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16|Our Fears
Last Updated:
2022-08-29 01:13:48Related chapters
My Gangster Babysitter 17|Not Her Keeper
~Benny~ I can see it now, his anxiety. I’m learning a thing or more about Kai each time we spend together. It’s like treading in shallow waters. I’m never sure how deep it is or if it’s rocky or smooth underneath. I wonder if he’s talking about his fiancee and best friend or another chapter from his past. Either way, I could feel the weight of his words. There was more to that rugged look of a mobster than that he portrays, I’m sure of that now, and I’d like to peel off those layers one by one and see what Kai was truly made of. My heart did an odd thump thump thump, the same beat it did from the yacht. I bite down a smile, relishing the fact that Kai is letting me see another layer of his personality. I opened my mouth, ready to squeeze him for more, but my stomach growled, as though there was a monster caged inside me. Kai tilted his head in my direction, eyes narrowing with amusement, the tips of his lips lifted into a teasing smirk. My cheeks reddened as I kept my gaze on the
Last Updated : 2022-09-01My Gangster Babysitter 18|You’re Safe Now
~Kai~“It’s up to her. I’m not her keeper,” I said detachedly.By definition and my job description, I was her keeper. Her brother asked me to protect her, but whenever I am around Benny, my mouth and brain coordination are always in a plight that has proven hard to fight.I would’ve chosen another place if I had known Liam was in town. It’s not that Liam would have a negative effect on Benny’s welfare; it’s quite the opposite. Liam is one of the good guys, and the fact that Benny was looking at him with googly eyes annoyed me more than it should have .Benny whipped her attention in my direction, and an emotion I couldn’t assess crossed her face. She tipped her chin, defiance twinkling in her eyes.“Sure,” she said without taking her eyes off me. “A party sounds cool.”Liam smiled victoriously, biting down on his lip. “Kai knows where. Just head there anytime you’re ready.”When I took Benny here, I prepared myself for the surge of nostalgia that would hit me once I dwelled on the fa
Last Updated : 2022-09-03My Gangster Babysitter 19|Keep Me Forever
~Kai~Benny’s hand fits perfectly in my grasp. It was delicate and small, a stark contrast to my coarse and huge one. It felt like I was holding a child’s hand.While walking back home, our steps turned from slow to measured ones, as though we both didn’t want this night to end yet. Maybe it was just me, and Benny was only following my lead; either way, I didn’t hear or sense any protest from her end.Eventually, I had to let her go to open the door once we stepped on the threshold. Benny stood beside me while I pulled out my keys. She hugged herself as if the humid temperature outside suddenly plummeted.She followed me inside and trailed behind me as I headed to the wet bar, grabbing the bottle of bourbon.This day had been a whirlwind of nostalgia in my head. I might look calm and collected outside, but inside I am truly questioning my decision to come back here.“Want a drink?” I offered, filling a rock glass with golden brown liquid.“Uhm, sure…” she said, shifting from one foot
Last Updated : 2022-09-05My Gangster Babysitter 20|About Last Night
~Benny~ I squinted my eyes, the bright light blinding me as my consciousness slowly awakened. It seems that I had been dead tired from having forgotten to close the curtains before going to sleep. Still with my eyes closed, I shifted, stretching my dozed-off limbs. I froze when I felt heavy arms restraining me. Dread washed over me, realizing a man’s arm fettered me from moving. Heart beating wildly, I tried to recall the events from last night. Dinner. Liam’s invitation to a party. Kai and I walked back home, hand in hand, the two of us drinking. Fuck. I had never drunk anything stronger than fruity cocktails and beer. The moment I saw the bottle of bourbon, I knew I should’ve said no to Kai’s offer for a drink. Even the bottle has a label saying it’s for the bad boys. Even without opening my eyes, I knew it was Kai holding me. It’s funny how quickly I got acquainted with his scent. It’s spicy, yet not the kind that’s stingy on the nose or painful in the eyes, but the kind tha
Last Updated : 2022-09-06My Gangster Babysitter 21|That Kind Of Love
~Benny~I swallowed hard, unsure of how to react to what Kai murmured.That doesn’t sound like me at all. But to a drunk Benny? Hm, that’s a maybe.“I almost lost it, Benny,” he said, still stroking my cheeks tenderly like he was afraid to break me. “From now on, you are not drinking without me. Do you know what else you did to convince me?”I’m curious but afraid to know. My cheeks were probably in flames. Tony knew I am a virgin, and he agreed to have our first time on our wedding night. Somehow, I am grateful that he conceded to my request.At some point, I consider that the reason Tony cheated on me with my mother. No matter how much I loved her, my mother never experienced a shortage of vitamin dick. She was good in bed. Sometimes, I’d hear her and her flavor of the week banging in all corners of our apartment in Paris. So when I turned legal age, I moved out of her place. In her defense, she tried so hard to keep it down. It’s just that the walls had been so thin, and her men w
Last Updated : 2022-09-07My Gangster Babysitter 22|We Are Cool
~Benny~‘I shouldn’t be mad at him. He was only doing the right thing,’ I kept repeating this in my head like a mantra, but his rejection really hit me right where it hurts.Even drunk, I had never offered myself to anyone, not even to Tony. I am intrigued by Kai and what kind of person he truly is.He’s being the gentleman I never thought he was. He knew I might regret it if something happened between us, but it only made me want him even more. How come the person I considered heartless was the one who was doing the right by me?It had been three days since that eventful morning in his bed, and I had been doing everything I could to avoid him. Kai seemed to feel that, and he’d been out all day and only went back home to sleep. He filled the fridge and pantry with everything I would need, from breakfast to dinner. He’d leave breakfast ready for me, and I’d make dinner for the two of us.We’ve fallen into a routine, and I couldn’t even hate him for avoiding me. But I miss him. How can
Last Updated : 2022-09-08My Gangster Babysitter 23|Nice Timing
~Benny~I could count on my fingers in one hand the times Tony took me out on a date. Since he informed me of my true identity, I’ve lived in hiding, and going out on a public date is a considerable risk to my safety; at least, that’s what he made me believe.We went out a few times in Paris while he was courting me. We had our first kiss on the Eiffel Tower, walked hand in hand at Luxembourg Palace and Gardens on our second date, and dined at Gare de Lyon’s Le Train Bleu on our third date.Remembering those events made me nostalgic; tears brimmed in the corners of my eyes as I stared at myself in the mirror.This… this is the reason Kai hadn’t agreed to my offer.I am still figuring myself out, healing from the pain of Tony and my mother’s betrayal. Kai knew that. My unstable mind and hormones are a danger to others and, mostly, to myself.Sighing, I stood up and spritzed a jasmine scented cologne on my wrist, rubbing them together. I found the cologne on the dresser and I hope Kai w
Last Updated : 2022-09-09My Gangster Babysitter 24|End of the Tunnel
~Benny~Anchored luxury yachts and fishing vessels lined parallel with an extensive man-made platform with various restaurants, booths, and games. This looks more like a fair than a wharf. People of all ages crowd the dock, and the smell of popcorn, hotdogs, burgers, and delicious sea catches wafts through the air.Justine and I stood at the foot of the platform, waiting for Kai and Liam as they bought tickets, which we will use to pay on the stalls instead of cash. I learned that Wharf Fair is a mayor’s project, and half of the proceeds are dedicated to charity. Also, all the booths and restaurants are locally owned to help promote local tourism and help SMEs on the island.Justine let out a heavy breath, leaning against the thick wood railings. We stood a good three feet away, yet I could feel the weight of her sidelong stare at me.“What?” I asked detachedly. I have a pretty good idea of what’s going through her head. She’s curious, wanting to ask more about what Kai revealed in th
Last Updated : 2022-09-10
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My Gangster Babysitter 95|I Kinda Love This One
~Benny~ In the pregnant silence that followed, Klaus’ grin morphed into a frown of confusion and rage, then a mask of indifference. His emotions were suddenly sucked into the black hole of his passive expression as he pushed from the chair, eyes trained on Kai and me. Rylee’s hand covered Klaus’, gripping the knife he used in cutting his fillet. I sucked in a breath. His hands were terribly shaking. Worry raged in my mind. Kai, on the other hand, was as calm as the August wind. His thumb was even drawing circles on my knuckles beneath the table. Like an emotional iceberg, Klaus turned, exiting the dining room towards the lawn. A few moments later, a motorcycle heading for the estate’s entrance rumbled until the sound faded. “I think that’s our cue to leave,” Ghost murmured. “Thank you for inviting us over.” And the rest of Klaus’ men followed him out. Markus, Rylee, Kai, and I remain sitting at the dining table for twelve, with empty plates and glasses. This dinner started so wel
My Gangster Babysitter 94|Is That All?
~Benny~Hiding my excitement that Kai and I were finally engaged was like wearing a mask of indifference all day. Rylee caught me too many times grinning like a demented fool to myself, and all those times, I lied about why I was on cloud nine. She knew it had something to do with my weekend escapade in LA, and she’s trying to find out why.But Kai said, for his safety, I had to keep my mouth shut about our engagement. It’s because of Markus and Klaus’ stupid bet. I’ve been on a mission to get Rylee to spill hints about what was at stake.“So…” I bumped Rylee’s hip with mine. “Do you know what Klaus has been up to these days?”Rylee pinned me with a sideway questioning glance. We were in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the family and our guests. Klaus invited his team to celebrate successfully putting up MiRa Investigation and Security. He named his security company after Mikael and Ramona.“He’s always up to something.” Rylee turned back to the three fillets in the cutting board, s
My Gangster Babysitter 93|To Be Reminded
~Benny~I tripped once and almost fell on the bathroom floor while freshening up and changing into the red baby doll I bought specifically to seduce Kai. My heart drummed in my chest as I entered the bedroom; Kai sat on the edge of the bed.His gaze lifted to mine, a crease on his forehead, his eyes traveled down the length of me.I shifted in my bare feet, chewed my lip, and wondered if I’d get punished for not following his instruction. The danger lurking in those darkening gray eyes should bother me as he took in the thinness of my dress, but I felt the opposite. It stirred my libido to life. A zeal for the dark promise of his heavy-lidded gaze started to brew in my belly.I didn’t wear anything underneath this see-through dress. My nipples were pebbled hard, poking through the fabric, yearning for some relief that I knew Kai could give.“Come here,” he commanded in a low growl. My pulse quickened. This is what I want. This is what I’d been waiting for since the night I confessed
My Gangster Babysitter 92|You
~Kai~“Can we have sex now?” Benny grumbled with a pout.The beer I was sipping went down the wrong pipe and came out of my nose. That shit fucking stings. I coughed, slammed a fist on my chest, and stared wide-eyed at Benny. “Damn, baby. Warn a man, won’t you?”We had moved to the balcony. Benny’s bare feet rested across my lap as we languidly drank our preferred alcohol. Wine for her, and I was on my third bottle of beer.I planned to make love to her. My cock had been knocking on my pants since she arrived, but I didn’t want to come as a sex-starved man when I was anything but.We discussed our plans for the next few weeks and agreed to keep our engagement a secret for now. If my assumptions are correct, Klaus will throw a fit if he loses the bet. And I don’t want to be around when that happens. That man does not deal well with losing.Benny blushed, crossing her arms over her chest. “What? We haven’t had sex since Paris. That was two months ago. I thought you won’t be able to get
My Gangster Babysitter 91|Turn of Events
~Kai~New York dragged longer than I anticipated, effectively slashing the prospect of seeing Benny before I flew to LA off the tables. Klaus dipped into the business of private security. He had the team secure office and training facilities, permits, and background investigation on the staff, which will continue the process we’d started. It had to be strategically planned, from putting up private security to hiring our people and targeting our market. After the fiasco with Dominguez, Kino, and Davide, Klaus had been particularly meticulous in hiring employees. Cleansing Martinelli Holdings was a grueling process, like weeding the garden so the flowers could bloom, and bloom did the company did. And Klaus saw the need to have his own legal private security for all their businesses. As the current security manager of Martinelli Holdings, Klaus tasked me to establish security in their newly opened hotel. Even with Klaus’ people working with me, I was hands-on in every step that neede
My Gangster Babysitter 90|Take Control
~Kai~Kissing Benny had always been out of this world, always better than the last, and tonight it was sweeter, hotter, and steamier. Maybe because our feelings were finally out in the open.I struggle to pull away from her, remembering where we are. It was fifteen minutes before eleven. Although I wanted more time with her, keeping my word to Markus was at the top of my priorities.Still breathless from my kiss, Benny toyed with the ends of my hair. She was on her tiptoes, lips plump and red from my sucking and nibbling. My hands circling her waist dug into the exposed skin of her tank top, drawing her closer.“Are you sure you don’t want to take me back to your hotel?” she asked coyly, desire sparkling in her eyes.I groaned, grabbing a handful of her ass, rubbing her against me. “Stop, temptress. I promised to get you home by eleven. This is me keeping my word.”A sultry smile tugged at her lips. “Technically, you did.”She was playing me, and it’s fucking working. I missed her so
My Gangster Babysitter 89|Thank You
~Benny~I fought off the smile that was about to tear my face in half, watching Kai slow his motorcycle to a complete stop in the mansions’ roundabout. He was the image of a magazine model in his rugged jeans, vintage gray tee, leather jacket, and biker boots. His hair had been mused to perfection as though he ran his fingers through them a couple of times; either way, he looked good enough to eat.He grabbed the bouquet of roses sticking out from his backpack and jogged the stairs until he stood before me on the threshold.“Hi.” His blinding smile made my heart swoon. “Hey,” I greeted back breathlessly, taming my prancing heart and knocking my ribcage walls.He offered me the flowers, and their soft scent instantly hit my senses. He hesitated for a beat, biting his lower lip before dipping and planting a gentle kiss onto my mouth. “You look beautiful.”Heat bloomed on my cheeks, and I was glad an hour of fumbling over my closet paid off. He told me to dress casually; I ended up with
My Gangster Babysitter 88|Overthinking
~Benny~“He asked me out on a date!”Without even a hello, I dropped breathlessly into the couch of Tracy’s office.She smiled at me, her inquisitive brown eyes roaming over my face. From the floor-to-ceiling glass window where she stood, her heels tapped against the sandstone floor as she strutted towards the couch opposing mine.Tracy was in her late thirties, her doll-like face made her look younger than her age. “Did you say yes?” she asked encouragingly.I sank further into the couch, tipping my head back onto the backrest. “I haven’t given him an answer.”It had been a week since Markus’ birthday. Since then, Kai and I have been talking every night, shooting messages back and forth during the day. Our late-night conversation had been the most anticipated part of my day. I waited for his messages and calls like a love-sick puppy.“Is something holding you back?” A slight frown creased Tracy’s forehead. “You’ve been waiting for him to ask you out.”Sitting up straight, I mulled ov
My Gangster Babysitter 87|Is This Okay?
~Kai~My brain went to a gruesome war against my body. Every cell in my body wanted to deepen this kiss, plunder her sweet mouth just like I pictured every day since she left. My brain understood my need, barely muting a protest that we were in a public place, a gathering for her father’s birthday, no less.Reluctantly, I ended the kiss. Benny’s mouth chased mine as I pulled away. My cock jerked. She wanted that kiss as much as I did.I kept my hand around her waist, staring down at her, admiring the red stain on her cheek.Heartbeats passed, yet my mind needed convincing that she was really here. I cupped her jaw and skimmed her plump lips, opening my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.“I love you.”My heart stills. “What?”Her emerald eyes widen as dinner plates, as surprised as I am. Mouth gaping and closing like a fish out of water, she pressed her eyes shut, gathering her bearings.I was still recovering from her confession when she said, “but we can’t be together.”My wide e
