Episode Four

The day I left my parents' house and moved in with my friend Candance's family for a month, I knew I couldn't stay there for long because her family was much like mine. No sooner than I returned from job hunting.  Candance's mother was waiting for me to enter the door.

"Hey, Kita, can you come and take a seat."

"Good evening, Mrs. Lyons.'

"What are your plans? Are you going back home to your parents?"

"Well, no. I plan on getting my place."

"Why would you do something like that? Your parents care greatly about you and only want the best for you, young lady. I'm going to have to ask you to go back home. This town is too small to keep you here when I disagree with this rebellious behavior. I can barely look at your poor mother's face. She is so broken-hearted over you doing this to them. I hope you understand. I don't want Candance to think this rebellion is the proper way to behave toward your parents."

"I understand. I'll pack my things, Mrs. Lyon's, and I'll be gone by morning."

"You need to go home to your parents, Kita."

When I entered Candance's room, I dropped to the floor and burst into tears. "How come everybody acts like nothing hasn't happened to me? And it's okay for me to go through what I've been through!"

*****

I got up and prepared to leave Candance's house the following day when she walked me to the door.

"Thank you for everything."

"I'm so sorry, Kita."

"I'll be okay. I'm a little stronger now, so I'll stay with Charmaine for a month or so until her parents can no longer tolerate me. They'll probably come to the same conclusion that I'm a bad influence on their daughter, too." We laughed, then hugged each other tightly, and then I left Candance's home.

Charmaine took good care of me the last month we spent together. Her parents didn't seem to mind I was there. She made sure I ate right and got my strength back. We took jogs, sometimes three times a week. It became a good habit for my mental, emotional, and physical self-esteem. I felt like I was becoming one with nature and healing inside and out. I look down at my watch. I begin my five-block walk to my favorite breakfast spot to cool my heart rate and body. I arrived at the restaurant that served the best breakfast food and fresh coffee in town. I looked around for an available booth, as I do every Saturday, and who did I see? It was my parents. I hadn't talked to them in almost two months since I moved out. My mother comes up to me.

"Hi darling, how are you?" she asked cheerily. I could tell she was glad to see me as I was to see her. My father kept his back to us.

Ugh! Men are so stubborn! I thought. "Honey, come have breakfast with us." She took my hand, dragging me to their table.

"Mom, I can only sit with you briefly until Charmaine returns."

"That's okay, it's okay. A little time is better than no time." My mother says, smiling.

"Good morning, Father," I said, sitting across from his stern face.

"Morning." He mumbled.

"We need to talk, you two. We are family, aren't we?!" My mother asks.

"Well, I never intended for us to have a huge fight. All I wanted was an apology. I understand this tradition has worked for you and my grandparents. But it isn't going to work for me. What's so wrong with admitting that?"

"Why wouldn't it work for you?" My father snapped. "Because you are stubborn!"

"No, because I refused to marry for wealth, status, and national pride and be miserable!"

"It's not about just money! What about keeping traditions and being obedient to your parents?" Her father states.

"Oh my God, father! Obedience at any cost! Don't my feelings matter? And at what expense am I supposed to do this?! What about what I want and need?"

"You know we love you dearly. And we only, as your parents, want the best for you. Even financially, too."

"Mom and Dad...Give me some credit! I did try, and it didn't work! Isn't that good enough? I know I made some promises, most of which I have kept. But there's one promise I can't keep any longer. I can't marry that man!" I said, hanging my head.

"This arrangement has been planned for you for years."  My mom says.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry. Okay! I'm sorry, Kita!" My dad states, without any compassion in his words.

Tears came to my eyes at hearing his lack of sincerity. "Only say it if you mean it. I got to go. Charmaine has arrived. Love you, Mom."

"Hey, Charmaine," I waved to get her attention.

"What's that look on your face? Oh my God! Is that your parents?" she asked nervously, looking at how upset I was.

"Yes, that man is impossible!"

"What did he say?"

"It's what he refuses to say!"

"Sweetheart, you know, that generation is so prideful. They could never admit they were wrong. But he cares about you, Kita. You are his child and only daughter. "

"Oh, my goodness, I can't tell. Let's not talk about him anymore. Tell me about work and why you had to work this Saturday."

"My boss is all up my behind about me meeting this deadline."

"Girl, you can handle it. You always do, and then you make him regret giving you all that pressure because you always get it done way ahead of schedule."

Charmaine laughs blushingly, "Yes, I love to see him groveling at my feet, asking for my forgiveness."

"Isn't that how you earned that great Jamaican trip last year?" I teasingly ask Charmaine.

"Yes, girl! Didn't we have a blast on that trip? That's how I get all my perks! Working my butt off!"

"Well, all of that will probably have to stop once your dad gives you the word he's found some prick for you to marry."

"I'm going to be like my friend sitting here, brave, and stand up for what I want! Humph! How do you like those apples?" Charmaine states.

"I would like them just fine if it was true." I recant.

We both laughed as we fondly talked and shared our wishes, memories, and hopes. The waitress came and took our orders.

"I'll have scrambled eggs, two slices of raisin toast with butter, and a hot cup of French vanilla coffee with no sugar."

I knew it had been as hard on my friends as it had been for me these past two months. She's watched me struggle to recover physically, emotionally, and even mentally from a broken heart. I wanted that man to be one, and sadly, he wasn't.

"Did I tell you I got to go to court Monday morning?"

"I can't believe this town's laws, nor Mr. Cole. He's taking you to court for an apology?" 

"Yes! Isn't that wild? I can't stand him. I have to apologize to him or pay some fine! But no one is obligated to say they are sorry to me!"

"Oh, that's not right. I wish I could be there, but I have to work. But I can take off if you need me to accompany you."

"No, that's okay. My lawyer explained I had to go to court to counter-sue him. I just want to be done with this relationship!"

"I know. I would hate if I had to see his face again."

"Yes! It's a face I fight so hard every day to forget! After court, hopefully, I'll never see him again! Buy the way. Can I borrow some money? I don't plan on apologizing to him. I'm going to pay the fine."

"Sure! There you go! How much do you need?" Charmaine asks.

"Three thousand to possibly five thousand." 

"What! That much is the fine?" 

"Well, not quite. The fine can range from $500 to 1000 dollars, and because I splashed alcohol in his face, that could bring it up to $2000 thousand." 

"And what's the other 3,000 dollars for?" 

"I can't stay at your parent's house forever, and I'm not returning home. So it's to move. I promise to pay it all back with interest!"

"Girl, you are breaking the bank. I'll see what I can do."

"Oh! Thanks, Charmaine! Thank you!"

Once we finished eating, laughing, and talking. We both smiled, looking at each other for a moment and taking in the pleasantness of our time spent together this Saturday morning at breakfast. After making small talk, I tell my friend Charmaine the genuine parts, how alive and good I feel. Charmaine was truly happy for me, but I could see behind her smile that she was still worried about me.

Especially when she asked me, "So Kita, remember how we used to say we were going to have our big white double wedding, and when we got married, we would live right next door to each other, and the house would be on the beach, and our kids and dogs would play together?

"I said that? Charmaine, I'm a different person now."

"Yes! Especially you. You were the one who started me to dream of such things. You still feel like that, don't you? Kita, your bright, bubbly personality made me believe in rainbows and love. How could you say you're a different person from the one I have known all my life? Because you seem like the same Kita to me."

I hadn't thought much about being different after the shock of being with a man who didn't care. I didn't know anything like this would happen to me, but there I was. I guess actions speak louder than words. But experiencing being lied to by someone you are about to spend the rest of your life with did change me. I wanted to answer Charmaine from my heart. But how could I tell my friends I wasn't equipped to handle what happened and that I was into him? I don't feel the same about relationships, weddings, and marriage. How do I tell her that?

Something has changed or is missing in me because I didn't want the same things I used to desire and that most people wanted. I can't even picture that life for myself Charmaine just described, no matter how hard I tried. I felt like a floundering ship that'd come loose from its anchor. Was I still bitter and didn't and couldn't trust anyone? Yes! And how can I tell my friend? I don't know if I can trust anyone else with my heart. Is something wrong with me?