She thought she was free and clear with weeks gone by of blessed silence, thanking the creator for the seemingly peaceful transition back into singlehood. Her life went back to normal without him and she had all of her free time to refocus on the life goals she’d set and had been gradually working towards. Then one day he just started showing up at her job. At first, Asha thought she was imagining his car in the parking lot while she was working. He wouldn’t be there everyday so she chalked it up to paranoia.
It was a few weeks of chastising herself for being so overly suspicious until she couldn’t deny any more. Her coworker had taken her to lunch one week and what she had been writing off as paranoia was in fact her survival instincts telling her that she had a predator watching her. Sure enough, when they’d been seated and were catching each other up on everything that couldn’t be discussed in the store, she saw his car roll by and locked eyes with him. Although her anxiety had skyrocketed, she just wrote it off as an inevitable crossing of paths in a not so big sized town since it was only the first time she’d confirmed it was him.Asha hadn’t seen him again that day, but a few days later when she’d been helping a male customer find something for his wife, she looked up and locked eyes with her ex watching her every move from just inside the doors. He was barely touching any merchandise. This was when Asha could no longer deny that he was in fact stalking her, lurking around her days whenever he could. Although him just popping up was creepy, what really kept her awake was how he never said anything or initiated contact. It was like he was trying to make her come groveling at his feet to beg for forgiveness even though she made it clear in her letter that all the issues she had with the relationship stemmed from his behavior.Work was already exhausting without his presence but whenever he did decide to appear in her life, her exhaustion reached down into her soul. By the time she’d get home, she was a crying mess because although he never acted as if he cared, she did. Every time he appeared she had to coach herself through ignoring him and her desire to try and get back with him. During the days when her resolve was at its lowest, she had to remind herself that even if she did initiate a conversation, there was nothing she had to say that wasn’t already said and the person he had known no longer existed. Having recommitted herself to her inner healing and growth changed so many things for her. What she ate, how she dressed herself, her workout habits - they weren’t overtly big changes, but they’d made an impact on how she carried herself through each day. He had already seen her inconsistent dedication to her workouts and eating habits as competition, she cringed to think what he’d describe her consistent efforts as.Although she was already pretty committed to a particular full body circuit, during their time apart, she had upped the frequency and added a whole workout regimine. Not only that, but she changed her diet considerably, making a 90 degree pivot to being a full time pescatarian. Her meditation practices also revealed scars she didn’t even realize she had and helped to bring her to healing she didn’t anticipate, but knew was vital to her overall wellbeing. On top of all of that she had changed her plans for achieving her goals, switching to a different route that she hoped would allow to get to them alone. All of this added up to an Asha she would have to reintroduce to him and when she was completely honest with herself, she knew she didn’t have the energy to give him the opportunity to get to know this version. This modification of her being, Asha was determined to safeguard.Too bad she was also having difficulties protecting herself from the ex waiting for her in haunting dreams. Young Samuel Blood. A fuckboy of a man, who gave her the run around, dragging her heart behind him as bait. A man of few words and exploding passion, who was a selfish bastard unless he was pleasuring a woman. The one man that had opened her to the depths her pleasure could take her if a partner took their time to truly learn what she liked, what she needed. As much as she had been yearning to see his face pop up, she really could only call it a haunting since he’d died just over a year prior.When she decided to up and leave the tristate area he had acted as if she’d never leave, treating her the same way he always did. Although it hurt her feelings to know that despite all the early morning deep conversations she was still just another fuck for him. It did not surprise Asha in the least that he didn’t show up to her going away party, or remember what day she was leaving since
You’d think that her realization would warn her of just how skilled he was in mind games, but alas she set herself up for failure and the same lesson. After a few months of silence he reached out, supposedly needing a friend to talk to. It was a relief to be able to continue their meaningful conversations without the pressure of sex. The distance between them had created a feeling of an even deeper connection being fortified than their sexcapade rendezvous’ had, false of course.When the new year was around the corner, he made plans to come visit Asha. At least that’s what she thought until he ghosted her two days before he told her he would touch down and didn’t hit her up again until two weeks later. She had already grieved the reality that her hopes and dreams for a deeper relationship with him when he called her as if they had never discussed him coming to the A. It stung but she had realized that he only wanted to keep her around as a ‘just in case’, so to speak. Turns out, that
It nearly broke her to get that update, especially since it’d only been a few months after she almost succeeded in the same decision. They hadn’t talked since well before the new year, a sparse handful of texts holding what remained of their friendship together. Plus their mutual friend tried to emphasize that Young didn’t have any respect for the women in his life, including her, which gave her even more evidence as to why she had no reason to feel so stricken by the news. No matter how much she chastised herself though, she couldn’t let go of the hopes she had of reconciling their differences if she ever got a chance to come home. In her mind, there was a chance meeting or intentional meal in their future to talk through things and find a better way forward as friends rather than jilted ex-lovers muddling through a friendship. It was stupid but with every possible chance to have those confrontations suddenly eliminated, she’d plunged deeper into the depression she’d just started to
Asha’s insistence on remaining ignorant landed her in a toxic relationship with her stalker ex, Rell. They had met in an Uber, he was her driver, and it started as a business relationship. He needed someone to finish building his website and she was willing to help so they exchanged info. Between his seemingly respectful concern for her traveling on public transportation at night, letting her sleep on the couch whenever their late night meetings would run too long ; and his insistence that she was ‘everything he’d been manifesting’ Asha was in too deep before she realized it was a tar pit.It didn’t help that her 1 year survival anniversary since her attempted suicide coincided with the new year and 2 weeks after they’d officially agreed to be a couple. Having someone to hold her through the sounds of fireworks and gunshots going on outside and the atomic bomb of emotion happening inside was too alluring for her to want to give up the feeling. It was the first and only time Rell had m
Rell was too caught up in himself and his plans for their future to really notice or care about the increase in sleep deprivation she’d been experiencing. His aloofness to the trauma and pain she was working through really reached its peak when he found her in the kitchen crying as she prepared their dinner. He hadn’t even addressed her emotional breakdown, just asked if dinner would be done before 9 this time, a question he loved asking despite never offering to help. Eventually she had to admit that Rell just liked the idea of what parts of his ideal woman Asha fit and the longer they stayed a couple, the more apparent it became that she would never truly live up to the task of being her, his ideal woman. She tried though, damn did she really try. Seven months of consistently and excessively drinking despite being a super lightweight social drinker, using more grabba leaf in her joints than ever before, anything to numb her from the fact that she’d chosen to remain in a romantic pr
She’d finally gotten the call of a lifetime, being asked to do the post editing special effects for an industry friend’s low budget sci-fi short film as well as creating a graphics heavy interactive website. Not only was she going to help bring the project to its finished product to be seen by who knows who, but she would be solely responsible for the creation of the project’s potentially biggest marketing tool. Asha was over the moon, the pay wasn’t great now, but it was an opportunity to actively be working and living in her dreams. She could add it to her resume and use the experience as fuel to keep going after what she wanted. Rather than working unfulfilled, she was passionately playing in her purpose alongside friends and by doing so she was helping make their dreams come true in return. A yin and Yang she relished in daily.Imagine her surprise when all her man had to say was along the lines of unconstructive and even as far as destructive criticism. Despite not having a probl
It wasn’t enough though and there was only one person who could and would stop Rell and any other person trying to harm his angel. Young. While on planet Earth as a human, he’d been her protector from the day they met, though she hardly welcomed his methods of protection. Although kids liked to bully her, Asha had no problem fighting her own battles and preferred to. He’d come to know that she’d rather the shame of being beat up than someone coming to her rescue and beating up her bullies. She always made her assailant work for their win too. It didn’t stop him from threatening to or actually beating up a few of the kids he’d heard about, especially if it was a boy. She’d always beat his arm black and blue in return, but he could never bring himself to stop trying to be her knight in muted armor. Her moms always made her bring extra food to his house and it was almost always the only home cooked meals he ever got growing up. His mom and older brother’s habits didn’t leave too much r
It was the middle of their junior year in high school and he’d had to threaten away any little knuckleheads looking to take the newly bloomed Asha out on a date. The summer prior, puberty had been kind to her and the first semester of school was a culture shock of all her previous bullies now trying to be her friend and it wasn’t just cause Young was her best friend like usual. Her acne had vanished, she grew into her body with her previously known baby phat accentuating the womanly curves growing in, and after a summer spent with cousins her usually unkempt curls had a new style every week. Young hated the new attention she was getting, but she barely blinked at the change in everyone’s behavior. She was still the same Asha, the only thing that was different was how she looked and it wasn’t drastic, so even though their peers changed the way they were treating her, Asha treated them the same as always. That didn’t stop Young from panicking, suddenly face-to-face with the fact that t