3 ~ Didn’t Realize it was a Competition

She thought she was free and clear with weeks gone by of blessed silence, thanking the creator for the seemingly peaceful transition back into singlehood. Her life went back to normal without him and she had all of her free time to refocus on the life goals she’d set and had been gradually working towards. Then one day he just started showing up at her job. At first, Asha thought she was imagining his car in the parking lot while she was working. He wouldn’t be there everyday so she chalked it up to paranoia.

It was a few weeks of chastising herself for being so overly suspicious until she couldn’t deny any more. Her coworker had taken her to lunch one week and what she had been writing off as paranoia was in fact her survival instincts telling her that she had a predator watching her. Sure enough, when they’d been seated and were catching each other up on everything that couldn’t be discussed in the store, she saw his car roll by and locked eyes with him. Although her anxiety had skyrocketed, she just wrote it off as an inevitable crossing of paths in a not so big sized town since it was only the first time she’d confirmed it was him.

Asha hadn’t seen him again that day, but a few days later when she’d been helping a male customer find something for his wife, she looked up and locked eyes with her ex watching her every move from just inside the doors. He was barely touching any merchandise. This was when Asha could no longer deny that he was in fact stalking her, lurking around her days whenever he could. Although him just popping up was creepy, what really kept her awake was how he never said anything or initiated contact. It was like he was trying to make her come groveling at his feet to beg for forgiveness even though she made it clear in her letter that all the issues she had with the relationship stemmed from his behavior.

Work was already exhausting without his presence but whenever he did decide to appear in her life, her exhaustion reached down into her soul. By the time she’d get home, she was a crying mess because although he never acted as if he cared, she did. Every time he appeared she had to coach herself through ignoring him and her desire to try and get back with him. During the days when her resolve was at its lowest, she had to remind herself that even if she did initiate a conversation, there was nothing she had to say that wasn’t already said and the person he had known no longer existed. Having recommitted herself to her inner healing and growth changed so many things for her. What she ate, how she dressed herself, her workout habits - they weren’t overtly big changes, but they’d made an impact on how she carried herself through each day. He had already seen her inconsistent dedication to her workouts and eating habits as competition, she cringed to think what he’d describe her consistent efforts as.

Although she was already pretty committed to a particular full body circuit, during their time apart, she had upped the frequency and added a whole workout regimine. Not only that, but she changed her diet considerably, making a 90 degree pivot to being a full time pescatarian. Her meditation practices also revealed scars she didn’t even realize she had and helped to bring her to healing she didn’t anticipate, but knew was vital to her overall wellbeing. On top of all of that she had changed her plans for achieving her goals, switching to a different route that she hoped would allow to get to them alone. All of this added up to an Asha she would have to reintroduce to him and when she was completely honest with herself, she knew she didn’t have the energy to give him the opportunity to get to know this version. This modification of her being, Asha was determined to safeguard.