disappearance, you still waited patiently for James and Elizabeth’s story and no words can describe how thankful I am to have you all. I won’t lie; I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to find the excitement I felt when I first started this book again because I was away from the characters for so long. But I did. I found the spark I had from the beginning and I enjoyed the time I spent writing this book. Thank you all so much for pushing me and forcing me out—though some comments were harsh, I still appreciate them all haha.Now to my updating schedule.It’s been a mess, hasn’t it? I know there’s been too much gap between my updates and you might not believe me when I say this, but I hate missing frequent/daily updates just as much as y’all do. It makes me less disciplined and incompetent when I don’t write as much as I plan to and I especially hate disappoin
ELIZABETH.~A MONTH LATER.We stayed in San Francisco for a week and only left after Lily’s discharge. When we got back to Los Angeles, I could still tell everything that happened back there took a toll on James. Although he tried to hide it, tried to smile more; it was evident everything he learned from his parents had taken something from him and I was scared for a long time he’d never get that back.But he did… or at least he’s trying.His eyes are no longer as dull as they seemed when we first arrived, and I can see the spark in them. Each of the smiles he throws at me now is genuine and he spends less time trying to hide the pain he feels. He’s being himself again—he’s being my James, and he’s back to me.I haven’t felt as at ease as I did six nights ago when he woke me up in the middle of the night and just laid his head on my chest as he cried in my arms. He poured out his pain to me one last time and since then, he can speak about his mom without looking like it’s the last thin
ELIZABETH.James' brows crease at Gabriel’s words, and I squeeze my hand in his as my heart pounds in my chest."What? What are you talking about?" James asks and Gabriel shakes his head, a sad look in his eyes. "I’m sorry, son. She left.""What do you mean, she left?" James' voice raises higher and Gabriel swallows, "I was just—she was here when I arrived. She was asleep, and I just went to the reception to settle the bills and make some inquiries, but when I got back; she was gone. And your sister was crying. She said Zara left and said to not look for her."I feel my heart breaks in my chest for both of them and James' grip on my hand gets increasingly tighter till it starts to hurt but I don’t pull away. He remains silent and just stares at the man before us—who looks just as shaken by the revelation."I’m so sorry, I didn’t—""No." James voices out now and his tight grip starts to loosen. I hear him exhale before he says, "It’s good she left, and like you said; she doesn’t want t
JAMES."I thought you left," Elizabeth sighs in my arms, her grip around me growing tighter and I smile as I finally drop a hand on her back, pressing her closer to me. "And where would I go, love?"She pulls back by a bit so she can look into my eyes and her lips push out as she speaks. "I don’t know. I just thought—""Thought I’d run from you?" I finish for her and when she doesn’t respond, I lean down to take her lips. It’s meant to be just a soft reassuring peck, but Elizabeth moves her hands to my neck, deepening the kiss as her fingers play with the hair at the back of my head and I move a hand to her cheek, tilting her head back so I can plunge my tongue inside her mouth.She cups my neck with a palm, her fingers digging into the skin as she moans into the kiss and I move my free hand to the small of her back; I rest it on her ass as my tongue clashes against hers, heat spreading across my skin at the taste and feel of her.When I feel my pants tightening at the front, I start t
ELIZABETH.He doesn’t stop sobbing as he clings onto me as though he’s afraid he’d drift away if he doesn’t and with each loud cry that leaves his mouth, a piece of my heart breaks for him.I can feel the anguishing pain with each sound that leaves him, and his body shakes in my embrace. I let out a soft exhale as tears roll down my cheeks while I continue to slide a hand down his back, whispering soft promises I’ll do anything to keep. "You’ll be fine, baby. You’re alright. I’m here. I’m here with you."We stay in the position for what feels like long and after a while, his sobs quiet down, but he doesn’t move away from me, his breath hot on my neck and I swallow through the tightness of my throat. "I’m always here with you."The sound of our breathing echoes through the corners of the room and James starts to pull back. He removes his arms from around me but I keep the one hand on the back of his neck as I lift my gaze to stare at him. His eyes are red as he holds my gaze, and I giv
ELIZABETH.I run after him with my heart breaking for him, but he’s just too fast. He dashes through corners quickly before I can even catch up to him, but I don’t stop chasing after him, either.I know this must be too much for him, but I just want to be there for him. I want him to know someone hurts for him. But he doesn’t wait for me to do either of those things.When I rush out the entrance door and stop only a few steps away with my heart pounding in my chest and my eyes scanning the corners, I don’t see him.I don’t see James.The car is here, but he isn’t. He left. He ran without me.I push a hand through my hair before taking out my phone from the back pocket of the pants I have on—his pants. My pulse is racing as I press the phone to my ear after dialing his number, and it rings. It rings and my purse vibrates, reminding me that he left his phone with me on our way here.God, James. Please. Please, just be alright. Don’t do anything stupid and be fucking alright.Please.Drea
JAMES.Everything else shatters around me as I stare at her with disbelief coursing through my veins, wanting more than anything for her to take back those words—to tell me this is some kind of sick joke.She doesn’t.Instead, her tears fall even more as she proceeds to say, "I’m so sorry, Gabriel. I didn’t mean to—" a sob breaks out, and she shuts her eyes tightly. When she opens them again, they’re so red that it’s hard to act like she doesn’t know what she’s speaking about. She does. Oh God, she does."What are you saying, Zara?" Dad’s quiet voice comes, no doubt he’s as frightened as I am. "James is my son. He’s always been. He’s been from his birth, so why are you—""He isn’t." She insists, and I gulp down the bitterness that’s quickly rising in my throat. My hand shakes in hers and I quickly let go, fisting my hands in the fabric of my pants to try to stop the trembling. "I cheated. Years back. I was married to you, but I was in love with someone else.""Zara…""I’m sorry. I kno