I

Nothing weighs anything on my head, or my chest. All of that disappeared.

I lie here, asleep like a newborn, clean of it all. That feeling is an amazing thing. Extraordinary. I've never been like this. Everything seems to be separated from my soul, I may feel like I've just been born again.

A moan escaped me as I changed my sleeping position, my eyes were still closed, I was still on the verge of being conscious and unconscious. I don't want to wake up from this light feeling. I want to go back to that beautiful dream, and want to go back to that happy thing. The feeling like I just got an electric shock, it didn't kill me, I floated, and like a butterfly fluttering all over my body.

I know I was drunk last night, and I really appreciate whatever I'm drinking, it's a gift, and I'll be back drinking it when I want this feeling again. It's an ecstasy of pleasure, an outlet I didn't know I needed. Until last night.

My mind which was still clawing at the claws of memory couldn't place anything. Can't remember what I did last night to make me feel this amazing feeling. And I don't want that to happen.

I feel like I'm holding on to a string so tight. All feelings and sweet dreams are that string, and I don't want to let it go. I don't want all the things that surround me now to disappear to be replaced by such a cruel reality. If I could.. I want to live with my eyes closed forever and spend time dreaming.

But sadly I can't.

It started with a small breath that hit my neck, and a tight hug from two strong arms around my waist. A large body covered me, all over me from behind, and I could feel it was a skin to skin touch.

Which means.. I'm naked.

He's naked.

I flinched.

My heartbeat stopped before it did a quick beat.

I opened my eyes, and a view of a luxurious room with an elegant feel greeted my view. Disbelief overtook me, my heart felt like it dropped into my stomach and all the beautiful feelings that I didn't want to let go seemed to fade so quickly replaced by horror.

What the ...

My gaze fell to the blanket that covered me up to my chest, and a sight of the arm behind it, was hugging my body. A sour taste overcame the back of my mouth.

My scattered memories have now attracted each other and have moved into whole pieces. As if screaming loudly in my head, to make me realize what I've done.

I'm drunk.

This man is coming.

Nicholas.

I passed out.

And I'm back up.

I remember that I said something. I don't remember what I said to him, and what he said to me

And I'm afraid that if I find myself telling him all my secrets...

What I remember is what he did to me, what I did to him, and what we did next.

My heartbeat rumbles in my ears, the blood under my skin rushes, and I swallow hard. I know what I've done.

Damn it.

For the next few seconds there was nothing I could do but freeze, and dumbfounded at what I had done last night while drunk, and realize what Nicholas had taken from me. I ...

My eyes heat up, tears threaten to spill out of me, and the heat sears my chest again. Now all the emotions are doubled, and I can barely contain them. But I, once again, took over the calm that was buried deep inside me. I can panic about it later, and I can curse this son of a bitch later, because I have to get out of this place first. I should at least leave without him noticing, and I should be home soon. If my bodyguard find out that I'm not home, it's gonna be a big problem.

I have to go.

Swallowing hard, I tried to move. The steady breathing of the jerk behind me was so serene, he slept like a baby, and I'm sure that the satisfaction of having my virginity made him that way. While cursing him with dirty words in my heart, I touched the back of his big hand.

That feeling is back, the electric shock is back. I've never touched a man, and been touched by a man until now... and that makes a lot of emotions overwhelm me. My hand trembled as I moved his hand away from me, and the imprint of his touch was like a hot trail that would stay permanently and I would never be able to get rid of it. Mentally and physically.

Calming myself from the heat, I ignored it, and slowly got up. I tried not to make a sound and not to do anything reckless until finally I could stand on the side of the bed naked. My clothes and his clothes were scattered on the floor, I took my underwear first—holding back an annoyed groan when I found lots of red spots on my chest, and also my stomach—and then my shirt and jeans. I did it all slowly, and looked at his face which was still so calm, eyes closed, and fell asleep in the same position. For a moment, I admired his beautiful face.

He sleeps so peacefully like a baby makes me almost in disbelief that this man is a hideous and wretched . There wasn't a trace of asshole on his face, and the demon had probably disappeared. But I know better. The demon will be in his eyes when he wakes up.

I picked up my cell phone which was flickering on the table, and then took one last quick look at him before stepping towards the door and opening it.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

This is the last, and I will not see him again.

The issue of my virginity is not important, regardless of who caused the loss is the most important thing.

>>>

Two days later ....

I found myself being a daydreamer for the past two days.

My head is always throbbing, and that feeling like heartburn always comes to interrupt my day. I knew that I wouldn't be okay after that night. Things were getting worse, and luckily his absence was a big relief for me.

He wouldn't be anywhere around me. Never will, and I will move on with my life like nothing happened.

My lost virginity will be fine. It's not a big thing for me. Who doesn't today? I mean I can still move on with my life without thinking about which man will accept me in the future. I might never get married because I might have killed myself before my family arranged a marriage for me. I would never be willing to just like that if it happened. I will never allow myself to run from the snake cage to another, more terrifying monster cage.

So I'll be fine.

Later.

Now, I still don't.

Everything bothers me. The reason why he was there, why he was chatting with me when he even hated my existence back then, why did he have to ask me trivial matters, and advise me. Why did he take me to his place, and took my virginity when I was unconscious. Why would he do that to a woman he clearly hated in the past? There was no way he couldn't get sex from another woman. Nicholas De Russo is the very embodiment of perfection, I'm a stupid woman to think that no one wants him.

But maybe there again I'm wrong .. he is free to fuck whoever he wants, and whoever he hates. He never liked me, and always made me suffer in the past—he still does, and that's an obvious reason. He wants to make me suffer and be miserable. Maybe he thought my father would find out the day I was unworthy to be given to another man, and he would hurt me. Well, Nicolas was wrong. I'm already broken, and maybe the remnants of me that exist won't be enough to satisfy him.

I sighed, never imagining that I would be at this point. I always thought that I would die a holy virgin, but that wasn't going to happen.

So, I continued my life peacefully until another death came to me.

"Are you done?" Emmett, my co-worker, came to my desk with a briefcase slung over his shoulder.

I blinked in front of the flat screen displaying the desktop wallpaper while nodding. "Yeah, I'm done." A coughing sound that came from next to my desk made me stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Do you have time tonight? Dinner?" Emmett asked with a gentle smile.

I stared at him in disbelief. This is the number of times he has asked me to have dinner with him, and has received the refusal I always say. Lara said that he was very attracted to me. I don't care about that.

He was one of those handsome men, blonde, blue eyes, and had the gentleness that women who want to be a wife in their thirties yearn for. Stable job at the world's most powerful company like me—RID Millero—, with a great income. Gentleman, and sweet. Very type of husband, and of course a perfect boyfriend. But I know that's not what he meant by asking me to do dinner. He's been a great co-worker, helps me a lot, and never tries to cross the line. I like him, and we're friends.

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight. My parents are in New York, and I'm going to have dinner with them." I bit the wall of my mouth as I met the twinkle in his eyes. I can't refuse him anymore. "Maybe tomorrow night?" there's nothing wrong with accepting the invitation once. Experience as long as I live: I will not get punished just because I was with a man. Maybe just a boring piece of advice from my mom that I'll take to smoky ears, and he seems so nice.. I'm not going to turn down his chance to be friends.

He almost exclaimed joyfully. "Okay, tomorrow night." he said, scratching the back of his neck before nodding twice at me and exiting the executive suite.

I let out a withered breath and turned off my computer.

"So you're going to stop being the poor pathetic single?" I just answered the sarcasm from Lara with a click of the tongue.

"Accepting his advances doesn't mean I'll date him." I answered. "And also.. when a guy asks you out for dinner it doesn't mean he wants to date you."

"But he did." Lara exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes, and took my bag that was on the table while getting up from my seat which was so cramped. "You didn't know."

"I know." Lara insisted.

I can't answer anything other than to change the subject. "Do you want to come home with me or alone?"

Her mind was no longer on the dating topic as her face was now glowing a little brighter. "Sean already picked me up. Besides, I couldn't help myself when I found out that I was under constant surveillance." Her words made me chuckle.

Lara has been my friend since the first semester of college in this city, and she has been my best friend since then until now. Of course she knew what kind of family I came from, my lifestyle and all that: that I was always picked up and dropped off by one of my family members or my father's bodyguard—which never made her comfortable. What she doesn't know is all about my real face. What she does know is that I am still the daughter who is so obedient to her family.

"All right, then. I'll head home first."

She nodded. "Good luck having dinner with your parents."

I can only laugh and wave my hand at her while praying that luck is still on my side.