Nightmare Walking

I didn't have the guts to attend my dad's class again. If I could, I would have skipped school completely, because I no longer found joy in studying when I knew that something much bigger and dangerous was hiding around the corner—something I couldn't uncover no matter how hard I tried. I thought that the biggest mystery in my life would be figuring out why my dad had left me or what he was. But then came Asher, and now even Silas—whom I was sure I could trust—was keeping something from me. I had no idea what to do.

My dad tried reaching out to me, but he must have noticed the amount of effort I was putting into avoiding him. He stopped seeking me out a week later, and I didn't know whether that made me feel better or worse. It hurt how easy it had been for him to give up on me again, but I guess he thought he was only doing it to protect me or make me happy. I felt neither safe nor joyful. But at least Asher hadn't appeared to me in a while. That could only mean he was off planning his next move—how he was going to make my life a living hell.

Kerry Jones was now a shadow of herself. I was never a cheerful or social person, but these days my anxiety only grew worse, and I withdrew into myself. I tried to hide it well, not wanting Silas to find out how depressed I was, but he wasn't stupid. He did notice; he just never addressed it.

He always urged me to take more of that substance (he still refuses to tell me what it was), claiming that it would make me feel better. Since I trusted him (a trust which kept fading gradually the more he kept me in the dark), I accepted each time. And it did make me feel better, momentarily. I got a feeling of floating, like my entire body was lighter, and the aches that had become a norm would fade. I'd feel better, only to wake up the next day to more pain.

"You're adding weight."

"Excuse me?" I was startled by Ruby's words. I turned to look at her, only to find her eyes glued to my stomach. I had no idea how long she had been observing me to come to that conclusion.

"I mean, it doesn't look bad or anything. It's just something I noticed. I just... don't think it's healthy if you keep adding more weight this fast. I could swear you looked a lot fitter yesterday. Or maybe I'm on crack." The joke was meant to relieve the tension she had noticed growing in me. My whole body had gone tense as I processed what she had said. I had noticed how I didn't fit into some of my jeans anymore, but I had brushed it off as nothing. After all, I had too much to think about than adding some weight. But if even Ruby noticed, then it wasn't something I could continue ignoring.

"I... I guess I've been eating a bit too much. I'll try exercising, maybe."

"Cool, cool. Let's go to our next class, shall we?"

"Okay."

I tried not to let it bother me. I told myself it wasn't really a big deal. But when I ran my hand across my stomach, I found that it wasn't as flat as it had been—again, something I had chosen to ignore in the past week. I had a suspicion in my head, but it just didn't make any sense. Even if I were pregnant (which couldn't have been possible—I had read countless books on how vampires were born. There were very few born naturally, because vampires were infertile since their bodies were essentially dead. But in the rare cases that vampires had been born, it was when two strong vampires copulated.

There was no way it could happen between a vampire and a human—though I wasn't even human—still, it was impossible), the process was happening way too fast. It's only been two weeks since I started noticing changes in my body. Surely that wasn't even enough time for morning sickness. So I ruled out the possibility of being pregnant. This had to be something else. I told myself that since Dad had said we couldn't be too close to each other without causing harm to one another, it might be the cause of my pain and changes. So I decided that I was going to have a talk with Silas about it.

When I got home that day, I was greeted by the familiar smell of delicious food. Silas was thoughtful enough to always cook me lunch before I came back from school. Usually, I would feel my mouth water at the scent, and my stomach would grumble. But now, the stomach-wrenching disgust that settled heavily in my stomach had me dashing toward the toilet instead of the kitchen. I managed to get to the toilet before spilling the contents of my stomach into it. The thick red substance that poured out of me was definitely not stomach acid, nor was it the product of any meal I'd taken. I hadn't even eaten anything. The coppery taste in my mouth gave away what it was.

Panic built inside me as a scream tore through my throat. Fear—that was all I felt. I had suspected that I might be dying due to all the pain I was forced to endure, but now it seemed more likely. I was vomiting blood. It was either I had gained an internal injury somehow (which seemed more likely than the second option), or I had been taking blood all this time. I would have had to take a ton of it to spew this much. And I didn't remember taking anything like that. Sure, the stuff Silas made me drink had an awful resemblance to blood, but it neither smelled nor tasted like blood. I wouldn't have taken it if it had. So that left the option of me dying!

As always, my loving boyfriend was quick to come to my side, having heard my scream from downstairs. "Baby, calm down." This was the first thing he said as he wrapped me in an embrace. He only needed to glance at the contents of the toilet seat to know what had happened. Somehow, I had expected his reaction to be more panicked. After all, he was always the one babying me. Yet it seemed like he had actually expected something like this to happen. I felt myself tense in his arms. He knew something—he definitely knew something.

"It's going to be alright," he continued to whisper comforting words into my ears, but I ignored them all and pushed myself to my feet, unwrapping myself from his arms to properly glare at him. Not the kind of heated glare that would suggest I was pissed, but one that showed my distrust toward him. I knew it would hurt him more than if I were scared.

Silas prided himself on the trust I had in him. He would always go on about how me trusting him enough to be with him—even though I was still afraid of vampires—was what made him sleep at night. I would roll my eyes because we both knew he spent each night watching me sleep. Sometimes I woke up to him between my legs, but those were the nights he felt most lonely, wanting to have me as close to him as possible, or so he said. Now I didn't know whether to believe him or not.

My boyfriend's expression crumpled as I withdrew from him. "Baby," he tried to reach out to me, but I avoided the touch. "What did I do wrong? Tell me, and I will fix it. Just don't... don't run away from me."

"You know what's happening to me, yet you would prefer to keep it to yourself."

"It's nothing serious, I swear. Your life isn't in danger, baby, please."

"You would rather watch me suffer." I ignored his words, focusing more on the reality of things I had refused to see before. "You know what is wrong, yet you don't want me to go to a hospital! You'd rather I remain in this damn house and let you poison me with that..."

"Poison you?" His eyes widened in horror and a hint of anger. "You think I am the one causing this?! You think I would fucking poison you?!"

"Nothing else makes sense!"

"No, this doesn't make sense! Don't you know I would rather fucking kill myself than let anything bad happen to you? Do you really think so badly of me?"

"You wouldn't let me go to the hospital."

"Because I wanted to fucking keep you safe! What the hell do you think is going to happen if someone else finds out that you are carrying a hybrid? This isn't fucking normal, Kerry! I... I didn't think it would turn out this way. If I had known that I could get you pregnant, then I... I..." Silas's eyes glistened with tears. "No, I would have still done it. I wouldn't have changed anything. I am a fucking selfish bastard. I should have thought of what you were going through—your pain. But I was too occupied with the thoughts of having a kid with you, sharing something else with you. Because God knows I fucking love you more than anything in the world. I'm... So sorry, Kerry. I am sorry."

I watched him in stunned silence. I was barely able to process what he had said. The only words that echoed in my head were the revelation of the reason behind my sickness. So all this time I had been convinced that I was dying, but all this time it was because I was pregnant. Pregnant with a vampire—a hybrid? I brought my hand to my stomach, feeling the wet streak of tears falling down my cheek. Silas watched me in panic. I could see that he wanted to reach forward to me, but he was afraid of making things worse, so he kept to himself, despite how much it must have hurt him to see me in this state. I felt betrayed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid you would..."

" Want to get rid of it "

" Panic. I didn't want you panicking "

" Is this going to kill me? "

" No no, baby I would never let that happen. I swear on it. I won't let anything hurt you "

" You already did " I turned around and started walking out of the bathroom. " You hurt me "

" Kerry, Please..Just let me.."

" If you know what's good for you " I gave him the most threatening look I could muster, despite the tears threatening to fall down my face " You would leave me the fuck alone " I left the room and slammed the door hard. Silas didn't follow.