I couldn't take my eyes off his face as he led me into the room and sat me down on the loveseat, taking one of the chairs closest to it. Even with that initial smile, I was terrified about what he was about to say.What if he asked for a divorce? What if everyone was right, and this was really the end? There was no way to read his face, not like in the past when the drugs kept him under control, and I didn't have to worry from one day to the next what he was thinking. "I want to apologize." I think the world stopped. It wasn't a declaration of love, but it might as well be. Ryder was saying sorry to me about something. It didn't matter what it was he was apologizing for, just the fact that he was talking to me and so nicely, too, was enough, and he wasn't finished."I know I haven't been the best husband, especially since I came back this last time, but I just wanted to get this acting thing right, and I couldn't have any distractions. I see it as a new adventure for the both of us, a
Really Ryder? Really? Just how much of a raging lunatic are you trying to be? Just when I thought my life was getting back on track, you have to go pull a stunt like this. The first song was bad enough, especially when the internet's new favorite denizen had deciphered the code, something I still don't understand since the code was a secret between him and me, but this second song is going too far.Thank heaven this MengeLiNi person hadn't revealed the secrets in this one, or who knows what would happen. Then again, it's only been a few hours since it dropped; they might be taking their time before dropping the bomb. The first song was all about missing me and what we had together, but this one would put the Police's every breath you take to shame. It was a stalker's daydream if you ask me, and an outright threat. In short, this beast who had left me at the altar and moved on with his decrepit life was now threatening anyone I went out with on a date, as well as letting me know that h
It's time. I'm as nervous as a hooker in church, but there was no way I wasn't going to go through with this. "Do you remember everything we told you?" "Yeah, but I still don't know how you know what the inside of her house looks like." "You really wanna have this conversation now?""No, I guess not." I wasn't in the mood for a tongue-lashing from Zak, and we both knew I was just talking to hear myself speak because it's a given that I don't know how they know half the shit they do. They still haven't come right out and said it, but my money is on military."Just breathe, kid; it's gonna be fine." Yeah, that's what they've both been telling me for the last hour or so. I don't know why I feel so sick to my stomach. This is what I've been striving for since my return, but now that the time was near, I wasn't sure I could go through with it.I knew it was fear of her reaction that held me in its grip, but still, I couldn't figure out how to shake it off. There was so much at stake here an
"Elena, please, just let me come in so we can talk.""No, it's too late for that." I felt such rage inside that I was almost afraid of what I might do. The tears that I'd been fighting so hard to contain were winning, and I hated that for myself; I hated showing any kind of weakness in front of him.How dare he show up here like this? Acting so blasé, as if he wasn't the monster who had hurt me in the worst possible way. How dare he think that all the pain and hurt of the last five years could just be swept away and forgotten by his mere presence?In the past, it was always like that. I was always quick to forgive him and move on from whatever idiotic thing he'd done. Because I believed that that's what love was. Long-suffering, forgiving, merciful. All the things an innocent young girl should believe. But look where that got me.He made me a laughingstock, something to be ridiculed and laughed at, someone to be pitied. "Damn you, I told you to go away. It's too late for explanations a
How the hell was I going to explain everything to her? Where the hell do I start? I felt gutted and raw. There was so much pain inside that I could hardly breathe. How the hell could I tell her everything that I'd learned in the last couple of months? And how will I bear this pain? The pain of what my words might do to her.Does it really matter? My pain was nothing compared to the hell I just heard in her voice, and though I'm not conceited enough to hold myself responsible for all of her pain, I knew at least ninety-five percent of it was because of me. Now I'm here for the first time in five years to add even more pain to her load.I hated myself more at that moment as I stood there staring at the back of her head because she refused to turn around and face me. I could force her; I know I could. I've done it before, forced her to see things my way or to do any number of things that, when I look back, I feel like the worst kind of human being for doing to her.If I were her, I wouldn
"Don't panic; I have everything under control. No one is going to hurt you." I couldn't help laughing at the worried look on his face. Then he looked really concerned when that laughter turned into howls of pure cackling. I'm sure he thought I was losing my shit, but nothing could be further from the truth. My mind was as clear as a bell in the Italian countryside."Elena, what…?""Do you know what killing people with kindness does to them, Ryder? It eats them up inside, especially when they've done you wrong. Though they may have no conscience, some part of them, some minuscule thread of humanity, destroys them little by little.""I've always taken the high road. I've always shown kindness. Even when I was being torn apart inside and out, I put a smile on my face, and I never hit back, but this there's no way. I want them to pay. You think I'm afraid of some washed up never has been actor and his crackhead of a daughter?" I laughed even louder.His eyes widened when I cracked my neck
"You fucked the whole plastic Barbie family?" I couldn't hide the disgust in my voice. Mary had set him up on a threesome with three of her five daughters. "Why did she leave the other two out? Were they out of town?" I jeered at him totally repulsed. He hung his head down in shame and nodded, and I kept reading, doing my best not to start throwing things or outright losing my shit. This was bad, it was even worse than I thought, and I already knew it was a shit show."So, you're saying you started cheating on me even before they started drugging you, right? Because these years don't add up.""Yes, and no. I wasn't sure exactly when the drugs started; I only realized once I got clean that it had been going on for much longer than I even knew. It started about the time they started lying to me. They filled my head with nonsense, tried to turn my mind against you, and I fell for it because I didn't know my mind was being altered.""Drop it, Ryder; you should've known me better than that
"No one has ever really loved me except for you. I know that now; I think I've always known it, but I wasn't in the right head space back then to understand it fully or to appreciate you and all that you've done. You and I both know that I was a major screwup in more ways than one. I know you tried to help me. I know you did your best, and that's why I know that I need to be here with you because when I looked back on my life once things started to become clear again, whenever I thought of the past, you were all I saw." "You were all I needed, but I wasn't in the right place even then because I still found myself trapped in a marriage that I didn't want and never wanted. I know as long as I live, I will never be able to make it up to you for the pain that I caused, but please give me a chance to at least try. I have to try; I think I'd die if I don't make this right. I can't not have you, Elena, not and stay sane." "Why? Why would I do that? So that you could hurt me again? So that y