Come on, my little destiny

Emma

I focused on the road ahead of me as I followed Roux in silence through the streets, trying not to attract unnecessary attention. We found the others waiting for us among some trees outside the town. I shook my arm to get rid of the tightness before heading towards the group.

" Where do you think you're going? " He grabbed me again by the arm, squeezing it again.

" This is hurting! " I exclaimed in Romani¹, attracting everyone's attention.

" What were you talking about with that man? " He growled. 

" I wasn't talking at all " I tried to get free again " Let me go!

" What do you want Emma? " He measured me " You always refuse all your father's marriage arrangements, and you always seem to reject our culture.

" What does that mean? 

" It means that your father will hear about it! " He pulled me close to his body, lowering his voice " You know how we feel about marriages with them.

The way Roux pronounced "them" irritated me. 

" I don't know if you remember, but my father married one of "them" " I retorted.

" And it was the biggest mistake he ever made.

I concentrated my strength on my free hand and hit him square in the face, making him let go of me.

" Emma " Lash approached me as I massaged the place where he'd squeezed, I was sure I'd get a mark for it " I think we'd better go back now.

" I won't say anything this time Roux " I turned away " But if you ever treat me like that again, you can be sure that my father will know.

Lash escorted me to the camp, while Roux followed us sulkily. As soon as we arrived, I locked myself in my vardo in search of some peace. Sometimes I hated having to go into towns, the camp was always so quiet.

A knock on the door caught my attention, I got out of bed and opened it to find my father standing there, watching me.

" Am I going to have to go out again? " I asked apprehensively.

" Let's walk, my child " he nodded.

" I'm tired " I tried to escape.

" That wasn't an invitation, Emma." His gaze became hard.

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the vardo, walking down the steps towards him. 

" "You should put your shoes on," he suggested. "Your mother would have a nervous breakdown seeing you like that.

" Let's go, Dad," I ordered.

We walked in silence until we were far from the campsite. I found all this interaction strange. I loved my father, but he never allowed me to get close.

" Where's your tambourine? " He asked, breaking the silence.

" I lost it in town " I explained, bending down to pick a flower.

" You lost it? 

" What did he tell you? " I stood up, facing my father.

My father was a tall man, his hair was long and he was in his fifties, fourteen years older than my mother. I liked to think that they were happy, even though they had never officially married.

" Roux told me that you gave a gift to a man in town " My father sat down in the shade of a tree " shall we talk about it?

" I did no such thing " I sat down next to him.

" "You must tell me about this man, Emma.

" I couldn't fulfill your wish " I sighed " I don't know anything about the man. I bumped into him while I was running away and knocked over the tambourine.  Roux doesn't trust me!

" And you can blame him? " My father asked, shocking me.

" What did you say? " I blinked a few times.

" You've never mixed with our people, Emma " he sighed, watching the sky " The girls in the gang are always together, and you're locked up in Vardo all the time. 

" Dad.

" I know that sometimes our lives are confusing, but you've never really embraced it " he went on " Young women your age are all engaged, and you run away from any commitment we get for you.

" I want to marry for love! 

" Love is overrated " He continued " You acting like this, meeting men in the city, only increases our people's mistrust of you, my daughter.

" You met my mother in a town " I pointed out " You married for love.

" And that has brought me to a point where my own daughter rejects her origins. Do you think I don't realize how much your mother rejects our customs?

" That's not true.

" And why did she teach you so many things? " He interrupted me " You can read and write.

" And that's always been useful.

" But it's not our custom " he stared at me " Don't you understand? 

" No " I stammered " I don't think I do. I don't understand why we're rejected, and I don't understand why I should hate them.

" You're my daughter, Emma. But I always get the impression that you'll leave us at the slightest opportunity " he stood up and offered me his hand to help me.

" What do you expect me to do to prove my loyalty? " "Marry me?

" With one of our own " he confirmed " We've got good boys here, you can be happy.

" "I won't do that," I denied. "I respect your wishes, Father. But I can't commit myself to such a wish.

" This is what marriage for love has brought me " he stared at me coldly " my own daughter defies my orders.

I felt his eyes water at his words and I couldn't bear the disappointed look on his face. I ran to the safety of my vardo, leaving him behind. Despite his words, I never thought about leaving. I just felt the need to feel part of somewhere, and I didn't feel that way with the girls in the gang.

Despite feeling exhausted by the escape earlier, I couldn't sleep. My mind drifted from the argument with my father to that pair of brown eyes that had analyzed me so deftly earlier. I kept remembering his every reaction to our brief encounter. Will I ever meet him?

I don't think so, my mother told me that everything was fine for our departure in the morning. He will only remain in my memory.

I took advantage of the sunlight to bathe in a small lake nearby, and joined everyone around the campfire during the evening. After dinner, my father entertained us with music, singing a song in his native language. I allowed the melody to envelop me, letting my body move fluidly with the rhythm, and to my surprise, my mother decided to join in. 

The look my father gave us indicated how proud he was of his family, despite everything. As soon as the song ended, he got up and came over to where we were, wrapping us in a hug, kissing my forehead before kissing my mother.

This is the last pleasant memory I have of this part of my story. 

I was asleep, we were leaving as soon as it was light, so I had to be well rested. Around sunrise, a noise woke me up. I sat up in bed and looked around, startled.

" What was that? " I whispered as I heard a muffled scream coming from outside.

I was about to leave Vardo when the door burst open and my mother ran in, slamming it shut.

" What's going on? " I widened my eyes when she picked up a cloth bag and proceeded to throw some clothes and jewelry into it.

" They've found us " Elinor whispered " They've killed your father, we have to get away.

" What? " I widened my eyes.

" Keep your voice down " she whispered " Your Vardo is the most hidden, I don't think they'll find him.

" Mom, what's going on? " Tears started streaming down my face as I noticed the look of pure fear on my mother's face.

" The townspeople " She wiped a tear from her eye " They found us a few minutes ago, started raiding the vardos and killing everyone.

" There's one more here " We were silenced by a voice from outside.

My mother told me to keep quiet, slipping to the floor. I followed her example by sitting on the side of the bed facing her. She struggled to cry quietly, staring at the door in terror. 

" Do like the others and let's go back," another voice instructed.

We're going to die. We really are going to die.

My mother and I waited for a few minutes for the door to open, bringing us our sentence.

" They must have left " she sighed with relief " Let's go.

" What if they're outside? " I didn't move.

" Emma, we have to get out of here. " Elinor took my hand, pulling me towards the door, just giving me time to put on my sandals before running.

But before we could get out, the place was engulfed in flames. 

They're going to burn us alive! 

" Mom! " I screamed as the heat enveloped me. Half of my life had become a living hell, the other half would only be a matter of time.

" The window " she coughed, forcing me onto the bed " We can get out through the window. 

The whole ceiling was engulfed in flames as I opened the window. I turned around, seeing my mother returning to the door to get the bag she had sorted earlier.

" What are you doing? Leave this.

" We need it " she threw the bag towards me " Now get out.

I jumped anyway, feeling the heat rise in my right arm as the sleeve of my blouse caught fire. I managed to rip the burning sleeve off, burning my hand in the process. Where's my mother?

I turned to the vardo, only to find it completely engulfed in flames.

" Mom? " I called out in desperation " Mom, where are you?”

" Emma " her voice was muffled by a cough " Run…”

" Have you lost your mind? " I cried " I'm not leaving here without you!”

" Please, run away " she begged.

" I heard something over here " A male voice caught my attention.

I cast one last glance at the burning Vardo, my eyes sweeping across our camp, it was a real inferno. She won't leave, she has no chance. A few footsteps approached, bringing me out of my daze. I ran between the trees with tears constantly blinding my eyes.

I had to run for my life.

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¹ gypsy language